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So, we need to select the next round of nominees in the Hunt, and I was thinking: what if we did a condensed block in December of JUST holiday movies? Wouldn’t that be MAGICAL? No. It would not be magical. Get real. But it could be fun. Or what’s the opposite of fun? Right. ANYWAY: what are the four worst holiday movies that we should watch and make fun of for the month of December? Please do not nominate Family Stone as we have already covered Family Stone. (But boy oh boy, do you guys remember Family Stone? It might actually be pretty tough to find a holiday movie that is worse than Family Stone. And yet somehow I think we can do it. FINGERS CROSSED, I’M SURE.) Whichever nominees get the most “support” in this comment thread (and only this comment thread) will be the movies that are selected, so if you see something say something.
THE MOST WUGHNDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR! WHAT DO YOU GET FOR THE MAN WHO HATES EVERYTHING? AND OTHER LAZY JOKES!
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There have been a couple miserable Miracle on 34th St. remakes, but the ’94 one is especially atrocious. Richard Attenborough as Santa, John Hughes after he lost it. Depressing. There’s also All I Want For Christmas with Leslie Nielson as Santa and a young Thora Birch. Awful. But, the ultimate worst is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure. Pretty jaw-dropping. Made for t.v., so I guess not eligible, but it’s something to behold. Is a sequel of a sequel allowed to have “2″ in the title? I mean, Christmas Vacation was technically Vacation 3, right? Was Randy Quaid the real star of the Vacation franchise? So many questions. Not even the original Audrey and Ed Asner can save it.
Sorry for suggesting this so late but what about A Mom for Christmas. I always wanted Olivia Newton John to be my mum. Who wouldn’t?!
Four Christmases for sure.
Also, if the normal rules don’t apply, I want to nominate “Cricket on the Hearth” which I just saw for the first time. It’s a 1960s animated Christmas movie that is “Suggested by” a Charles Dickens story (rather than “Based on”). It’s the worst because:
1. Blatant racism and sexism
2. A woman literally goes blind from grief
3. There’s a trippy musical sequence in which a young boy and girl ride around in a circle of pieces of pie over a swirly psychedelic background
Among other things!
“Deck the Halls” a PG “family movie” that has a cross-dressing man whose lacy underwear is visible under his clothes, peeping toms, men in a sleeping bag who are naked for warmth, fathers who ogle pretty girls (“Who’s your daddy!”) only to find they are their daughters (“Oh no! I’m your daddy!”), racing off to splash holy water in their eyes to purify themselves, young teenagers dating sailors and faking IDs, a joke about a man exposing himself, and a stripper pole.
And there’s always “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians,” so inept it makes Ed Wood look like Orson Welles.