Photos
Oh man. This is even better than that Radiolab video, “Words,” and that Radiolab video, “Words,” was pretty good! It’s basically a visual poem. It is a garbage bag caught in a crossbreeze and dancing JUST FOR US. (Whispers: for 15 minutes.) “But, Gabe, how do you write a caption for something so beautiful and perfect?” Not my problem! Your problem! Now solve it!
Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. BEEFCAKE! (Video via Arbroath.)
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Eye of the tiger, mane of the lion.
I was going to say Eye of the tiger, hair of the gooch.
Eye of the tiger, hair of the lady.
You can’t have both. Which came out the open door?
I’m surprised the tiger was able to keep a straight face.
Eye of the Tiger, Tail of the Pony?
You can caption a still photo but not a video
Here Winwood.
That is to say, he has a VERY large cat on his wall. Alternate LOLCAT references also include:
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
Ur doin it rong
Speaking of things that are cute, yet terriffying:
http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/6/5/8/35658.jpg?v=1
Summummabitch, just follow the link. I tried my best to post irreverant banality on the intertubes, but, alas, the internet Gods frown upon me today.
I followed it. It scared me.
Warning: that’s what REALLY happens when you work out high
It gets worse.
Yknow, I think “Dude Gets His Ponytail Caught In Weight Machine” pretty much covers it….
One way to feel the burn.
“Well that ruins by semi-annual workout session. Back to couch! I think Dancing with the Stars is on.”
It gets worse
It gets creepier.
it gets faker and gayer
Dudes like this end up face down in blood puddles, in the end…..
Save me Sensei Wall-Tiger!
“Ain’t a work out! It’s a fuckin’ nightmae!”
- Pierre
Wow. I am ashamed of my typing. Downvotes for me forever! What I meant to say was:
“This ain’t a workout! It’s a fucking nightmare!”
- Pierre
What’s an “r” amongst video bashers?
He carefully set up the camera, checking the angle and the lighting. He would show everyone who doubted him. The weight machine was attacking him–he had no other choice but to avoid working out at all costs.
Only the tiger truly understood.
sounds like that paranormal situation documentary they released recently that scared everyone
Maybe he was trying to pull off one of these
Business in the front, Hellraiser cenobite party of cruelty and pain that will be legendary in hell in the back
“I think the world can learn a thing or two from this particular work out session. To YouTube!”
Hot new idea for saving money on haircuts.
For thicker, stronger hair, only the Oleda line of products will do.
A man feels shame in front of his pet tiger blanket. He goes to the mirror and sobs, nursing his ponytail.
bowflex: check.
acoustic guitar: check.
giant tiger face tapestry: check.
hey, where the hell did my samurai sword go?
Ouch.
If you buy a box of honey graham crackers, then place one full packet into a bowl, then pour vanilla almond milk over it, and then eat it like cereal it is one of the tastiest and most enjoyable ways to get fat… ever.
It’s the Eyes of the Tiger hanging up on the right
That watches this dude do lat pulldowns
It knows in its heart that he’s not ready to fight
Unless he trims his ponytaaaaail
With the weight bar
I was struggling to do this but I’m glad you did it for me
Yummy!
SKYNET’s first efforts were simple, but effective.
hope this one “wins”, made me laugh
Steve Winwood, sometimes I’m suspicious that you’re my dad.
is your mom cute? MAYBE I COULD BE YET!!!!!!!!!
She’s pretty.
In that case…
I will be your father
baby put your tiny hands in mine
I will be your preacher, teacher
anything you had in miiiiind
I will be your faaaathaaaaa
(repeat this synth shit times infinity)
Your mom: Hon, I wanted to let you know that I invited someone over for dinner tonight.
You: You did? Is it someone I know?
Your mom: Sort of…he’s…you know it’s been hard for me since your father…well, I’ve met someone and…
You: Mom, please, you can tell me.
Your mom: Yes, sweetheart, I know. It’s just, he’s like no one I’ve ever met. He’s honest and he’s funny sometimes and he tells me I’m pretty and…we’ll we’re getting married!
You: MOM!!!
Your mom: Pumpkin, I’d like for you to meet your new father, STEVE WINWOOD!
And, scene.
I WILL BE THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU…..
TILL THE END OF….
TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME….
That’s your mom’s boyfriend: Steve Winwood
You gotta admit though, Penn Jillette looks better from behind.
That’s What Teller Said.
Nope.
Teller doesn’t speak.
That’s What Teller Implied With His Mugging
That’s What the Sign That Teller Held Up Said
I went to see Penn and Teller in London with my daughter. We met them afterwards, and Teller happily chatted away to her; she was thrilled, but something died inside me that night.
ALWAYS BE STAYING IN CHARACTER !!!
That’s What Teller Said?
Damn you mans. One minute late.
Never send a teacherman to do a mans job.
Um, ouch?
Hey, he looks better in a suit than I do.
teacherman, nothing but love for you and your exemplary suitwearing.
http://www.sfgate.com/blogs/images/sfgate/culture/2006/05/01/seagal_blog275x281.bmp
Love your RoboEmoCop avatar.
Evidence A in the landmark case, “Willow Smith vs Ponytail Workout Guy.”
i whip my hair back and oww
Bah! I stole your comments and made them less funny!
Noted.
I whip my hair back and fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…
“Wow! What a painful viewing. He should try a swimming cap.”
– Mama Delahaye, This Week’s Editor’s Choice (November 19th)
“Also he’s doing that workout incorrectly. He’s putting himself at risk of shoulder strains.” -Papa Delahaye, reading over Mama’s shoulder (or Mama, we can defeat stereotypes together)
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
“I really want downvotes.” –Steve Winwood
Too bad, I upvoted.
Ditto.
spotting tiger stares on, indifferent
Someone doesn’t realize that “Eastbound and Down” is a comedy series.
“One…”
Winner! Tell her/him what she/he’s won!
You just made teacherman laugh for like, a minute straight.
I want to give you all of my upvotes. I love this so much.
+100! And happy to do it.
The dawning of the age of Aquarius is slightly less grandiose than I had imagined.
he might be cut, but he needs a HAIRcut!
(kill me. make it fast.)
He kept telling his ponytail to do more reps with less weight, but his ponytail just wouldn’t listen.
His ponytail needed to do more curls.
Hair today, guns tomorrow.
Off-topic!
Gifts! Gifts are great.
Also great? Giving gifts!
What if we monsters gave gifts to each other this holiday season? That’d be really great!
Monster Just Désserts (aka @myfakeironlung on Twitter) is organizing a Secret Santa gift exchange for monsters. Interested? Check out: http://werttrew.tumblr.com/post/1593525765/holidaygum-secret-santa
If only that pie maker was under $15 I would totally win the gift giving contest.
I’m gonna just assume you coincidentally made a number of spelling errors and that actually this xmas all us monsters are going to trade gifs.
Gif party!
I got this for Steve Winwood:
Just kidding! Love you, Steve.
Woo! Gif party! I’ll bring the food!
You guys, this Secret Santa thing is going to be tons of fucking sequins.
Gifs! Gifs are great.
“And that is why you always wear a hat!”
We have the same brain-thoughts! I rarely have good ideas, I’ll never forgive you for this.
She got her little ponytail caught in the treadmill and look what happened to her. I’d say he fared much better.
You’d think with all the grease it would have just slipped on through…
Guys, I’m not really enjoying my “Exercising with Gorgons” DVDs.
Mom! Mooooom! I need help again! No, it’s the hair in the weight machine again! Mom! Yes, I should have tried swimming, just help me out!
If you think this is tough to watch, you should see the one of him masturbating–it ends the same way.
Now I understand why Billy Ray went back to the mullet.
I was trying to think of a way to work in Bill Hicks bit about grabbing Billy Ray’s pony tail and shooting him but couldnt think of anything
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Camera
CRAP! You just made me plagiarist commentate! see below
just, wow.
where do you get those wonderful toys?
I can’t stop watching this.
Not impressed.
unrelated: my wmoat counterpoint is still in limbo so i will break it up and post it here:
After learning that this movie was going to be a WMOAT entry & Gabe liked it I humbly wrote my own submission:
Man vs. Pinky & the Brain.
A history of Violnce is not really offensive, as much as it is ridiculous. I have not read the comic book, but I can’t help to think it would be better off as that. One, the story is episodic and drawn out. Two, the premise is very reminiscent of superhero stories-Three, girl it’s plain to see
That you’re the only one for me- Sorry, I’m listening to Brian McKnight let’s take us back to two & one: This is basically two stories, both of which feature a protagonist being picked on and overcoming their tormentors. This is Superman… if Superman hate-fucked Louis Lane & shot people in the back of the head while they are lying on the floor. Superman directed by a guy who calls himself “Darwinian”(?) On a similar note, let’s think of the last Batman Movie. That movie has tons of plot holes, but the pacing moves so fast that you never really notice them.
This movie is a sloppy direct to video mess masquerading as a cerebral thriller. The title alone suggests a deep study of violent actions over a period of time. This is the equivalent of naming Big Momma’s House “The Science of Transpeople”. Characters talk as if they were improvising the dialogue on the spot, the story drags on like a drunken uncle telling war stories & there’s not a single believable moment in the whole film.
The movie starts with two bad guys bickering casually about committing crimes. They drive a late model convertible & understand each other very well with a few words. The top bad guy has a suit on & facial hair to let you know who makes the decisions. He acts like his petty crime ideas are grand schemes that the lower bad guy has no way of grasping. Basically, they are one-dimensional throwaway characters. Think of them as an R rated Pinky & The Brain. Now, Pinky & the Brain are fun to watch but you wouldn’t want them in your home, especially if instead of building wacky inventions, they kill people just to get a couple of hundred bucks from a motel. Don’t worry, this is not our only hint that they are bad guys, the script specifically refers to them as bad guys.
So we meet the good guy, we know he is the good guy because he’s in the DVD cover, so no need to literally call him the good guy in the script. But just let’s go ahead and at least try to build a little character. Our hero has a nice wife & kids, he cooks, and he has an everyman job. He’s a good guy but not necessarily cool, kinda like our dad. He even looks like our dad, if our dad liked salads & Pilates. Our hero also lives in small town America where things are boring and you probably need a satellite dish just to get high speed Internet. Also the people who live in this town talk to the people who prepare their food.
But not everything is Ward & June in this small Indiana town; there is also the dark subject of bullying. It seems our hero’s son has been picked on all year by the local Biff Tannen & things are coming to a boiling point. Biff hits a pop up fly ball to right field, where our hero’s son happens to be standing. He casually lifts his arm and outs the prancing bully.
The Bully does not like to be shown up, so he confronts the young BJ Upton in the locker room. Luckily our young hero outsmarts the bully by doing nervous self deprecating jokes in a nervous voice.If you ever want to not be beat up act like this man:
Back at the everyman household our protagonist, Tom, is cleaning kid toys off the bed & his wife ,Edie ,surprises him by wearing a cheerleader outfit. They role-play quietly so her pretend parents won’t hear them having sex in the other room, where their kids actually sleep.
The day after this happens: yup, Tom kills Pinky & the Brain & saves the diner people, YAY! go Tom! He gets on the telly! The townspeople go wait outside the hospital to congratulate him & son gets so excited that his dad killed the bad guys that he finally looks up to dad his! Woo, cool dad! His son even suggests dad should get on Larry king (Kids love Larry King).
Larry king is the good news, now the bad: as soon as the TV station leave, mysterious cars appear & the next day another set of Pinky & Brains appear at Tom’s diner. The meeting is mysterious and it amounts to nothing much but the new brain saying that he knew Tom from another time. the scene is pretty much like his:
Bad guy:you are a mobster
tom: nope
Bad guy: yes you are
tom: nope
bad guy: yes
tom:uh uhh
bad guy uh huh
So Tom’s wife gets suspicious and she calls the sheriff whom she knows by name.
We then are treated to two scenes where the sheriff says the exact same thing twice: once to the bad guys & once to the good guys. this scenes are back to back, obviously. They probably cut a third scene where the sheriff talks directly into to the the camera and says it a third time.
In a scene that goes nowhere, Edie gets a shotgun after tom sees the mobsters. Tom’s son sees and hear everything & is shocked to hear his mom wielding a shotgun .
In another scene where the bad guys just dick around, they inform Edie that tom is a 50 year old mobster with super killing powers that stay sharp after 20 years of small town living. Edie is understandably skeptical about how they located tom. What she does not know is that the mafia have a google alert for hero shop keeper.
We then go back to our episode of One Hill where the bullies decide that they are not going to be defeated by the kid’s sharp tongue. They corner him and are about to beat him up when: BLAM! it turns out that the kid inherited dad’s super whoop-ass powers! he beats up two bullies so bad that they end up in the hospital. Unfortunately when dad hears about this, he’s so pissed he slaps the crap out of his son.
That will teach him to use violence as a means of resolution.So finally after 2 to 3 days of the bad guys dicking around (the mob loves to waste time, it’s their motto or something), they show up at Toms home with his son. Tom agrees to surrender(?) in exchange of his son’s freedom. The brain then orders a pinky to restrain Tom in the best way possible, by holding a gun at close range to tom’s head (gun 101: guns are only deadly at close range). tom then unleashes his superpowers on the pinkies until he is slightly wounded by a gun shot to the neck. the bad guy, being the gentleman bad guy that he is, does not immediately shoot Tom until he explain why he wants to shoot him, something about a woman or something, it doesn’t really matter. Tom is on the floor helpless. He reveals that he is, in fact, Jim the mobster. Just as the bad guys are about to shoot him, his son gets the shotgun and sprays the bad guy’s guts on daddy. Tom finally realizes that violence is the answer after all & gives his son a good old creepy hug.
Tom is then sent to the hospital again, except this time there are no reporters. A man defending his shop & killing two bad guys: national news; man defending his family & killing three bad guys: boooooring. His family is also not happy with him because their whole life is a lie. In fact when Tom comes home in a cab (no mention of where his fan club went), he is greeted by the corniest aftershchool dialogue this side of: “I learnt it from watching you, dad!” things like: “If I rob a liquor store would you ground me if i don’t give you a piece of the action?” & “What are you some kind of closet mobster dad?” You can see why the bullies where intimidated by the kid’s wit.
(Working title)So after Edie has to lie to the sheriff, the highest state authority in organized crime, she has a breakdown and tries to run away from Tom. Tom chases after her & then she slaps him, this unleashes the inner bad guy in tom. Tom overpowers her & after a short struggle Edie realizes that even though her lips say no, her helpless body says yes.
After a short struggle, they have loud sex on the stairway of the small family home.After sex, Edie once again distances herself from Tom. Tom then realizes that he needs to sort out the pesky mob once and for all.
Tom finds his brother’s home (who is also a mob boss). they have a Vulcan mind meld upon seeing each other after years. Toms brother explains that he had to do a lot of things to restore his own standing after tom ran away & tried to kill the second brain (that’s right the second brain is the reason tom went in hiding [it is not explained why the one eyed man didn’t kill tom on sight]). His bro also mentions to tom that only his death will make things right, so then tom gets into a big anti climatic fight with trained killers and again kills them all with ease. He even casually shoots his own unarmed brother as he fumbles with some keys.
Tom then goes to the best place in the mansion to clean himself up, the outside pond, and washes the blood from his body.He then returns to his family and finally shows some emotion before the people who wanted him dead in the first place come and burn his house with his family in it.
The end.tl;dr
Summary:
all I remember from history of violence is thinking it would be improved if everybody spoke in the 30s gangster voice “Yeah, I’m a gangster, see?” because it was that fucking shallow and fake
Hope you know I was just joshin’ ya, Trash.
TL;DR.
Shit. Refresh, Chris. Always refresh.
Suicide booth beta test take 1.
Staring Tiger, Castrated Ponytail
Pony up, tiger
Whip My Hair joke.
plagiarist comment
plagiarist comment
“plagiarist comment”
~ Nick Madson
“In Soviet Russia, comment plagiarizes YOU” – Yakov Smirnoff
plagiarist…sigh. I’m done for the day.
You should have seen what happened to his pubes when he tried the curling machine.
I should have seen Jessica Alba’s pubes under any conditions at any moment
I laughed at this and then wanted to shoot myself for laughing. Thanks, Steve!
Why downvote when we laugh so?
Ahhhh… any subscriber to Winwood Aficionado would rather eat a bag of pubes than downvote this.
Steven Seagal had dedicated his whole life to buddhism and martial arts, but nothing had prepared him for this one moment of zen.
and with that, roy crossed “home fitness guru” off his get rich quick scheme list.
Working out used to bring me down, but now I see that it can bring me up.
i really like your awkward joke
That video was legen….weight for it….dary!
The Book Of Judges 16:17
…he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon mine head; for I have been a Nazarite unto God from my mother’s womb: if I be shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man.
(Samson & Delilah. Biblegum)
When I see things like this I always have to wonder what was the situation that this video was captured
1. His dick head friend did not stop shooting video to help?
2. He was filming himself working out?
either way its pretty sad.
or its an elaborate fake attempt to get on americas funniest home videos and / or videogum (equal players in the mediascape)
Agreed.
As someone who considers Our National Human Comedy/Tragedy aka America’s Funniest Videos a guilty pleasure, nay, DELIGHT, and also has several male friends who are concerned about their physique to a comical degree, I can attest to the fact that it is not uncommon for men to film themselves lifting weights.
“Something something, improve my form something something.”
- my friend
It’s really just the equivalent of looking in the mirror while jacking off.
Or this:
This x 1000.
You are just on top of the references. Also, I thought American Psycho was OK.
Might I suggest that next time he put his hair in a bun (of steel)?
Tress Stress.
Own that ponytail! Work that up-do!
my head hurts!
Trailer for ’127 Hours 2′, you guys.
Silly Mr. Man! Tigers don’t spot. They stripe!
Tons of fuckin’ sickburns!
And he was so pumped. He knew that tomorrow was his big close-up. After years touring with Tina Turner as her saxophonist, Hot Filmmaker and Lover of Man Parts, Joel Schumacher, was filming a party scene of his music soundtracking the longing stills of Jason Patric framed by burning barrels. It would be HIS glistening pecs, HIS bulging biceps wielding that golden, pulsating saxophone. Not that bitch, Tina Turner. HIM. Staring his Tiger-God dead in the eyes, he prepares for his first set. This is HIS time. This is his moment.
OOOOOOOOOOH I loved Le Samurai! Alain Delon is such a cool/pretty muthafucka. Got good taste pal
Thanks bud; yeah, it’s a classic.
Can’t believe there’s no Timmy Capello love in the house… tsk tsk tsk
Same thing caused the downfall of Felicity.
Raja says relax
Jasmine really let herself go
http://gifsoup.com/MzI1MzQ
drat…I have no idea how to gif
Here you go. Just be sure to do the direct link in the future (it should end in .gif)
I vote for:
“I am chronologically 30′ish, but emotionally, psychologically, and developmentally I am 15, I live in my parents’ basement, and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing……with ANYthing, at all, ever…really! I need help–and a girl or boy friend.
Sad, but true..there exist people such as this everywhere–and most of them are at the very least, smart enough to NOT post their idiocy on YouTube for all to see…thankfully, for our sake…..he is.
He, is forevah doomed.
For
Eh
Vah
3Q: Why did he film this? Why did he then post this? Why am I watching this?
Exact-a-mundo, my friend!
THE QUIETEST WORKOUT
“Man feels the need to make a video of himself exercising.”
Zach Galifianakis’ Cousin: There’s a jungle cat in the weight room!
This is what actually happened to Michael Hutchence. (Boo Too Soon).
I’m just enjoying how this is further proof that I’m better off screwing around on the interwebs all day than working out. There but for the grace of God, you know what I mean Monsters?
I have had a really long and difficult day, and I just want to thank all of you for making it better via laffs.
Upvotes for all!
If you can’t bicep, don’t even tricep.