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A) Gwyenth Paltrow declares that playing guitar is “much harder than it looks” despite the fact that everyone else has known that it’s super hard for, like, ever. B) She definitely still does not know how to play guitar, so WHATEVER.
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Sources close to Mrs. Paltrow have theorized that she was mostly crying over her new-found knowledge that her dog has fleas.
You cried and your hands bled from learning to play guitar? These gals can definitely sympathize.
Cut her some slack. She’s got a hellhound on her trail.
Her crying increased when she learned her guitar strings were made of cat intestine.
Being white is hard you guys!
Being white and learning acoustic guitar on a $3000 Gibson J 200 is even harder!
It is especially hard when you have a husband in the music industry and professional guitarists at your disposal.
Every suburban adolescent boy on the North American continent agrees.
The worst part is that just by her, fucking Gwyneth Paltrow, holding it, the price of that particular guitar probably went up a few thousand bucks.
She was led astray though by this
http://media.photobucket.com/image/guitar%20gif/Lief098/GuitarHero-1.gif?o=50
Of COURSE she had to “down a pint of Guinness” to prepare to go on stage. She being very British and all. I had to down a bottle of rum to listen to her performance.
Wouldn’t the Guinness imply she was Irish?
Ha! You’re right! I can still dislike her for being fake, even though I don’t know my beers of the world very well.
I like you, I Like You
Let’s go get a pint!
I watched it while I ate four of fish I bought from the food lorry.
I loved that monologue she had on SNL where she spoke in a british accent the whole time and “audience members” would stand up and say, “Aren’t you from New York?”
If she were really trying to be British, it would have been a Carlsburg.
Danish.
Bass?
Thattaway. Sorta.
Newcastle?
Lorrie-tastic.
“Daddy, I am scared to go on stage.”
“Hush up, Bocephus, and finish your pint of lager.”
My graduate degree in music composition degree ass can sympathize. I have already cried “Several times” analyzing a piece of “music” by Scelsi this morning.
As a fellow composition major, I mostly just cry about the fact that I know even more guitar chords than Gwyneth (or her husband, for that matter), and am painfully underemployed.
My degree in music composition was the key to landing this super awesome cubical gig I have now. How else would I have time for Videogum?
Daddy drinks because Gwyneth Paltrow cries. Maybe?
I wish so hard that Chris Martin would break his legendary silence on all of Gwyneth Paltrow’s trainwreckings.
I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to fix her
“Paltrow said she had 20 lessons and joked that her husband was too busy to help but was ‘encouraging’.
‘Like he has time to be my guitar teacher,’ said Paltrow.
‘I think he’s doing okay with his day job. I’m not sure he is going to take up guitar teaching. But he was encouraging.’”
Chris Martin, like the rest of us, wants nothing to do with her.
If she didn’t keep saying they were married, I wouldn’t believe it. The only time I have ever seen them together was Martin attacked a paparazzi in front of a hospital. He was picking her up from her “fast FAIL” that put her in the hospital (lol).
Maybe she was crying because she still couldn’t play after all that effort
I just feel bad for her personal hand masseur. That guy had his work cut out for him.
Lol Gwyneth Paltrow is a dummy.
Very Correct. Very Critical
Gwyneth Paltrow Google Alerts: The Gift that Keeps on Giving
Gwyneth Paltrow squidsquad alerts, actually. Gah, you’re welcome, Gabe!
I’m going to feel like an ass if he didn’t see my “tip.”
Oh, God, no, that’s not what I meant. At all. Damn it.
I just TWSS’d myself.
Okay, so I know we like to hate on Gwynny around here, but what exactly is the problem? Learning to play a musical instrument IS HARD. I know she’s rich and white and lives in a big house with her famous rock star husband, but also, learning to play a musical instrument IS HARD. I recently learned to play the piano and when I was just beginning I got so frustrated that may have very well have shed a tear or two (JUST KIDDING I AM A MAN SO I WENT OUTSIDE AND PUNCHED ANOTHER MAN IN THE FACE!!!)
So yes, her playing a country song about all the obstacles she has overcome in her life is ridiculous. But maybe we can give her a break on his one?
Every time I’ve tried to learn an instrument I’ve just given up, good job teacherman and Gywneth for sticking to it
Who invited Mr. Lets-Be-Reasonable-Human-Beings-About-This to the party?
Well played, madam. Hey teacherman:
There will be no break. Of course playing a guitar is hard. Are we supposed to be sympathetic about this? HELLZ TO THE NO.
I am sorry, but learning how to play the guitar is not hard. If it were, there wouldn’t be any bands (because musicians are lazy and stupid).
And if you are wondering if I am trolling you, the answer is YES.
That’s it, now you’re gonna have to change your avatar to match your new hobby:
Okay, gonna try posting this ONE MORE TIME. They keep disappearing, but this picture of Mans’ new hobby MUST be made public:
How did you get that picture of me taking the bar exam?
I love that this comment comes from a musician in a band.
Maybe because many, many people teach themselves to play guitar very competently without telling anyone about how frustrating it is, because they don’t have a pathological need for attention? Lots of people hurt their fingers learning guitar, grow calluses, and continue playing the guitar.
Short version: You’re not special for this one, Gwyneth, so shut it.
Sorry, I started learning guitar when I was 12 and a) my hands never bled (???) b) I never cried (is she even an adult? seriously, is she allowed to vote/consume alcohol/sign legally valid contracts?) c) I didn’t complain about how difficult it was to an international news organization, mainly because d) I was not playing to learn six of the most basic chords in order to get paid millions and millions of dollars to play in front of a camera. In fact, I think I would’ve had more right to complain because I was doing it because I just wanted to learn and I was paying someone else to teach me to do so.
I would give her a break if, after all that time, she had actually learned to play the guitar. But she clearly has not. So basically she is sitting around whining about how hard it is to do something she hasn’t actually learned to do (though I’m sure plenty of toadying sycophants told her she’s the next Hendrix).
Basically, everything about this situation, from her whining all the way down to anyone in the world actually believing that she learned to play the guitar (and maybe even respecting her for it?), is insulting to me as a musician.
She should go whine to guys like Jeff Goldblum and Hugh Laurie about having to learn 3 whole chords, and then they could laugh at her and it could end up on YouTube and the world would be a better place.
The headlines on the right side of the Daily Mail article are hilarious!
“Jada Pinkett Smith and A-list children Jaden and Willow hit the waves in Hawaii: Acting siblings looked like normal children playing the surf” …instead of robot fame machines paying for parents’ retirement.
I have never agreed with the “assholes” tag more than this instance.
Her guitar playing at the CMAs was about as real as this tap dancing cat.
I am sorry that my wife had to find out this way, but I am marrying this .gif. We are registered at Target and PetSmart.
I was having a rough day today, and than I saw this. Thank you Tap Dancing Cat, for making all right with the world.
To be fair, the guitar she was learning on IS hard.
“Gwyneth, baby, you know all you have to do is go down to the crossroads. There’s a guy there who can make you real good, real easy.” –Robert Johnson.
i’m pretty sure she already cashed her soul in for that best actress oscar in 1998.
” Gwyneth, baby, all you have to do is stop playing, so that both your hands and our ears can stop bleeding.” – me
you can’t unfakeplayguitar, gwyneth! you can’t be something you’re not!
She should have learned to play the banjo instead, that would have made her really country strong.
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You let people borrow yours? I treat mine like a special collections item: folks can look, and with the proper clearances even touch, but I don’t let it leave the library. (The library is my body.)
Also, I can only assume that Gwyneth is terrible at playing the skin flute because she is terrible at everything.
I teach 10 year old girls to play the guitar and they don’t cry.
Bad news, they’re going to start.
So her ‘rock’ star husband was too *busy* to help her learn to play?
‘I think he’s doing okay with his day job. I’m not sure he is going to take up guitar teaching. But he was encouraging.’
So what, exactly IS Chris Martin’s ‘day job’? I mean, what do you think he’s doing RIGHT NOW. Wearing a marching band jacket and playing moody grand piano on a darkened stage by himself? Seriously. What is he working on all the time?
Busy busy!!
For all the times Bing gets it terribly, terribly wrong, it was pretty right on this time.
Very shoddy, quick work but I’m too busy to teach her how to fake picture playing.
I must admit, Paltrow has nice legs.
Well for all I can say is, when we were shooting the movie out here in Music City ( Nashville, TN ) I have had the pleasure of watching Gwen play off the camera. She was really playing the guitar. I was the understudy guitarist for Gwen during the shooting. The Director says Rolling, Action..They are really playing the song. Gwen can hold her own while playing “Country Strong” Vince Gill helped her out a great deal on it. Once the director says Rolling, Background, ACTION..its Memorex. But we already know where the fingering goes, we play the song. She slipped up a few times, but she really plays. Same for Garrett, he is really playing Silver wings and Chances are. We were in the green room messing around when Tim walked in. All in all, they may not be professional guitar players, but they did learn enough to hold their own during the shooting.