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Really, troopers? Still wondering whether or not she was drunk? How’s the wondering going on that? Probably got all your best men working to crack the case wide open. “I want you to call in Detective Luther.” “But Luther has a violent temper and a history of violence.” “He’s the only one who can win this game of cat and mouse.” Also, congratulations to the Florida’s NBC affiliate for doing the shoe-leather work on this important story and letting this woman talk forfuckingever. That is called journalism. Walter Cronkite is looking down on your whole bureau this morning and wishing he wasn’t dead so that he could shake all of your hands. “My only concern is that we did not let her talk for longer. The people have a right to know!” Oof. (Via TheHighDefiniteD, TheDailyWhat, Dlisted, BuzzFeed, and InternetToday.)
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Fun game for a Tuesday morning. Complete the sentence.
“Instead of hitting the brake, I hit the ______.”
marker fumes
only man who ever loved me
Man, those last two comments must seem ridiculous without the one above them, which is awaiting moderation for some reason. C’est la vie.
“Demice Crull is our generation’s Antoine Dogson”
~ Corresponding Animalgum.com article
Denise Crow
NOOOO!!! American Beauty is SO good! Wait, where am I?
This is the hardest I’ve laughed today. Thank you.
Eesh. Hide yo’ kids indeed.
Hide your kids, Hide your wife
and hide your husband
Cuz they’re crashin inta errbody out here
If only there were some sort of test that could be administered to this woman to determine the content of alcohol in her blood, if any… some sort of… breath… test… like a… breathanalyzer?
Too long. Maybe shorten it to “branalyzer”. That could catch on.
Braaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnsssssalyzer — Zombie Something-or-other
HOORAY!!!
“You are so drunk. You really are so drunk, for real”
– Future alcohol testing breath analysing…thing…uh, brought out by Antoine Dodson
Mrs. Crull, you most definitely will NOT be performing at the BET awards.
I love this soooo much!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbOQUgYUav4
she’ll be performing at the MADD awards as part of her communityy service hours.
The drunk behind the bus goes “I hit the uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
uh”
Well, you know what they say: “Always be uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh … uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh …”
If I had the skills I would put her face on this:
Gabe, you got the title all wrong. She isn’t so much our generation’s Antoine Dodson as much as she is definitely my girlfriend.
Who says she can’t be both? Don’t sell yourself short, facetaco.
This is not really germane to this post, but my best friend from college called me over the weekend told me to do myself a favor and google “Antoine Dodson.” She MAY have been calling from a Jitterbug.
Don’t you mean do yourself a favor and Alta Vista “Antoine Dodson?”
Do yourself a favor and look up “Antoine Dodson” in the Encyclopedia Britannica.
I’m going to Ask Jeeves what you’re talking about.
I’m going with Lycos. Because I’m cool.
That Jeeves is a real Prodigy.
Jeeves just got CompuServed, son.
Does Antoine Dodson have his own Geocities site?
I am pretty sure it is an Angelfire site.
I signed in this morning to my Juno account and FINALLY finished loading this page. Why are you all talking about very relevant things right now? Fanny pack.
I’m going to find Antoine Dodson on friendster and ask him why he’s so popular these days. (The direct route is usually best, you guys)
I like to imagine her saying this in a really condescending fashion, e.g: “Check out a little thing called ‘Mr T Ate My Balls.’ Yeah, you’re WELCOME.”
Who helped her out from off screen? I smell a new Nicholas Sparks plot.
She’s not drunk, she’s just from florida…hard to tell the difference, I know
As a fellow Floridian, I can confirm this is true (also, overload of prescription meds).
Total Denise Downer over there.
not the breaks uuuuuuhmmm the gas? I uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh I just uuuuhhhh
The video cuts off too soon! Now we’ll never know- was he about to say, “The driver was arrested,” or “the driver was a reststop hooker?”
That “you’re welcome” was straight up awesome. Good to know they still teach Sarcasm and Bitchyness 101 in journalism school- Edward R. Murrow would be proud.
Instead of hitting the break, I hit the …um….*sigh*……………………………….. (off camera voice) “Beer bong?” “Yes, beer bong. Thank you.”
You know that guy spent entire interview minus that one second biting his tongue as hard as he possibly could.
Footage after the crash
“Test this woman for drugs!” – Luther
Someone’s daddy did not teach them good.
is the post where we get to gush about Luther??
omg you guys, i love Luther so much.
it’s one of the best shows!
i’ve been holding off on watching the last episode because i don’t want it to be over, but at the same time, i’m dying to watch that last episode. YOU KNOW!??!?
Luther Forever Please.
nobody? did i miss that post? it’s cool. i was partly trying to deflect some attention from this video about my mom, partly trying to figure out which monsters are huge Luther heads.
An hour and a half and this still hasn’t been Auto Tuned? C’mon, people!
I never got past the first episode of Luther as it was truly awful. It was like Rebus rip off made with everyone involved on a cocaine binge.
They need to test the news anchor for drugs. “None of the children on the bus WAS injured.” Come on Florida NBC you’re better than that. Wait, are you?
Ummmmmm are you saying they should test for some kind of crazy new street drugs that causes news anchors to use correct grammar? Because I was actually rather proud of that anchor.
Apparently NONE [subject: singular] of you kids today KNOWS [verb: also singular] how to talk words good.
Blargh, should have proofread: “kind of crazy new street DRUG”, not “drugs”. If I’m gonna be a jerk, I should be one to myself as well.
I… think this… uh… is gonna be tough… her… uh… demeanor… seemed really normal and… definitely that’s how one… would… uh… you know.. uh… say words when.. SPEAK! yeah… when you are uh.. totally… hundred percent… on the ball.. uh… yes.
So maybe I’m alone in this, but when the anchor said “Wesh” I thought he sounded kind of sloshed himself, until I noticed that that is actually the unfortunate name of the station.
Wesh 2 news is my news station. Really.
It’s weird to think that someone with such lightning-quick reflexes could ever be in a car accident!