Photos
That mean old racist is still handcuffed to the roof, but I wouldn’t worry about it too much, he seems like he’s having a great time. “I wish someone had handcuffed me to a drainage pipe on the roof of an Atlanta skyscraper with a horde of zombies trying to break down the door years ago, because I am having the TIME OF MY LIFE,” is what he is basically saying. Oh, wait, that’s exposure-induced delirium? My bad. Thought it was a cocktail party. Exposure-induced delirium and cocktail party chit chat are surprisingly similar! Anyway, the mean old racist comes to when he looks down and sees that he is handcuffed. It is true that realizing you are handcuffed alone on a roof will sober you right up. He starts screaming. And that is when he notices the zombies trying to smash down the door. Yikes. I’ll be honest, even if you are a mean old racist, that’s still gotta suck. “I’m handcuffed to a drainage pipe and left for dead AND there’s zombies up here? FML.” The zombies REALLY want to hang out. They probably heard what a fun time the mean old racist was having. Party on the roof! The mean old racist sees the spilled tools, including the spilled hacksaw, and he tries to lasso these things with his belt buckle. It is weird that he didn’t try that a million hours ago? No time to worry about that, though. In the Zombie Apocalypse it is extra important not to sweat the small stuff, I bet.
Meanwhile: Grimes (GRIMES!) is driving the construction truck (which now that you think of it, is very lucky to have been found completely empty! It could have been full of bricks and cement!) full of survivors back to quarry base camp, while Glenn is cruising along in his stolen hot rod, alarm blaring. Wait a second, doesn’t loud noise draw the attention of zombies? Yoops. “My bad, last remaining humans on Earth. Sweet ride, though, riiiiiiiiiiite?”
Everyone at quarry base camp is like “I knew we should have rendered Glenn’s fat into lamp oil,” because come on already with the recklessly driving your super-loud whip all up and down Zombie Coast, GLENNNN. They pop the trunk and turn the alarm off, but it’s going to take hours for the stink eyes to die down. Then the construction truck pulls up and there are so many tearful reunions. It’s kind of like an advertisement for butt cream that takes place at the Arrivals Terminal of an International Airport after a long war. The construction truck is very carefully parked right behind another car so that no one can see who is driving. Ha:
Maybe the truck drove itself! It’s the Zombie Apocalypse, after all, the world IS upside downsies. Just kidding, Grimes drove the truck! But his wife and child and partner are in the camp, so the reveal has to be very dramatic. It helps that we can find it very believable that Grimes needs 15 minutes alone in the cab to gather himself before meeting what he presumes to be a group of unwashed strangers in a field somewhere. “You never get a second chance to make a first impression,” Grimes tells himself, as he reapplies his lip gloss and irons the blouse of his sheriff’s uniform. While everyone else is having tearful reunions, Grimes’s wife needs to comfort their son, because he always gets sad during tearful reunion time. Aww, poor baby. GROW UP! IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD, SO HOW ABOUT YOUR BALLS DROP AND YOU BE A MAN. But then Grimes pops out of the truck (“deep breath, count to three, don’t forget to SMILE!”) and everyone is like ACTING FACE.
Also, this is easily my favorite face that I have seen on television in a long time.
Enhance.
Enhance.
So, now Grimes and his family are reunited. And Shane has to jerk off on the roof of the RV. (SORRY: SPOILER ALERT!) That night around the campfire, they all exchange war stories. Incidentally, at NO POINT WHATSOEVER does anyone actually explain WHY half of the group was in a department store in Atlanta. Like, everyone was real worried about them, for sure, but no one is like “So, did you get the Fossil watch I asked for?” Weird. I also like that the one lady’s sister has not yet given her the ugly dolphin costume jewelry that she stole from the jewelry counter. They’re probably saving that plot twist for the finale. “WHAT’S IN THE DOLPHIN JEWELRY?!”
One guy, Ed, makes a fire when he KNOWS the rules. No big fires, Ed. Come on, Ed. Use your noodle. Shane is like “use your noodle, Ed.” Ed eventually uses his noodle, but he is NOT happy about it. Something tells me that this is the only problem we’re going to get from Ed, though. He’ll fall back into line and you won’t hear anymore about it.
That night, Grimes turns Lori out. “He won’t wake up,” she says about their son, sleeping on a cot three inches from their genitals. If there is one thing that you can say about Grimes’s wife it is that she is always considerate of her son when it comes to fucking, either in the tent or face-down in the middle of the woods. She keeps apologizing to Grimes without ever really explaining what she’s apologizing for. Cool. It just happens to be the end of the world, no use being honest now and powering through the consequences. Much better to just let it reveal itself later in a moment of crisis. This Mother’s Day, Lori is definitely going to get to set her World’s Best Mom mug down on her brand new World’s Best Decision Maker mousepad. Grimes explains that he always knew she and Carl were alive because when he got home, all the family photo albums were missing. What does he mean? Like, the thumb drives? “I came home and there were no USB-cable 1GB storage devices anywhere, and the WiFi-enabled JPG picture frame your parents gave us for Christmas was not in its usual place on the mantle.”
THANK GOD WE HAVE THIS PHOTO OF CARL’S BIRTHDAY CAKE. It’s called the bare necessities, look it up. And, of course, Shane is forced to masturbate on the roof of the RV.
The next morning, Grimes tells Lori that he thinks he might go back to Atlanta to save Merle. Yikes. Marriage is compromise, but Grimes is pushing it. I love a brave and noble hero as much as the next guy, but even I’m kind of like, really, Grimes? It’s important to maintain your moral compass even when the world spins out of your grasp, but there is such a thing as walking face-first into suicide. Just then: a scream in the woods. It’s Carl! Oh no! Someone save Carl! And then also ask him what he was doing in the woods by himself! (Probably snuck a cigarette out of Lori’s purse just to try it, and I hope they make him smoke a whole pack just to learn his lesson.) It’s a zombie eating a deer.
The gang takes care of it, Kids-style.
Almost. Merle’s brother, Darryl, comes out of the woods and shoots the zombie in the face with a crossbow. “It’s got to be the brain, dang, don’t you people know anything?” He’s got a point! Even I knew that it had to be the brain! Anyway, Darryl was out hunting squirrels and stuff, but now he is back, and it is clear that no one really likes him, but they also want to be honest with him about what is going on with his brother and the whole rooftop and handcuffs thing. There is a knife fight. And a choke hold.
“Choke holding’s illegal!” Haha. Memorable Quotes. Also: classic handful of logs as dramatic tool:
Anyway, a team of people decide to go back to Atlanta and save Merle and also get the duffel bag of guns. Lori and Carl are not happy about it. Shane is also not happy about it. Grimes doesn’t care, because Grimes is in Hero Mode. Shane gives him four bullets, one for each of them. Thanks? I mean, I guess it’s thoughtful, but also the day that I am going to take care of my business because I’m still willing to fight for what I believe is right in a world gone mad and a dear friend who has secretly been screwing my wife from behind in the woods hands me four suicide bullets is the day that I leave for my mission with three suicide bullets and one less friend.
Down at the quarry, the women are doing the laundry, AS THEY SHOULD BE!
Haha. At one point, one of them sees Shane teaching Carl how to catch frogs and wonders at the inequality in the division of labor at the camp, and one of the other women just says “that’s the way it is.” Maybe before they escaped Atlanta, one of the women should have run inside a Barnes and Noble real quick and rescued a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves. Lori comes down and tells Shane to leave Carl and her alone, because Shane is the one who told her that Grimes was dead. Yikes. Although, seriously, Lori? How’d that conversation go?
Shane: Lori, Grimes is dead.
Lori: I want you inside me.
Shane takes out his anger on Ed’s face after Ed tries to rape his wife, or something. It’s kind of complicated what is going on here, but I cannot say that I am sorry to see Ed receive some of Shane’s mis-directed anger. He deserves it! You’re a punk, Ed, and punks get slapped!
Meanwhile, did anyone else notice how much easier it is to get into Atlanta than to get out? They park the truck and Glenn is like “we walk from here.” Do you? Are you sure you walk from there? Because if I remember correctly, it took everything you had to get that truck. Oh, never mind, two seconds later they are just in the department store no problemo, so I guess Glenn was right, they walk from there. They go up the stairs to the roof. Wait, the stairs that were straight filled with zombies trying to get to Merle? Yup! Those stairs. Completely zombie free now. Considering what we are about to learn, that is hilarious. I wish the show had showed the moment where the zombies all turned to each other and were like “let’s get out of here, man, this place is lame.”
Clip the chain! Faster! Can’t wait to see Merle again, you guys. Just one of the best dudes. Almost can’t believe it was so easy to get up here and save him, but that’s cool, at least the mission is definitely successful. “Merle, we’re here, buddy!” Oh wait. Uh oh. Merle? Buddy?
Oh. Shoot.
“Let’s think this through. I could saw through the chain of my handcuffs and keep my hand, or I could just cut my hand off. You know what, I think there was a pen and a Moleskin notebook in that toolbox. If I can just lasso them with my belt buckle then I can make a Pros and Cons List and figure this out.” — Merle
Unfortunately, the gang now has absolutely no idea where Merle has gone, because he definitely didn’t leave a disgustingly long trail of too much blood leading all the way to his drained corpse. HE COULDN’T BE ANYWHERE!
Next Week: picks up two minutes later and carries us through another 12 hours. This show moves so slow! I kind of love it, though.
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every week, i have to actively forget that rick’s last name is grimes, so i’m not constantly thinking of “the simpsons,” only to i laugh hysterically at gabe’s “grimes (GRIMES!)” comments in the recap. then i get out my men in black flashy pen, and all is forgotten.
QUESTION FOR MONSTERS: what Walking Dead characters, if any, would you be sad to see eaten by zombies?
I would be sad to see Dale eaten by zombies. He seems like a cool dude.
Glenn, Rick, Andrea.
I would be sad to see the walking dead version of Walt & Michael eaten
Oh! Yeah, them too.
Also Grimes Obvs.
none. i want everyone to be vulnerable to death. like it would be in real life. kitchen sink zombie realism.
Wanting everyone to be vulnerable to death isn’t the same thing as not wanting a character to die.
Always Sunny….LOVE!
I wouldn’t be sad if Racism got eaten. Zombies love them some racism.
I believe that zombies hate the taste of bigots, it actually makes them gag (if I’m not mistaken.)
GAG!
Haters=Gross
Lovers=yummy
‘nough said!
I was so flabbergasted and angry at Glenn for driving a car WITH THE FUCKING ALARM BLARING directly into their camp, I was actively cheering for his death for the rest of the episode. He’s clearly brain-dead already.
Yeah, I was like “He’ll probably just ditch that car along the way and hop in the truck, so as not to lead the Zombies all the way to their camp. OF COURSE HE WILL, duh.”
I guess I just expected too much reason from a Cable Zombie Drama. Shame on me!
morgan & his son, carl (because who wants to see a little kid get eaten?), glenn, rick, andrea.
I wondered about the little girl that Grimes shot, if she was a zombie–why did she pick up that teddy bear????
Hmmmmmm
She got what she deserved anyway
This show has problems, I admit it, and I had some issues with last nights episode that I have not yet reasoned through, but goddamn I still love me some zombie TV.
Also, I am sure that a massive open wound and the blood loss therefrom will have no negative consequences whatsoever.
Racists don’t bleed blood.
They bleed racism.
Yeah, my too Bobby. I’d say that right now this is the show I look forward to most each week, even though I spend half the time like so:
who is pretty face?
Lizzy Kaplan!!
Did you mean caplan?
good work, Winwood. I knew I could count on you. I, too, was wondering.
guess this means now I’m going to have to watch true blood. ugh…
may I suggest Luther to the group? I can’t tell if it’s an unadulterated love for Stringer Bell (although I didn’t love him in the Office, so maybe not) but I really do like Luther. I was predisposed to hate it as a british CSi but there’s something about it. I also enjoy Walking Dead enough, but prefer Luther.
yes Luther! so good. i don’t pick one or the other, i just watch both.
I am a bit concerned that these zombies have so far only been eating animals. When are we going to actually see zombies doing what they are supposed to do?
I know it’s been mentioned, but it bears repeating: On your way out of the house during the apocalypse, you weighed your options and landed on WHITE JEANS?
the white jeans that make her butt look fat, no less.
the white jeans that
make her butt look fatdo nothing for her figure, no less.Snark without meanness=happy times.
some of us like big butts and we can not lie, some other mother fuckers may deny
So tomjoad says you’re fat, Well I ain’t down with that
my anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun!
dammit i’ve been taken out of context! i should have ended my reply with an exclamation point.
Can someobody make a gif of the slow turn Grimes’ son makes when he sees his pappy? I loved this so much last night. He’s already making that face before 1) Grimes has made any noise and 2)Anyone has said anything about Grimes being at the camp. The kid is a psychic!
Here ya go
I had to pause the episode last night because I was laughing too hard at this moment. Can I pause my work day to laugh at this gif?
Thank you, concert_addict, you are my favorite now!
Acting’s hard
That’s not acting.
That child is the spawn of Satan.
(Gag)
Two things:
1. Racist goes crazy after being up on a roof for an hour?
2. Is Racist’s brother from Boondock Saints? If so, LOL.
They made it seem like he had been there for forever already with his dehydrated face and crazy ranting. All I could think about that entire scene was what that guy had been using for a toilet. I saw no bucket and his pants were relatively clean (relatively for a zombie apocalypse anyway).
So really, the British guy that plays Grimes gets to ride in his own Lori again?
Happy birthday, “Carl”.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHA
Every year on Carl’s birthday, Rick and Lori give his birthday cake to a random homeless person. That homeless becomes the new “Carl” and they all watch tearfully as he eats it. Happy birthday, “Carl”.
???????????
Tonight, we are all the new “Carl”.
Perhaps we’ll find out “Carl”‘s real name in the stunning season finale! Only three episodes left!
who is Carl?
Can somebody fill me in on the joke here?
The joke is the mis-use of quotation marks. Check google for the phrase “scare quotes”. Or “blood-curdling grammar”.
http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/
Look at the photo of the birthday cake. It looks like the ‘majesty’ around the written cake message looks like quotes around Carl’s name.
They’re sitting around the campfire, and Grimes is all “Disorientation comes closest” and then Pa from the Berenstein Bears says “Words are meager things” and it was ok, totally cliched but sure, pseudo-philosophy, and then not 2 minutes later he says “Words are paltry things.” Seriously? Are you repeating yourself because no one laughed or patted you on the back or gave you a PHD the first time?
Watching The Walking Dead I just flip back and forth between being amused and totally flabergasted.
I wonder when Grimes is going to pick up on the very serious “I’m fucking your best friend” vibes Lori is dropping? Also Lori is the worst amirite?
Seriously. This week where Shane and Darryl (ostensible antagonists) were the only people I didn’t want to see munched on by zombies. Everyone else was either a horrible self-righteous prick or a never ending sea of cliches
If this show lasts a few seasons are we going to have to see the awkward suggestive “so… we’ve been making lots of sex” looks between Grimes’ wife and best friend like a million times?
Spoiler Alert: Um, no.
I’m going to be honest–I made it about two minutes into last night’s episode before I had to quit (I didn’t know the racist on the roof was a racist, so I was maybe a little more distressed than some others). Conclusion? I like my zombies funny.
change your name to Baby Pussy
Disapproving avatar time, guys!
YAAAAAY
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Steve. You’re dead weight.
Again, Steve? You sure know how to make a girl feel special.
Oh and obviously the best line of the episode was “I miss texting.”
Really? Not “I miss my vibrator”? C’mon!
Also, you can still use a vibrator in the zombie apocalypse. Sista should have stocked up on some batteries before she made her getaway! I’m just sayin’, y’all!
I’m sure they could get one of the men to whittle them a dildo or something. Whittling is something men do.
That seems incredibly painful, but some women may like that!
Convincing a man to whittle a dildo for you would probably be a somewhat awkward conversation, but far from painful, I would think.
I don’t think it’s the conversation that would be painful…
Ah, I see. Well I feel it’s inappropriate to get into the logistics of dildo whittling, but suffice it to say, a piece of fine grade sandpaper could probably solve that problem.
Good to see you got your priories straight.
1.Vibrator
2.Extra Batteries
3.Survival
Actually, texting comes in at number 3. Survival is 4.
Seriously. And depending on how frequently you use it, a single pair of batteries can last a really long time.
#Iwouldn’tactuallyknowanythingaboutthis
I’m thinkin’ those gals doin’ the wash should BE DOIN’ SOMETHIN’ OTHER THAN THE WASH….If you know what I mean
No batteries necessary
Older woman: I miss my washing machine because there’s no one in my life because I’m old and lonely.
College educated blonde woman: I miss my benz because I was rich and in a non-apocalypse you all would be serving me brunch.
Black woman: I miss my coffee because I am a sassy but successful black female city planner.
Teen: LOL I miss Sexting and Silly Bandz let’s Tweet about our vibratorz
uggggggggggggggggggggggggh this show. I was expecting so much and I am so disappointed. All the women ever do, ever, is bitch, moan, complain, undermine, sleep around, product-plug for Maytag, and cackle about their vibrators.
Even if you honestly believe that one month after the zombiepocalypse, the world would have reverted back to its natural state of 1950s gender relations, who cares? In a realistic portrayal of the zombiepocalypse, both the men and the women would be lounging around starving and getting cholera as they waited for the army to come save them. I watch zombie shows so that I can vicariously beat the shit out of zombies, and I would like my strong and ass-kicking female lead to show up sooner rather than later, puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze.
“Walking Dead is not realistic.” – netsirk
You’ve said a mouthful, what the hell is this?
# of zombies killed by men thus far: like 30
# killed by women: 0
And did they really have to have someone say she missed her Maytag TWICE? Yiiiiikes. Everyone to the Thunderdome.
“I miss my mom.”
“I miss video games.”
All my facebook friends changed their status to “Is a zombie/it’s complicated”
Lovely Teen Girl Squad reference!
“It’s got to be the brain, dang, don’t you people know anything?” He’s got a point! Even I knew that it had to be the brain!
Hey now, even I thought it would’ve been fine if you dispatched a zombie by decapitating it! Technically, a head can’t do much, but apparently it’s still conscious and still undead and craving flesh. I’d say that’s good to know!
For kicks, I would put a zombie head in an aquarium with a steak. Would the zombie eat the steak over and over?
Back and forth forever
cool accent, norman reedus.
I was cruising around the interweb the other day and I saw this
and then I couldn’t stop laughing.
#embarrassedgum
#freudianpictures
Happens in advertising
all
the
time
So a good general rule is awkward reunions can be avoided if everyone sticks to the golden rule. At least wait 3 months after you significant other disappears under mysterious circumstances to bang his best friend.
3 it’s the magic number
But the survival of the human race is in their hands! They gotsta get to the humping! For humanity!
Was Svenning just hallucinating the roof zombies? Didn’t the first Saw teach us it is always best to saw through person instead of metal?
Interesting theory!
I’m not a desert survival guru, but it seems like it should take more than 15 minutes on a mildly toasty roof to turn a man into a nutter.
guys, i smell a sequel…
I love (I don’t love) how Norman Reedus can’t play a character who is a brother to another character now without people going-
“*snicker* Like how you were a brother in that one overrated movie? *snicker*”
Norman: “SIGH. Yes, I was a brother in another movie before this time where I am playing a character who is a brother again.”
Oh, but waitaminute- Then he reprised the role. Nevermind, I take it back.
If there is ever a post relating to Taco Bell, I’m posting this…
Priceless!
Say what you will about Shane but at least he had the decency to not rape Carl’s mother in front of him. “He won’t wake up”??? I have to believe that seeing your parents bang is more traumatizing than the zombie apocalypse.
rick is surprisingly unsuspicious when lori assures him “he won’t wake up” and then stares off into deep, contemplative thought as he enters her. just sayin’.
And then has ‘the best sleep I’ve had in months.’ What about Carl’s sleep? The only thing missing in that scene was a slow shot moving from his parents, humping in the background, to a wide-eyed, frozen Carl lying uncomfortably in bed.
The stare is because Rick realizes….things are “different down there.”
I like how in Zombie Apocolpytia even rednecks have seen the 1981 film On Golden Pond. Neat!
It could have been the 2001 tv adaptation starring Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer.
Staring at the tent, sitting on top of the RV, whilst his best friend was making sex with his wife.
Shane felt so sad, confused and a little aroused.
I love Mr. Grimes for his stoic morality, but Shane is the far more interesting character. Is he creepy? Yes. But I also think a lot of his actions come from a pure, if misguided, place. I actually kind of hate Lori.
She was much more likable as a drug addicted doctor who breaks convicted felons out of prison:
Casting director to Lori auditioners: “Be Kate”
They need to remove Green Mile director from this show and replace him with somebody who doesn’t typically make sentimental clap trap. That said, last night’s episode was a huge improvement over last week’s, but still worse than the pilot.
how about the previews for next week? that group of hispanic gangster types will probably be really tasteful and nuanced. i don’t think it will be jaw-droppingly racist at all.
I’m taking bets on where Racist Nohandixon is:
A) He’s been captured by the gangster mob (after recovering the bag of weapons Rick dropped, natch)
B) He’s living in a cabin in the woods after crafting himself a makeshift hand replacement out of a chainsaw
C) He’s at Bill Murray’s house
It can only be the first part of (A) because the preview for next week’s episode shows Glenn running out and picking the bag up.
Ah, I missed that. Still, Glen could trip and drop the bag down a conveniently placed open manhole.
Or maybe they use the weapons to barter for Racist Nohandixon’s lifeNOT! hahaha. That’s a funny thought. Hopefully they don’t do that tho, because that is seriously dumb.
Oh, I think you won the bet.
Seriously, every time there’s an object of vital importance to someone’s survival, it should accidentally be dropped in a hole.
In paragraph three, her worshipfullness Princess Gabrielle Dellawitz states that the characters popped the trunk to disable the alarm. Actually, they popped the hood in the front of the car. Not the trunk, which is located in the back.
Signed,
Professor Automobiles
You’re a dork, Steve, but I upvoted you because I like the way ‘Professor Automobiles’ rolls off the tongue.
I got something to roll off your tongue
It’s just an expression, Steve. You’re being such a non-pillow right now!
dick joke
Avatar buddiessss!!!
“Dellawitz”?
I wonder if Sarah Wayne Callies is getting tired of being in shows where a racist loses a hand to get out of cuffs during an escape attempt.
this is the funniest recap of this show yet, gabe! but (AW) i wanted to point out (if no one else has) that i really think it’s mermaid jewelry. she mentions dolphins but then i think she’s like, “but she REALLY has a THING for mermaids.”
It’s most definitely mermaids. Said it before and I’ll say it again. Gabe’s clearly got dolphins on the brain.
I know it got lost in all the racist brother saving discussion, but didn’t Grimey say he had to go back for the guns and the walkie-talkie. I mean, I understand not wanting to go back JUST for racist brother, but I think it’s a fair point that he doesn’t want the father and son who saved them to have to ride out the zombiepocalypse in the belly of a tank next to a delicious dead horse. Also, guns.
saved HIM. saved HIM.
I wasn’t really expecting much from this show because I think zombies are boring but I like it okay, it’s grown on me. I guess Im just watching it cause I gots no life and there’s nothing else on really. I like how it’s got this sort of breaking bad kind of tone to it but I don’t like the soap opery motivations and plot contrivances. Feels hella weak. But it’s a zombie show so WTF you gonna do / rap is not afraid of you
Will someone please make a gif of Mr. Svenning puking subsequent to being stinkpalmed? That would really make my Monday. I would but I’m convinced that .gifs are made by magic and are actually instruments of the devil; much like zombies.
Oh oh, ya know what else is a PERFECT nominee? This steaming pile
SOOOOOO BAAAAAADDDDD
“Carl” gets ironic quotes? Zombie apocalypse, and the good times are commemorated by them fucking with their kid over his name on his birthday.
Someone already got to it. I should have kept reading. Downvoting myself.
Soooooooo, Is it just me or is this a show about the luckiest people alive?
Things that have happened:
*Woke up from a coma, after the Zombie apocalypse, just fine, totally healed.
*Met nice people that fill me in on zombies and direct me to my wife’s possible location.
*Get surrounded by zombies and get out untouched.
*Meet a group of other amicable, nice survivors.
*Reunite with my wife and child against all possible odds, after a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.
*Go however long it has been without ANY DEATHS. Even a racist handcuffed to a roof of a building filling up with zombies can live…
Why is this show again? (Also its really boring)
Hahaha his son’s name is Carl.
If the zombies will eat anything, can’t they just throw random meat/dead animals at them as a diversion?