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We live in a world of constant transition. No duh. It’s like that old R.E.M. song: Everybody Changes. Remember that one? “Everybody changes, sometime.” Right? And so: seasons change, politics change, television shows are canceled, McRibs come and go. In fact, the only thing you can count on is that things will change. Benjamin Franklin famously wrote, “In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes and the fact that the crunkcore band Brokencyde is the absolute fucking worse.” Didn’t you read my throw pillow? Seriously, though, you guys, you might have thought that it was 2010 and that there was a slight chance that Brokencyde had somehow become something other than the worst band that has ever existed, but that is not the case and I’m not entirely sure what made you ever think that was even possible. Their new video for “Teach Me How to Scream,” posted after the jump, reminds us that they are very much the single worst band in the history of bands. “What about Ke$ha?” You heard what I said. Now apologize to Ke$ha.
In a weird way, it’s kind of nice to have something stable in this world to hold onto as it spins ever more wildly out of control. Admittedly, holding onto them for stability makes holding onto steak knives to jam into your ears that much harder. (Thanks for the tip, Aftershock.)
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19 seconds, and the top of my head opened up, my brain crawled onto my shoulder, took one look back at my empty skull and said “Fuck you” and then crawled off to seek its fortune elsewhere.
I only made it 33 seconds.
Who gave those middle schoolers all those tattoos?
I made it to 58 seconds, with my kids, ages 17, 14, 11, and 5, yelling, “Shut that off! It’s horrible!”
Think about the children, folks!
Can you maybe post something that’s” funny for funny’s sake” as opposed to “funny because this is awful and makes me want to die and thats funny because we’re all gonna die in the end anyways’ sake?” No? Its cool.
I probably could have, but now I almost definitely won’t?
‘scool
The Contrarian irony is lost on me. Wait, there it is.
after watching this in its entirety, I’ve come to the following realization: I already know how to scream. turns out its somewhat of an involuntary reflex.
I don’t know who decided that “crunkcore” was a legitimate way to describe something but I have a surprise for that person. It starts with “D” and ends with “eath by a thousand hungry rats”.
SPOILER: It is “death by a thousand hungry rats”
Someone should cut down on these kids’ consumption of sugar. I think drinking all of those 40oz bottles of IBC Cream Soda is giving them some behavioral problems.
Sometimes it’s best to just let ‘em run around for a little while. They’ll get it all out of their systems and be ready for their naps in no time.
We’re thinking of removing ‘music video making’ from the list of our daycare activities, though.
I genuinely think this is fake. Like, it’s terrible on purpose. My sanity and faith in a just world depends on this belief.
One day in the future we’ll find out that they were just trying to bring christianity to the huddled masses all along
.
What you did there-I see it
Judging by the legitimate adoration my teenage sister and her friends have for this band, I’m gonna have to call Real and Straight on this one.
Despite how unfair it is to you, I really wanted to downvote this because of how obviously stupid your sister is.
Real and V8 MUSCLECAR is the 2010 translation.
That sure is some terrible noise. Speaking of music that is not terrible, does anyone know what song played at the end of last night’s Eastbound & Down. And Steve, I tried google.com already, it didn’t work.
Got it guys! it’s Kurt Vile – He’s Alright if anyone else was wondering: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6ryWeZRWQE
As a 14 year old girl who hates my parents because they don’t understand me and wants to be old and to just go party and get CRUUUUNK, this appeals to me. I also like that song by Asher Roth about college. And those rubber bands that make shapes when you take them off your wrist, those are the best.
I had a grown man explain those rubber bands to me at a party this weekend. “Did you see those rubber bands that are shapes when you take them off your wrist?”
He also asked me if wearing glasses would make him seem more sensitive.
It’s all about appearance.
That was unBEARable.
The Bear made less sense than the Bear scene in the Winter’s Tale.
Now Let’s hurl Shakespearean insults at Brokencyde:
Zounds, They propogate poison to mine ear.
MANS: “Out foul jelly!” (Stabs own eyes)
Sir! I bite my thumb at you, sir!
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
That’s Shakespeare, right?
I grow; I prosper: Now, gods, stand up for bastards!
Thou art a droning mewling loggerheaded craven tottering vain sheep-biting james-qualling farthead. (I admit it- I had to look up farthead.)
Thou whoreson Zed! Thou eater of broken(cyde) meats!
You know who else is still the worst?
These Guys:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Blood-on-the-Dance-Floor-is-this-years-worst-band-Sorry-Brokencyde/128576037165734
“When I’m not watching ‘Two and a Half Men,’ I enjoy relaxing and listening to Brokencyde.” –Josef Fritzl
“I would like to teach them how to scream.” –Albert Fish
“We love duos. So much more than the sum of its parts.” –Perry Smith and Dick Hickock
‘Woah, Woah, guys! I mean I know we’ve done pretty terrible things but, I mean, COME ON, I’m pretty sure that if you look at the death and suicide from the time these guys got famous or started writing music that they have indirectly killed dozens of people, I mean they probably didn’t but this is just terrible… I mean I’m terrible but these guys are worse, they are probably turning a whole generation into screaming, creepy neon killers… ” – John Wayne Gacy
Thanks for naming my band!
Love,
Napoleon Complex and the Creepy Neon Killers
“I have tickets to see these guys when they play at the World Colombian Exposition.” –H.H. Holmes.
“These guys are better than the Beach Boys.” –Charles Manson
“I find that chicks really dig Brokencyde.” –Ted Bundy
The first few times I read this, I kept thinking you meant “Al Bundy” and was like “What does this have to do with selling Women’s shoes?” It makes more sense now.
“My parents don’t understand me, but Brokencyde does.” –Lizzie Borden
“WQLFI DISLEN ID EN FIELSNE lIFNE V ZID WLD!” –The Zodiac Killer
“I’d whip that bear back and forth” –Willow Smith
One of these things is not like the other! Unless you have some sort of prescience and in that case we better work to help any people Willow might harm!
“I just sent them the best fan letter with a piece of my heart. Well, not my heart, but they know I love them.” –Jack the Ripper
Mans, I hereby profess my Videogum love for you.
As an avid Mans-ophile (nailed it), I join you in professing my love, in a totally non-creepy and not-at-all-stalkerish way and definitely NOT checking his tumblr blog or whatever you call it every day, patiently (impatiently) waiting for new posts.
Thank you both for the kind words. I have remedied the problem.
“My dog introduced me to this band. I really like them.” – David Berkowitz
“They are so cute, I could just eat the up!” –Sawney Bean
“I like to keep up with what the kids are listening to. I keeps me young.” –Elizabeth Bathory
“These guys are the bomb!” – Ted Kaczynski
“I am not a fan, but my mother loves Brokencyde.” –Ed Gein
“Brokencyde! Their future is so bright, I feel like I should make them a lampshade!” -Ed Gein
“I LOVE these guys TOO much! I can just eat them up!” – Jeffrey Dahmer
“Apparently there is an 8th deadly sin. I shall have to adjust my plans”
~ John Doe (played by Kevin Spacey)
“These boys are cute. I bet they like clowns.” – John Wayne Gacy
Mans is on fire! I really almost cried reading some of these. You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.
Is no one here concerned about this man’s (mans’s?) seemingly encyclopedic knowledge of serial killers? I’m just thankful there’s an internet between us right now
You know who else is still the worst?
These Guys:
Dhavie Vanity is your boyfriend and you know it.
Wormy, with all due respect, the fact that you know his name, most definitely makes him your boyfriend. YA BURNT!
Oh oh, don’t forget THESE GUYS:
Why’d they stop running? This wont do at all.
She’s cute.
Brokencyde, now on tour with Blood on the Dance Floor and Ghost Shirt!!!!!! #insidejokegum
I want to make a reference to the Replacements’ “Androgynous” here, but I don’t think I can without being forced to move away from Minnesota.
I somehow came across the tracklisting for their album yesterday, and the tracks names alone were enough to make me shudder, with gems like: Dis iz a Rager Dude, Honey Hungry Hoe, Where We @? (Skit), Ugly Bitch With A Mustache (Skit), Goose Gogglez, and U Ain’t Crunk. ALL THE GRAMMYS PLEASE.
And the Grammy for Best Spoken Word Performance goes to Brokencyde for “Ugly Bitch With A Mustache (Skit)”!!!
Skits? Srsly? 1996 called; they want their filler back.
What is a Brokencyde?
PS – See whatever it is on Celebrity Rehab season 20.
It all makes sense now.
So I just looked them up and spotted that their new album is called “Will Never Die”. Is that a challange Brokencyde?
This did a Munch better job of teaching me how to scream:
A cultured pun always gets upvoted. Always.
I’m very jealous that I didn’t think of this first. Upvote!
I am sick at home and will focus on posting comment inspired images rather than original comments today.
At some point in my life I thought it’d be super funny if I photoshopped Jay-Z’s lips onto a bunch of famous paintings. This was the first one I did. I don’t know what is wrong with me either.
So beautiful. I was hoping to post a gif of Sophie crying in Howl’s Moving Castle to describe my emotions, but this is all I could find from Google Images, so whatever, here you are:
I logged in just to upvote this.
This is also my first post. That’s how great this is.
did you see his dukes hat? as a fellow burqueno i thought you might have noticed. there they go appropriating our hipster culture. tsk tsk.
Yikes, I didn’t know songs could be rapey from the first fucking line…
Wowowow, good to know that misogyny and trans-phobia and all those values that I support are totally still alive and well in today’s youth!
“I luuuuuuvvv Brokencyde. They just make me feel so valued as a human being, especially when they call me a nasty ho. It just feels right.” – All the tween girls
This sounds like the soundtrack to someone being raped in a Hot Topic dressing room.
I liked Brokencyde less when America called them Linkin Park. Please make the eyeliner go away… please?
Wow, now I just feel bad for Linkin Park.
your comment makes little to no sense, justin.
Remember when I was in 8th grade and I saw Metallica, Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park at Giants Stadium and Linkin Park also played. It was July 3rd and extremely hot and this was pre 9/11 so everyone was just not giving an s and loving it. Linkin Park used to be made fun of for being mostly awful, but many of my young musical contemporaries would try to find some harsher criticism in Linkin Park. They felt that they had to back up their arguments with something along the lines of “it’s so stupid they scream and sing and then scream.” I’m pretty sure all the people that said that then are now dead of shame. I guess my point is never forget?
Like all men, I am flawed. I do my best to recognize my shortcomings and correct them, so that I may better contribute to our society as a whole. But every so often something comes along that gives me pause, and causes me to think that I am the fucking best simply because I am not that thing.
Thank you, Brokencyde. You don’t make me a better man, but you sure make me feel like one.
I find Brokencyde to be very grounding. It really puts us all in our place.
We have a LOT of work to do.
I’d love to see what Suge Knight, Dr. Dre, and the rest of Death Row circa ’92 would have to say about that asshole in that The Chronic shirt. If Suge was willing to threaten Eazy-E with lead pipes and bats just to get Dr. Dre on his record label, imagine what he’d do to this asshole for desecrating a piece of hip-hop history that he co-produced.
This band sounds the way Durian smells.
Your move Imperial Stars….
I threw a bottle at these guys when I went to Warped Tour a couple of years back. I missed. However, I was not accosted by security or attacked by people around me. They all just stood there in understanding. I don’t condone throwing bottles (I was young and angry with the world! [okay, not angry enough to listen to Brokencyde]), but if you do have the opportunity to do the same, hit them. Not just for me, but for everyone.
My sister went to Warped Tour last year. She didn’t remember seeing Henry Rollins, but she sure as hell remembered how “smexy” the boys from Brokencyde were.
“Lemme smex it guys, smash it and hex”, I actually hope that’s what “smexy” means.
I want to smang them – I want to smack them then hang them by their thumbs.
I think we could all benefit from a non-terrible musical interlude.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rH_7_XRfTMs
It’s going to be okay, you guys.
Something was wrong with the audio in this video. It all just sounded like “screezzzy yaaawwwww!” and there was an annoying beeping. Gabe, please link to the correct music video next time. Sheesh.
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
Someone needs to convince Brokencyde to pull an Imperial Stars publicity stunt— load them up in a van, block off a couple lanes of traffic, and have them perform for people who don’t give a shit and will probably be very upset this that their commute is ruined. BUT. Here’s where the genius part of this plan comes into play— The police’s radio transmissions are intercepted, and the responding officers are told that the band members are highly contagious, mindless zombies that have stolen some popular band’s instruments— oh! The Jonas Brothers instruments have been stolen by these zombies— and now the cops orders are SHOOT TO KILL.
Problem solved.
—KajusX & Chainsaws: Problem Solver
And I thought all your solutions to problems involved chainsaws…. today you have shown another side to yourself.
Oh wait— did I forget to mention the chainsaws?
Nope, won’t watch it. Sorry.
You just won.
“A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.” -GradStudentsAreTheWorst
Oh. Win. “Alright, Lightman, maybe you can tell us who first suggested reproduction without sex?” “Uh, your boyfriends? Brokencyde?”
BREAKING NEWS
http://breakingnews.michaeljackson.com/ROW/
The song is Breaking News, I guess it’s Breaking News that there is a song probably not sung by Michael Jackson by Michael Jackson FROM 2007, now don’t we all feel like Time Travelers today?
Some poor misguided girls and a cross dresser think they just got their big break and now, those who live in California will have to listen to stories about being in that Brokencyde while getting a drink at the local dive bar. : (
Ok, I think we should ban Aftershock for tipping this to Gabe.
JK Aftershock, you can stay, just quit baiting the old curmudgeon with this rape rape music comprised of bleeps and bloops and mongoloids
I offer Gabe all sorts of amazing tips, from tax advice to how to improve the quality of his love life. Tip after tip, perhaps a hundred a day, and this is what he chooses.
“parents just dont understand” – will smith
Until today, I had no idea that Brokencyde even existed.
I feel like this is karma kicking my ass for killing a bug or something
Monday Morning Trivia :
According to the Urban Dictionary’s definition, Brokencyde is ” the act of having a penis inserted in your ear.”.
I can fairly say that after ( regrettably) watching this video that they are being way too kind.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=brokencyde
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“Tranny” is a pretty offensive word, lol
It is, they had to remove it from lyrics in the Rocky Horror episode of Glee.
Wait, Caitlin, so we were supposed to think of that dude in a wig as a serious transgendered person? The dude goofily running around in a Brokencyde video?
I don’t know why whether or not the person was actually transgendered has anything to with “tranny” being derogatory.
I see your point – calling someone a “fag” even if they were trying to be the most over the top, stereotyped version of a gay man would not make the term any less offensive. But I don’t think “tranny” has entered that realm yet. Living in a gay neighborhood, I have personally heard transgendered woman calling themselves “T-girls,” and “trannys.” The one they actually get offended by is “shemale,” because it labels them as neither man nor woman, when they think of themselves as totally female.
It has quite a bit to do with context, though. Someone who self-identifies as transgendered referring to themselves as a “tranny” is very different from someone who’s using it in the same sentence as the phrase “way hotter than those chicks.” Yikes.
But the context is a shitty Brokencyde video? What’s the correct term then – “dude in drag?” I’m just not seeing the offensive part here – because if he had said “that transgendered person is way hotter than all the other chicks in the video” that would seem, to me, or insulting to actual transgendered people – since the video is clearly mocking them.
change “or” to “more.”
(this is supposed to be a reply to chriskc80. Sorry, internet.)
Here is the ONLY question you, I, or anyone should ask ourselves when deciding to use a loaded/terrible word such the one above: “Does this word apply To Me?” If YES>you get to decide whether you want use this offensive word in an ironic/reclaiming manner. If NO>not your word to reclaim; do not use.
/sanctimoniousgum
I don’t know, maybe “the dude in drag” would be better? Really, it’s not so much the wording that is necessarily the problem. I think the issue is where the intended laffs are coming from: isn’t it weird and funny that a dude in drag could be better looking than those women? Which, on top of how alienating and gross this video’s perspective on drag and transgenderism and is already, it’s just kind of piling on.
Anyway, I agree that this thread has gotten weird and long and I don’t mean to do a bunch of this kind of arguing on the internet, especially in a place where we all seem to have good intentions. It’s just… whining about downvotes when you’re sort of perpetuating the hatefulness that is this video. It’s a bit gauche, is all.
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GLAAD, according to their resource kit, says it’s bad. I stand educated.
I think “crossdresser” or yeah “dude in drag” would have made just as much sense.
Also it was probably decided that it was an offensive term by the transgendered people that are often called it in a derogatory way, possibly while they are being beat up or spit on for being transgendered. I don’t know that it’s necessarily as loaded as the fag word or the N word, but since I’ve generally only heard it used in a contemptuous/hateful way I have a bit of a visceral reaction to it.
I don’t know why it’s something to be douchey about or pretend that people are sanctimonious for pointing out. It’s no skin off my back to not use a term that hurts people so I just don’t use it. Dude wonders why his weirdly yucky comment is getting downvoted, I point out a maybe why. #sensitivitygum
While we’re on the subject, I think the preferred term is transgender, not transgendered, because the “ed” part implies something having happened to the person, while the former is simply an adjective describing their gender identity being different from their sex.
No need to feel bad, we’re not going to send you to Gay Jail. Just something to keep in mind…
*flies swiftly into the night*
Point taken, Napoleon, I will remember that.
Caitlin I wasn’t trying to imply you were sanctimonious. I just often see in my travels that some people – oftentimes hipsters – have this weird politically correct competition to see who can be the most PC – and by that extension better – person. So I was wondering if that term was deemed offensive by the “Seventh circle of Starbucks white guilt” or if it was in fact a derogatory term.
I’ll give you a real life example. I did a presentation to our internal diversity group, and it involved me saying the word “African-American” over and over and over. Afterward, one of the African-American managers pulled me aside and said, “Great presentation – it’s okay to say the word ‘black’ once in awhile, we do.”
Meh, I’m not ashamed to a be a politically correct hipster anyway. Also not ashamed to be full of white guilt. For me it’s not about trying to be “the most” anything, it’s just about trying to not be an asshole and being aware of other people’s feelings.
When I hear people complain about “political correctness” all I can think of is Rush Limbaugh yelling through my mom’s radio in the 90s.
ANYWAY, at least we can all agree that it is not nice to call people trannies.
Wow, you guys, on so many other blogs this thread would be seven pages long. Good job all around!
As first user of the word “sanctimonious” in this thread, I feel an urge to clarify that it was self-directed in what was intended to be a disarming way. Because it’s videogum. Anyway, whooo! That Brokencyde video was totally terrible, amirite?
I can’t believe the thread that has started off of my stupid joke. I am a gay man and have never heard that the word “tranny” is super offensive. I know a couple of transgendered people and they use the word often (that doesn’t make me an expert though). I made the second comment because I was surprised at how quickly it was down voted. I forget sometimes that sarcasm doesn’t always translate well into text. The original comment was poking fun at the video in two ways… the stereotypical dudes that would enjoy this video would most likely use the word tranny in a negative manner and would most likely find the girls not that hot. I guess maybe it would have been better received had I announced in the original comment that I was a gay man and that I was making a joke.
also…chriskc80…thanks for being open minded and taking into consideration that we are making comments on a blog that is generally full of sarcasm. although i appreciate caitlin’s attempt at defending the LGBT community, i also find it highly annoying. Especially the following quote from her reply…”Also it was probably decided that it was an offensive term by the transgendered people that are often called it in a derogatory way, possibly while they are being beat up or spit on for being transgendered.” I have been a victim of this kind of behavior, yet I don’t get offended by the word “fag”. Also, your generalization that it would be offensive because transgendER people get “beat up” is ridiculous. Not every transgender person gets treated badly in life and not every transgender person cares about whether or not the word “tranny” is offensive. GLAAD doesn’t speak for everyone.
can i call cross-dressers ‘dragsters?’ ‘cos i’m gonna. i like the way it sounds. and i like the image in my head when i think about the hot rod magazines of my youth.
Lol is pretty offensive to my english, lol.
I love how EVERY girl in all of their videos has the same “they baaaarely paid me enough money to do this” face. Gets me every time.
“I sat through a BrokeNCYDE video and all I got was a visually transmitted STD and 3 minutes shaved off my lifespan” – My new tee shirt.
Two Questions.
1) Where are their parents?
2) Do their parents know what they’re doing?
yo thats not funny parents are soo gross and theyre prob too cool for their parents likkkeeee my parents are so square they totes dont ev3n kno whts kool anymore i h8 old ppl hahahahah lollolollmao brokencyde is da bombbbb<3 luv them 4eva and eva!!!!!!! ROB PATTS IS MY HUSBAND!!!!!!
xinchu, I would just like to say that you have the greatest avatar ever. Arnold is totes my hero!
Thank you Mr. Wright! Or should I say, Mr. Teddy Roosevelt. (….that is teddy roosevelt, right?)
This is lady choking music. People who choke ladies listen to this music.
Oh. So THAT’s what misogyny looks like.
I paused Paranoid Android by Radiohead to listen to the entire song (MISTAKE!) then I listened to the rest of Paranoid Android and realized that near the end of the song, the guitar part sounds very similar to the entire vocal part in the brokencyde song.
I know hipsters everywhere will get all up in arms over this, but I don’t see that much difference between them and Sleigh Bells
They ripped off “teach me how to dougie” so hard.
i just couldn’t figure out what dance move this “scream” referred to!!!
I love that Brokencyde still can’t get background dancers that look enthusiastic about being in a Brokencyde video.
I read every single comment before watching this because I can’t seem to work up the nerve. I’M SCARED, YOU GUYS.
AND HOLY SHIT, I definitely know that redhead girl. Her name is Sandra and I went to high school with her and I am now the happiest girl in the world because she was a fucking bitch and now she is in a brokencyde video. PAYBACK FOR. THE. WIN.
I watched this without the sound on and it’s still unbearable.