Photos
Once, there was a quirky screenplay that circulated around Hollywood for a movie called The Beaver about a troubled man who could only communicate with people by using a beaver hand puppet. Quirky! It made the top of the annual “Black List”, which is an industry tradition in which people’s favorite unproduced screenplays get the minor and insignificant honor of being written about on movie blogs. Eventually, though, The Beaver did go into production. At first it was reported that Steve Carrell would play the lead, but due to whatever it is that these things are due to, he was not available, and eventually that role was filled by Mel Gibson. This is all before both the hot tub AND the blow job, not necessarily in that order. And today we have the first poster. It features Mel Gibson holding his beaver puppet and a notecard that reads “Hello, this person is under the care of a prescription puppet. Please, treat him as you normally would, but address yourself to the puppet.” It is a perfectly decent movie poster in the contemporary tradition of well-designed movie posters with a clever little kick.
Except FUCK THAT. I’m sorry, Hollywood, but no. You don’t get this one. Today we end your long-standing tradition of constantly pretending like the human monsters in your garbage menagerie are anything but. Fuck you and fuck this Holocaust denier. We’re not going to act like this is just a charming little story about a guy with funny problems. We are all very sorry that you invested millions of dollars into this project only to have its lead star blow up in your and everybody’s faces (although there were certainly plenty of racist I MEAN RED flags) but that’s the way it is, so DEALWITHIT.GIF. Actually, no, CHOKEONIT.GIF. Better.
After the jump, a blank version of the poster for Mel Gibson’s The Beaver. Let’s fix it.
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You Mad, Max
“This is the only beaver I can interact with nonviolently.”
“I’ve told them a hundred times: put Mel Gibson first and Puppet Show last.”
Spinal Tap references will always get an upvote from me, sir.
http://bayifier.com/view?id=1141050643
So Dam Good
Nice Beaver, Sugar-tits
Eminem lyrics?
“Hello, you can either talk to this person or the inanimate object he is holding. Nobody will fault you for feeling the natural human impulse to talk to the person, but we strongly recommend you address the stuffed child’s toy instead.”
“Hello, this person is fucking crazy and talking to a stuffed beaver”
Talking through, talking through.
“Pay no attention to the man behind the beaver.”
I would like to LODGE a complaint
You wood.
Ain’t that the tooth!!
I’m guessing your complaint is that the rent is too dam high?
AWWW we done posted the same joke at the same time. I can’t BEAlieVER this. Thank you everybody, I’m done. Goodnight.
I’ll be dammed.
Wow, 5 beaver jokes in a row(dent)!
#ihavetorethinkmylife
Don’t worry, it’s gnaw(t) that bad
Those this mean that all the bad things Mel Gibson has done for the past couple of years has been footage for this movie? I’m Still BeavHere?
Beaverheart.
Mad Max 2: Beyond Thunderdam
“I’ve got my fist in a beaver! Also, jews.”
– Love, Mel
Dammit!!! I left out the word ‘in’!!!!!
Not only is it Loaded, but it’s also Lethal.
ours should be a collector’s series
“I have a photo of Whoopi Goldberg’s children in my beaver.”
“Puppets are the only way people will accept my backwards world views”
-Jeff Dunham
I think you mean back-woods
I was going to make a joke about Mel playing Jimmie McMillan but then realized how racist that would have been…
I realized it was missing something. I’ll stop now.
Can you believe how badly I muffed my career?
Too much?
Too little?
I can help.
More people would see the movie if this were the poster.
Hello,
This man is trying to resurrect his career by doing a quirky comedy in hopes we won’t notice he is hateful scum. Also, beaver pun here. Avoid him, and the creepy puppet.
To the discount DVD bin with you!
[IMG]http://i56.tinypic.com/2hwk028.jpg[/IMG]
haha THANK YOU, SHELLBOMBER- i’m retarded
Post just the image’s web address.
I shur do! Garp it up!
AHHHHHHHH! this just made my day.
you crazy for this one KajusX
those butts are side-pooping
Oooooops. Turn them butts around!
[IMG]http://i53.tinypic.com/28s2eyx.jpg[/IMG]
You can’t say I didn’t try
Steve Carrell’s reaction to this poster:
Steve Carrell is speechless.
I got you.
[img]“http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k312/sammythe2nd/gifs/mscott.gif”[/img]
#postinggifsfail
whatevs
Just the URL, no need for the [img] tags.
Thanks for the help guys.
Upvotes for all!
Having both the .gifs synchronized right above each other is the anti-this poster
i’m seeing nothing but white space….it appears you have bleached your comments.
Or made them the kind of comments Mel would allow into his house.
Umm…
Now we’re doing it right.
Comingsoon.net takes on a whole new meaning.
I tried to resist (TWSS).
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=169lyjq&s=7
Ok i give up, thanks lilbobby for fixing my last one. Technology has betrayed me.
No don’t give up! I like yours! You just gotta use the “Direct link for Layouts” one
On the left hand side of the page you linked, there will be a list of codes– just copy the last one and paste in your comment
I again appeal to Gabe for a Preview button so people figuring out how to post photos don’t have to be embarrassed by repeatedly posting different links until one works. (I’m talking about me Crindy, don’t be sad.)
I don’t see how Gabe can stay so mad at a guy who was just superb in “What Women Want.”
(The beaver has a small heart for compromising his morals and allowing himself to become a puppet of the Hollywood elite. Mel Gibz, on the other hand, most likely has a swastika where that organ should be)
Thanks Butterpranks, I am no a fully functioning monster!
*now
Yay! High five!
I see what you did there.
Why are the words upside down? Why Kajusx & Chainsaws? Why?
Because he’s stupid.
Alternate response:
What? It’s upside down?! DAMN my paroxysmal positional dyslexia! (not a real thing)
Or:
dang, didn’t copy right….
http://c0013534.cdn1.cloudfiles.rackspacecloud.com/x2_346196b
thank you
I loled but then felt terrible
“http://blingee.com/blingee/view/118256447-mel-and-beaver” target=”_blank” title=”mel and beaver”><img alt="mel and beaver" border="0" height="400" src="http://image.blingee.com/images18/content/output/000/000/000/70c/668829277_867058.gif"
FTFY:
Aw, you made me sad! Poor Alanis.
I’m actually fine with having that beaver replace Mel Gibson.
This is fantastic.
“Come see this laugh-out-loud, yet heart warming family film about a man who can only speak through a puppet or by screaming into a phone, because of his tragic battle with tourette’s syndome, BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT!”
mel caught a bad rap. he’s been trying to be ironic this whole time. see?
I don’t think Jimmy Smits did, either.
this is just too damn perfect–you have all my upvotes for eternity
There’s no way this guy has 20′s in his wallet.
1. He is ridiculously rich, and pays people salaries to buy him things, so he doesn’t need to carry cash.
2. There is not enough room in his wallet for 20′s, since there are so many pictures of black people.
3. His hispanic maid would just steal them all, or the jews would force him to pay them for something (they need to fund all of the world’s wars).
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=33119931&id=21102100
Can someone please Photoshop Danny Glover’s head on top of the Beaver’s head, and in the note card type “I’m getting too old for this shit!!!” as a reference to that classic scene in Lethal Weapon 1 (or was it 2? I forget). I would do it but I’m at work right now. Thanks so much!
“Your ass is mine Gibson.”
http://www.davecoulier.tv/forum/picture.php?albumid=2&pictureid=100
take 2
ahhhhh! sorry stephen k, didn’t see u there!
http://www.allthatknowhim.org
ughhhh… *that* guy…
From Mel down a beaver hole
http://www.flickr.com/photos/55523409@N02/5147175808/#/photos/55523409@N02/5147175808/lightbox/
[IMG]http://i53.tinypic.com/2rnetqv.jpg[/IMG]
I don’t get this. Sorry.
No IMG tags.
Wow, two replies so now it’s this picture times a million!
shit let me try this again…
I´m positive there´s an amazing “…in bed” joke in here somewhere.
I’m not really saying anything, I guess. I just figured Mel Gibson watches Tim & Eric.