Photos
Yiiiiiikes. Hey, even assholes love their families and don’t want to see their friends in danger and have experienced genuine racism in their lives. And even assholes feel that they have a very firm grasp on what is right and what is wrong, and that grasp doesn’t seem malicious or harmful to them in the least, it feels obvious, the way anyone’s belief in what is right and what is wrong stems from some deeply entrenched confidence in its inherent truth. Doesn’t make them not assholes. And make no mistake, these guys are all assholes. Every last one of them. GO TO BED, ASSHOLES. IT IS YOUR NAPTIME. Should have rested your case, but now you must rest your head. (Via Amil.)
 |
 |
This has been very thought provoking. Thank you, intelligent Christians.
I know we all know this, but for the record I would like to say that most Christians are not like this. Most that I know are thoughtful and caring people who do not spend their time thinking up ways that homosexuality is wrong.
The spirit moved me to say this.
But they DO spend a lot of time excusing their team. Even the intelligent ones.
The fact that they felt the need to amend “Christians” with “intelligent” says it all. Also: Do intelligent Christians listen to IDM? Asking for a friend. #boardsofcanada
No, we listen to ICP dummy.
What are these alternative lifestyle activities? Sharing a juice box with another guy?
Maybe taking a picture with another guy? Snacking? I’m out of ideas.
Snacking
Did not hit refresh – working a job and posting a post does not mix.
You wanna help me learn to tie my shoes later? Maybe throw around a bouncy ball?
I counted 43 lies and 12 assholes. What did you guys come up with?
We were supposed to be taking notes? I just drew a picture of that dude with devil horns and also spongebob
I wanna upvote the hell out of this, but my ancient computer isn’t displaying the upvote / downvote symbols! Here’s some silverpimp brownie points instead.
+2 silverpimp brownie points!
Hooray! I was hoping someone would post this pic. CoD, u r the greatest.
“Let’s just say that I’m bisexual and I want to marry a man and a woman at the same time, maybe after a few drinks and we’re all feeling good and go back to my place and the tension is through-the-roof and you know everybody’s thinking the same thing but no one wants to say it so you just put your hand on his leg after laughing at a joke and just kinda leave it there while she’s starting to lean on your shoulder… I mean, is that right? Is it? Where do you draw the line? Seriously, I want to know.”
He is right. We have to draw a line. No marriages for anyone.
Doug Stanhope had a bit about marriage being discriminatory to the “unmarriable”… People who are either too ugly, too repulsive, or too much of an asshole by nature to be able to find a mate.
If marriage is nothing but a legal contract between two people, any two people should be able to sign that partnership contract.
If marriage is all about the religious bond and being married in the eyes of Captain Awesome In The Sky, then the law should have no part of it, it should be like becoming a deacon in your church; a private matter.
The problem is we’ve got the two all muddled up. If religious marriage is enforceable by law, then adultery should be punishable by law. A woman in Iran is being put to death for adultery this week, but we’re civilized here; I say 10 years hard time in jail is enough to re-think your sins.
Any takers?
these guys agree:
If a man is allowed to marry a women, what’s to stop him from marrying 5 women?
This guy knows what I am talking about.
“marry a woman,” grammatically, but I think my error helps prove my point.
I remember when I was 8 years old and one day on daily chores list was “Choose whether to be gay or not.” Oh wait, no I don’t. Fuck these guys.
I definitely remember being sent into the boys’ bathroom and/or forced to participate in “alternative lifestyle activities” like, um, playing baseball instead of jumping rope and then being told to lie to my parents about it.
I remember one day in the girls’ bathroom me and my eight-year-old friends trading our Lip Smackers and wondering if we could marry each other, because boys were so annoying and gross and we were all so great. “Can girls marry girls?” someone asked, but no one knew! If only we’d had mandatory Homosexuality Indoctrination class, I might have a wife called Sara(h) and a house full of American Girl dolls.
I found the part about children being forced to participate in homosexual activities against their parents’ will to be very informative. They’re referring to the mandatory classes that teach how to do gay sex, right?
What if a man with one ear gauge… wants to get another ear gouge? Just because he loves ear gouges doesn’t mean it’s RIGHT!
That gauge/gouge error was really gauche.
Typical Susie.
This is why I warned Calvin about you.
I never wanted to join your stupid club anyway!
(Let me know if you decide to wear those jams again.)
Wow. Just wow. These assholes are so heavily invested in ‘the Ride’ it’s just sad. So very, very sad.
Bill, take it away-
The world is like a ride at an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it, you think it’s real, because that’s how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round and it has thrills and chills and it’s very brightly colored and it’s very loud. And it’s fun, for a while.
Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: ‘Is this real? Or is this just a ride?’ And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and they say ‘Hey! Don’t worry, don’t be afraid – ever – because… this is just a ride.’ And we kill those people.
‘Shut him up! We have a lot invested in this ride! Shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry; look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.’
It’s just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that – ever notice that? – and we let the demons run amok. But it doesn’t matter, because… it’s just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It’s only a choice. No effort. No worry. No job. No savings and money. Just a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy bigger guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.
Here’s what we can do to change the world, right now, into a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defense each year and, instead, spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would do many times over – not one human being excluded – and we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever. In peace.
*sniff* Miss you, Bill.
Just as I’m about to reply to these assholes, they get sucked back into that weird offscreen vortex from whence they came. Come back, assholes! I have retorts!
Now that you said that, they’re much more hemorrhoid and less asshole, don’t you think?
hah, great minds…
Don’t get too close – the vortex is where they go to collect their thoughts. You don’t want to go with them.
The shrinking special effect is totally adding to the validity of their arguments, yo.
Also, how they don’t know the difference between loving someone and being in love with them… or is it that they genuinely fancy their siblings? Their cousins are just too damn attractive!
Each one of these people wants to have grown-up love for their families. They just know that it’s WRONG and that’s the only thing keeping them from doing it.
The shrinking effect is supposed to portray what’s happening to their brain cells, after generations of in-breeding.
I was successfully counselled out of being both black AND gay.
Ws this comment on hold for a spell? I saw it earlier and when i went to upvote it I got an alert that said “This comment does not exist!” Then I tried to upvote it again, got the same message, and then the comment VANISHED before my eyes.
“Whoa,” I thought. “I hope that comment makes it out ok.”
*upvoted*
Not that I know of, but thanks sexy Adam West as Batman about to murder Jon Hamm. I’ll take it!
And fake?
Am I the only person that when the question of ‘should 5 men be allowed to get married?’ responded with: Why not? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE?
yes
…no
Really? Not to be all seriousgum, but if 5 people want to be married to each other, and they are all consenting, healthy, and happy, what the hell is the difference? It’s not like marriage is some giant Katamari ball that absorbs innocent bystanders and you’re gonna accidentally end up married to a house and a baseball field. Sure if there’s some sort of abuse it’s a bad thing, but then we have a problem with abuse, not with marriage!
I’m not sure why everyone want’s to be up in everyone’s sex business all the time.
Oh man, I wish marriage was somehow more like Katamari.
Officiating this union is the reverend Hoshino
Agreed. Although I must say, I tried a similar argument before, and neither of my wives was going for it. To each his own, I suppose.
I love Katamari, and I love this comment.
If I ever get married, I want to roll a Katamari ball up the aisle with all of my spouses somehow attached. It will be a beautiful ceremony, I’m sure.
Nuptial Star, 7m
Just for the sake of a straight (or gay, it’s your call) answer to your question. You are not alone, Notsewfast. Marriage is an ownership/property-based arrangement; a consolidation of wealth and resources (as well as deciding you can stand and love this person until one of you drops DEAD). There’s no real reason why people shouldn’t be able to decide to make that sort of commitment outside of other people (who DON’T MATTER if you’re not harming their well-being) find it gross, unusual or weird.
If the assholes in the video truly grasped the concepts of humanity and tolerance, they would get that too.
WhOOPS. I meant-
“there’s no real reason why people shouldn’t be able to decide to make that sort of commitment, NO MATTER what other people find to be gross, unusual or weird.”
(My parenthetical statement derailed that sentence)
You guys, I think you are all missing the big picture: There is only one way I imagined the world when I was 12, and that is the way it has to be. For everyone. Forever. End of story.
There, now was that so hard?
Bastian?
One legit argument against polygamy would be the crazy legal ramurpercussions. What if 2 of the 5 want a divorce, how do you split up there stuff … and what kind of benefits do the 4 guys get (as opposed to most marriages where the benefits go to a single spouse). It would be legally trickier than gay marriage (which makes it a very silly slipery slope argument, just like beastiality since animals don’t have the same rights as people, which is basically what marriage is about, spousal rights, etc).
I guess the intelligent part was bringing up incest (although they also brought up polygamy) since that is at least arguably similar. Although, if both family members were adults (instead of one adult with an underage child who can’t consent) the biggest issue is offspring. But, marriage doesn’t equal offspring (nor does lack of marriage prevent it), so while squicky, incest is probably something that could be up for debate. Of course, that’s something they should be able to be in favor for as both Adam/Eve and Noah require that we all be descended from two people and/or one man’s family, which requires rampant incest. And hey, some places are ok with incest as long as it isn’t directly adjacent (parents/children/siblings, but in-laws and cousins are fine).
Re: allocation of assets on dissolution of polygamous marriage, I’m not sure exactly what the problem is. Sure, you might not be able to work it out on the back of a napkin, but most divorces are like that too.
If you’ll pardon my Australiagum, I think the approach in my state for partnerships with combined assets under around fifteen million dollars would be to total up the applicable assets of the marriage, divide the partners up into teams or singles who intend to stay together, and then assess each team on their contributions (financial and domestic) to the marriage (which would then be adjusted for post separation factors such as difficulty re-entering the workforce or burden of care for children).
As this is unlikely to make for riveting reality television, perhaps it could be converted into a lively team sport along the lines of American Gladiators, with the groups buying assets out of the common pool with their contribution amount and fighting in the ring of honor to determine who gets “first dibs”.
Stop complaining and do your counseling, The Gays!
Good news guys! Counseling away your gayness works! Just ask the Ascot guy!
?
no. fred wears a kerchief.
They may be assholes, but they bring up a good point. Why can’t i marry my mom? I LOVE MY MOM!
My biggest problem with these reasons (besides they are dumb and wrong and dumb) are that I feel like we’re stuck in 2008-land. Find new reasons to hate gay people!
Oh, I took notes, you better believe it:
“So when a little boy decides to change his gender that day, he can go into the girl’s bathroom.”
-Dumb lady
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!? She said it with such sincerity, it was like he was walking into the operating room IN THE GIRL’S BATHROOM. Fuck you.
“I get offended when people compare my ethnicity to the way that people act when they’re gay. I was born this way- nobody can change that…now, people who are gay go through counseling all the time, and through that counseling, they get results- I CAN’T BE COUNSELED OUT OF MY BLACKNESS!”
-Dumb lady #2, having never met Larry Craig or Ted Haggard in a men’s room…she can’t be counseled out of her blackness, so DON’T TRY!!!
…followed by sassy dumb lady #3 with hand on her hip…
…no homo.
Oh Bing, you know I can’t choose!
See! Bing gives us a choice! All praise be to Bing!
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Sometimes I feel really bad for Christians who aren’t horrible nightmare assholes with hearts as cold as ice.
Whoops. Don’t know why that was a reply to you, but now that I have your attention, a simple “she’s pretty” would have sufficed.
I wouldn’t mind getting lost while gazing into her beautiful bright eyes. **Sighs**
I agree. We have a thing called Videogum etiquette around here.
woops!
She looks like she’s truly enjoying the blessings of monogamy.
I gather he’s a nevernude.
Not as pretty as 2:36.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
I accidentally upvoted this…….ack!!
If these are intelligent Christians, I’d hate to see the unintelligent ones.
Fake and just-needs-some-counseling
“They should pay you a hero’s wage”
“We’re doing all we can, but I’m not Jesus Christ. I’ve come to accept that now”
Get a room, you assholes (the assholes, not my fellow monsters). And once you’re in it? READ A FUCKING BOOK. Maybe even try reading that gideon’s Bible. REALLY get in there. Comb through that fucker. Then, once you feel that you can actually CITE SOMETHING, come back out and we’ll talk.
P.S. It’s fun to refer to a Bible as a ‘fucker.’ “Open your fuckers to Genesis: Stardate 16:42.”
“Stop trying to confuse me with your liberal biblicisms.
Let’s go toe to toe on the Bible BITCH!” -Mac, IASIP
“Why are you jamming me up, bro?!”
I have another idea:
1. Get a room.
2. Fill it with gays.
3. Shove these idiots in there with them.
4. Watch what happens* from a two-way mirroor.
*Spoiler Alert: They have civil discussions about how society evolves to reflect the changing morals and values of the majority.
Marry me.
If I’m already engaged to Huckabeast, but really want to marry you too, can I do that? Can I?
Ooooooooooh. I kind of meant it as a goof-around, Arrested Development-stye. I should have considered the fact that we’re commenting on a thread about marriage. Boy, do I have egg on my face.
Important final step?:
5. Profit!
You have no idea what you’re talking about. Me, my half-sister wife, my slaves and my concubines all disagree with you.
“What if I love one woman, but I can’t marry her unless I marry her sister first, so I marry them both and have children by them both and then also have children by their slave-girls, given to my by my wives? Can I do that?” –Jacob
“If I want to not have a home or a job and hang out all the time with twelve guy friends drinking home-made wine and helping other people out, all the while not getting married or really hanging out with many women but my mom, can’t I do that. Should Caesar have to accept my alternate lifestyle?” –Jesus
If you ever want to see a homophobic Christian vomit uncontrollably, just tell them that Jesus was gay.
Jesus has a foot fetish. He touched all of his guys’ feets. He was a kinky guy.
Sure… it was to teach a lesson about humility but still…
Mans, you’re forgetting — Jesus banged the ‘ho right out of Mary Magdalene. Sheesh, read your Da Vinci Code once in a while.
well, his mom and a prostitute.
Every word in this post is an upvote.
The whole choice argument is bizarre to me. Gay people choose to be gay so that they can be ridiculed, ostracized, and discriminated against? Are they just really bad choosers?
It’s because Gay people Hate Jesus. DUH. You have to cuddle them back to the Lord.
Gay people choose to live out in the open where they are “ridiculed, ostracized, and discriminated against” which goes to show how much it’s NOT a choice for them to be gay in the first place.
It seems kind of tactically dangerous too – if we can vilify people just because they make counsel-able choices (what on earth), does that mean I can whale on homophobic Christians until they stop sticking their noses into other people’s business? I mean, Christianity is a choice too, right?
so marriage is ok only between a man and a woman?
that does not rule out me marrying my mom or sister. line NOT drawn. Ya BURNT.
also, “So, you want to bring Jesus into this?”
NO. Only YOU do.
They’re not good at drawing lines, which is why they only read coloring books.
I’d like to bring Jesus into this. As a potential husband! “Honey, I forgot to go grocery shopping. Can you change some water into milk for my Cheerios? Love ya, babe.”
I noticed the shrug there… “oh, fine, JEsus, we’ll talk about him if you like… ” that lovable ol’ hippie doesn’t seem to get brought up much these days. Ever notice that Old Testament God is much hotter with them Tea Party kids?
“Listen guys, I’m really not comfortable with this kind of attention. Why don’t you go bug Buddha or something?” – Jesus
More like T & A WITH HOT CHRISTIANS, AMIRITE?!
I was thinking “Where do they FIND these people?!!” And then I realized that they appear from and disappear into a tiny magic lamp, just below the camera.
I do know the real answer: Intelligent Christians come from Intelligent Design (of church dogma indoctrination class curriculum materials).
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
ugh.
I realize that the people in this video are all morons and jerks, but can we cut it out with the forced sex jokes already?
Wow, i don’t have a witty comment for this or anything; it’s just disgusting, horrifying, completely awful… I just sat there with my mouth wide open the whole time.
…(no homo.)
Youtube User: OnKneesforJesus?
TWSS
I know right? That’s what I think of Nuns- I’m no Catholic so I could be wrong but aren’t they supposed to be “married” to Jesus? And they have the idea of that beautiful Aryan Jesus in the back their head right? That’s what I figure. Maybe I’m not being fair to Nuns, sorry Nuns!
I bet some nights they picture Jesus like this:
I know I do.
SAVE ME, BEEF SUPREME!!!
Nuh UH, Christians! Get back to gnashin’ your teeth!
Today I heard my mom on the phone with my 80 something grandma (who lives in the deep south)talking about how they don’t understand why anyone cares about homosexual marriage and let em do it and adopt babies. So I was like YAY for my awesome grandma and mom but now I’m like boo for these people.
obviously the girl who says she can’t change her blackness never saw Michael Jackson
or a Wayans Bros movie
Hey, did you guys know the word love doesn’t mean the same thing in every situation? What they are referencing is familial love, the love you have for your families. There is also romantic love, which as the repressed fucks they are, fail to mention any sexual attraction or otherwise involved in that. I’m sure there’s a whole range of love. ANYWAY, they don’t know shit of theology, or history. Which is obvious. Assholes don’t know nothin bout nothin.
My thoughts exactly, as soon as the guy was like “I’m in love with my family!” He is either extremely disingenuous for the sake of a bad point, or he is totally fucking dense. But hey, I might be wrong. He might be both disingenuous AND dense. /openmindedgum
tl;dr: “Why can’t I marry my mom? Because I don’t want to have SEX with her, that’s why.”
The first guy in that video is not. gay. at. all.
Not gonna lie. I’m a little bummed to find out Doug hates the gays.
it’s only cuz his dad is really open and accepting of them
I really tried to formulate some sort of amusing and or thoughtful response, but it’s not happening. This shit just makes tired and frustrated.
My biggest question is why same sex marriage matters to people who have no interest in marrying someone of the same sex?! Having to acknowledge same sex marriage does not mean that you are being oppressed, assholes! Go away!
Same sex marriage matters to people who have no interest in marrying someone of the same sex because then they can feel like they are better than other people simply by existing, as opposed to challenging or improving themselves in any goddamn way.
“WE’RE SO LAZY.”- bigots, all the time
I get it now. It turns out there is a difference between love and being in love, and marriage stems from the latter. I wish someone would have cleared this up earlier, as I have already mailed out the invitations.
Can I come? I’ll bring my date, The Perfect Chemistry of the Cast of Firefly.
I don’t need some rockstar coolguy telling me that I can’t marry my dads, okay 30 seconds from mars?
I can’t wait for the video of the girl who puts on makeup so she looks just like the homophobic jerk who kind of looks like Jared Leto.
You know what, I’ll just leave this here, and let you do with it what you will! Mmkay?
crisstian angel here is mindfreaking us all for jesus
I don’t know. I didn’t really see anything wrong with the video. I mean, I didn’t actually listen to anything any of these people said. I just kept looking at them and thinking about how hip and young and just like me they all were. The girls were kinda cute in a way that’s not threatening to me. They seem so committed to what they are talking about. That one guy even had earrings! I can’t be sure that what they are selling is right or wrong or whatever, but I’m buying some!
what would marriage before marriage EVEN MEAN?
though little boys change their gender to use the girls bathroom all the time, so that’s true. little boys bem like, I’m not afraid of girls and do not think they have cooties.
Wait. I’m not gay, but I would TOTALLY marry four other dudes. That would be a fucking party!
lets review, comparing gay rights to civil rights = totally illogical
comparing homosexuality to incest = totally logical
I’m in love with all the people in this video? Can I marry them? Why are my pants tight?
Should I watch this? I’m really depressed tonight and need to get to sleep so am I right in assuming they’re all just saying stuff about how “it will destroy our society” and that it would be the same as marrying a dog? I’m asking this because the other day in the same circumstances, before I went to bed I put on an episode of NOVA about this town in Pennsylvania fighting against forcing teachers to say that evolution is “only a theory” and include Intelligent Design in their curriculum.
Needless to say I was up until 6:00 AM.
Don’t watch it. You know what they’re saying anyway, and it’s not like the quality of the production itself warrants wasting three minutes of your life on this bullshit.
If you can’t tell the difference between loving your sister and wanting to fuck your sister, well amigo, you’ve got bigger problems than finding a state wherein you can marry her.
As to polygamy: why not? Who cares if someone has multiple husbands or wives? Robert A. Heinlein wrote about these extended families with mutual agreements between them, a long time ago, and it only makes sense.
Lots of marriages end in divorce because someone cheats (says Prof. Marriage), and would it be a bad thing if that new attraction was instead brought into the marriage?
These “christians” in the video have got to be kidding. No one is really this stupid, right?
I apologize for the downvote. I meant to upvote you for that first line. Sorry…motor skills not quite working this morning.
Is this some sort of Human Rights Campaign reverse psychology tactic? The next questions should be “Should any two adults who have mutual spite for these assholes be able to get married?”
Even Christian hipster assholes can download a pirated copy of Final Cut Pro at their church to make the worlds most poorly cut out greenscreen, homophobic propaganda.
Little boys are like those frogs in Jurassic Park. Always swapping genders, causin’ trouble.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
why are you an openly anti-gay gay guy. maybe im confused and dont get the idea here, but please extrapolate ClownCoffee.
WTF? I assuming this is just a joke careening way past the mark….
If not, your problem seems easily solvable.
(I’M REFERRING TO SUICIDE)
#subtlety #hashtagsunchained
everyone in this video wants to commit incest.
Maybe they when they were babies learning about love and stuff they were too busy disapproving of other babies to learn the difference between liking somebody and being IN-like with somebody.
Actually that would make for a pretty sweet Muppet Babies episode. They still make Muppet Babies, right?
I love my dog, and he is not my sister, or my father, can i marry him. Please Specify.
When I see videos like this, I get so mad that I can’t think of any good arguments and all I say is, “what a smug cunt/dick.” But then I read all of the Vdeogum comments and shake my head up and down in aggreeance until it’s about to fall and feel just a little better that there are people who get just as mad about it as me and can actually say why.
Thank you, monsters, for saying everything I can’t say because I get too mad.
Griswold v. Connecticut (1965)
“We deal with a right of privacy older than the Bill of Rights — older than our political parties, older than our school system. Marriage is a coming together for better or for worse, hopefully enduring, and intimate to the degree of being sacred. It is an association that promotes a way of life, not causes; a harmony in living, not political faiths; a bilateral loyalty, not commercial or social projects. Yet it is an association for as noble a purpose as any involved in our prior decisions.”
That’s from the Supreme Court of the United States, not the Dur Court of United Be Wrong About Stuff. I feel like this should have all been put to bed years ago and people need to just shut up and stop being wrong about other people’s lives. Try and do something right in your own, leave other people alone, the world will be nicer.
PS – I just happened to be reading that… seriously
this is fake and gay, as in ACTUALLY fake (check out OnKneesForJesus’ other youtube uploads) and very much GAY (electric-cars-vince-vaughn-is-a-douchebag gay)
this doesn’t make up for the cunty things being said in the video though.