Photos
Give it up to the Internet this week, you guys, for really staying true to itself. A brand new trampoline accident AND fart news within 24 hours of each other? PINCH ME, I MUST BE WEBSURFING. (Up next: barf news!) Anyway, after the jump, a local news report about an 11-year-old boy, Christian Summers, who was sentenced to detention jail after “passing gas” on the school bus. This is why our detention system is overcrowded! Needless to say, it is VERY hilarious to listen to the “journalist” describe how Christian must now fart quietly lest he get in any more trouble. She probably stands by the mailbox everyday wondering if it doesn’t make sense for the Pulitzer Committee to just email award winners their prize notifications at this point, because the stress is really getting to her, but at least she’s safe in the knowledge that this is her year.
ALL THE FART NEWS THAT’S FIT TO FART! (Via BuzzFeed.)
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That stinks!
Your gif reminds me of this gif!
MST3K 4EVA!!!
I guess this kid’s nickname is Trumpy now.
I can only hope that he too can do stupid things.
Upvotes forever
Amen.
Aaannd….
*grumble westcoasttiming grumble*
“While the others scream he laughs” I think this kid is Jigsaw and we have bigger problems on our hands
Our detentions wouldn’t be so overpopulated if you commies would let us bring back the death penalty.
That opening shot? Just asking for it IN THE FACE
This really seems more like a punishment for the other kids in detention.
In 4th grade, my teacher kicked me out of class for yawning. “If you think I’m boring, you can leave!” She was a really good teacher. Totally taught me a lot, such as how to swallow my seething resentment of authoritarian bullshit, for which someday I will end up with as pleasant a personality as hers.
That is all.
I kicked a kid out last week for putting his head down on his desk while I was lecturing. I told him to run, not walk, run to the Dean of Discipline and ask him to please give him a detention.
#assholeteachersunite
That said, I teach high schoolers so kicking a 9-year-old out of class for yawning is, admittedly, kind of a douche move.
Yeah, sorry, Teach, but (20 years later I still contend that) she was totally in the wrong on this one. I teach (grown-ups!) and I get so fucking frustrated when they zone on me, so I understand your problem. But I wasn’t zoning. I was actually legitimately yawning. My memory of grade school is a neverending string of situations where my body needed something and was not allowed to have it. Bitter? Me? Not actually, I just have a very clear memory of how much it sucked to have so little power over my own movements (aaaand THERE’s the fart joke).
I didn’t get kicked out of class, but I did get a note sent home with me in third grade that was like, YOUR DAUGHTER FALLS ASLEEP IN CLASS EVERY DAY. I just fucking love sleeping, what can I say?
Being interviewed on the local news about your farts is hands down the best thing that can happen to an 11-year-old boy.
Also, that’s your local news.
That kid is totally getting laid now.
That One, that IS my local news. Cleveland, stand up.
After months of lurking, I just signed up and am making my first comment to say that I upvoted your comment (It’s That Good).
I came back on here just to upvote you. Been so long I forgot what my avatar is. Hope it’s not too embarrassing.
If this punishment happened to me I would not take it sitting on my hands.
omg noooooo the headline is supposed to be BREAKING WIND NEWS
a rare miss
Oops.
Great fartjoke minds fartjoke alike.
The whole news team should get detention for this piece.
The number of adults involved in making this appear on people’s televisions is actually staggering.
1 Reporter
1 Cameraman
2 Parents
1 Producer
1 Editor
1 Sound guy
1 Video editor
1 Superintendent
All the other people that are involved in making news shows happen! Make-up people, teleprompter people, all these people were like “Yup, sign me up for this journalistic jewel of a piece about a 5th grader farting on a bus!”
I mean, seriously, think about how much money the station could have earned by just airing commercials for 1:46 instead of this.
Let me edit that list for you, as a broadcast journalism student:
1 One-man-band reporter.
1 Producer who told the reporter “Do it and keep your job”
Parents, subjects, etc.
That aside i don’t know what they were thinking, and they should all lose their jobs so the market is open when i graduate spring 2012. And i guarantee a fart story didn’t drive people away from the channel.
I love Fartgum!
That sounds like the worst flavor of gum!
You get it from the sweets trolley on the Hogwarts Express. It makes really hilarious sounds when you chew it.
More like breaking *wind* news, amirite?
Only a teacher knows the unique pain of knowing, without question, that a kid is ripping ass in class on purpose to drive everyone crazy, and being helpless to call him out because teachers should never, never embarrass anyone. Not even when they are DEFINITELY FARTING ON PURPOSE.
True story (about which I am obviously not bitter at all.)
I was going to say the same thing, but from being that student once. Oh, the indiscretions of youth.
You should just make a general announcement like, “I’m just going to put this bathroom pass on the corner of the desk and if you need it, you can grab it and run to the bathroom.”
Also, I think that kid’s ultimate punishment will be just straight shitting his pants. You can’t intentionally fart that much without accidentally sharting eventually.
How does someone fart on purpose? That’s like a superpower.
Wonder what the iguana thinks of all of this.
excellent! iguana farts are so much funnier than 11 year old boy farts.
Detention for gas? What have we become the U.S.S.Fart?
…Dad? What are you doing here?
I want to know why this iguana was on the bus in the first place.
“Tonight at eleven: milk, milk, lemonade, but do we really know where the fudge is made? What you need to know. And are beans really the magical fruit? Some say they are not a fruit at all. Our special report, tonight after the game.”
Coming up first, an exclusive: the judgment has been announced in the case of Smelt It v. Dealt It.
Mans litigated that. I clerked.
Litigated it, shit-afflated it!
Clerked it, squirked it!
I’ll show myself out.
OH SO FUNNY…….still laughing and my eyes are watering over this…..so good
This kid’s dad is awesome.
Thank you! (Because he is also my dad, and your dad, and all of our dads).
“Beware of all enterprises that require a new set of clothes.” -Henry David Thoreau
I think it’s pretty obvious what he’s talking about here.
“Who farted!? I’ll turn this damn bus around! That’ll end your precious field trip pretty damn quick, huh!? Little shit!”
Guys, I just connected the dots and realized this news story is from my city of Cleveland. Trust me, kids from Parma need to be given detention or suspension for any and every reason possible.
When an 11-year-old farts? Gets detention. When R2D2, Esq. farts? Get his own office.
I thought it was funny.
The streak continues. Day 2 with a cold, and I’m coming up blank here. Farts are never not funny, I don’t have to do much here. *shot of DayQuil* Ahhhhh, alright, here goes DSN. Let’s do this!…
After being put in detention, I’m sure his classmates thought it was a GAS.
*sigh* I’ll see myself out…
No, stay! I’m loving the totally SICK comments you’ve been dropping on us.
If you rearrange the letters in 11 YEAR OLDS PLAYING WOLRD OF WARCRAFT you get:
11 YEAR OLDS HAVE ENOUGH ISSUES DEALING WITH FARTS WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT BECOMING THE GUY IN THE RED SHIRT SOME DAY
This is ridiculous! Why is everyone making such a STINK about this? (sorry I couldn’t hold it)
I was in 8th grade with a kid who got sent to principal’s office for farting in class. I still remember the speech the teacher gave before she shamed him and told him to leave. She said, “That is rude, crude, tasteless, and totally disgusting. And I do believe a pink slip violation.”
“second offense!” I commend the kid for farting with such discretion previously!
This earns me down votes in real life: I don’t always think farts are funny. There. I said it.
Me too! My boyfriend once commented that he thinks I enjoy fart jokes more than any other human. It may be true. I will ALWAYS laugh.
My attitude towards farts probably has to do with my boyfriend being the fartingest man I’ve ever met. One year, he asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said for him to never fart in front of me again. He said, “No deal. Pick something else.”
I guess that’s sort of fair, though really … you don’t even think they’re funny after the air has cleared? I mean, they obviously don’t offend you that much if you’re still with such a farty dude.
It’s funny when I’m not the victim.
Oh wait, I can’t read. You don’t always think farts are funny? That kind of blows my mind.
Sir or Madam, I respectfully disagree.
I know, fart jokes aren’t funny. A good joke is one that builds up as it progresses. There are times when the joke teller may want to release the punch-line, but he can’t, he has to hold it in until the right time arrives. Then finally, the relief and happiness you feel after releasing a funny punch-line cannot be equated to any other experience. I know, fart jokes aren’t funny.
People who want to harshly punish farters are closeted farters themselves in most cases. That’s why their clothes always smell like farts. It’s hard to clear the air in a closet.
(I thought about writing a long farty version of a George Alan Rekers speech, but decided to let my rent boy do it for me later.)
I prefer to fart with strangers in airport bathrooms.
Here is the thing: we are all farters (EVEN GIRLS). No closet about it. But if you are in a closet, and feel a pressing need, please do evacuate (heh heh) for your own comfort and get out in the fresh wind. (Am I doing this right?)
PS: Gabe Liedman has a very funny bit about going on a first date when he had just begun a “healthy” diet. The date goes well and I bet you can extrapolate (ex-crap-olate?) the rest. Many lols.
Okay, but, can we all agree on one thing? Girls don’t poop.
- The 21 Year Old College Student
“We called the school and the district for comment, but they passed on our request.” — your future Pulitzer Prize-winning girlfriend
Listen, I went to an all-male high school where a sizable portion of the class had an insane obsession with farting as loudly and as often as possible. Then they would laugh devilishly and high-five. And it wasn’t all just natural reactions. This one kid actually taught people in class how to fart by leaning down on your desk and spreading your cheeks. Sadly, I am not even remotely exaggerating. Four years I dealt with this. So, in summation, fuck this kid.
Shouldn’t have let the kids redesign the state flag then!
Favortie Fart Joke:
“You’re so poor, you have to cut the cheese to make nachos”
Ahh, just typing it makes me laugh.
BREAKING FART NEWS: 11-Year-Old Overdoses on beano and gas-x
p.s. farts are hillarious.
http://www.gifsoup.com/view/36385/laughing-baby.html
-_-
fuck.
Post as a straight up link, making sure it ends with .jpg or .gif.
Thats great parenting right there.
“I’m not happy with my child being disciplined. First stop the local news, next stop Washington!”
Poor Christian. I say the kid got a ‘bum’ rap.
http://thefartdiaries.wordpress.com