Photos
Let’s be honest: Twitter games are the laziest games. Oh, they’re fun! (Sort of?) They’re so easy to play, and you can play them at work and when your boss walks by you’re like “nothing, SPREADSHEETS!” But they are so simplistic and repetitive. Moreover, no matter how clever your entry in the game may be, someone else has always inevitably made the same joke, which is very frustrating to Pro Gamerz like us. Obviously, having said all of that, I’m really looking forward to whatever Twitter game we play together next week! But it IS nice to be challenged, and today’s game is definitely a little more challenging. Intended for mature audiences! Anyway, the inspiration comes from this DVR description for the classic children’s film, The Dark Crystal, which provides the following synopsis: “Examining the effect of crystal meth on two communities, and how residents are taking action to save their youth.” Haha. Close! And so:
- • Space Jam: When a meteoroid crashes to Earth containing a mysterious jar of delicious tasting jam, everyone wants to try it, not realizing the jam contains a dangerous neuro-toxin!
• Deep Impact: A young woman’s erotic journey from Milan to Minsk has a profound effect on her. The movie’s title is also a double entendre!
• Kramer Vs. Kramer: FBI forensic detective Vince Kramer must stop a serial murderer who goes by the letter “K” in this game of cat and mouse.
• All Dogs Go To Heaven: A mysterious virus kills all the dogs. Dustin Hoffman stars.
• Mystic Pizza: The Miami police call upon the services of a pizza that can communicate with the after-life to solve cold cases.
It’s funny how I talked about how stupid Twitter games were and somehow pretended like that meant this game that is so stupid was somehow not stupid. Good luck! (Image via EpicPonyz.)
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Jackass 3-D: Come see this glorious beast of burden in state-of-the-art 3-D.
Predators: A documentary about the adult members of NAMBLA
Blade Runner: A competitive skater is pushed to his limits when he is invited to join the olympic skating team.
Blade Runner: A competitive skater is pushed to his limits when he is invited to join the Olympic track team!
Blade Runner: A young woman is hired by a wealthy woman to deliver knives on foot.
Blade Runner: The hot new IT guy at a powerful law firm discovers that the partners are illegally smuggling long, rectangular rugs.
No? Okay fine.
Blade Runner: Marathon champ battles cocaine addiction.
Sling Blade: A young man encounters many obstacles in an attempt make Knife Slinging an olympic sport.
Inception: Baby-making 101
Can’t wait for the sequel….
Look Who’s Incepting Too!: Baby making 201.
Ooo, I smell a franchise!
Advanced Inception in Later Years: Baby Making 401
I could star in this flick, you guys. We just had our 3rd baby last week, so I’m an expert. By the way, she is beautiful!
Congratulations!
Thanks. And I just realized what a gross way this is to announce the birth of my child. So, sorry, Monsters. Sorrier, child.
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never – when a gifted infant struggles to the top of the music industry and gets to be #1 on his own.
More like:
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never: Divorced puppeteer discovers portal inside the brain of the 16-year old singing sensation, realises that he can grant his estranged three-year old daughter’s dreams come true of wishing Bieber was in her family.
Easy A- A harrowing look at cheating in public schools
Sleepless in Seattle: An industrial worker who hasn’t slept in a year begins to doubt his own sanity. Christian Bale stars.
Sleepless in Seattle: A man in Boston falls asleep early on a Tuesday night and does not wake until morning.
“Poorly titled!” raves the Christian Science Monitor
Sleepless in Seattle: A young man in Washington state who suffers from insomnia spends his days and nights reading and commenting on a blog called Videogum.
Moonstruck: The moon falls on a guy.
Little Miss Sunshine: The sequel–the sun falls on a girl.
Dogma–a movie exploring the special bond between a mother and her dog.
There Will Be Blood: There will be blood.
Batman Begins: It’s just the “beginning” of the hilarious adventures of this batboy on a minor league team of struggling losers!
Jurassic Park: A documentary on a 4-acre plot of land in central Indiana that has laid untouched for the past 200 million years.
The Dark Knight: A Bobby Fischer biopic.
best best best
Some men just want to watch the world rook to queen’s pawn.
Star Wars: Hollywood’s usual competition and bickering devolves into sectarian violence and brutal power struggles between some of today’s hottest celebrities!
The Dark Knight: Heath Ledger stars in this anachronistic tale as a star-crossed lover during a lunar eclipse.
Black Snake Moan: A rare species of constrictor snakes that cry when distressed is discovered and examined.
Black Snake Moan: Blah blah blah porn.
Aliens: A documentary that follows 3 families of illegal aliens, trying to remain hidden and stay in the US in order to make their children’s life better.
Titanic: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire
Big Fish: Just a really big fucking fish. For two hours.
I’d have preferred that.
Glad i’m not the only one.
I weep like a baby to that damn movie. I have a dead parent…so…go me?
go you. go spalding gray. but the movie? ahh, not so much.
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: Newly-evangelised Scottish Christian goes around the world, setting it it rights.
*to rights. FFS.
Dirty Dozen (1967): Hijinks ensue when a halfway house for habitual sex offenders comes to the neighborhood! Starring: Lindsay Lohan, Jaden Smith, Bobcat Goldthwait, John Candy.
Avatar: Teen goes insane after his mother takes away his World of Warcraft game, sodomizes entire town with a remote control. (Adult situations, language)
Very funny. Very comment.
They should make a movie about this post and call it As Good As It Gets.
As Good As It Gets: Monsters trade bon mots on a mid level pop culture blog. (R, language, Steve Winwood)
The Game: Wednesday Evenings on Videogum
Zodiac: A new animated movie starring all of the animals of the zodiac, what happens when the astrological animals come in and wreck their home, well the zodiac animals have to take it back.
Goodfellas: Just a bunch of good fellas.
True story: I had no idea Goodfellas was a mobster movie when it first came out and when my friends talked about wanting to go see it I scoffed at the thought of us going to see a feel good family movie about some good fellas. I shit you not.
on that note: Deliverance: a movie about four guys having a fun bonding trip that in no way ends with tragedy and scarred audiences, and is not in any way shape or form a terrible party movie.
in other words deliverance is your movie
on that note part deux: Life Is Beautiful: a movie about the beauty of life, set in Europe, that in no way ends with tragedy and scarred audiences, and is not in any way shape or form a terrible party movie.
Well, the other option was “Hanging Up”.
True story: the first time I saw Goodfellas I was inordinately high* and I laughed and laughed all the way through, and to this day watching it stone-cold sober it still strikes me as one of the funniest movies ever.
*Kids, stay in school.
(Upvoted for glad I’m not the only one.)
No Country For Old Men: Eager to change their public perception, the state of Florida enacts a controversial age limit for residency. Forced to the road, the elderly search for a new place to die.
No Country For Old Men: A Misprint in the Constitution leads to hilarious results when all the members of both houses of Congress are replaced by tweens. New laws passed include: free texting from all cell phone carriers, Justin Bieber voted in as lifelong president via constitutional amendment, bicameral resolution that old people are the Grossest(!), 10000% increase in federal funding for cooties research, and single payer healthcare reform resulting in full coverage for all Americans.
No Country for Old Men: a heartwarming tale of friendship between old men who feel left out by the newfangled ways of the younger generation.
–Things I Actually Thought
No Country For Old Men: Tired with the complexities of modern society, a group of elderly gentlemen drive a garbage barge into international waters to start a new life for themselves. Jerry Stiller leads this ragtag bunch of octogenarians as they fight off pirates, sharks, and the Kraken in order to protect their new way of life. In the end, these men take up arms against a rival group of geriatrics led by John Cleese who live on an abandoned oil rig nearby, and in their victory, they forge a new nation for themselves. Jerry Stiller then realizes that, since the old men now have a country, the title of the movie is now meaningless, and he points this out in a hilarious fourth-wall breaking monologue as he sinks the garbage barge and everyone on it, which is supposed to be poetic or ironic or something. Uwe Boll mentions in the commentary that Waterworld was his main influence as he filmed this masterpiece
Spanglish: Señora Friday’s Spanish class learns about the heartbreak of mistranslation.
To Kill a Mockingbird: Documentary about hunting domestic birds.
Gummo: This documentary provides compelling insights in to the rise of the Tea Party
Gummo: A look into Gabe and Werther’s Originals
??????????????
Like, he’s old…so he “gums” candy?
woof, even I have to balk at that noise, friend
Friend??? Like BEST friend??? Oh my God, Steve. I have waited for this moment for so long!!! Let’s get together and watch Gummo and look at pictures of Jessica Alba!!!
been there, done that
bt;dt
Best Friends Gang Forever!
How High: The Jeremy London Story
Alternatively, the Jimmy McMillan Story
Alternately, the story of Balloon Boy
Rent!: The Jimmy McMillan Story.
Highlander: A Documentary about the city of Denver.
The Last Waltz- Dancer Hilary Swank has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer but that will not stop her from doing one last competition
All the Pretty Horses: Just 2 and a half hours of the prettiest horses you’ve ever seen doing the cutest horsey things.
Wet Hot American Summer: Spike Lee’s examination of the U.S. government’s role and its response to Hurricane Katrina.
Oh my god, the best.
Barkeep? A Pulitzer for my friend here.
I hereby grant you New Orleans’ seal of approval!
I was so late to the game I wasn’t going to bother posting anything at all…but this one…this is Sterling’s Gold right here. Streets ahead.
An early congratulations on your admission into this week’s Ball, sir.
Gremlins: Documentarians explore the inner workings of the Volkswagen plant in Munich and the engineering that makes it unique.
Whoops…Sorry, AMC.
Alien vs. Predator: Newly-arrived immigrant arrives in America, forms contentious relationship with resident NAMBLA member
(Thangew concert_addict and slothdrop)
No thank you! This made me laugh so hard!!
Due Date: Two men rush to pay their bills before they incur late fees.
Planet of the Apes: Charlton Heston goes far into the future where–what? We already ruined it? Shit, sorry.
Planet of the Ape: Charlton Heston stars.
Raising Arizona: In-depth look at latest immigration reform laws.
Gran Torino (2008): A cranky old man is shocked to learn he has been reincarnated as a sports car. Animated. Starring: Andy Rooney, Hillary Swank, Jeff Goldblum.
King Kong: Jack Black stars as a man mistakenly identified as the long lost white king of a small African tribe. Zany comedy ensues.
No Country for Old Men: elderly Palestinian men wander the Middle East.
With sexy results.
So this comment led me to read the entire (very long) wikipedia article s.v. “Statelessness,” and when I came to the end there was a long minute when I absolutely could not remember WHY I had just spent twenty minutes reading about international citizenship law, as hard as I tried. And then I remembered it was because of a Videogum BNPG comment. So that was weird.
Wikipedia could easily turn anyone into a nerd. I once was studying Narwhal whales for a bio project* and somehow ended up reading the wiki article about the history of museums!
*there was no bio project, i was curious about narwhals
You’re welcome!
I just spent 30 minutes on wikipedia going from the world series to reading about every no hitter and perfect game in baseball. And I hate baseball.
Wikipedia is the source of and answer to many of my daily problems.
Rushmore: the story of the first prep school to be built atop the national memorial
127 Hours: A comedy about three young men who take a roadtrip cross-country to before starting their freshman year of college. Staring James Franco.
The Constant Gardener: An eccentric Englishman’s struggle with obsessive compulsive disorder helps transform the landscape of a once-dingy Northern town.
“He won’t stop GARDENING!”
Hard Candy: Coming This Sunday
Precious: Golum finds out life isn’t as fun without his very special ring. Gabourey Sidibe stars.
The Hurt Locker: Based on a Road Dahl story about a small boy who faces constant bullying at school, until he turns his locker into a device that will help him get even with all the big kids. Horror, Rated R
The Hurt Locker: Pixar animation about the last locker to be chosen in a high school. A touching story that shows us that it’s what’s inside that counts.
Featuring the vocal talents of Chris Rock, Tina Fey and Fred Savage.
I always imagined Ms. Trunchbull’s Chokey whenever I heard the title “The Hurt Locker,” even after seeing Guy Pearce get blown up. I don’t suppose anyone has any idea as to when my inappropriately freely-associating mind will let up?
The Social Network: A movie about facebook.
It’s Complicated: A movie about Facebook.
Bride Wars: A team of female bio-agents infiltrate and take on Hezbollah armed with nothing but their burkas and experimental genetic powers.
Alternately, an inquisitive look into the Al Qaeda mail-order bride scam.
Apocalypse Now: An epic adventure about a global cataclysm that brings an end to the world and tells of the heroic struggle of the survivors.
He Got Game: An in depth look at the life of the pickup artist known as Mystery.
Born Yesterday: A day in the life of a one-day-old baby.
I started laughing out loud when I read this, had to take the time to login to comment, and I am still laughing…..yep, still laughing….clicked on the upvote…still laughing….
The Birds: A compelling documentary about the Boston Celtic’s favorite forward and his beloved family.
Old Dogs: Two ageing dogs, voiced by Robin Williams and John Travolta, are finally put to sleep after a lifetime of WMOAT candidacies.
Jaws: A dentist’s life. Starring Robin Williams.
District 9: The wacky adventure of an up-and-coming local politician as he tries to win the hearts of the residents of District 9!
Cape Fear: A increasingly popular magician must overcome his apprehension toward a certain article of clothing.
This…this is very clever.
damn you tiredandwinded, for having the same idea as me, but earlier. well played. well played.
but upvotes all the same
I literally L’d O L. So LLOL.
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes: Davis Guggenheim’s Oscar-winning documentary on the USDA and the plight of itinerant farmers.
Milk: A courageous look inside the world of the hip new drink stars and athletes are all asking about.
Notorious: Becoming a musician is hard, but it’s going to be extra hard for…Duran Duran.
Up: A now drummer-less R.E.M. struggles to reinvent itself as a documentary film crew follows the making of their 11th album.
I would watch this movie.
Me too! Although this is pretty close: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noHD6diOlLU
The Untouchables: The BBC’s heartbreaking exposé about living with leprosy.
Boogie Nights: A tender film about a single dad taking care of his daughter while she is up all night with a cold.
Upvotes to infinity and beyond.
Animal House: A bed-and-breakfast is taken over and successfully run by a pack of wild dogs. Cameos by the fainting kittens.
Pulp Fiction: A documentary in which Nicholas Sparks details the shortcomings of popular author Cormac McCarthy.
Heh.
Born on the 4th of July: The story of a child who would never have a well-attended birthday party.
Kill Bill, vols. I & II: The Ladies of The View decide to take revenge on Bill O’Reilly.
The Seven Year Itch: A gruesome tale of a medical mystery
Raging Bull: An unstoppable bull is let loose on the unsuspecting populace of New York City.
Million Dollar baby: The prequel to 1994′s ‘Richie Rich’
American Psycho: A remake of Psycho, only it’s set in America.
Meatballs: Three generations of an Italian family gather for Sunday dinner and learn to love in the process.
Transformers: An Electric Documentary
Casablanca: A Spanish adaptation of the revered American television series “The West Wing.” Martin sheen reprises his starring role.
The Ring: A young man hunts for the perfect way to propose to his girlfriend.
With a special guest appearance by Ian Ziering.
Can’t Hardly Wait: A compelling look at teen pregnancy and the abstinence education that could have prevented it.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High: A documentary about track stars at a rough-and-tumble high school.
Finding Nemo: After the events of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, the giant squid has his story told.
I was so close to doing this exact thing!
The Family Stone: Follow up biopic to Jamie Foxx’s Golden Globe winning, “Sly”
Sex and the City 2: 4 women look for love in New York City.
Waiting for Superman: Oscar-baity historical drama focusing on Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster’s moments of inspiration and demotivation and conflicts when coming up with the character of Superman. Probably starring Michael Sheen.
My Dinner with Andre: A man recounts a meal with his favorite professional wrestler.
Ok, seriously, I would pay money to see that movie. So much money.
You make me think of My Date With Drew: One woman’s nightmare experience of being forced to eat seven courses of dessert at gunpoint, all for Drew Carey’s viewing pleasure.
This comment had me trawling through my Princess Bride DVD to see if there was a good screenshot of Wallace Shawn and Andre the Giant eating dinner together. Alas. Nope.
A Mighty Wind: The terror of tornadoes grips a small town. Bill Paxton narrates.
A Mighty Wind: Bill Paxton eats too much broccoli.
Pan’s Labyrinth – The sequel the beloved Disney Classic finds Peter, Wendy and the gang lost in a maze made up of fun challenges and exciting new friends.
And also fiendish Spanish fascists.
The Box: Clint Eastwood stars as the gristled felon that neither the Warden (Steve Guttenberg) nor the dreaded Box can break in a drama highlighting prisoner abuse.
The Box: Lindsay Lohan…. nope, not doin’ it.
Rush Hour: A BBC three part documentary examining the commuting habits of the most pretentious to the modest of drivers in key cities such as Los Angeles, Hong Kong, and Paris, as narrated by Simon Pegg.
The Wicker Man (Hallmark Channel): Nicholas Cage stars as a lonely widower who pours himself into his hobby of building wicker furniture. That is until he falls for the quirky outsider who just moved into town, taking him on a journey to discover the loving heart that was hiding all along inside of The Wicker Man.
True Lies: fake and gay turns out to be straight.
The Thing: The story of a series of events for some interesting characters told chronologically until the end.
Couples Retreat: The chilling tale of Napoleon’s all-gay cavalry platoon and their debut battle at Waterloo.
Trash Humpers: A group of outcasts travels around humping trash.
(edit: Oh, shit.)
Better Off Dead: The Jennifer Lynn Petkov story
All upvotes go right here.
Death Becomes Her: The Jennifer Lynn Petkov story sequel (just in case)
All Dog’s Go to Heaven: Humorous, Insightful Documentary about the lies parents tell to pacify their children.
Stomp the Yard: Continuing coverage of the Rand Paul campaign election trail.
The Lost Boys:
The Princess Bride: Has Katherine Heigl finally found the one? Probably not.
JCVD: Our lord and savior contracts an unseemly infection.
Miracle: The inspirational true story of how one Monster’s genius post won a TV Blog Game.
The Passion of the Christ: The story of Jesus’ final days. Directed by: N/A
I read that Miracle post wrong and thought this was the beginning of a religious themed thread. Didn’t mean to piggyback your awesome post, Jeb.
Left Behind: Harrowing tale of a Monster’s frustration at their posts being ignored in the Videogum backlogs.
Bring It On: The story of how other Monsters tried to challenge Jeb’s supremacy, and failed.
Umm… I don’t want it to seem like I’m comment stalking you, Baby Friday, but did you (nervous laughter) happen to see my comment from late last night? I v-gum at odd hours sometimes.
http://videogum.com/238811/thedistantwarrior-is-our-generations-coppercab-and-fat-people-are-the-new-gingers/webjunk/vlogging/#comment-7954851
Indecent Proposal: The story of an awkward comment, later linked to on an unrelated thread, that taught one Monster about internet PDA the hard way.
Lesson learned, lesigh. But I spent, like, 10 minutes on that picture and I didn’t want it to be for nothing!
Ah, well, I’ll just creep back to the bottom of the comments section, where I belong.
I did see it! It made my day! That’s funny that you posted that, I just went back and congratulated you on a job well done.
Comment stalk away, friend.
A Walk In The Clouds: butterpranks is elated when Baby Friday sees her post… and likes it!
Breaking Away: The story of what teacherman hopes will happen with this post.
Monster’s Ball: Inside the politics, sex, and power that drive the weekly quest for one blog’s top spot.
Huckabeast, I would watch that movie.
I Heart Huckabeast: The story of my life.
All The King’s Men: Biopic of Videogum.com’s Gabe DeLahay, focusing on the editor’s conflicted feelings towards the creepy, Manson-esque cult of Monsters he unwittingly created. Joaquin Phoenix stars.
Fuck you, Facebook Connect.
I know this post is dead and gone, no longer our generation’s anything, but fuck facebook connect. Sorry guys.
All The King’s Men: Biopic of Videogum.com’s Gabe DeLahaye, focusing on the editor’s conflicted feelings towards the creepy, Manson-esque cult of Monsters he unwittingly created. Joaquin Phoenix stars.
Easy Rider: The story of one poster, named Rider, that needs to take it Easy.
Easy, Writer
Being Steve Winwood: Monsters discover a portal that leads into the disturbing mind of Steve Winwood.*
*Ok, you got me, this just a call back to a discussion in chat earlier.
No!! I missed chat!!
What Just Happened: Man unwittingly spurs long, mutagenic comment thread.
This thread was so epic and perfect I loved it! It would blow if someone put something on at the end that wasn’t a joke movie description or a comment expressing love or praise directly to another Monster!……
…..SHIT.
Cloverfield: Two unlucky Irish brothers get lost in the woods only to discover an untouched surplus of 4-leaf clovers.
Full Metal Jacket: The Discovery channel explores the workshop of the last American man making aluminum trench coats.
Scarface: A documentary about the long-term effects that adult acne has had on the lives of four Americans without healthcare or Proactiv in 2010. Starring Michael Moore.
The Green Mile: When Ireland adopts the U.S. Customary system, hijinks among the olympic track team ensue.