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Guys, there are some days where it seems like from the moment you wake up, everything is clicking. The sun is shining. You have a good breakfast. There’s an unexpected email waiting in your inbox promising money or fun or love. You have a good lunch. Maybe you have a drink with lunch! The day flies by. In the evening, you have a good dinner with friends or loved ones, noticing your voice rise as you get excited just telling them about what a flawless day you had. It almost feels like a dream, and you think to yourself that if life was just like this all the time, you would not understand what all the stress is about. When you finally lay your head down on the pillow to sleep, there are no stray thoughts or wakeful anxiety, you just go right out, drifting off softly like your head is made of clouds and your heart has never wished a terrible thing in its long-pumping life.
And then there are days where you’re standing in front of a crowd of four people in the service entry of a busy shopping mall, promising to break cement bricks you know you can’t break with moves you don’t understand, and every three minutes feels like three years. “Why is he doing this in the service entry of a shopping mall,” you hear a child ask his father. It breaks your concentration, not only because you need absolute focus just to fail (who knows what you would need to succeed), but also because you realize with sudden clarity that you yourself don’t know the answer to that question. Why do we do anything anywhere, you think for a moment. And still the bricks refuse to break.
There’s just different kinds of days guys, that’s all. Gotta roll with it. (Via GorillaMask.)
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THe Foot Fist WayyyyyYOOWWWW!!! Ooh, that smarts!
King of the “Oh, no.”
As a karate expert Jimmy McMillan is facepalming so hard at this video
The bricks are too…damn…hard.
Hey, he broke one brick, and that’s one less brick out there trying to sleep with our daughters.
Maybe he should have smanged the bricks instead.
Ms. Friday I’ve got a call back for you on line 1. They say its lol.
Put Lol on hold — her mother Rof Lol is one line 2.
Here’s those lols you wanted, Mrs. Friday. Should I just leave them here on your desk?
stop making fun of long haired white guys doing karate. stop.
“I do not make mistakes smashing bricks very often”
“It’s not that complicated. I guess he should have used his head.” – Groucho Marx
The look on his face after he elbowed the bricks in the last attempt made me sad.
or wait… when he tried to knee the bricks.
You know what they say- the knees are the elbows of the legs.
Buscuit knees break no bricks though.
It’s Biscuit-dough-hands Man!
Me too. I want to invite him to my apartment for tea and sandwiches where we can commiserate over public humiliations past.
I am also bummed out for the rest of the day
Ugh, I know that face. I have been making that face for the last year of my life (grad school sucks).
You go, karate guy! Sometimes it’s okay to fail (what my mom says every time I call her now).
Wait, so is anyone else wondering why Santino Rice is doing karate in a shopping mall?
Just me? Ok then.
I was wondering that lilbobbytables….I was wondering it too…
Would you say those bricks were “very solid”?
Where’s Austin? I want to see him make something fabulous out of those bricks.
Late to the game, but whatevs. I was personally proud of him for emulating the hairstyle of everyones favorite karate kid, young Mr. Smith.
Chuck “The Truck” Wallace has fallen so far after the beating he got from Fred Simmons.
The location is just an homage to kung-fu legend Bruce Lee, who was killed by a cinder block in the service entry of a shopping mall.
OR WAS HE????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I want to upvote this, but the button has been pushed off the edge.
Yes. Yes he was.*
* Maybe.
Thats so Reagan
Poor guy. His scenario, of being put on the spot to do something he was totally unprepared to do, reminds me of a dream I had the other night. HEAR ME OUT. Basically, I was confronted with a web of lies I’d weaved about needing a babysitter (despite not being a mom) and in order to prove I was a mom I had to change a kid’s diaper. Anyway I failed miserably and the kid ended up having to change his own diaper and he just gave me sass mouth the whole time.
Well what was I supposed to do? You didn’t even put baby powder on! Would you have preferred I walked around with a chapped ass all day?
I can say from dream experience that there is nothing worse in this world than getting sass mouth from a baby while you’re failing at changing its diaper. You really hurt my feelings, Notsewfast.
“Not my problem.” — Notsewfast
It’s okay. I’m sorry I gave you a chapped ass. Next time I’ll remember.
At least he planned ahead and had his arms put in casts beforehand.
Bronson Arroyo, Sr.
YES!
I’m always a little hesitant when I make a joke that requires other Monsters to get a fairly specific sports reference. You complete me, holy smokes.
As a baseball fan, there are a few players that always get a laugh out of me. Bronson Arroyo is one, and Brian Wilson is the other.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yf0j1rmZVbM
Hey, we don’t like sports references around here, cut it out.
I prefer my Bronson Arroyo as a Red. Plus his current hair is very reminiscent of Darryl Hall. AKA my ’80′s dreamboat.
[IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b301/shobydoby/bronsonarroyo2.jpg[/IMG]
Finally! Any excuse to post this.
Lawblog! Where have you been when I randomly post a picture of Dave Roberts stealing second?
I have no idea! I just watched the 30 for 30 “4 days in october” with a box of kleenexes. Best thing ever.
I just realized how that sounded. Yikes. What i meant was that the kleenex was for tears of joy.
Not enough upvotes in the world.
I think either kleenex use is appropriate.
At the bookstore here there is a fairly classic older, white-bearded New Englander, and one evening we got to talking about how we are both total saps, it ended on how the sight of that steal, or of any of Ortiz’s hits gets us tearing up to this day.
God what a stupid ass. I would say bush league but even t-ballers know that is a bitch move. (and by t-ballers I mean small children who hit a ball off of a batting tee)
All right guys, let’s have the opposite of this day. Let’s kick this day’s ass!
You have my bow!!
And my Axe!
And these guys’s instant urban anger!
Those two guys flanking bow-tie are pretty much the best friends ever. There buddy gets stuck in a fight, they jump in, regardless of who started it, how big the dude he’s fighting is, how many other people there are, or whether said others are animate.
This is gonna make my day sooo much better
I’m actually having a pretty awesome day so far! Y’all are either in for some good shit from me today or the annoying chirps of a satisfied chick.
Me too! I had one of those “take charge” mornings, where I decided to get into the shower rather than ht the snooze for the fourth time. Feels good!
Heh, I actually opted for the snooze over the shower this morning, which did a lot to lift my mood. I kind of love the surreal lucid dreams or flashes of inspiration I have during the snooze.
Oh the snooze is The Best. Sometimes I set my alarm for one or two hours earlier than it needs to be, so i can reset it and then slowly melt away back into super-comfy dreamland
Me, you, same same, yog.
In real world, my day is kind of shitty, because I’m sick and have too much work to catch up on. But in videogum world things are great because i’ll be spending the next 10 hours in bed with my laptop (TWSS)
Not pictured: Mr. Miyagi walking away, throwing his hands up, mumbling, “Well, I did what I could. Maybe I’ll move to LA…”
He’s still streets ahead in my books.
Bricks don’t hit back, and if they did I can only assume he would be utterly fucked.
Later that day someone will be casually shopping at the mall only to notice a sad Karate-Santino-Rice sitting by himself in the food court, head hung low, sipping an Orange Julius, replaying over and over in his mind what went wrong.
I just don’t understand the knee one. Is it just me, or was that just not going to work anyhow? Gravity was against him, human anatomy was against him, the height of the bricks was against him. I don’t think an actual karatist (karatist? karatist.) could do that.
It looked like it was all set up for him to use his head, but then he… used his head. Very smart move, really.
You guys have to admit that it’s kind of nuts that I wrote an entire post and there are already 39 comments and yet no one has said a word about his cornrows. LET’S ALL TRY AND GET IT TOGETHER.
You can’t make us!
Proof that he can neither smash bricks nor get the Milli Vanilli braids right.
I can’t take my focus off the baby stroller. Where is the baby? Whose baby is it? These are the answers I need people!
He has cornrows.
I’m glad I hit refresh
It’s because I dread the reaction of a karate expert. He might upbraid me.
The last thing you want to do is get into a row with someone who’s got such aMAIZEing moves.
And then you might get tangled up in a bit of a hairy situation?
Really? Nothing? I was sure with all this buzz over hairstyle puns, people would flock [of seagulls] to upvote me. Tell you what: you guys mullet over, and if you still don’t like my styles, I’ll go ‘hawk my hair jokes elsewhere.
Let’s not get it twisted, monsters. This guy fails at karate, but wins at… nope… nothing. Never mind.
Maybe if he hadn’t taken that cruise to the Bahamas last week he would be more prepared to smash those bricks today.
What’s wrong with cornrows?
Ahem. R2D2, Esq. did indeed address the cornrows.
Sports references. Even when they’re good, they’re like a private joke for me and 3 other commenters.
Which just makes them so much fun! I go through phases trying to make sports references that I feel few people will get. Because I’m a jerk.
I can’t help it when it comes to white guys with cornrows, though. They’re all Bronson Arroyo to me.
They have to also be carrying an acoustic guitar for me to see them as Bronson.
somebody makin’ fun of cornrows???
I am also upset about this commentary:
Oh man. This movie looks like such a train wreck. Is it too early for a WMOAT nomination?
Dammit! That was meant for you, Edward Norton! (not that Jared Leto doesn’t totally and completely deserve a nomination for a little movie called “30 Seconds to Mars.” What’s that you say?….. oh. (cries uncontrollably for hours).
I don’t get it.
BLAM! Looks like Gabe just got SMANGED!
POPOZAO
Zigged when he shoulda zagged.
If that clip was set in slow motion to the Kinks and starred Bill Murray, it would be a montage from a Wes Anderson film.
The karate expert’s father would also have to walk up to him after the montage, put his hand on his shoulder for 30 seconds, SAY NOTHING, and walk away.
What’s weird is that I’ve been reading Videogum for more than two years, and I’d say I’ve read 95 percent of all Videogum articles in the past year. So I feel I know Gabe’s writing pretty well. But this write-up was so good it was a fresh delight. Thanks Gabe.
Good call, werttrew. I was so excited with the first entry of the day that i ripped through the prose to get to the video. But rereading it after seeing this comment— yeah. Really good stuff is at the top of this page!
Yeah, I’ve actually sorta been skimming more often than not lately, but Gabe nailed this one.
so good.gif
I don’t comment much anymore, but I can’t quit Gabe’s intros to videos. #hearts
Just like Gabe said, it’s one of those days…
Best Simpsons moment ever.
Wonder where he recieved his black belt from…. maybe the school of phooey….
The media is always trying to blame the cornrows.
This is meant to be on the cornrow chain. OK? Thank you.
People be Karate-ing
I think a brick broke when it fell on the floor.
Oh, and the guy has cornrows. They had nothing to do with breakage either way.
Actually, it takes all his chi just to keep them cornrows tight. There’s none left for his hands, elbows, knees, and toes.