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Can we talk about this?!
Justin Bieber is a very talented little boy, I’m sure, but that does not change the fact that he is A LITTLE BOY. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, as a little boy, he is entitled to an incredibly successful music career, and a perpetual place on the Twitter Trending List, and even his own 3D biopic. Enjoy these riches, princess! (I bet he has a race car bed made out of a REAL race car!) But can we cool it with the hard-working, long-suffering, struggling artist mythology puh-lease?! Dude is NINE! Who are these so-called people who said he would never succeed? SHOW ME ONE JUST ONE! And also, wasn’t the time period where he was not succeeding, like, ages 0-5? Why would you say that to a toddler? “Forget it, little baby, it’ll nevah happen. Your diaper is too full of poop!” Give me a break. Oh, and SHAME on that adult who said “he’s doing it on his own.” Because, uh, no he is not? In what sense is he doing it on his own? Pint-Sized has a international tour with pyrotechnics. He’s boyfriend and boyfriend with Usher. WE ARE WATCHING A 3D MOVIE TRAILER ABOUT HIM. At which point is he doing this on his own? Adults say the darndest things.
I do like the part where he’s on a Segway Scooter though. Cool Segway, little dude!
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No, I didn’t.
That’s your copy editor.
I should have had my attorneys (attornies?) capture a “screen shot” to present in court and rest my case forever, before you had the chance to pull a Nixonian stunt and re-write history.
Attorney’s.
Legal Team
ASSEMBLEEEEEEEEE
(THIS IS AN ADVERTISEMENT)
Dear Mr. Winwood:
I am a licensed attorney (NB: I am not licensed, this is just puffing). I have heard from a reliable source (a macaw with a gimp leg that works at the mall) that you are in need of legal representation with regard to your claims against Videogum, Buzz Media, The Southern Baptist Convention and Optimus Prime.
I would be willing to take your case for a small (i.e. large) fee. I can guarantee the outcome of this case (we lose) and would be willing to discuss the matter over a warm meal of kidney beans (NOTE REALLY BEANS. Just kidneys cut out of passed out frat boys at a Best Western in Versailles, Kentucky).
If you are interested, meet me at the trash compactor behind the Roses on Rt. 11. I will be the man with the parasol and baby hippo.
Regards,
Mans.
You still have a Rose’s near you? I thought they all went out of business.
You Are a diaper full of poop.
Better?
“Your a moron and you’re writing abilities are moroner”.
Good one(?)
That was the joke he was going for, I believe.
Gabe’s typo was hitting “HA” by accident 324 times in a row instead of OMG, which is I’m sure what he meant..
I’m pretty sure Gabe’s typo was “Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never 3D Trailer.”
You’re mom had conjugations right before having you.
Sometimes it’s just nice to belieber in something, Gabe.
I mean he has to be kissed by all these beautiful women but do they really love him for who he is?
Finally we have proof that Ellen Page is a lesbian
A Justin Bieber 3D biopic is what happens when a society’s spectrum of disposable money broadens downward to include 11 year olds. When I was 11, I could buy some skittles once in a while, and someone would give me a nintendo game once a year. I couldn’t fuel the monetary empire of a contemporary like today’s 11 year olds somehow manage to do.
This isn’t a moral judgement, so far Justin Bieber has seemed to promote being a stable personality, and even though that promotion has been obviously monetized as evidenced by this trailer, there are worse things in the world. Fartz.
When I was 11, there was no Hanson movie, only countless books, posters, and issues of Tiger Beat.
I think the most you could expect from your idols was a crappy Saturday morning cartoon. Now it’s multimillion dollar movies based on a baby book and the previous year.
That’s Your Teen Idol Crush.
Did Taylor Hanson bust a Chastity/Chaz Bono? For the longest time I thought he was a girl. Now he looks like a young James Spader (at an Anne Geddes photo shoot).
When I was in the 7th or 8th grade, someone told me that I looked like Taylor Hanson. As a lady monster, I’m still not really sure how to take that. On the one hand, he’s of the male persuasion. But on the other hand, he was definitely the prettiest one.
Kateness, your avatar is so fitting for your comment. That is such a Liz Lemon thing to say!
Maybe I AM Liz Lemon! (I’m not.)
I will take it.
When I was 11, there was one goal: complete the Triforce in Legend of Zelda. They said it would NEVER happen. But I BELIEVED.
And then the 1987 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue arrived and that was pretty much the end of that. How did that game end, anyway?
I’m still working on it via the Wii. I’ll keep you informed.
Well, you gather all the Triforce piece and then you fight Ganon and then you find Zelda and then the 1998 SI Swimsuit edition comes out. Oh! I guess you did finish it, it just took you less time I guess. Well, back to finishing Super Mario World!
(I have to admit this; I had typed “Gannon” but my extensive background of Zelda games corrected me in knowing that the first game was the only game he was referred to with one “n.” You’re welcome. #nerdgum)
That’s your princess
Yes. And Elle MacPherson. And Stephanie Seymour. And…. hey, what time does eBay close?
“Samus is a girl? What?!?!?” –Me at 11.
“I still can’t get her up out these clothes.” –Me at 18.
“Hey, would you like to hear about how Samus from Metroid is a girl?” –Me at 35.
Aaaaaaaaaaand Mans is my new favorite.
When I was 11, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone had just been published.
You are WRONG, CindiLightballoon.
Those VHS classics are going on Amazon at the bargain price of SIXTY DOLLARS! #actnow
I hope this makes it into the movie
It’ll touch on the famed “Water Bottle Assassination Attempt”, yes?
http://cdn0.knowyourmeme.com/i/000/072/473/original/Justin-Bieber-VS-the-Water-Bottle.gif?1284907905
SABOTAGE! The truth must be known!
I can’t even figure out what is happening in this .gif.
He is pushing a revolving door, and then all of a sudden his head hurts? I am confused.
I hope this moment of Liz Jones (I am so sorry Lorrygummers) rolling her eyes (presumably as “Person who tells Justin Bieber he’ll never make it” is in the Lorry cut:
“He lives an extraordinarily life, but he’s just like you and me.”
In fairness, my Bieber knowledge is minimum at best… but I swear before God and my Videogum brethren: Justin Bieber is not like US.
Bieber is not a witch.
He’s not a witch. He’s you.
GODDAMN. Sorry, Scrabio. Sorry, myself.
We posted at the same time, the same thing.
So, “I’m you.”
Maybe we are both witches?
I weigh the same as a duck.
How long is this movie? He’s, like, 12! Other biopics gloss over the amount of years this kids been alive!
Well, he’s 3D, so the similarities are there.
Oh man… *fans self*
Oh jeeze, it’s in 3D! Oh man. I need to sit down. AH! I’m already sitting down! How do I sit down more?!
Can this 3D bullshit end already? Can the idiots of the world STOP buying tickets to see shitty movies transfered into 3D format post-production? Can there be peace in the Middle East now?
Yes?
Only when the 3D starts adding to the movie will I see a 3D movie. Until then, cheep thrills that make me flinch once or twice during an action movie are not enough for me to justify it (Avatar, lookin’ at you).
The greatest gift Warner Bros. ever gave to me was not being able to finish the Deathly Hallows in 3D in time for the release date.
#thereisagod
The only movie I’ve ever seen in 3-D was a documentary about cane toads. It was pretty awesome.
King Kong 3D at Universal Studios is really short, but you are surrounded in 3D and though I am not a fan of 3D movies, it was pretty freakin cool! I suggest Caligummers check it out.
3D Movies: 100% of the revenue with 50% of the ticket sales!
We have placed heavy tariffs on all 3D shipping, and are in talks with the UN to place sanctions on major film studios (Dreamworks in particular) who use this gimmick to further their terrorist agenda. More on this as it develops.
3 dimensions are not enough dimensions to tell the story of Justin Bieber.
We’re gonna need a bigger on of these.
There aren’t enough upvotes in my heart for a Stargate reference.
The 3D adds two extra dimensions to his personality.
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Drumming at the age of four? At his age I was throwing flour around the kitchen at a fifth grade level.
Gotta love the flashbacks from TWO YEARS ago.
I’m going to ignore the fact that I have to share my 21st birthday with this atrocity. I’ll be too hammered to recognize it’s release, thank goodness.
But seriously, is this just one big circlejerk for him? Like, is it just going to be people singing his praises for two hours? What’s the point? Why would anybody who doesn’t already fanatically agree with what they say want to see such a movie?
Needless to say, I look forward to Frost/Bieber
Give it another year and you will likely be rid of him. If not, just be patient. It is only a matter of time before people change their tune and want to see him burn like so much Lohan.
Well, we have to assume that Justin Bieber’s delivery of “Never Say Never” will go up there with some all of the time great movie quotes. “I coulda been a contender,” “Use the force,” “Freedom,” and now “Never Say NEEEEEEVER!”
Whatever, as long as he stops rapping.
and raping. he’s really gotta cut that out.
But if you never say never, you are saying never! Twice, in fact! What does it mean??
That’s why Master Bieber wanted to name the movie “______ Say ______” but the fuckin’ suits were like, “What is this, a Dave Eggers 3D movie?” Fuckin’ suits.
Double Never All The Way
I can’t wait to see the sequel: Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo
I keep reading it as “Never Sleep”, for some reason, so you’re ahead of me anyway.
I want to know who this nebulous “they” is that keeps going around telling moderately talented people that they’ll never be successful and giving them license to paint themselves as the underdog who overcame major adversity and defeated these villainous naysayers, because “they” should really probably cut it out.
“omg he comes from a small town and now he performs in BIG towns, what an inspiration!”
ok so I guess I should actually read Gabe’s full posts before replying. Lock/ban/delete please
Wow I failed twice.
1) didn’t see that you already brought up the “those who didn’t believe in him”
2) didn’t see that that was basically the whole point of Gabe’s write-up
Sorry all, I’m just too focused on refreshing the bookgum page, waiting for the next book report to appear! (much nerdo)
hahaha I had to post my favorite gif in reponse:
I wonder if they will be showing this in Germany.
They will, only it’s called “Der KinderHasselhoff.”
Lots of basketball fans will be disappointed…..
This is not a Justin Beiber biopic, this is Justin Beiber documentary. The Justin Beiber biopic will star Macaualy Culkin and will reveal that Justin Beiber was a Ritalin addict.
There’s going to be some Intense Scenes when his voice changes DRAMATICALLY during a live performance, and they have to cut over to the pre-recorded track
Why can’t I be smart? The people who are just like me are always people who don’t know any recent supreme court decisions or republican senators, or people who don’t know what the word “German” means. No one ever says, “the great thing about Chebyshev was that he was just like us!”
Disappointed to find out this wasn’t a Never Say Never Again remake with Bieber in the Kim Basinger role. So many Maximillian Largo jokes down the drain.
At least he’s still teaching kids to follow his dreams.
This will serve as great stock footage for the Vh1 “Mission: Man Band 3.0″ 20 years from now.
That really wasn’t suppose to be a reply to you topknot, but if everyone squints their eyes and turns their head to the left, I think that it can be seen as responsive.
It’s okay, I like the attention!
http://www.theonion.com/video/justin-bieber-found-to-be-cleverly-disguised-51yea,18178/
Uhhh. So the movie obviously has no point, but that trailer is exceptionally well put together. I was getting all pumped and then I was like, “Wait, haha, what? This is kind of like Baby’s First This Is It.”
Seriously though, how sad is it that the MOTHERFUCKING KING OF POP had to die (and well after he was an actively performing/recording) to get a hollywood biopic, and all Justin Bieber had to do was be popular in a very impressionable and fanatical demographic for like a year and a half!
Pretty sad. I’ll bet the King of Pop really would’ve liked this movie.
So movies usually end, right? Does that mean this kid will go away after we go and see it?
Who are they referring to when they mention people “not believing” in him. I think they are confusing “not believing” with “not giving a shit.”
When I was five and sitting on chairs all by myself, nobody believed that I could one day grow up and work a 9-5 desk job. Their staggering lack of belief in my abilities only drove me further to succeed.
I have long held a theory about Justin Beiber.
I think one day Usher and Ludacris went to Blockbuster and rented “Trading Places” starring Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy and Usher though, “Yo, Randoph and Mortimer know what’s up.” And then Ludacris was like, “I’ll bet you $1 they don’t know what’s up.” And so Usher found a cool black kid with a beautiful R&B voice and a lame white kid from some stuffy private school and put the cool black kid in private school honors classes and turn the lame white kid into the next R&B sensation. A then defeated and indignant Ludacris reluctantly agreed to rap over the lame white kid’s single in exchange for not having to pay $1 to Usher. In 3D.
I want to give you a million upvotes.
The best.
they cut out the part where Usher calls him “a modern day Mozart” so as not to make it a puff piece.
I am no Justin Bieber fan, but aren’t we all just jealous that he is incredibly talented and famous at an age when we were pre-self loathing?
To be fair, Notsewfast has had a long and illustrious career, and he has only just turned 2. Justin “Old Man” Bieber is a lil’ tardy to the being-talented-or-whatever-it-is-he-does party
His baby pictures from 2007 are just ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!
His Bart Simpson poster brought back a flood of nostalgia from when The Simpsons started to be mediocre. Oh, a couple years ago… sigh!
Romeo Void knows how he feels.
I can’t see this video (thankfully) so I guess im correct in my assumption that this is a cover song and highly illegal.
Cool white jacket, dude. What do those vertical straps do again? Do they make it shorter or sumthin?
ANYWAY- Ah, there must always be a teen-pop blah blah blah. It’s ridiculous and as an adult I pay it no mind. Enjoy, kids. Gabe, pass the hard candy dish, please.
at first I was like ‘eh’ and then I was like ’3D? Sold! Thanks Hollywood!’
Do Not Say Never. Ever.
So, he’s poised to make a hundred billion million googol dollars at the box office, looking like a 30-year-old lesbian but really being a nine-year-old boy, winning the hearts of millions of teenage girls all over the world, he’s already a hundred-billion-million-googol-ionaire…
What am I doing with my life? I just don’t know. Justin Bieber makes me have philosophical conundrums.
How are they going to convert those camera phone videos to 3D ™ ?
He’s starting with what he knows best and what he loves in movies….. Himself….. Pretty soon, he will take the next step in the film industry into a either another Peter Pan remake, or a Disney movie where he will perform along side Tim Allen. Whether it will be as an elf, Tim’s son, or Tim’s love interest I’m unsure.
I want to BIEB A PART OF IT.
All snark aside, that’s one hell of a trailer. Sells it perfectly to his fanbase. Going to be monstrous.
IS there one for this movie?
I DONT GIVE A FUCK HOW FAMOUS YOU ARE, YOU STILL HAVE TO DRIBBLE LIKE THE REST OF US
I can’t stop laughing at this.
+41 is just not enough upvotes for this comment & gif.
wait… i thought this was about vampyrs?
I don’t know about you guys but I personally can’t WAIT to see THIS in 3D:
“They said he’d never make it.” Who are these jerks discouraging a six-year-olds? Was it other six-year-olds? Don’t frame six-year-olds as villains! Come on!
People: “You can’t live your dreams.”
Beiber: “Never. Say. NEVEERRRR!”
People: “I… didn’t.”
Ugh, that was clearly travelling.
I can’t wait to see the part where baby Bieber is playing in the ball pit and he throws a ball at the camera IN 3D!!!!
Bad aspect of being a french videogum reader with low skills in spoken/written english:
I can’t understand half of pop/cultural/political/whatever references here.
Good aspect of being a french videogum reader with low skills in spoken/written english:
I have no fucking idea of who this justin biebers is… And I can get all the cats related threads…