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A Florida bomb squad was called in to investigate a suspicious package, only to discover that it was filled with kittens. KABOOM! Can you imagine how great that would be? You’re wearing your Hurt Locker hat and the adrenaline is just pumping because you’ve gotten addicted to the rush (your wife back home doesn’t understand, no one does) and all you can hear is the thudding of your heart in your chest and the tactile hiss of blood coursing through your veins. You approach the box and you just know that you’ve already soaked through the tank top you’re wearing beneath the heavy ceramic chest plates. It’s getting in your eyes. It’s running down your legs. Somehow, when you reach towards the box, though, your hands are almost impossibly steady. It’s like the world just switches off in that moment. Everything goes quiet and bright. You can see it all. And then: KITTENNNNNNSSSS!!!!!!!
Relive the excitement after the jump:
If you see something aww something. (Via BuzzFeed.)
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if we’ve learned anything from hiccup girl it’s that you cannot trust anyone.
If I’ve learned anything from kittens it’s ohmygoodnesswho’sacutegirlwho’sacutegurlyouareyouareyouare!!!
particularly in Florida.
“I’m a bomb.”
(kitten whisper) “No she’s noootttttt.”
“I am a secret agent!”
That bomb squad totally fucked up that kitten’s mission.
Unless the kittens’ secret mission is to be adopted into a “normal American family,” learn all their secrets, and share them with their leaders on Thubian-9.
MEOW!
If we just decide that all bombs are henceforth just kittens, I’m willing to let the terrorists win.
I get nervous when I see cats in kitten garb (aka mittens)
I’m a plagiarist commenter.
I’m hittin tha switches
Makin bitches eat bitches
See my grab my mittens
Every time I pose with kittens
I can never remember, do I cut the red wire or the cute wire?
This is a job for
oops misplaced reply
I found a suspicious package in my fridge last night….. Turned out it was just my girlfriends Thai food. IT WAS A FUCKING CLOSE ONE!!!
“That was fun. Watch it again.” — Crank Journalism at it’s best
Now, for your viewing pleasure, this:
Oh, so that’s how you train a kitty bomb.
“That was fun. Watch again.” Take it down a notch, new guy.
“Dammit! We almost had them! I told you we should have gone higher than Florida! Like, NY or something!”
- Al Kittteh
Now all we need is puppy dog mines and bunny rabbit air raids. A war to melt my heart.
World War ADORABLE!
Here are some PMD’s (Pets of Mass Destruction):
(The 3-part comic is called We3 and it’s basically Homeward Bound except the three pets have been thrown into rocket suits and turned into weapons but they just want to go home. It’s ridiculous, but also unexpectedly touching. The art is fantastic. Plus, rats with mechanical drill heads.)
We3 is one of my favorite things ever.
I have this at home, and I’ve still not read it. Upvotes for inspiring me to finally read it!
I love We3. It’s such a great story, and I can’t help but laugh at how cool it is when the cat attacks the rottweiler.
I’m so happy a random smattering of people on this website know about this book! SQUEEE!!!
Ohhh, We3. I love Grant Morrison and I love animals, but I haven’t read the book because I’m afraid I’ll just cry and/or get depressed.
The ending is reasonably happy! Kind of?! It’s really good!
“Where did I put my bo…OH GOD DAMMIT GUYS!” — Schrödinger
How can you joke at a time like this? Didn’t you hear? One is safe and sound, and the other one isn’t!
This might be my favorite comment, ever.
I wonder if the kitten that ran off will become the stuck up kitten that won’t sign autographs.
I always pictured the afterlife being full of kittens anyways, so this would have been a win-win for me.
Bing: “Kitten Bomb or 9/11.”
Me: Kitten Bomb. Always the Kitten Bomb.
Bing is presenting us with an awfully adorable way to rewrite history.
“Yeah, well the police found the person who left the package there, turns out it was Ted Katzynski!” -Jay Leno
Look! I found a picture of the one that ran off!
“My cat’s breath smells like Sarin Gas.” -Walph Riggums
“I had a cat called Snowball, she died, she died!
My Mom said she was sleeping, she lied, she lied!
Oh why oh why is my little cat dead?
Why couldn’t al-Qa’ida brainwash me instead?”
This twist is even better than the Toy Pony bomb scare, but then I am a sucker for a happy ending.
can you imagine if they had done to the box what was done to that pony? urgh.
I’m going to concentrate on the happy ending and the adorable indignant meow of that marmalade kitten rather than the fact that some sicko left a sealed box full of kittens outside a government office, probably with the expectation that the police would blow it up.
“MEOW! MEOW! Oh shit I’m still in Brevard County! When he put us in that box I hoped he was going to mail us out of Florida!”
At least it wasn’t a stuffed pony. We’d all know what to do with that.
Can someone please add a ton of kittens flying from this explosion?
Downvote?!? No, I didn’t mean dead kittens, just…
Ahh who was I kidding? Look at me, I’m a dog and I just hate kittens.
Sadly the kittens were full of cyanide
in related events, Katheryn Bigelow just signed on to direct Milo & Otis 2: The Reckoning
“Though damage was considerable, the paws is still undetermined and reports as to who may be responsible are still fuzzy.”
“We have heard certain whiskers, but we don’t want to milk our sources.”
“Police are still in search of the purrpretrator, though sources suggest that placing a tail on the kittens mice lead to a breakthrough.”
umm, can we learn more about the “woman next door who’s in the habit of humanly trapping stray cats”? cause she sounds like A BLAST.
I’ve obtained a photo of her for you;
also, she’s your girlfriend. you help her set up have-a-heart traps filled with fresh milk.
Now I know why Garfield hates Mondays
No kidding. That box was supposed to go to Abu Dhabi.
It could’ve been much worse…
It could’ve been a catastrophe.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Looks like there’s more than one way…to skin a cat.
Seems like somebody…let the cat out of the bag.
Man, FLW, did you watch a CSI marathon this weekend, or what?
That’s all I am lately: CSI jokes and Schrödinger cat references. I need to go on a walkabout and find myself. This guy know what I’m talking about:
Looks like the popularity of that animal shelter is about to…..
explode.
YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
You are on a roll!
Delko: Yo, H, take a look at this! Looks like somebody had it in for the Social Security Administration.
Horatio Caine: You’re right, Eric. The question is, who would want to make a boom out of the baby boomers?
I’m sorry.
Looks like this cat…just ran out of lives.
I wish I knew when to quit.
“Look, Gabe, I’m not a bigot. …but when I go to the Social Security office, I got to tell you, when I see kittens in boxes, and I think they’re identifying themselves first and foremost as kittens, I get worried. I get nervous.”
“OK, we’ve arrested one terrorist kitten and we have a statewide manhunt for the other. What’s next on the agenda today, officer?”
“We’ve received reports that a pigeon flew into the door of a local bank. We haven’t heard any reports from the inside yet, but presumably he’s disabled the silent alarm and is holding everyone hostage. All we can do is wait for him to make his demands.”
“Should we send a rookie to go get some birdseed so we might distract him long enough for the snipers to get into place.”
“We would, but a mother duck is leading her row of ducklings across the interstate. It’s gridlocked for miles. The SWAT team hasn’t been able to get in there and resolve the situation.”
“So many attacks in one day? These events must be coordinated somehow, but who could plan such a complicated…oh god”
“What is it, Sarge?”
“I know who the mastermind is. He’s always wanted to ruin my career after I found out about his taking vegetable bribes under the table and kicked him off the force.”
“My god, you don’t mean-”
“That’s right. Teacup pig”
What’s in the box?!
I’m so glad the admins or whoever fixed this! Hilarious! That’s a great face he’s making in the Se7en still!
I’ve learned an important lesson today: three or more images means your comment won’t show up for three hours.
I keep scrolling up so that I can start the story over from the beginning.
Brad is scared! Kittens! Brad is happy! Repeat.
The Hurt Litter (box)
Best…. Bomb-threat….. ever.
Think there’s no answer? YOU’RE SO STUPID!
Where’s that Kittens Inspired by Kittens girl?
“I’m a BOMB! KABOOOOOOOM!”
– Kittens Inspired by Kittens Girl
Sometimes the world stops being a dick for like five minutes. We could have been so great.
Got my Halloween costume set: 1 reflective vest + 1 kitten. Aaaand done.
At first I was like
ttp://i54.tinypic.com/2jd3lg4.jpg
But then I was like
Boo.
Tom Jones would like to remind everyone that his Sex Bomb is still the most cutting edge bomb out there. When reached for comment, Jones said… “What’s NEW, pussycat?”
The Purrrt Locker
“Brevard County’s hottest tv station is WESH. Nine year old Tokyo pimp Ichi Yakaguro is back with an all-new hotspot that answers the question, ‘WHAT?’ This station’s got everything. Trance. Stilts. Throw up music. An albino that looks like Susan Powter. Kitten bombs.”
-Stefon
Tell the story in reverse, and all pieces start falling into place: “There is a woman who lives next door to the Social Security Office who is in the habit of humanely trapping stray cats. Two cats are found in a box next to the Social Security Office.”
Yesha Dave WARNING!
This is not a joke! Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning!
Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom an………………d her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the government decided that. best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she finally died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death.
Now send this to ten other pics on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn’t pass this on like you did. And forget about you. Example 1:
Jenny didn’t believe this and deleted it without even reading the whole thing! A few days later on the monday night, she was woken up by loud footsteps and heavy breathing, there was Clarissa standing there with a huge knife and well Jenny is history now !See More
Yesterday at 9:29am · LikeUnlike ·See More
Sunday at 10:26am · LikeUnlike