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Ugh, aren’t you guys sick of all this organized crime? Don’t you wish someone would finally say “Hey, organized crime, ENOUGH ALREADY!”? Well, today we can all breath a little easier. Because the owner of the world’s largest private wig collection star of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and The Family Man, Nicolas Cage, has finally broken his legendary silence on the subject of organized crime, calling for its end. From DigitalSpy:
Nicolas Cage has called on the international community to unite against organised crime.
The Oscar winner spoke at a United Nations conference on crime in Vienna on Thursday and advocated a united front against lawlessness, according to The AP.
Oh good. So organized crime is over now, yes? The BBC reports that he called it his “most challenging and meaningful role.” HA! (For more ha’s, you can watch his speech here.) Look, I hate organized crime as much as the next person who totally hates organized crime, and actually, even though calling this his “most challenging and meaningful role” is pompous and hilarious, LOOK AT SOME OF THE DUDE’S ROLES. Fair enough, Nicolas Cage. Well said. But maybe it is time to chill with the celebrity ambassadors, United Nations. Any time that an International deliberative body grappling with worldwide issues of enormous impact has to type a press release announcing that “Nicolas Cage has been appointed as our goodwill ambassador of global justice” (GLOBAL JUSTICE!) it is time for that international deliberative body grappling with worldwide issues of enormous impact to take its eye off of organized crime for just a second and take a look at ITSELF.
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But if he’s trying to end crime, does that mean he’s going to have to get a new hair stylist?
After his old one is tried in federal court for crimes against hair and good taste? Yes.
Would that apply here, though? It doesn’t SEEM to be particularly organized.
So, apparently Nicholas Cage is a friggin’ monument to justice?
#veryspecificMoonstruckreferences
(Slaps teacherman) Snap out of it!
#veryspecificMoonstruckreferences
“The moon has come to life and is currently opening fire on Earth. Get me the president!”
#veryspecificmoonstruckreferences
#ihaveneveractuallyseenmoonstruck
Someone…tell a joke.
I’m so confuse’.
#veryspecificMoonstruckreferences@teachermanbeatmetomyjoke.org/biz
In a further statement, Cage revealed that he intended to fight organised crime alongside his daughter under the guise of “Big Daddy” and “Hit Girl”, who was heard later to add “@!*) +£%$”
i can’t wait until he launches his investigation into HOW’D IT GET BURNED? HOW’D IT GET BURNED?!
OH NO! NOT THE BEES!
Whenever my day is looking sad and lonely, I always have the youtube clip of everything wonderful and amazing about The Wicker Man…
HOW’D IT GET BURNED? HOW’D IT GET BURNED? HOWDITGETBURNED?!? HOWDITGETBURNEDDD!!?!?
There’s no pick-me-up quite like all the endless non sequitur violence and random bear suit punchings contained in that clip.
The UN just gave up I think, next week LeVar Burton discusses sex trafficking
but you don’t have to take his word for it!
“Guys, we should really obey more laws.”
-Nicolas Cage 1964-2012(?)
Oh really, Mr. Coppola?
Maybe he IS the Godfather. All the pieces of the puzzle are finally falling into place.
I didn’t know until this day that it was Cage all along…
If I wasn’t at work, this would be such a great time to whip out my photoshop of Nic Cages head on Michael Corleone’s body in that scene where they’re closing the door and kissing is ring.
That I just happen to have. For just such an occasion. It’s not blown up on my wall if that’s what you’re thinking.
…ahem…
I hate to disagree with the UN, but come on:
Such quiet dignity has Mr. Cage.
Fixing organized crime won’t bring back your goddamned career!
You had to have a career in the first place to get it back.
I don’t know dude. For a while he was on track: The Rock, Con Air, Face/Off…all in a row, $100+ movies. After that, who knows what happened.
Was this after he vehemently tried to get a Gone in 60 seconds sequel in the works and was denied over and over again?
Put the bunny down, organized crime.
Organised Crime eat lots of animals that don’t have sex decorously enough for his liking.
or at least it’s not nearly as dignified as when fish do it.
It is Friday morning and I DEMAND a ridiculous video!!!!
Kitties or puppies?
“Because crime shouldn’t be anymore organized than my career choices.” — Nicolas Cage
“Seriously guys, as soon as I finish filming Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance, I’m gonna stop acting and figure out this whole organized crime thing. Okay?”
- This guy:
“Ta-DAAAAAAA!!!”
Umm, has anyone seen the “Drive Angry 3-D” trailer? Supernatural justice! http://jalopnik.com/5596426/nicolas-cages-drive-angry-3d-trailer-hell-in-a-charger
Doesn’t Nic Cage play criminals in all of his movies? If he ends organized crime, will he have to take lesser criminal roles?
This summer, Nic Cage as you’ve never seen him before. The tones were sounding, the hand as flashing, but he just doesn’t care. This summer, Nic Cage is… THE JAYWALKER.
This reminds me of the time the Corleone’s were Leaving for Las Vegas.
United National Treasure
He’s only there to get the map on the back of the UN’s charter
“You can never make me stop drinking…or not liking organized crime…unless the mob buys one of my foreclosed properties back for me.” – Ben Sanderson, Leaving Las Vegas 2 : Still Leaving Las Vegas
Let me take this opportunity to announce my resignation as a graphic designer, and my entry into the world of organized crime. Coincidentally, this will also by most meaningful roll, Not because I enjoy organized crime, but because of my undieing hatred for Nicolas Cage.
Don’t be surprised if all the sudden John Travolta starts really fighting crime after Nic Cage’s inexplicable turn to organized crime.
(a) I prefer the old-school French-based spelling of rôle.
(b) If I were a well-known organized crime lord I would DEFINITELY make a giant Wicker Man statue in response.
(b2) Or cut off his hand with a bread slicer.
#toolatetothemoonstruckreferenceparty
I dunno about you guys, but I prefer organized crime to the disorganized sort. I mean, we’re used to being robbed and such by organizations all the time, it’s much nicer than the messy robberies.
The stories he had been told that he was retelling at the podium were BANANAS. Sad. Bananas.
A boy forced to kill his own sister? Very sad.
Another boy who was forced at gunpoint to EAT HIS OLDER BROTHER ALIVE? That happens. It’s nice to know that stuff like this happens. Now I can go to that spot whenever the kids in my apartment complex come home from school, hanging out at the playground picnic tables and eyeballing me. I think they talk shit too! They sing little blurbs of songs and snicker when I’m walking to check the mail or going to my car. Little bastards with their Bieber haircuts. They have no idea how lucky they are to not be EATING THEIR SIBLINGS ALIVE AT GUNPOINT.