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I heard the Shia LaBeouf thing in the last movie was just a red herring to throw everyone off the scent and THIS guy is going to be the new Indiando Janes! (Via TheAwl.)
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This week's five highest rated comments as voted on by you, the lowest rated comment as voted on by you, and the editor's choice.
'Sup, pogs!
Let's all go to the movies, and let's all see the same movie, and let's discuss it here.
Gabe loves fan fiction. You Can Make It Up features his own personal alternate adventures starring some of our favorite characters.
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
I bet this guy is Canadian.
He is so totally our boyfriend
Whether we like it or not.
He can “play a rapist” in my “film” anytime!
I know the guy who got the gig – he got it because this was his headshot
“Earnest and energetic! Just finished playing a MURDERER. Also, moonlighting as wizard.”
He doesn’t look like a Daryl. He looks like a Matt. FAKE!
So I guess that means the Antoine Dodson film is in post-production now?
“Alright, Daryl,” Daryl said to himself, “This is the big time. You’ve got a super-professional postcard from that awesome photo shoot you had right after eating cherry popsicles. You can do this! Okay, let’s write EARNEST…you are earnest! And…well, you don’t have room to write ‘and’…let’s just use one of those ampersands. Here we go…down, around and…oh no, that looks like a heart. Daryl, that’s a HEART! Damn you, Daryl! You’ve ruined everything! This is your only postcard! Screw it, let’s just distract them by saying you’re a rapist.”
Aaaand scene.
You just won the My Favorite Comment of the Week For Now Today Award. Congrats!
I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for playing a rapist in a film.
well no, that would be too harsh, clearly
His headshot says rapist, but his handwriting is serial killer all the way.
true. but he thought this draft would hide it more so than his first draft:
Available for birthdays and Bar Mitvahs.
Mitzvah? How do you spell that? Is that Slovak? Who the fuck cares? @RickSanchezgum
Let’s have a little respect here fellas… the Zodiac killer wasn’t a rapist!
Tell that to my mom.
Seriously, as a failed actor, I can say you would really be surprised about how crazy actors are. They say all sorts of fucked up shit. Like, not” ha ha, you’re crazy”, but like, “Ok…you’re really freaking me out” crazy.
Only a failed actor could offer this insight…
thats a bit harsh. Gabe did not call Daryl a failed actor!
I think I know that guy. Doesn’t he have a brother named Daryl?
This was supposed to be part of the original comment, and would have made it at least 85% better.
where do i go to buy more upvotes?
YES!!!!!!!! Bird is clearly a Banker because he has a whopping $1600. Fancy!
For the record, Bird is a she-bird. And she-banker. A bankette!
hotspur is correct. two person vgum meet up what what!
(also, the $ i had no idea. that just came with the original image. i was going to change it but i remembered i hate math.)
I didn’t even see the math is shaky because when I see math my eyes cloud over. Great job otherwise, though!
Oh my god, I had no idea how much debt I’m in. My wife is going to kill me.
Looks like they’re casting the part of Gabe for “The Video Gum.”
Imagine: his audition where he has to play Gabe playing Gabe in a 100 seconds.
It is great isn’t it.
He forgot to put quotes around the words “think” and “film”.
I meant quotes around “playing” and “film”. Krasdale, why do you sabotage your jokes?
It’s also starting to creep me out that that guy looks a lot like me with straight hair.
“I’d love to audition for…”
Can anyone guess what comes next? The suspense is killing me. Sorry, raping me
At Jack’s House: The Roman Polanski Story
College Republicans: The Movie: A Sense of Entitlement
That’s excellent! For when the suspense is completely horrible, but I guess not so bad that it’s outright killing you?
If the suspense isn’t THAT bad but is still really really bad, you could say “the suspense is breaking my toes with a hammer” or maybe just that it is “stabbing me once, in the arm.” I’m not sure how to rank these.
When the suspense REALLY goes to 11, you might say “the suspense is raping me, and killing me, and then raping my corpse, and mutilating my corpse, and then stringing my entrails like Christmas lights on a tree while I am forced to watch in the form of a ghost who is being raped by other ghosts (but not being killed by them, because how would that even work?), this suspense is absolutely DEFILING ME AND ALL THAT IS HOLY.” But only say this when it’s extra bad. (No serial killero.)
The role of Steve in “Blue’s Clues.”
On the positive side, that’s a pretty good looking ampersand he’s got there.
People who handwrite ampersands do not “play” rapists.
I sure hope he put some glitter in the bag he sent that in.
Well, at least he’s Union.
which means he actually gets work…ugh
Yes, as a rapist! Did you not read his axe murderer handwriting?
What he forgot to mention is that the film he just finished was a documentary.
It’s a good thing I hid my wife and kids.
“You’re portrayal of a rapist is PRETTY good… but, we think you could use more ENERGY!!!!!”
god damn grammar! i hit the submit button and then screamed NOOOOOOO. my boss is kind of confused.
he looks like the poor man’s patrick bateman.
After writing this, he has to go return some videotapes.
In his defense, getting chosen to play a rapist in a film is one of the highest honors an actor can attain.
His career must be a zombie because it took a good headshot to kill it.
(Sorry.)
His career will survive as long as he keeps his raputation in tact.
A fun game is to try to guess which of the head shots is his “rape face.” I’m guessing it’s the one with the suit.
They all are. Clockwise from the top “Initiating conversation”, “Getting serious”, and “Closing the ‘deal’ “
By “film he means “reality show”
somebody call patrick borelli!!
That’s why you don’t use AFTRA actors. SAG LIFE!!!