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Spitting truth like hot hahah what is this? You guys, I’m a little worried about Justin Bieber. I just see a really dark future barreling towards him. Like, it seems entirely possible that his head might EXPLODE on live television some day. It’s just too much! Admittedly, it is of no use worrying about teenage pop stars shouldering an inhuman level of attention, but still, sometimes I wonder what’s going to happen to him, you know? WHAT IF HE GETS STUCK IN A MINE?! (Via Fader. Thanks for the tip, Jane.)
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Oh, shut up Casey Affleck
The 3-D Biopic just got more “interesting”.
Given the name of the song, I was hoping J. Bieb would drop some dope lines like bombs in a more exotic language.
“I’m White.”
All the stress has done a number on his eyesight
I thought we were done with joke raps on Videogum.
I know, and there’s so much more fake rap to keep petitioning against:
http://www.youtube.com/user/Yeotube#p/u/0/eOHAUvbuV4o
I’m surprised/disappointed that this didn’t get the “Fake Rap” tag. Or maybe it’s worthy of its own tag … Bieberrap?
Joke rap like that makes me uncomfortable. I can’t help but feel bad for the struggling actor who says “F it, it’s paying work, I’ll do it.”
They’re real(ly incredibly photogenic) West Country farmers, apparently.
I would like to point out that “Calling Mr. Brady/Tell him to leave his hair to the boy who sings ‘Baby’” is a sufficiently good burn.
Mans, this is the first time you have upset me. I refuse to acknowledge the quality of this burn and am upset that you have.
“Oh these? They’re just some glasses. No, I’m not obsessed with them at all. No. I don’t like taking them off and putting them on every three seconds because I’m still not quite sure if I look cool in them. No, nothing like that. Just glasses that I’m wearing. No big deal.”
Is that really what Aaron Carter looks like now?! God, no wonder he beat Shaq.
Thanks, Justin Bieber, but I prefer Justin Vernon when it comes to my hip-hop crossovers.
I’ll take mine in Lawblog form.
My fake rapping doesn’t hold a candle to this kid.
Terrible singing, terrible acting, and now terrible rapping; is there anything The Biebs CAN’T do terribly?!
“Dare to be a sucky skateboarder or a lousy video editor or a completely crappy golfer. If we do only the stuff we’re good at, we never learn anything new.”
if no one read the quotes from his book yesterday you should they’re pretty great http://www.billboard.com/news/justin-bieber-s-memoir-10-awesome-quotes-1004120595.story?sms_ss=twitter&at_xt=4cb65231418c4600,0#/news/justin-bieber-s-memoir-10-awesome-quotes-1004120595.story?sms_ss=twitter&at_xt=4cb65231418c4600,0
This one is my favorite:
“The day I was born, March 1, 1994, Celine Dion was solid at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 with “The Power of Love.” Not a bad song to start your life on.” -page 26
Ke$ha had the #1 hit when my son was born. I certainly hope that’s not indicative of how a life will turn out.
From the pages of Gabe’s biography: “The day I was born, Toxcatl 1, Yore, Igbo was a solid #1 on the Cavewall Hot 100 with “Look Out for that Fucking Wholly Mammoth!!!”
Well now I have to get this book, obviously. Not even an option anymore.
Pizza?
Before a concert?
DO YOU DARE????!!!!!!
Being terrible at something, clearly.
Looks like he goes to the same optometrist as Bart:
“Menachem Begin wore a pair just like them!”
“I’d just gotten the ugliest haircut of my life the day before. My trademark swoosh was hacked off into this squarish situation that kind of reminded me of Bart Simpson.” -page 124 of The Bieb’s autobiography. You may be on to something here.
In a related anecdote that nobody cares about (including me probably), my 17-year-old brother looks alarmingly like Justin Bieber (but, shockingly, does not rap), and I have spent most of my unemployment shaming him on Facebook (with comparison photo albums where you have to guess which is the real Bieber, links of Bieber getting hit in the head with a bottle, tagging pictures of my brother and his new girlfriend as “Bieber” and “Biebiac,” etc, etc). At this point, I’m convinced the Real Justin Bieber is aware of my torture and every decision he makes now is just to help me. More rap plz!
In other news, I used to be embarrassed of my family on Facebook, but I am realizing now that the tables have officially turned.
you aren’t by any chance an Asst. Attorney General in Michigan are you?
No, I am not, but I do like the cut of his jib. (No, I don’t; I actually find him quite frightening, and your comparison is making me rethink my actions. [Just kidding. My brother is a straight, white kid. He needs some adversity in his life.])
Maybe I just don’t understand the intricacies of rap music but how does this constitute a “free-style”?
You’ve paid no fee to listen to it and “terrible’ is sort of a style. I don’t know how much clearer I could make it.
Careful what you say guys or you’ll have to deal with the wrath of this kid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4v9tfSCaHg
i like how you can just shout “speaking in tongues” at the beginning of a “Freestyle” to have an excuse for the bars and bars of gibberish to follow.
i can’t play guitar, but let me shout “spaghetti fingers!” and i’ll blow your mind with a killer solo.
You should see how great I can break dance after shouting “having a seizure”
“spaghetti tacos!” – Bieber Kidz
Can’t quite lose those hard Canadian Rs, can you, little Bieber?
Hey Biff, get a load of this guy’s life preserver!
Obligatory “A rap! A rap! A rap a-rap rap!” gif.
Damn, his science is too tight.
Damn, his science is too tight
The best thing I got out of all of this is the amazing article the Aaron Carter post links to about the Insane Clown Posse coming out as Christians, comparing science to mom-sex and pointing out the hilarity of domestic violence:
http://www.thesuperficial.com/insane-clown-posse-affirm-their-christianity-hate-science-10-2010
These guys are miracles.
You laugh now, but this free-style is gonna be the highlight of all your parties when you bust out the Def Jam Rapstar, Gabe.
Jesus Christ….
I suspect this guy has gone full blown dickhead. He has had such a cosseted upbringing that he thinks he can do what he likes, pester men in suits, attempt to open other peoples cars (“what do you mean it’s not mine?”), oh yeah, and rap.
“Call up Lady Gaga on my telephone / Hella dome.”
“So I’m a raptor, tearing it up like a tractor. Matter fact, I’m killing this track, you’re a slacker.”
“You’re the seller, I’m the buyer.”
I’m selling Shut the Fuck Up pills.
I bought Baby on itunes for $1.29. I listen to it sometimes if it comes on when I am working out. The other day it came on right after Fugazi’s Facet Squared. I ran by personal best three mile time. I know nothing in this world….
Have we really gotten to the point where someone can get rich and famous simply because they have cool hair or nice abs? Really??
Pretty sure Biebs neither has cool hair nor nice abs.
Oh man, my rambling about Burlington can be almost relevant for once! In one of the bathrooms in Muddy Waters there is scribble that says, “Dear god, please give us back Bob Marley, you can take Justin Bieber.” It pretty much is a solid example of my feelings towards this town. “Oh, good, we don’t like Justin Bieber. Oh, wait, we are still obsessed with Bob Marley…and wait…is that suggesting that God kill the poor kid? That’s terrible. Why am I thinking this much about bathroom scrawl? I hope I don’t go read one of those stupid, stupid, vapid while trying to be deep and earnest, notes someone has scribbled on and stuck in the brick wall.”
Dear Justin Bieber,
The term ‘freestyle’ connotes a rap that is spur of the moment, made up off the top of one’s head. Your rap was written, most likely by someone that is not you. Your classification of this rap as a ‘freestyle’ disrespects the tradition of truly great freestylers of any generation (be they KRS-One, Canibus, Eminem or what have you), and your claiming of “skills” in the rap game is laughable at best. Furthermore your lyrics are (mercifully) brief, your delivery over-stylized and your content lacking any respectable or virtuous nature.
In conclusion, you are a pop-culture black hole, among the most annoying and unfortunately ubiquitous celebrities in recent memory, a true ingenue of self-absorption, and an asshole of utmost disrepute. You are the 2012 of human beings. May you never release a hip-hop album ever.
Sincerely,
fozzy the chair
Could someone please loop “…Justin Bieber is on fire…” so I can listen and literally imagine the horrible immolation of this irrepressible little scamp?