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Obesity is a very serious health crisis that’s threatening major repercussions for the American economy and health system. It’s endemic and seemingly intractable due to the fact that over-consumption is pretty directly tied into the “American Dream,” which is what it is all supposed to be about. For more on this important issue, please Google “actual news and information on obesity in America based on facts and science.” For more on some old man who is about to turn what could be an important and valuable message to the American people into a self-indulgent commentary on his love for ice cream, please keep reading this post. ANDY ROONEY, YOU GUYS! America’s oldest man! In this week’s essay, or thought piece, or whatever you want to call it, on 60 Minutes, he declared that in response to a recent report that 75% of Americans will be obese by the year 2020, he is going to go on a diet. Sure! There is absolutely nothing wrong with a public figure taking personal steps towards leading a healthier lifestyle with the goal of providing a role model to viewers. Except that dude is fucking 3,000,000 years old, will probably die from this experiment, is not a role model to anyone, and spends the whole time talking about how big his socks are or something.
He doesn’t want to look haggard and drawn, you guys. Also ice cream. And then he’s moving to Japan. (I KNOW THIS QUESTION IS ALMOST TOO “ON THE NOSE” BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS HE EVER EVEN TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE?!) (Via WarmingGlow.)
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Just stay fat and be happy, Andy.
This is terrifying, but I can’t look away…
WOMAN LICKING ICE CREAM IS FROM THE ICE ICE BABY VIDEO. That is all.
I just feel sorry for that kid, he’s a vuisual manifestation of child abuse. His parents are killing him or at best setting him up for a (short) life of diabetes.
Rooney don’t dance
He just goes in his pants
and
soils his underwear
Now lean back
lean back
Gabe, I thought you held the title of America’s oldest man? Now I am confused…
The statistics used to get the “75% of Americans will be obese by the year 2020″ figure uses a form of extapolation that also suggests that by the year 2050, 110% of Americans will be obese.
So yes. Valid argument, those guys.
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Extapolation is a complex mathematical concept devised by the Persians sometime during the Middle Ages, involving imaginary numbers and Ehrenfest’s Theroem as applied to two operators. It is used by statisticians to this day as a way of delving deeper into non-linear methods of mathematics.*
*None of this is true.
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Congratulations on catching up with 2006 in-jokes, Steve Winwood!
As an eyeroll a thumb-up or a thumb-down? Seriously, what if I have no feelings anymore (turned 29 recently, dead inside), but want to register that I was here, and I rolled my eyes?
Ugh, someone was filming Andy Rooney putting his pajamas on in the bathroom.
I remember when he was suspended for saying something weird about black people, and I thought well, he’s probably about to retire anyway.
That was twenty years ago.
I just wish someone would give me an excuse to tell my Andy Rooney story again. Dude is the oldest.
Start small with slimming down the eyebrows. Just a thought.
Those eyebrows….THOSE EYEBROWS!
FLCL reference?
Thank God for your eyebrows… and FLCL.
Inspiring.
“Please, God, don’t eat me. Please. I have children.” –That banana.
don’t forget his brother
Also, this.
that IS unusual….
Huckabeast ALWAYS has a second cookie at home.
Huckabeast never vomits at home.
I was completely expecting this reaction.
http://quinnchannel.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83452188569e2011279621bb428a4-400wi
This is what I got when I googled “actual news and information on obesity in America based on facts and science.”
YAY! VIDEOGUM EVERYWHERE!
I got a similar result when I googled “Gif of two men grinding” yesterday. Videogum owns the internet.
Just want to congratulate Bing on its successful effort in making such strong in-roads into this community.
For real, I wanted to find the Eat Pray Love post a while ago, so I googled “Fart Fart Barf” and it turns out there is a band called “FARTBARF”. #TMYK
Reminds me of a joke I just made up. What is invisible and smells like mummies? Andy Rooney farts. (also would have accepted “ghosts”)
i didn’t watch the whole thing. instead i played the andy rooney game. it was pretty awesome.
the prune juice diet does wonders
I just got a terrifying mental image of Andy Rooney seductively licking an ice cream cone, so I thought I’d pass it along to you guys. You can thank me later.
Sponsored by Viagra??
Oh, please. PLEASE.
I know, right? Talk about ‘on the nose’.
that’s your sposBLAAAAAAARUGHHHHH
and here’s his “After” picture:
Guys- his response to the recession was to stop washing his shirts. I hate to think about what his idea of a “diet” is.
He only eats the lint he finds under his couch.
I think I discovered his diet plan
So my chocolate diet is why I’m still fat? That’s it, starting tomorrow, I will start my new cake diet! I’m gonna do it people!
EVERYONE GETS SOME CAKE!
This person is if my racist grandpa became a self-parody performance artist
Someone should tell Andy that the North Koreans are probably thinner than the South Koreans.