Photos
Carl Paladino, the Republican for governor of New York, made a speech to a group of orthodox Jews yesterday in which he said the following:
I just think my children and your children would be much better off and much more successful getting married and raising a family, and I don’t want them brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option — it isn’t.
Oh good grief. What is even HAPPENING at this point? Everyone needs to relax.2012 is almost here! We don’t have to rush it! Unless I’m just confused and this year’s election is actually about voting to see who is the Biggest Asshole. In which case: TIGHT RACE. Anyway, Carl Paladino left the hospital this morning, where he’s being treated for a debilitating case of Crypt Keeper Face, to sit with Matt Lauer on the Today Show and give one of the most convoluted and confusingly contradictory explanations for why he is not, in fact, homophobic. (HINT: it’s because no, actually, he is super homophobic.)
What on Earth? It’s just really hard to believe that you have “no problem” with homosexuals when you spend the next 10 minutes talking about a bunch of the problems you have with homosexuals. And I know it’s not professional to get into ad hominem attacks, but I’m not a professional, and dude’s face looks like a DEATH SANDWICH. He should be less focused on what Andrew Cuomo does with his daughters on the weekend, and more focused on hiring David Fisher to brush some rouge on those cold cheeks. “I promise, if you elect me to office, we will hang so many air fresheners in the governor’s office that you won’t even be able to tell that I shed this mortal coil in 2003. That’s the Paladino promise.”
Gross. Your boyfriend is gross. (Thanks for the tip, Shoogyboomz and FaceTaco.)
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Sure. He’s not homophobic because he’s not AFRAID of gay people. He just hates them. Duh.
Can you blame him, with all that grinding and such that those people like to do?
yeah, i mean who could love men like this?:
I must know what this is from!!
Sure, that’s the way to secure the Jewish vote….
Hey Bing, I think you mean Carl Paladino and Erection 2010.
i think someone in the media should’ve alerted us that Dan Hedaya and Alan Alda have combined to form NOHOMOBOT 3000.
I don’t think he’s my boyfriend anymore – he changed his Facebook relationship status to “It’s Complicated.”
Does that mean you’re gonna light that scarf he bought you on fire and then throw it on his bed?
Don’t you mean he changed it to “Exploring equally valid and successful options”?
In my defense, I am only with him because I do not deserve real love.
“I’m not a zombie – I’m you.”
That is my boyfriend, but he doesn’t want to go public with our relationship for obvious reasons.
What he really meant was…
“I just think my children and your children would be much better off and much more successful getting married and raising a family, and I don’t want them brainwashed into thinking that facetaco is an equally valid and successful option — it isn’t.
That’s true. He knows it will all end in heartbreak and indigestion.
Since I know you can’t watch videos at work, I’ve condensed it into gif form for you
There are not enough words to express my appreciation for this. You are truly the wind beneath my wings.
And you, the sketti ‘neath my flat taco, friend.
Forget Crypt Keeper, I was thinking more Emperor Palpatine. As in, Emperor Paladino.
Can someone please Photoshop this?
Your boyfriend looks good in black…
You the man.
at first i was like
then i was like
then i was like
then back to the first on an infinite loop forever.
I HATE it when my boyfriend talks softly and acts like he’s cool, calm, and collected, when I know that he’s an insecure, out of control, rage-a-holic!
My boyfriend being on this show is the closest I’ll ever come to a threesome with Matt Lauer.
What this guys lacks in cohesive argument making he completely makes up for in anti-charisma.
If kids shouldn’t see Speedo-clad men grinding, his campaign should actually be against Jersey Shore and Muscle March.
And WWE wrestling…
http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/images/photos/001/031/358/vince__linda_mcmahon_wwe_crop_340x234.jpg?1284928984
My boyfriend gave this speech in Williamsburg! I’m going to make out with an extra 5 guys at Sugarland this Saturday to set the balance right.
interesting position on gays considering he’s a total bag-hag. The eye bags on that guy, amiright? Zing to the max.
So his argument is “I could have said some really shitty, shitty, shitty stuff. But I decided that I should just say some really shitty stuff. You’re welcome!”?
Well, now I just DON’T know who to vote for…
WITCH/CRYPT-KEEPER 2012
“To be honest, it’s what we deserve.”
Wouldn’t it be weird to be Carl Paladino? A few months ago, he was so rich and powerful that he could send a video of a woman having sex with a horse to his mailing list (no joke, he really did that), and I guarantee you that 99% of them kept sucking up to him and saying that he’s a great man who needs to run for governor. He was so surrounded by supplicants that his judgment got deeply out of whack.
Now look at him. He can’t even refer to his opponents sexual prowess, or make a speech about the shamefulness of the gays, without everyone attacking him. Look at how sad he is!
He’s a like a monkey raised in captivity who was released into the wild. he has no idea how to live in this world. The kindest thing to do would be to recapture him and give him a nice cage at the Heritage Institute where he’d never have to interact with normals again.
I give up on the world. Goodbye forever, internet friends. I’m going to go smother myself with these:
Where did you get this picture of the slumber party I had on Saturday?
I’ll tell you when you tell me what happened to my invitation.
Don’t worry, Baby Friday, you are totes invited to my slumber party this weekend where we will be playing a rousing game of Girl Talk, making up a dance to the newest Ace of Base jam and watching Grease. Don’t forget to bring your BFF Cakeordeath!
Did I hear my name?
Also, I can’t wait for this. Can we also throw in some Chipettes?
Cakeordeath, this is exactly why you are invited. Bring some Ryan gifs too.
I’m in! I’ll bring my VHS copy of this:
And we can fast forward to (and sing along with) all the good songs!
Briadru4, you’re invited too. (Your invitation is in the next copy of Duh Aficionado.)
Oh thank GOD! I was worried for a second.
I’m bringing Stella and this:
I hate that my boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. I am in Canada, thus I can’t watch his pretty, hate-mongering mouth speak.
I would have much preferred a 7 minute long video of grown men grinding on eachother.
I just tried to find a gif of 2 men grinding on each other, but instead I think I just got fired.
My heart beat real fast when Matt Lauer responded oh so delicately that he thinks it’s OK to expose your children to all sorts of different things. I’ve never had an opinion one way or another on the man, but he might be changing my mind with this tender early-morning expressions.
Kudos to Matt for turning up the heat and staying on top of Palladino (yes homo).
All of the hard work Orthodox Jews have put into bridging the gap between them and the rest of society…gone. Thanks, Paladino.
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BEST GIF EVER! RYYYYYYAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They’re all for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODpvgedI73Y
We should go together and hold each other while we SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Dreamiez
Quit grinding on me with your GIFs
And just like the 1964 Goldwater campaign, the correct response to that is, “In your guts, you know he’s nuts.”
Finally someone gets the reference!
One of the best quotes attributed to Goldwater: “You don’t have to be straight to be in the military. You just have to shoot straight.”
I was just using you to post some hot man gifs. Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.
#truthgum
Paul Rudd is the hottest man.
This is my favorite thing ever.
WHEW! It’s a good thing the gay population in New York state is basically zero. No votes lost there! Great campaign strategy, Bond Villain-faced guy! Especially on National Coming Out Day!
I like your name.
I like your avatar.
I like you.
I felt some strange jealousy reading this.
Thanks! Also, I would prefer cake, please.
Well we’re OUTTA cake! We didn’t know there was going to be such a rush!
So my choice is OR Death?! Well I’ll have the chicken then, please…
He only said that he doesn’t support gay marriage, because he is a Catholic, which is perfectly valid for the position he’s running for: Priest.
it’s a good thing my boyfriend is a devout Catholic who abides by the “thou shalt not commit adultery” commandment. just ask his mistress’ 10 year old daughter.
Even then there are a few quiet priests out there who do support gay marriage (and will bless unions, even if they aren’t allowed by the higher-ups to perform the ceremony).
The official (still super conservative) position of the church is ‘love the sinner hate the sin’ which is not good enough, but does allow that gays as people are ok because God made them who they are, but somehow they aren’t supposed to act physically on their biologically determined love – eh, a wee way to go there, Catholic church. also while you’re at it, church, maybe want to tell some of your followers a bit more loudly to love thy neighbour and all that? *sigh* Not that Paladino would manage to be hatefree if he had God yelling over his shoulder that he would smite him if he was a dick one more time. He’d probably steal some sweets from a baby then knock the pram under the nearest bus.
Believing you can be brainwashed into being gay = You’re gay.
He’s not homophobic because he has a picture of his gay nephew in a wallet.
I meant *his* wallet. Sheesh.
One: I was hoping to say this, damn.
Two: According to him, he has a picture of gay MARRIAGE in his wallet.
I’m with Rachel Maddow on this one. Paladino’s campaign HAS to be an elaborate piece of performance art. I can’t explain the garbage-scented mailers otherwise.
The Producers where they make money if it fails
Q: How many months from now will Carl Palidino be arrested for soliciting gay sex in a public bathroom?
1. One month
2. Three months
3. Six months
4. Twelve months
5. Trick question, he’ll never be arrested for it, only cited.
Wait!
We need to secure this man grinding brainwashing power for good.
This guy should run for governor of Uganda. EAT DA POO POO.
I couldn’t help but notice that he takes a Larry Craig-esque wide stance throughout the entire interview.
Wasn’t this the guy who sent out emails with women fellating horses? At what point in his youth did his parents take him to the rodeo?
paladino is so gay…i mean…what a gayface
Careful.
Did you hear about Vince Vaughn?
I’m so fucking sick of people being anti-gay. Homosexuality doesn’t affect them in the slightest. We (i.e. not assholes) have been fighting for gay marriage for who knows how long. I just can’t wrap my head around how people can say they are against gay marriage and not see how that’s wrong. What do they think they’re accomplishing by outlawing it? It’s not like outlawing gay marriage is going to keep people from being gay. Whenever someone who opposes gay marriage opens their mouth I try SO hard to listen and value their opinion, but frankly they’re just wrong. Even if they do firmly believe that their side is right, what they believe is just rude.
http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQW1mVcNIRROhQE_EPOScoPn9Vdv5LplcSDNjS2-J8JaUNV91s&t=1&usg=__DkDGnf-prSiP93sDncJQjqonVME=
sigh.
Why do I always date douchebags? Between Paladino and Brett Favre (who didn’t even have the courtesy of sexting me a picture of his junk when we were dating), I’m starting to think I might have bad taste in men.
This guy definitely sounds exactly like Jeremy Irons in The Lion King, right? I think he has to. There’s not really any other possibility.
I mean judging on looks alone and not his ACTUAL taped voice, of course.
Here’s the video of Carl Paladino’s ridiculous speech about homosexuality:
http://bit.ly/99MU5E
I left Paladino for my new boyfriend, Matt Lauer- rawwwwrrrrr.
Man, I’ve had so many quality boyfriends ever since I joined the vgum community. Gabe sure knows how to play matchmaker!
Careful, Gabe. The last time a reporter went after Paladino, he accused him of sending “goons” after his daughter and then threatened to “take him out.” Yes, actual quotes – not lines lifted from a second-rate mob film.
There are not enough pictures of gay people in enough wallets to justify this man’s existence.
My homophobic boyfriend will (gay)marry me and we’ll live in my lovely homophobic city :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03s3-GpphwU
Sadly, that IS my city.
My boyfriend is so, so qualified to be governor of my state.
He loves family so much he has two. Zing!
Death Sandwich? Congrats Gabe, you get all of the points