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DING DONG BING BONG BONG DING DONG! You know, song stuff! The Videogum Song Contest enters the next phase. After receiving 19 entries, which might not sound like a lot of entries, but then you think about it, and you realize that is actually kind of a ton of entries, the guest/founding judges, werttrew, Shellbomber and Chris Trash have narrowed the field down to their five favorites based on a complicated and scientific algorithm, I’m sure. After the jump, you can listen to the 5 finalists, as well as vote in our state of the art on-line poll that uses only the best polling technology. (Thanks for the tip, David Axelrod.)
Let me also say at this point: congratulations to all of the entrants! I will post all of the songs at a future date so that we can all enjoy everyone’s hard work together, like when a couple shares earbuds on their Zune, but EVEN MORE. But that is for later. I mean, congratulations, yes, but we can’t get distracted by non-viable songs. What do you think this is? A Clown Show? No. This is not a clown show. So, for today, double-congratulations to the five songs that made it into the finals.
Check them out and vote for your favorite:
Here is where you listen:
Teacherman – “Fell In Love With A Monster” by Videogum
Robin Rubbermaid – “Goodbye Monkey (Whither Da Cake Eatur)” by Videogum
Lawblog – “We Monsters” by Videogum
Del Preston – “J.O.R.T.S” by Videogum
Topknot – “We Should All Be So Lucky” by Videogum
And here is where you vote:
The polls will remain open for one week, and the winners will be announced in the Monsters’ Ball on October 15th.
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Yay! This makes me & Keanu happy:
These songs are simply the most amazing thing on the interwebs. Double Rainbow Across The Video Gum Sky!
I agree. I wasn’t sure how this little experiment would turn out but I’m really pleased with the results.
There’s some talented monster’s up in here!
Uh… Monsters…
#fuckin’grammer
Hey what happened to the Topher Grace wrap up posts?
Gabe ended them last month on the 1 year anniversary. Thus the Never Forget on my avatar.
You took the bait, concert_addict!
I will never not answer questions regarding Topher
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
WINWOOD!!!!!!!
Off topic but kinda related:
If VG was the Seinfeld sitcom, would Winwood be George?
I guess there are some Topher question I wont answer.
Winwood would be Newman.
It is going to be epicly meta when I sneak one of these into by best of oh-ten year end mix.
Whither Da Cake Eatur is the best song Blonde Redhead never wrote.
aye Pitchfork! I prefer stereogum
Official word from the Stereogum staff!
scott always looks like he’s having the time of his life.
So does Amrit, but, like, out of frame.
The 16 hour workdays are soul crushing, otherwise http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qujfdzLJPyU.
(Always Be Complaining.)
I love them all.
I’m with Lawblog. I like commenting here without ever being called a fag.
“Take you for a ride like you’re Jeremy London.”
J.O.R.T.S. just about took my vote with the robot voice, but Lawblog’s song is just too brilliant to lose.
“Uh-oh! You Mad!”
Auto-tune is actually a pretty big challenge to sing with! It’s easy to assume that it automatically corrects whatever’s off-key, but if you already have an established voice, there’s a lot of necessary adjustment to make it sound anything but awful.
So great job, Del Preston!
I should have recorded my Trent Reznor “God Moneeeeyyyyyy” song in my Frank Sinatra voice that I’m always singing in my head
This probably isn’t quite what you are thinking of, but Richard Cheese sort of did that already. I won’t say whether you are a plagiarist, or not.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5m_CdCzKYY
Wait what song is that? Head Like A Hole?
If only I had spent a bit more time on the production / didn’t wait until the day of the deadline to write all the lyrics / began recording the song at 11:55PM EST on the due date / didn’t steal the melodies from other songs.
Also, J.O.R.T.S. is my new autumn jam.
Just kidding, I love all these jamz equally.
Yep. Five-way tie. But, I keep repeating J.O.R.T.S. in that robot voice. I’m glad everyone else in the office has gone home.
i don’t. that last one is fucking awesome. #thereisaidit
We will sample it for next year’s entry.
instead of handing it in 5 minutes before the deadline, we are now roughly 359 days ahead of schedule.
Or we could just do a REEEEEEMIIIIIIIIIIIIIX of this year’s entry.
(lazy)
My lyrics went like this:
“If heaven ever gets a little more Gabe
Or if heaven gets a little more me
I know a little heaven blog where all the monsters will be”
The rest was just me whispering “topher grace” over nature sounds.
I have the weirdest boner right now.
And by boner I mean creepy smile.
And by creepy smile you mean boner.
I took my role as the Paula in this judging panel pretty seriously, so I mixed myself a nice percocet and vodka cocktail in my favorite red Coca Cola cup and got to listening. Whoa, you guys. These five songs were the best, but all the entries were good. So good.
I can’t believe my music evaluation skills have gone so underused all these years. If Stereogum wants to hire me, I can be reached at amritwedhavebeautifulchildrentogether22@hotmail.com.
I don’t think that’s a real email address.
I guess that makes me Ellen then.
We all know who that makes me, then…
Who’s Simon? Winwood?
These are a lot better than they have any right to be.
Well done, fellow monsters!
I NEVER got around to finalizing the RECORDING of my entry but THESE ARE all great. GREAT job! IF THERE’S ever a second ONE I’LL be sure to finish THAT SHIT.
My vote goes to the inevitable Autotune Mash-up of all five.
WORD!
They’re all so good… I need to go talk to some food about this.
Monsters got talent. For serious.
Wow, this is super exciting, you guys. And such sweet company….”We Monsters”? Epic, in every sense of the word.
I genuinely mean it when I say that your song is fucking great.
Is it OK that I married your background harmonies?
Sounds like Young Marble Giants! So good
I’m gonna be so awkward around your comments because I have such a huge crush on you now.
Thanks, guys! Sorry it’s so, um…lo-fi. My ambition way exceeds my recording skills.
HEY, there is no need to apologize! This song, along with the other one are so SO GOOD x a bajillion James Francos. You wrote a great song, and least you aren’t like me where my skill – none- inhibits ALL of my ambition… But yeah AWESOME SONGS!! You have one member and president of the robin rubbermaid fan club.
I fucking love “Goodbye Monkey”.
I ve eaven tried to befriend cake eatur on Facebook, but he rejected me.
Can’t believe I’m stuck in an office with other people who can fire me. This is like 3 days before Christmas – staring at the presents under the tree. So close, yet so far away. If this was a tragic movie, I’d get into an ear accident on the way home and never get to hear these. Let’s hope life imitates boring normalcy, not art.
Don’t worry, they’re all terrible, you’re not missing much…
PSYCHE!
wow…. really great job guys. Tough choice- the dissonant guitar goodness of We Should All Be So Lucky, Robo-Jam greatness of J.O.R.T.S, actually bad-ass rhymes from Lawblog, Teacherman’s white-soul coffe shop winner. I must say though, Goodbye Monkey is my fav and I’m not exactly sure why. Awesome stuff.
Hopefully Robin’s song will summon our favorite troll.
haha dat ledys voys sounds lik a skwirel!!!!11!!!!1!!
Lawblog, will you marry me?
I am SO impressed by all of you guys. This is amazing!
I had an amazing time listening to all the entires. FUCKING KUDOS, you guys!!! Holy crap! So good.
Salieri would be jealous.
This is my tied-for-favorite movie. Upvotes for life.
We are all Salieris now.
“Play Lawblog.”
la la la la fake rap fake rap fart noise.
Aw, this makes me so happy to call myself a monster. Serious talent in this e-room, guys. We Monsters is gonna be stuck in my head for a week. E-<3s 2 all of U
So Good, you guys! I am so proud of each and every one of you right now. So much talent! Can I vote for all of them?
Anyway, Teacherman, Can you post the lyrics to your song? I was having difficulty hearing some parts b/c of my shitty work speakers.
Yes! Some of us are 96 years old and our ears don’t work so well anymore.
Teacherman is my husband! And I told him you guys wouldn’t be able to hear the lyrics.
(I’m so vain–I think this song is about me.
#shamelessloveupvotes)
Baby Friday is telling the truth guys! Teacherman’s song is real dammit, real!
…well, either that, or she has been creepily claiming to be his wife on chat before this.
Okay, well, we just listened to Lawblog’s and I think by law (I guess he can tell me) he’s my new husband now? Or something?
So, yeah, I just listened to lawblog and I’m all
Still… His could have used more cowbell.
I just want video of him singing you this song at your next anniversary, If Lawblog permits it.
I meant Teacherman singing the song, NO wife-stealio.
You’ve inspired us…
COMING IN 2012, EXCLUSIVELY TO THE INTERNET:
The “Fell in Love with a Monster” music video
No sarcasmo, I am totally trying to talk teacherman into doing a music video. Gabe willing and the pop culture don’t rise, we should have a video soon.
I accept. Consider us married.
For realsies? My husband is just a VG lurker, not cool and fun like your huz!
He’s the coolest and funnest, thisismynightmare.
knowing this is my equivalent of finding out in US Weekly that two celebrities are dating! but which celebrities?…
The hot ones, Dr. Girlfriend. The hot ones.
Actually…
AND
I’m retiring to spend more time with my husband.
Here you go!
Verse 1:
I spend my days on Videogum
Just trying to read it all
And looking for that invitation
To the Monster’s Ball
There’s been a new monster in town
She’s been getting upvotes from my heart
She’s as funny as any around
She got the cutest little avatar
Chorus:
At first it was
Just a crush
I think I’m falling in love
With a Monster
Verse 2:
Well, she had a post in the BNPG
That had me ROFLOLing
Even Steve Winwood was complimentary
With not one word about her misspellings
Now, in the end she may turn out to be
A little more Sawyer, a little less Kate
I don’t really care if she is a he
I say better gay than fake
Chorus
Bridge:
I may not know her name
But I know how she makes me feel
And it may sound insane
But our virtual love is real
There’s only one thing more
Before I make her my queen
I should probably be sure
That she’s at least 18
I’ve posted all the lyrics to all five songs:
http://www.tumblr.com/tumblelog/werttrew
I also uploaded the finalists’ avatars to their songs on our brand new Soundcloud, but I guess you need to click through to there to see: http://soundcloud.com/videogum
Teacherman…
This makes it all worth it.
I’m cool with this.
Age ain’t nuthin’ but a number, Teacherman.
Seriously, though, you have mad skillz! FILWAM is so delicious/sexually appealing…
This is without a doubt the hardest decision I will ever make.
When does the Videogum Monsters LIVE! 2010 Tour come to the Tacoma Dome? Count me in!
YAY TACOMA DOME SEATTLE YAY
Wow, thanks judges for putting me through to Hollywood! But seriously, Lawblog’s got my vote. So good!
The thing that makes me happy in this world is your song.
I’m taking my vote way too serious.
I’ve listened to each 3 times “just to be sure i’m making the right decision.”
Those were great, and pretty much a two-year walk down memory lane! (or is that a 15 minute walk down a two-year memory lane? who cares! awesome!)
Robin Rubbermaid, will you marry me?
Already taken, principal enchman…the guy you hear on the song is my husband. But thanks!
(By the way, when I was recording this, he had no idea who Da Cake Eatur was. So when I forced him to say all that seemingly random shit into the microphone, he was all, Why do I have to say all this seemingly random shit into the microphone? So…good job, Eric!)
I think we’ve found the new sounds the world’s been looking for.
Bravo guys, bravo!
SOPHIE’S CHOICE AIN’T GOT NOTHIN’ ON THIS! etc etc
Wow. They’re all reeeeaaaaally good. Lawblog really knocked it out of the park! You have my vote, sir. I definitely put my thumbs in the air during that awesome bridge.
Grape job, everyone!
FOR REAL. I was sitting in my living room, all putting my thumbs up before I even realized what I was doing. Awkward, but a wonderful moment nonetheless!
Topknot, great song, but is it really fair to have used Yo La Tengo to record your song?
I had to promise to buy them Taco Bell for every meal on their next tour, but it’s worth it!
I am thrilled and honored to be in the running. Such amazing entries–I feel like I snuck in through the back door.
SOY BOMB!
J.O.R.T.S. is making my SMILE fucking HURT man! Chart toppa.
“seduce someone to the strains of ‘j.o.r.t.s.’” has been added to my bucket list.
http://www.tombolo.bandcamp.com for my band’s contribution. we didn’t make it but we want you to hear it anyway!
These songs are good. I like them. Good job guys.
that .gif is the music video for “we should all be so lucky”. seriously. go up, push play, scroll down. brilliant.
Nice job everyone! I really wish I would have had time to submit one myself now because it sounds like you guys all had a lot of fun with it.
I know! I might even do one later and just post it here in some random thread.
Or you can write it now and spend the next year editing it for 2nd annual contest.
Of course, it is an honor just to be nominated. I hope my song touches many of you in a very palpable, very bizarre way.
Love em all! Wish I finished my song in time., I missed out on a lot of fun
I’m kind of glad I didn’t finish my entry because Lawblog…geez, what a great track. Not to take anything away from the other entries, which are quite good, but I think he pretty much nails the zeitgeist of this site and the comm(ent)unity.
For the record, my song was entitled “Is She Pretty (Enough For Steve).”
I really want to hear this.
I geniunely enjoyed all five entries, but I had to vote for the one that mentioned me. I thought that was as good a tiebreaker as any. Well played, lawblog.
Yeah, Guided by Vodka, that is a good trick. By the way how is your fantasy football team, The Mighty Cetaceans, doing?
OOPS! who put that link there?We shall see in Week 11, Chicago Trash.
I know, I would say that lawblog pulled a “Heart of Rock and Roll” trick but it’s JUST TOO DAMN GOOD. And I didn’t even get a mention! (but I’m still a noob fag so I didn’t expect one)
I definitely wanted to name as many people as possible to guilt them into voting for me.
I just listened again…so am I trippin’ or did I have a shout out in there? Give it to me straight, Lawblog.
You absolutely did. It was more of a reference than a direct shoutout, since i didn’t do the name exactly right because of grammar and all, but yes, consider your self shouted out.
Mad love, yo.
Awesome song, though. And thank you.
You are welcome. And thank you for upvoting “Happy Labor Day”
Good job everyone. Where is the button I push for “EVERYONE WINS! CHEESECAKE FOR EVERYONE! PUPPIES AND KITTENS EATING ICE CREAM ALL DAY LONG!”?
Seriously, you all are all great.
Okay, I’m sorry, Lawblog, I just started crying about the second chorus, and not just because I am over emotional.
Oh man, it actually got me too (I really hope you’re not joking about the crying thing because I was for real tearing up). A monster’s anthem.
I never joke about crying.
Okay, Rubbermaid, you are killing it too. Are you secretly Belle and/or Sebastian?
I was mistaken for Belle and/or Sebastian once. I was smoking outside a B&S concert with a friend, and a stranger started talking to us and asked us what we were up to. I said “Belle and Sebastian,” and he shook our hands and said “nice to meet you, I’m Steve.”
Anyway yeah, Robin Rubbermaid is my favorite too. Great song.
I am so full of pride and uncomfortably strong crush feelings for all of you guys right now.
And we can Take One For The Team like Joe Mande
While Gabe sits there gummin’ on a butterscotch candy
I love that line SO MUCH. It’s probably my favorite.
we should all be so lucky…to have a community like this. i’m still deciding, all the songs are so great!
I just finished my second listen-thru of all the songs, and they’re just so good. It’s so interesting to hear a song form around an aspect of this site that grabbed somebody and then see how they express their enjoyment of said aspect.
dudes! it’s like my ears are doing fist pumps.
also, for no good reason i have this line from badlands going on over and over again in my head. “for the ones who had a notion, a notion deep inside, that it ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive.”
it could be because i just found out HBO is showing the darkness on the edge of town doc tonight (MORE FIST PUMPS!) but i like to think that it’s because monsters are so life-affirming.
A billion and two upvotes because I am the world’s biggest Boss fan! Went to the Rock Hall of Fame to see the Bruce exhibit this summer, and there were no words. I seriously had tears in my eyes. And the quote you’ve pulled is perfect–I love the monsters. And I double love you for posting this!
I saw that exhibit last summer. The best part was when Atlantic City came on over one of the monitors and everybody in the room stopped what they were doing to sing along.
Bruce is The Man.
And also The Boss.
YES! When we were walking up the stairs a live, very slow version of “Born to Run” came on, and I got chills.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT THESE ARE AWESOME. I feel like such an untalented dick right now. I propose a new contest for the best VG-themed trial pleading. Mans, are you with me?
I say we have a Spanish-teaching contest. That’s my one talent.
My loneliness saddens me.
If we have a photography contest I would… well I would probably still lose. Haha.
If we were to have some sort of Staring at Your Pile of Laundry and Thinking You Should Do Laundry but then Getting Distracted and Not Doing Laundry and Then Adding To Your Pile of Laundry Thus Restarting The Cycle contest, I would totally own all you motherfuckers.
#bluestockingsfailsatadulthoodgum
In an effort to curb your loneliness, Baby Friday, I will use the power of the Internet to summon you a hug monkey.
Aw, thanks bluestockings. Consider me monkey-hugged.
Update: I just did my laundry, so I actually just lost my own hypothetical contest.
Woot.
I would totally win a Cashing Unemployment Checks contest.
i would win a taking adderal to finish my master’s report and then instead obsessively going through every videogum comment contest.
I want to write a song about how great these songs are but I have no musical talent
Don’t get me wrong These are all beautiful songs with beautiful messages but I gotta masturbate at least once DAMN!
These songs are simply the most amazing thing on the interwebs. Double Rainbow Across The Video Gum Sky!
These are so powerful and I’m so overwhelmed with feelings of JOY and creepy crushes on faceless funny internet people with lullaby voices.
I feel so conflicted, because I loved Robin Rubbermaid’s song best (you guys are all great! But this is #pollgum) but lawblog filled my lolk account to where I can sit in a sensory deprivation chamber and still laugh all the way to 2012
Thanks everyone! Seriously though, this is a hard ass decision. I’m just honored to be nominated.
Also, I’m getting confirmation that head judge Werttrew is going to be a dad! Congrats, dude, Gummalo family is growing!
Yep! can’t wait for the joys of fatherhood.
Oh my god, congrats, sir! I know I’m not the only one who hopes your child will be a constant source of awesome gifs.
werttrew II?
Congratulations, werttrew!! When you get a chance, you should go listen to part 2 of the Louis CK interview on WTF. He tells a story about the birth of his first child, and it is really moving. I think it actually gave me a maternal instinct for about a minute there.
http://wtfpod.libsyn.com/episode-112-louis-c-k-part-2
congrats!!! better you than me. (children scare me.)
About as far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a Monster.
So guys, I have been so swamped with grad school (I know, we’re the worst) this semester that I just haven’t had time to comment with any regularity. But I am still reading as much as I can! And like Jay-Z, Brett Favre, and Amanda Bynes before me, I am coming out of retirement to say that I LOVE THIS! At first I was like whoa Teacherman has a great voice and lots of talent. And then I was like whoa Da Cake Eatur homage. And then I was like whoa that rap is awesome. And I love JORTS, and any song that references Bivens, one of my favorite videogum characters of all time, also wins my love.
Point being – new faces or old – you’re all still great! And the five of you with awesome songs are especially great today. WE ARE ALL WINNING MONSTERS!
GROUP HIGH FIVE (insert gif here)
*Nickelback lyrics*
I thought these would all be Microsoft Songsmith tunes rhyming “Delahaye” with “Hella Gay” but you guys are amazing. Seriously great, great work.
My ears have an erection. I guess that would be my nose. I’m touching my nose while listening to these.
Sorry, Lawblog, I can’t vote for you–I signed a petition against fake rap
And I upvote you for sticking to your principles.
wow, is “we monsters” on itunes yet.. cause it needs to be my ringtone. thanks mc lawblog
as usual, I have nothing witty to say, so I’ll just admit that I’m very impressed. I felt like I was on a vacation – nay, a gumcation.
I should have stopped at “as usual, I have nothing witty to say.”
I’ll show myself out.
This has really inspired me to get off my sorry ass and get painting again:
Ugh:
” target=”_blank”><img src="I’m so fucking ashamed.
Just go like this:
(Pic by Patrick M I think)
Also:
http://werttrew.tumblr.com/post/320807705/images-in-the-comments-a-guide-for-videogum
By werttrew of course.
Thanks for the tip, but I believe that is precisely the format I used for the first try! UGH (on my part), but thanks!!!!
I don’t mean to imply that you’re a n00b, but one more tip: try it out in an old 2009 post or something. I once saw werttrew test his Amelia post in an ancient thread, felt like I saw something I wasn’t supposed to see…
Of course we used to have a preview button.
Congratulations to all the finalists. However if I’d known people with talent were entering I wouldn’t have bothered. Now excuse while I go and cry into my breakfast beer.
My feelings about all the songs (and all the Monsters) ((please work, you damned gif you)):
Voted for Topknot, because his song was funny and it could have snugly on Yo La Tengo’s I Can Hear The Heart Beating As One, one of my favorite albums.
Lawblog’s track is so great I would totally buy it on iTunes. Maybe you can finally buy a house with all the money you earn, Antoine Dodson-style!
Hold up — I didn’t know you can download the track from Soundcloud for free!
Hey these are really sweet tunes! And I mean that in the sense of “awwww” and not some Spicoli-style adjective. Great job everyone!
How in the fuck is Kanye going to top Lawblog this year?
Raptor Jesus Christ! All I can say is WE MONSTERS!!!
omg I was just now vote #420
LIGHT EM UP LAWBLOG!
Listen. I’ma let you finish, but J.O.R.T.S is the greatest song of all time. Of all time! #yearoldreferencegum
lawblog, I am in awe.
(Awwww!)
‘We monsters’ is now the alarm on my phone. Because I can seriously think of no better way to wake up in the morning! Unless, of course, lawblog was there rapping it into my ears while handing me a cup of coffee…
real talk: whenever I need pumping up to do my homework I listen to “we monsters.” SO GOOD.
all of you are my one true monster loves
no idea how i’m going to decide…
also… once again…
Signed in just to ask LawBlog to marry me. That is all.