Photos
They always say that you don’t know how you’ll react in a particular situation until it happens. That sounds about right. No one can truly understand the weightlessness of the once impossibly heavy gun in one’s hand when it only has one bullet left in it and the roving gang of cannibals has heard your boy’s gentle cough in the ditch alongside the ash-covered highway until one is sitting in that damp ditch with actual feces in one’s beard and that paper gun in one’s gnarled hand, one’s heart beating like a bass drum in one’s permanently aching head. Will you put the gun in your mouth, or the boy’s? You know, stuff like that. Who knows?! Would you rather?! But sometimes you do know how you would react in a situation, because that situation has occurred, and you have reacted, and in those cases, it’s important to analyze the results, and make smart decisions about how to proceed. So, for example, after the boy is dead because you’d rather see him lifeless in a greasy ditch than breathing but eye-dead in the back of the cannibals’ truck, then you know that in this situation you would kill your boy, and that you wouldn’t regret it other than a general human regret over the Whole Thing. And if you ever found yourself in another Apocalyptic wasteland with another boy, you could act accordingly.
Similarly, while we might not have known at some point in the past how we would all react to having an open network of worldwide communication with video capabilities, because such a thing did not exist, now that it does exist, we do know how we would react, which is that we would create videos of ourselves dancing in our underwear with a cape tied around our neck, proclaiming ourselves to be “Da Booty Hitta,” which is why we need to shut it all down. In this instance, let’s save the boy and shoot ourselves. It’s actually a pretty comfortable ditch when you think about it, and we’re tired of walking.
More? More.
Enough. We tried. We failed. Have at it, plants. (“Thanks” for the tip, Drew.)
 |
 |
You Might Also Like
 Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments |  JOB OPENING: BABY MONSTER NEEDED! |  Reddit Restores 87-Year-Old Photo Of Grandfather | The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It Contest: Amy’s Baking… |
Leave a Reply
Sign inSign in with FacebookYou must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.
“This man is an Adult.”
I keep Reading and Saying that Phrase over and over as I view this and I am failing at harmonizing the cognitive dissonance.
Da Booty Hitta really needs to question many of his life choices
do you think he plans it all out, or just makes it up as he goes along?
Lady Gaggo is gonna be mad he stole her dance moves.
Imagine, if you will, the story of this man’s life. Stuck in a worthless job and a loveless marriage, his only solace is to perform his hit single, “Da Booty Hitter” for himself and his internet friends. One day his wife comes home early, sees him dancing around in a cape and speedos, and kicks him out of the house. Not to be deterred, he performs his only love in life in the Motel room he is forced to live out of. He doesn’t deserve our fear. He deserves our AWE.
maybe it wasn’t her booty he was hitting
that’s not your wife man, think of the children
Does this mean the JPG I just made of a Stormtrooper riding a Torosaurus isn’t going to be the hit I thought it would be?
I don’t see why we can’t just hang on a bit longer to enjoy this JPG. My suicide bullet doesn’t have an expiration date.
Also, That’s Your Dad.
I like that my dad has enough foresight to bring his camera and booty hitta costume with him on business trips. I also think we’ve been leaving dad alone in the house too much.
“Business trips.”
Theory #1: Da Booty Hitta is actually a wealthy businessman and the pier girl is actually a high priced dominatrix, and these videos are the unfortunate result of humiliation play gone horribly awry.
Theory #2: The pier girl is Sarah Silverman and it’s just a thing she did for the lolz.
Theory #3 Sarah Silverman has become a high priced dominatrix.
“You know I’m not a queer.”
Mr. Booty Hitta, you’re giving me too much credit.
did he also say, “you know i’m not gonna get staph”??? like staph infections? because I don’t know that. in fact, i was assuming da booty hitta would get that along with many other things.
I thought he said that, but the rhyme scheme suggests that he actually was saying “quitter”.
If this is the end and we are shutting it all down as of right now, leaving only a hastily written note on the door to the Internet thanking everyone for twenty great years, then I would like to say, you all have been really good friends.
With you I’ve laughed, and cried, and also thrown up in my mouth a little. I couldn’t have asked for a better band of folks to share this horrifying journey with. Tonight, as we all crouch under overpasses to sleep, remember: we are all just regular people, doing the best we can not to cry as we watch our fathers whip our stuffed animals with leather straps tied to their jockey shorts.
Good night!
It was nice, internet. Hold my hand. I’ll see you on the other side.
Sure is dancing is weird, but his tips for booby-trapping your home are second to none.
That’s your new meme-based Hallowe’en costume.
The only question is do you choose the Not-Enough-Underwear version or the Too-Much-Underwear version?
“Not-Enough,” definitely. I mean you are trying to get laid right?
While words can’t describe my reaction to this video, perhaps a gif can come close.
Mall of America!
Can you blame that kid for losing it? There’s like five full sized roller coasters in a mall. Nothing about it is right.
^^Fairly Odd coaster at the Mall of America. I worked there last summer and can definitely say that cameras are not allowed on the rides.
Well, it’s time to secede from humanity. I’ll have my paperwork notarized and filled out in triplicate by the end of business on Friday. Membership was nice for a while, but I just don’t feel like the club and I share the same goals any longer. Thanks for the memories, everyone.
This would be a perfect addition to the “It Gets Better” Project.
That is my boyfriend and I can tell you he hasn’t hit da booty in some time.
The lo-fi instrumentation and blend of hip-hop and nostalgic 60′s pop makes for a truly unique experience.
Da Booty Hitta has tapped into something much more raw than his flab-hop contemporaries Captain Mantits and Kowch Po-Tay-To.
We mocked Prince when he said the internet is dead! We mocked him, and called him a fool, and refused to believe his Cassandra truth.
We have brought this on ourselves, friends.
Making dad proud.
Are we sure this isn’t actually Daniel Songer? They kinda sound alike, and the dance moves are clearly an inherited trait at the least.
Does he have the 9/11 poster so his life seems like less of a disaster?
I think my copy of “The Road” is missing some pages.
the internet is over. suck it nerds!
does he have two fireplaces right next to each other?
lt appears that way. Unless one is a fireplace and the other is where Da Booty Hitta’s wife makes him sleep.
I think the other hole might be for storing firewood, in which case I’m totally jealous of Mr. Hitta.
Alright people, the Internet is now closed from this point forward. However, we’ll be paying you through the end of the week. Any expense reports for gifs and memes will need to be filed by EOD today and any time off accrued will be paid out in your next check.
Any questions?
No. Ok. I’ll be in my office packing if you need anything.
(Sorry. Had to do it.)
The sad story behind all of this is that dad only made these because mom begged him too. I blame the internet for her shift in desire from Harlequin romances novels to exploitative dance videos. She says she only put them online because she caught him cheating on her, but I think she was also really pissed that he refused to give up the Precious Moments figurine collection in the divorce settlement.
Now seriously guys, what if did find out that you are DA booty hitta? Aren’t you going to need to do something, big, grand, epic even, to bring attention to that fact?
That’s one hell of a cross to bear all alone (see also: Tiger Woods).
Well, now I no longer have “I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house. Did you get it?” in my head. Thanks?
I know videogum is a blog which is supposed to cover these kinds of things, and stuff, and is owned by Celebuzz which probably sends really annoying check-up emails to gabe and stuff (“Did you post that videotube of that foolish looking clown yet? No? GET TO IT SLAVE”), and I know that the comment section is really not the correct forum to discuss serious things, or maybe it is because comment sections are some sort of futurist version of the French salons, but whatever, well, here’s the thing:
You are not forced to look at the internet.
I know. I know I’m looking at the internet right now. That doesn’t invalidate my point. I understand what Gabe is saying, but Gabe, is forcing cynicism down our throats the best thing for our increasing understanding of what it means to try and be human in a world full of humanoids (a la Network)?
I love this website (as much as one can “love” a website)(and also, huh?), and I really enjoy some of the stuff on here because it entertains me in my more restful moments. But it seems a little, how can I put it, a little beyond trite to wretch up something like DJ Booty Hitta. This is stupid. I don’t care what you say, it is stupid, and reckless in its disregard for sanity and reason.
Which is what Gabe is trying to say. But it doesn’t really come off that way, at least to me. I would plead with you, Gabe, don’t give in to the cynicism. Post things you enjoy, regardless of relevancy! Like the movies for Guys thing. I know that wasn’t “you” per se, but Dirty Harry is a good movie. It’s great! I like it a lot and think it’s pretty important. Do that. Write a review of Eastbound and Down’s relevancy in the context of the increasing disparity between adult responsibilities and personal happiness. Or whatever. People might like it! Commenters on here can be smart and engage (I hope?).
I just am starting to tune out these type of posts on a very consistent basis. And that is ugh. Because I like to read the things that Gabe says that are not so ugh.
But none of this matters anyway, 2012 and all. Goodbye forever, meaningless posts (I hope?)!
This is the best GIF response I’ve ever seen, and I was born in 1953, so I’ve seen a lot. I don’t know who or what it is, but it makes me LOL (literally!) every single time.
While I understand where you are coming from, the “this world is horrible and empty” posts are where I think we have some of our best most thoughtful discussions and also some of the best laughs.
“I like my humor serious” -imperialism and bigots
I’m pretty sure this was Carrot Top’s audition tape for Chairman of the Board.
That second one’s filmed in a motel room, yes?
Shut it down.
So far, there is only one comment on Youtube for the first video and it reads “What the fucking fuck????” And we all now agree with Youtube commenters; 2012 is actually moving backwards to meet us in the middle.
Gabe: can you please not use references from the Road…that book is still very disturbing. In particular, can you not make 200 word long references to it, describing one of the most tense scenes in the book? thank you
Seriously Gabe, SPOILER ALERT.
Blah, I was saving the Road for the book club! Somehow I suspect this has ruined a very important scene.
Halfway through the second video I began to wonder if this was going to turn into a very satisfying snuff film.
The video managed to snuff out my hopes for humanity. Satisfied?
“You’re really getting me going down there, if you know what I mean”
SHAME OF ALL SHAMES
POOTIE TANG IS NOT AMUSED.
Dear Internet,
Please excuse my dad’s inadequate dance moves as he spends so much time making sure that he doesn’t forget his long, leather, “HITTA’ strap and his other, shorter, “HITTA’ strap. A working man can only do so much.
My copy of the book is at work (because sometimes I just get too cheerful there and I need to even it out a little), but didn’t the man still have two bullets in that part?
The stomach undulations at the 4 min mark on the 2nd vid… I didn’t think he had that in him.
Suburban Detroiter detected. http://www.grandprixposters.com/gallery-canvas/Detroit1982GrandPrixPoster.html