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[Gabe Liedman is a stand-up comedian, and one half of the Gabe and Jenny comedy team with Jenny Slate. But at the top of that resume it states that he is Videogum’s Official Expert on this season of Glee.]
Ho, boy. Glee sure is testing my faith, at least on paper. Britney Spears? Followed by Jesus? I can’t imagine a less enticing lineup of guest stars. But paint me white and call me hetero: I liked this fucking retarded piece of shit episode, I liked it a lot. It was schmaltzy (or whatever the Christian version of schmaltzy is (Della Reese-y?)), impertinent, on the wrong side of P.C., and Mercedes had two songs. I cried so much it was embarrassing and I had to flip my brain off at least three times to make sure I didn’t flat line; it was a lot like watching Sliding Doors in that way. I can see why anyone with a fully functional intellect might have gagged on this episode, which discusses religion in openly twee and snarky way; but, IMHO (H stands for totally gay), I think that if taken on Glee’s terms, this episode was a strong (gym strong, not life strong) success. I’M SAAAAAAAVED.
The episode starts off with Finn making himself a grilled cheese sandwich on a George Forman grill. Burnt into the bread of his sandwich is a likeness of Jesus Christ, and Finn decides to pray to that likeness to let him win the football game that night. He also calls the likeness Cheesus, and promises to honor “the cheesy Lord” through Glee Club if his holiness comes through. Wish granted.
Kurt stops by Kurt’s Dad Burt from Guts’s auto repair shop to drop off a healthy breakfast; then Kurt’s Dad Burt from Guts reminds Kurt that on Friday night they’re having their weekly dinner with Finn and his mom Carol. But Kurt’s not interested—it’s the annual Sound of Music sing-along, and his spank bank is all out of memories of the town fire department dressed up as Liesel from last year. Kurt’s Dad Burt from Guts is very disappointed: Friday night dinners are SACRED to him.
At Gleehearsal, Finn shares with all the other Gleetards his newfound faith in Cheesus Christ, which Quinn and Mercedes are super down-with. Not-so-down-with-it are Rachel the Jew, Kurt the Gay, and Puck the Pec’d (Jew). Finn may want to scream songs about Cheesus and religion all week to pay back his God’s football favor, but Puck’s only interested in God songs written by Jews. Then he sings “Only the Good Die Young” by Billy Joel.
Change Jewish to gay, God to earnest sex-roleplay partners, Puck to Kurt, and “Only the Good Die Young” to “Father Figure” and we’re in bizniss.
Meanwhile, across town, Kurt’s Dad Burt from Guts is at work when suddenly he collapses from a heart attack so bad he goes into a coma. Yiiiiikes. Emma and Schue have to break the news to Kurt, so they interrupt his French class where he is bragging about going to the annual Sound of Music sing-along in French.
This is when I STARTED weeping, and I still haven’t stopped. I’m operating on my sense of hearing right now to know that my laptop is even on.
Finn, high on faith, turns to his grilled Cheesus to grant him another wish—he wants to finally touch Rachel on her boobiez. REALLY?! Just tell her you’re a famous Broadway producer and want her to replace Patti LaBelle in Fela! and she’ll probs just stuff her whole butt in your mouth.
Meanwhile, word of Kurt’s Dad Burt from Guts’s <3 ‘tack has spread through the McKinley halls, and everyone’s super sad for him. Brittany the Perfect gives Kurt a gift: “I wrote a book report about <3 attacks, if you wanna give it to the doctor. It got knocked down a whole letter grade because I did it in Crayon.” Finn’s super hurt that Kurt didn’t tell him right away about Kurt’s Dad Burt from Guts’s <3 ‘tack—they’re supposed to be almost-sorta-brothers-remember-last-season? Mercedes doesn’t know what to say to Kurt to make him feel better, so she decides to scream “I Look to You” by Whitney Houston at him. Ffffffffffffffffinally.
Kurt appreciates everyone’s warm wishes from The Lord, but he’s super sad and doesn’t believe in God. He thinks that God is like Santa Claus for adults, and also, is kind of a dick for making him gay then telling his followers that being gay is a gross and evil choice. Y’uh-oh. Sue gets wind of all this God talk coming from the Gleehearsal cave, and doesn’t like its Constitutional implications.
Rachel’s also a little worried about all this Jesus shit. In case anyone forgot, she’s a Jewess, raised by a lovely homosexual couple, who sadly do not show up on video and therefore shan’t be shown. She goes to Finn to express her Jewish thoughtworries—she wants to have kids one day, and those kids are not going to be raised Christian. Finn accepts this (monkeys only usually live about 20 years anyjizz), so as a gift to him for being so understanding, Rachel allows Finn to curiously paw the side of one of her boobiez. Wish granted.
Sue apparently still has spies in Glee Club, and those spies are apparently still Santana (whom she despises) and Brittany the Perfect, who is perfect. Santana and Brittany the Perfect tell Sue that all this Jesus screaming in Gleehearsal is about Kurt’s Dad Burt from Guts’s <3 ‘tack. Everyone’s just so Gleepressed about that shit that they’re exploring their faithmotions out loud. Brittany the Perfect even made Kurt another present—a card that says “<3 attacks are just from loving too much.” Loving fries too much, maybe. Sue takes this all in for a sec, then pounces on Kurt to make a formal complaint to the school board about all the Gleesus interfering with his gay suffering.
Emma, still on leave from the Sanitorium (good for her! (yiiiiiiiiiiikes, I hope she didn’t pull some Shutter Island shit to get out early)), confronts Sue about her Christ-bashing. Sue explains that when she was young, she used to pray to God to make her older sister Jean non-mentally-disabled, and when the big Shape-Up in the sky didn’t pull through, she realized that God was fake. She thinks that telling kids to believe in something that’s fake is cruel, and clearly isn’t a comfort to Kurt. BURN.
Finn prays another wish to Cheesus—that he’ll become quarterback again. Puck walks in on him doing it, and shares that he too is all shaken up by Kurt’s Dad Burt from Guts’s <3 ‘tack, and went to Synagogue last night to do push-ups pray for him. Then Finn thinks “maybe ape pray for wrong things this whole time?” and meets up with Rachel for a midnight, candlelit, no-food picnic (Jews, lol). Rachel starts screaming “Papa, Can You Hear Me?” from Yentl out in the woods (JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIE), then suddenly she’s in Kurt’s Dad Burt from Guts’s hospital room with Mercedes, Quinn, Finn, and Finn’s mom Carol. Much love to Rachel’s coat in the beginning of this number.
I’ll give it to you, Glee writers and music supervisors, it must be tempting to have Rachel scream Barbra every week, and by my count, you’ve only done it twice so far. Just a suggestion: next time you need a Barbra song for her to scream that’s very Jewish-girl-doing-(Christian)-religious-girl-drag, please use “Stoney End”—she basically pretends that she was born on the exact Latitude and Longitude where the Bible Belt and Rust Belt meet, and worked double-shifts in a crucifix mine her whole life:
Kurt walks in on the multi-denominational prayer vigil for his father and is pissed as fuck—he doesn’t like religion, and he’s brought his own form of voodoo to help his father: a female Sikh acupuncturist. He overreacts and kicks everyone out of the hospital room in true Kurt style. Then, at the football game later that night, Finn’s last wish comes true—naked Sam from two weeks ago gets hurt and Finn steps in as quarterback. SPOOOOKY.
Kurt wants to express his feelings to his fellow Gleetards at Gleehearsal, as if he hasn’t been spraying a cloud of raw emotion musk into their mouths all fuckin’ week. In order to do so, he screams a slowed-down and stirring rendition of “I Want to Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles at them, interspliced with charming flashbacks of his father raising him (him teaching Kurt how to ride a bike, Kurt teaching him how to hold his pinky in the air while he sips tea at a fancy tea party, etc.).
Mercedes asks Kurt to please come to church with her on Sunday, she wants to dedicate the whole ceremony to him and his dad from Guts’s <3 ‘tack. She sweetens the deals by reminding him people wear fancy hats to services. He’s in. Meanwhile Finn is racked with guilt about his abuse of prayer, so he confesses his sins to Emma. Emma gives him a logical explanation for all three wishes coming true (“IT WAS PROBABLY THE GERMBUGS, YES, THE GERMBUGS, THAT’S IT”—Emma), and Finn is disappointed. If Cheesus isn’t real, then, what does monkey believe? So overcum with emotion, Finn imagination-screams “Losing My Religion” by REM while he focuses his apemind on his sad boyfriendbrother Kurt.
It pains me a tiiiiiny bit to admit how fucking good I thought this number was. 10 Hail Mary’s for me, right? Mercedes and the other religious Gleetards disagreed with me, though—they’re all “why can’t we scream about having religion when he can scream about losing it?” Maybe he shoulda just sang “Night Swimming” by REM, naked, in a perflectly-clear, warm, lake. It’s time to imagination, people, imagination it right now.
Kurt does to go to church with Mercedes, where is somewhat respectful and tonswhat snarky: “I’m very impressed with everyone’s Sunday Best, it’s so Christ chic. I hope our genuflection to the great spaghetti monster in the sky doesn’t take too long, my Sikh is coming at two to do more acupuncture on my dad.” Spaghetti monster. Mercedes is charmed, and shit doesn’t take long at all to get right to the motherfucking point. Mercedes marches up to the pulpit, and with a lot of help from the church choir, screams Aretha Franklin’s version of “Bridge Over Troubled Water” from the Felicity soundtrack. KABLOOEY.
The episode’s ending was sponsored by Splenda, which I love. Sue plays checkers with her mentally disabled sister, Jean. Jean tells her she should believe in God, and that Jean will pray for her in the meantime. Across town, Kurt apologizes to his dad from Guts’s comatose face for stopping other from praying for him. His dad from Guts wakes up just enough to hold his hand. Then all the Gleetards put on white shirts and scream “One of Us” by Joan Osborne L.I.T.E.R.A.L.L.Y., and Finn eats Cheesus.
That song’s just so fucking annoying, let’s all pretend they sang this monstrously-underrated religious pop song instead, k?
Perfect!!!
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This episode was the most offensive trying-really-hard-not-to-be-offensive TV episode I’ve seen in a long time.
Also, can we talk about how awkward the Yentl song was when Rachel sang “I really miss you kissing me…[insert really long pause here] goodnight” to Kurt’s dad?
She TOUCHED HIS HEAD! What the hell, anyone not related to the man in the coma?
This show is fun, but for Grilled Cheesus sake, can we stop auto-tuning the shit out of everybody? Puck’s Billy Joel sounded like T-pain.
I hate autotune!
I like my humans to sound like humans.
My sister in-law LOVES Glee and usually posts 20 or so Facebook status updates while watching it. She was strangely silent last night. Considering her knee-jerk reaction to anything “religious,” it now makes sense.
Setting a new standard for recaps: “Just tell her you’re a famous Broadway producer and want her to replace Patti LaBelle in Fela! and she’ll probs just stuff her whole butt in your mouth.”
I nearly spewed my coffee all over my computer screen.
I believe they’re called, “Gleecaps.”
I just laughed out loud to the copy-paste of this! Seriously one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.
I’m usually a huge fan of Glee but this episode was the worst. More the worst than the episode that shoved “Single Ladies” down our throats four fucking times last season. I consider myself a fairly religious person in a non-douchebag way who can recognize that there are several unique and valid points of view to the spectrum of human experience and all that crap, but keep it out of television shows for fuck’s sake. It always ends up just coming out watered down and also clueless.
the only redeeming part of this show was when Finn ate his weeks-old sandwich at the end of the episode and it gave me a laugh because I was reminded of the Klingons murdering their gods because they felt they were out of touch with the people worshiping them. Good times.
I laughed out loud when he ate the sandwich too. And that idiot didn’t even warm it up! And also, it had been in his gym locker, so he probably ate a cold plate of athlete’s foot
Lord, I know I shouldn’t eat thee, but … mmm … sacrilicious.
I found that to be a fairly sophisticated / touching recontextualization of the communion ritual. Somebody somewhere is going to write a great freshman comp on this episode.
PS: How many days was Finn carrying around Grilled Cheesus? I’m pretty sure it was like a week old by the time he ate it. Gross.
I imagine Finn making the sandwich out of processed American cheese and a Wonder type of bread, so it would have been just as wholesome as when it was fresh off the grill.
You know, I knew there were going to be lots of unhappy comments about this episode, and not without good reason. However, you have to hand it to the Glee people, at least they Kurt didn’t accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior by the end of the episode. I kind of thought that’s where they were going for awhile.
That being said. Can we have Joss Whedon back as the director of Glee? Remember that time he directed that episode and it was so great?
I agree fellow Kate. I agree.
Yeah, I thought that they were going to “save” him. The cynical side of me was wishing that Kurt’s dad would die just to stick it to all those pushy kids who were praying over him despite Kurt’s requests. However, I love Kurt’s dad and Kurt so I didn’t really want him to die! And also, Conan hates cynicism (never forget), so I pushed that feeling aside.
I could have done without Kurt saying sorry for being upset about everyone continuing to pray for his dad. He politely asked everyone to PLEASE DON’T and everyone just went ahead like PLEASE DO? OH, OKAY. It’s one thing to continue to pray for someone in your personal life, but DEDICATING A CHURCH SERVICE AND THEN INSISTING THAT THEY COME ALONG TO SEE THIS GREAT THING YOU DID and also HOLDING A SCREAM BARBARA PRAY SESSION IN THE ROOM WHERE THEIR FATHER IS DYING is in no way a selfless act – it’s only to satisfy personal urges. What helps people going through an emotional time is to fucking LISTEN when they tell you what you can do to help, and then fucking DO THAT THING.
Oh and also, FINN SANG A SONG ABOUT AN UNREQUITED OBSESSION TO A MOLDY GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH.
Sorry for all the caps, its just – GOOD LORD. THIS SHOW.
Hannah, you said it perfectly. Also, I was extremely bothered by the fact that the club could come together to sing “Lean on Me” about Quinn’s pregnancy last season but they couldn’t sing a song a non religious support song for Kurt? …Doesn’t that seem like the MOST OBVIOUS SOLUTION for someone (1) who doesn’t believe in God/who blatantly said he doesn’t appreciate the religious sentiment, AND (2) who clearly needs someone there for him??
Actually, all this religious shit would’ve been much better for last season. SMOOTH MOVE, GLEELAX.
Hated it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_BgmjlQyfw
AnAmPat? Is that you?
I had no idea (s)he had exclusive rights to the caps lock.
WHAT the fuck IS THIS?!
i know right? all i could think was “why is everyone not giving kurt what he’s asking for?” & “why are they being so selfish in his time of need?” it made me so mad. grrrrrr
My thoughts exactly. For a popular, primetime network TV show to have a protagonist be both openly gay and an atheist is very exciting. I’m nearly as old as Gabe D (if that’s even POSSIBLE) and remember a very different time for TV.
Can we just have Joss Whedon as the person in charge of all the things?
As an atheist, I was a little perturbed by this episode. It was making me so angry that no one would respect Kurt’s beliefs. The guy doesn’t believe in God, so don’t invite him to church, for Grilled Cheesus’ sake! When the episode started I was excited that they had Sue and Kurt expressing that they didn’t believe in God, and then by the end of the episode I felt they had beaten the atheist into a quiet submission, and now Kurt and Sue were accepting of all the Gleetards who were religious because before they wanted to crucify all of them. Maybe I am reading too much into it, but whatevs.
As a religious person, I was upset by the same thing from the other side of the coin. It sucks being identified with a bunch of pushy, self-serving sociopaths who don’t understand how to live according to their faith while actually paying attention to the humanity of everyone else around them.
But, at the same time, that actually does happen SO MUCH, so, I can’t say that I’m upset with the show for pointing that out, if they even wanted to point that out that is.
Yeah, the way to do a balanced show about religion and beliefs is not “make everyone kind of an asshole.”
Yeah I might be giving Glee a little too much credit in even guessing that this was an illustration of how not to be a caring theist. It seems as if everyone’s intentions were good, but who cares? Assuming that the media-vocal American Christian movement has had good intentions, which I’ve seen from the inside to be a dubious assumption, they’ve still left an impossible amount of garbage for me to apologize for.
No, you’re right. I have never been so offended by an episode of tv(that wasn’t the stroke episode of family guy) as I was by this. I was ok until they got to the speech about how, even if you aren’t Christian, you have to believe in SOMETHING, or life is just EMPTY. No, glee. I wasn’t born an atheist. I appreciate thelat they tried to give us all points of view, but when “atheists” are portrayed as people who don’t believe in god because he’s let them down, you’re not portraying real atheists.
yeah, i was kind of onboard until the “empty” part. i thought they were going to talk about how he might not believe in god, but that maybe he could appreciate her community’s support. you know, about how people’s support can help you through rough times.
i did love kurt’s hat though.
Exactly.
In the immortal words of Ferris Bueller:
“A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon ‘I don’t believe in the Beatles. I just believe in me.’”
As a fellow atheist I too was pretty bothered by this episode. Not that I expect a prime time musical dramedy on FOX to portray any belief in a complex and accurate way, but as we’ve seen today with iCarly tacos and meat helmets, people are influenced by what they see on television. Subsequently, I immediately think about the social implications of bad representations of groups in media. Personally, I find that promoting the idea that atheists are just people who can’t accept that life is unfair (Kurt being gay and Sue’s unanswered prayers) is misleading. Atheism, like any other belief, is often reached as a result of thoughtful study and reflection. Furthermore, the idea that atheists secretly want to believe and just can’t find their way to God (Sue asking her sister to pray for her) is simply insulting.
Also, I honestly believe that this episode only happened to appease the theocons who have been screaming that Glee is anti-Christian (it’s ridiculous that lately we seem bow to the pressures of extreme religious groups in this country). That being the case, I’m pretty sure this is out of their system, so I’ll continue to watch.
People complain that Glee is anti-christian?
Perfectly reasonable thing to complain about. Everybody has just enough time on their hands.
AGREED. They were such pushy little jerks! I mean, fine, Christianity is a proselytizing religion, which is a significant part of what makes it so aggravating, but if they are trying to be his nice friends they could just say, “we are here for you, we care about you and your dad,” and shut the hell up after that. Pray all you want, but you don’t have to talk about it to someone to whom it matters 0 percent and is in fact offensive.
Kurt’s ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand’ made me cry all the tears. It was like the first 10 minutes of Up.
Oh man, that’s when I started crying too.
i can’t even think of that movie without getting emotional.
I believe in God. Hated this stupid ep. But cried major tears with Sue and her sis playing checkers.
This episode was a piece of shit for idiots, but it had like twelve songs so WUTEVS.
Also: I’m surprised that so many commenters were offended. This show doesn’t even seem to TRY to reflect or comment on real life, ever. It dealt with religion today the same way it deals with it’s other “themes”: bullying, family, homophobia, etc. It’s insights on the personal and social aspects of religious experience were about as interesting and important as it’s insights on Fitting In. How are we surprised by this, and who cares?
The plots of these episodes are just some ham-fisted, stumbling scenes meant to ferry us from one song to the next. And the songs are great!
God Bless Monsters
ugh. this episode was a dumb piece of dumb. wake me when there’s an all ace of base/mike chang episode.
I hear Mike has a duet with Tina in the next ep! If there is a God, Mike will do the duet without a shirt on.
Seconded.
I’m an atheist, but I worship at Our Lady of Abs. Services every Tuesday at 10 p.m. IN MY DREAMS.
Seriously. Why does the wardrobe department insist on putting all these CLOTHES on him?
“Papa can you hear me?” No? *puts hand on head* “Papa can you hear me now?”
The “But you must have SOMETHING that is sacred!” conversation. Woof! I kept waiting for Kurt to bust out that he does have something “sacred” to him. As evidenced by his anvil-dropping conversation with Burt (“Eat healthy, dad! Don’t want you to have a HEART ATTACK FROM TOO MUCH LOVING! I mean, Slim Jims!”) the thing that Kurt holds sacred is his family. But being a teenager in a small city, he doesn’t quite know how to reconcile that with also wanting to go out and sing along to The Sound of Music. Oh, and Burt, you seriously need to change the night of your family dinners when you wake up from your coma. Because Friday night is sacred to all right-thinking people who want to go out and PARTAY.
I thought last night’s episode was awful and offensive in many ways (the poor storytelling being chief among them). Half of the songs came out of nowhere and the thing about Rachel’s prudishness really bothered me. Remember last season when she totally owned her sexuality and ripped apart the logic of the abstinence club? It was so refreshing to have a teenage girl who admitted to having sexual needs, but now the writers are like “nope, Rachel’s a prude.”
AGREED! Not that I ever really liked Rachel (Although, she started to grow on me during the second part of the last season) but does she HAVE to be sooo easy to absolutely despise?!
Agreed! Also, are we forgetting that she told (lied to) Finn about losing her virginity to Jesse during the Madonna episode? Or is Finn smarter than we think (no) and saw through it like the rest of us and was just pretending to be upset? This show retcons itself a little bit too much for my liking.
Fellow Glee-loving Monsters,
I am so glad to see that so many of you also found last night’s Glee abhorrent. I don’t think any of this season’s episodes have been anywherenear as good as last season, but I was still excited to get my Tuesday night Glee on. Yowza, “Grilled Cheesus” not at all what I had hoped for.
Since last week’s Britney episode, I’ve been afraid that the show would become a weekly vehicle for one artist’s benefit. I mean, last weak (on purpose error) had ZERO substance. In contrast, last season’s Gaga episode had a TON of story – acceptance, individuality, Burt’s kinda misled bitchout of Finn – and did a great job of celebrating Gaga. So it was really sad that this week had some story, but also a whole lot of ridiculous Jesus jamming.
Sigh, I believe in a creation-force, a “God” if you will, but I’m right there with Kurt and Sue…I don’t want anyone telling me exactly what “God” is and that I must believe in that idea. That anger in mind, I really found myself wanting the episode to crash and burn, but I love Burt Hummel! He’s the dude from GUTS! So, if Finn was so ape-alled that Kurt didn’t give him the news cause he’s sooooo concerned, WHY DIDN’T HE ASK GRILLED CHEESUS TO SAVE BURT?!!!????? Srsly, is he that dumb?
I don’t know Monsters, this season kind of sucks. Sue’s barely on screen, I miss Puck’s faux-hawk, and Rachel Berry has morphed into a waifish creature of superselfish manipulation. And what is with Finn’s emo-hair? Ughh…..Glee, get better please.
and also this….SOOOOOOOOO creepy:
i honestly thought that tiny thing was either
1. a cutout of the real kurt at babier-age.
2. justin bateman,somehow shrunk.
jason, umph.
“So, if Finn was so ape-alled that Kurt didn’t give him the news cause he’s sooooo concerned, WHY DIDN’T HE ASK GRILLED CHEESUS TO SAVE BURT?!!!????? Srsly, is he that dumb?”
I thought it was the most insightful/real part of the episode. It’s a spot-on satirical indictment of many an American Christian (teen-aged or otherwise) praying for himself rather than the person who needed prayers the most and treating God like a genie in a bottle. Meanwhile, the epitome of Christianity is supposed to be self-sacrifice exemplified by Jesus. So, yeah, it’s not too hard to believe he’s that dumb. That dumb = that real.
I have not watched Glee, but whenever I read the Gleecaps, all I can think is “So this show is basically like the Across the Universe movie? It’s a show with a plot retroactively written to tie together the pop songs they’ve decided to perform on the episode? Because musically, that can be fun. But story-wise? FRUSTRATING.”
I did not like this episode at all, guys.
I know it’s Glee, but it just felt so shallow. Also: Why does Mercedes have to be the magical negro who can bring religion to the white (gay) man? I think I was so annoyed with the episode by that point that I probably started reading too much into it, but Cheesus. I did love “One of Us,” though. It was a good version, and I think it hinted at how the episode could have gone if it had been better.
Glee needs to start pulling itself together. Also: Give me my Michael Jackson episode. Stat.
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Things I said during the I Want To Hold Your Hand sequence to distract from the sentimentality:
“Gee, I hope Kurt’s dad has the Guts to pull through on this”
“I mean, even if he does, he’ll be climbing quite the Aggro Crag of Recovery after”
“Aww, look at that. Even when he was little, Kurt’s dad tried to accept his kid being a ‘Mo”
“….Yes, Dear”
Not a single laugh. Can you believe it?