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On last night’s episode of The Late Show with David Letterman, Bruce Willis appeared to promote…something? Lipitor? Anyway, he came out wearing a meat hat. (You can watch the segment over at Entertainment Weekly.) I guess the reason he did this is because a million years ago Lady Gaga wore a dress made out of meat? Honestly, I’m not even sure what is going on here. It’s basically a Dad Joke gone terribly wrong on national television. “Get it? Meat hat! Like Madame Gaggo!” No, dad. No more talking until we get to the mall, and when I get out of the car I don’t know you. You know what else is weird? When Bruce Willis, Demi Moore, and Ashton Kutcher take vacations together. That’s so weird! That is like some Eyes Wide Shut shit. Yuck. “This year, I’ve rented us a prison cell. It’s right on the beach! (Alcatraz.) (What?).” ANYWAY: caption this photo of Bruce Willis wearing a meat hat, please.
Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. “Verrryyy neeattttt.” — Your Dad.
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Bruce Willis is on Tean Coco on Letterman.
Spoiler Alert: the meat was red the whole time.
This. This is it.
Well as we all know, the red of the meat signifies important revelations in the plot of videogum.
Like how I can’t caption now because nothing will be as good as your caption.
This guy knows what he’s talking about.
Oops, sorry, one letter off.
I guess he left the porkpie in his dressing room?
“Check out my meat piece. Excuse me Dave, my face is up here.”
Meanwhile, Ashton Kutcher sits in a bathtub full of ice, desperately hoping for someone to arrive…
meanwhile, Courtney Love sits backstage, wondering who the fuck stole her pre-Letterman snack…
Oh Stylo…
Lady Gag.
“HAHAHAHAHA!!!”
- a cow
As if his bald head didn’t look enough like a penis already.
Bruce Willis jokingly reprises his role in 2000′s “Unsteakable.”
That was a really meaty role that he could really sink his teeth into.
Actors like him are rare.
He gave a raw performance indeed.
His performance was very GROUNDed and well ROUNDed. It would be a mistake to CHUCK his scenes from the final CUT of the film.
Sadly, his costar, Samoo L. Baby-backson, totally butchered the part of Mr. Grassfed.
From the mind of M. Night Shya-MOO-lan!
oh my god, GODSAUCE! where you been?
I been busy. Did you miss me?
Duh! Here, enjoy this…
Well Done huckabeast.
I feel like the particular jokes in this thread are read from one of those joke books you could buy from the scholastic book store in elementary school… and HAHAHA @ cake’s gif…. that ghoul got knocked the f*$k out!
Dave: “That’s uh.. that’s a nice pork chop, there.”
Bruce: “It’s not a pork chop, it’s a sirloin.”
Dave: “Like the other white meat?”
Bruce: “Sirloin’s red, Dave. Sirloin’s red.”
bruce willis makes dumb jokes to make up for his shia-ness.
I want to find the section in your brain that this image came from and declare that section a National Historic Site.
“M Knight and I are making a new film about what happens when (SPOILER ALERT) the meat doesn’t really die.”
Nine million hats in the world and I’ve got to kill the terrorist with a meat hat.
The mind that brought you “The Return of Bruno” tries his hand at fashion.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS IS
It’s from the film Meatballs II, not starring Bill Murray.
Why would an exclamation of confusion garner so many upvotes?
I don’t have a caption but I would like to point out that the microphone sticking up into the frame from the right bottom corner looks like a penis.
Who have you been having sex with ? Daleks ?
Whenever I speak into my penis my voice gets louder. Now that I think about it, why is it called a microphone? Wouldn’t it be macrophone? Hyperphone? These aren’t penis jokes, I really want to know why they’re called microphones!
bruce willis wears a lava mic that matches the color of his sweater.
He should have come out with, like, bacon on his nose and ham on his cheeks and said, “Get it? Porker Pace!”
*Face
Moonlighting returns this fall on CBS
ART!
Where do you….What….?….
You don’t even wanna know.
Six degrees to Bacon Kevin Bacon
That’s a weird looking toupe.
Yipee-cow-yah-mothaeffa!
What he was going for, obviously
Are you sure about that?
how does this only have 8 upvotes? this is amazing.
Mr Cool Disguise called, he wants his ill-conceived cry for attention back.
No, really though, he just wants his meat hat back so he can go to the store for some milk. You might want to give him a call, Bruce.
“It’s a simple question. Do you have a grill, or don’t you?”
What a meathead!
How are we this far along before someone said this?
Actor Bruce Willis manages to stave off boredom; protects head.
most probable exchange:
dave: “is that a RUMP ROAST?….a RUMP ROAST. Get it, MEATHEAD?!”
audience claps. bruce waits for a beat….
bruce: “well done, dave.”
rim shot. laugh. cut to this:
…and all of this is still immensely better than Jay Leno.
When I finally end up in Hell, I know Dave will be there waiting for me… perpetually starting a joke that has no punchline. Ba-da-FUK-ooooo!!!!!!
sounds like heaven to me.
“It’s for the English language remake of Cabeza de Vaca.”
or perhaps a remake of Delicatessen.
The Fifth Elemeat.
Live Free Range Or Die Hard.
Unsteakable.
“Shit just got veal.”
(Ok, I know that’s not from a Bruce Willis movie, but it works so well!)
“Do you know what happens when you combine a butcher and a haberdasher? The same thing that happens to everything else.”
This deserves a billion upvotes.
die herd
Die Hard? More like Tries Too Hard!
Die Hard With A Venison
this right here!
Bruce Willis, seen here shortly after he violently removed his head from Lady Gaga’s vagina
This is what grown-up Oompa Loompas look like.
Yippie-yi-ki-ey-meatpacker.
It’s a boy!
Hey monsters! Time for my monthly reminder on ways to connect with and learn about the Videogum community. I’ve included all links in one post: http://werttrew.tumblr.com/post/777769812/index-of-videogum-links
On there I have links for: the monster Twitter list (free for any to join!), the chatroom, the Inside Jokes list, the Monster Tumblrs/Blogs list, the Complete Monsters Ball stats list, the Worst Movie of All Time list, the Last FM group, the Delahaye fanclub Facebook page (where to go if you want to meet monsters in real life), and the link to the Bookgum (be sure to be reading Cormac McCarthy’s Blood Meridian!) and lots of other stuff!
Time for my monthly reminder to NOT accept friend requests or twitter follow requests from my impersonator steve winbot. That’s identity fraud and I do not approve or endorse.
Waaaaaaait, then who did I hook up with at the Chicago Karaoke Meetup?
Your mom
Can i get in on that twitter list?
No animals were hurt in the making of this… oh wait, yeah…
F***ing disgusting
Take solace in the fact that somewhere out there in a parallel universe, a famous animal is wearing Bruce Willis’ torso on it’s head.
steak tartARRRRGGGHHHH!
I suspect that he broke out a trucker hat recently in front of Ashton and Ashton was like “B, everyone wears meat hats now dude!”. Haha you got punk’d!
Stylist & publicist “You’re FIRED!”
Even with 10 lbs of beef on my head, I’m still less of a meat head than Kutcher.
Bruce Willis pulls a fast one on longtime friend, David Letterman, by showing up on set in one of Nic Cage’s hairpieces. Not pictured: comedy.
“So I said to Aronofsky, I said, ‘What if I were LITERALLY wearing an old broken down piece of meat in this scene?’ And … that’s how I lost The Wrestler to Mickey fucking Rourke.”
Sitting on my sesame seed buns…. very funny Dave.
What am I doing these days, Dave? I’m Moonlighting as a Head Chef.
I have to admit, I was pretty “marinated” when I decided to wear this.
Hey Buddy! Anymore cracks about the piece & Imma go Kobe on you.
Is Bosley testing salmonella as a hair-regrowth strategy now?
See this hat, ’twas my cat
Sorry, I downvoted this by mistake. Please add two to the total. Sorrysorrysorry.
I like this better:
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3614/3401279784_49fc40348f.jpg?v=0
[IMG]http://i56.tinypic.com/2dl524h.jpg[/IMG]
Am I doing this right?
Apparently not.
“I’ll be #1 on Twitters tonight!”
Hello, sir…LOIN!!!
Bruce Willis promoting his new movie Red (Meat), in theaters November!
You really are a meathead
-Jay Leno
Attempting to impress producers, Bruce Willis decides to go method for a role in the upcoming All In The Family movie.
Aw geeze Jambi, will ya stifle there?
No kidding, this is exactly what my dad looked like in the late 70s. My dad is Rob Reiner.
(Nope. He’s just Ralph.)
I think a lot of dads looked like that in the 70s. Here is a picture of my dad:
too much Vodka.
Meat the Focker.
” “Verrryyy neeattttt.” — Your Dad” -Gabe
“I think you meant ‘Verrrryy Meeattttt.” – Dad, Bruce Willis.
Not a caption, but a clarification. Willis is a frequent Letterman guest and always wears ridiculous hats. So this might be weird, but it’s actually not that weird. Right? Or maybe it’s even weirder.
not only ridiculous hats, but amazing exploding underwear sometimes.
Bruce Willis: The Carrot Top of action movies.
You said it, Archie.
When a problem comes along
You must zip it
Before the meat sits out too long
You must zip it
When somethin’s going wrong
You must zip it
I’m surprised he didn’t go with the Filet Beret.
Or a Venisonstalker.
Or even a hamaka. Though I don’t he’s Jewish.
I’ll see myself out.
“Genius!”
\
“Bruce Willis is relevant again!”–You, 2010.
Letterman: Bruce, would you like to set up this clip from The Expirables?
Willis: No need! Every line of dialogue, joke, and meat-hair gag in this movie is COMPLETELY OBVIOUS and TOTALLY UNSUBTLE! In fact, I can show you a SINGLE UNCAPTIONED STILL from any point in the movie and you would already know EXACTLY what is going on!
“Yippee Ki A-1, motherfucker.”
Nice.
“and after all that, they -still- gave the pacifier to vin diesel. i’ll fucking kill him”
He’s hot.
–girlphilosopher
(See, GP, I told you!)
I’m pretty sure nothing will top “Get it? Meat hat! Like Madame Gaggo!” as far as captions for this photo go
For realsies2K10, Gabe already won this one.
Whose meat hat is this?
Bruce: It’s Zed’s.
Woman: Who’s Zed?
Bruce: Zed’s dead baby. Zed’s dead.
And I’m wearing him.
Take it from me, I love you!
Dave: “So… a pork pie hat wasn’t tasteful enough for you, Bruce?”
(Paul Shaffer over-laughs)
This Devo reunion feels forced
He must have been so embarrassed to wear that! Oh wait a minute, I thought it said “Bruce Willis Mets Hat.”
I came in too late:
“I’m the fifth Devo!”
&
“What DO I have in this suitcase, Dave? Well, I’m GLAD YOU ASKED! [pulls out oversized rotary telephone and stethoscope]“
Bruce Willis: “I still look better than Jeremy Piven.”
A dejected Bruce Willis (seen here after removing head from own ass for the first time in 10 years) examines his imdb page.
Dad Joke gone terribly wrong on national television = Nailed it. (I hate you Dad)
“Do I have a large frog in my hair?”
Somehow, I feel “Yippie-Ki-Yay, Motherfucker” is all you need here.
From my upcoming Tarantino project: ‘Groundbeefhouse’
http://imgur.com/Kvz6G.jpg
http://imgur.com/NtsQ5.jpg
http://imgur.com/6mo6x.jpg
http://imgur.com/Q0rB9.jpg
http://imgur.com/Bf8Hp.jpg
No one must know my secret.
“Well it was hot in the dressing room, and I was getting pretty hungry…”
Charlie Sheen told me this disguise would work…
Does the carpet match the drapes?
Ha ha ha!! he looks funny in this hat…..
No3 Max Pump
Guys like Bruce for his tough guy persona, while women are attracted to his tenderize.
Bruce: this old thing david? oh this is just me letting my pseudo-artistic tendencies run free!
David: Bruce, you do know pseudo means fake.
Bruce: Oh…well then i guess i’m very pseudo-impressed with your verbatim!
David: You are such an asshole.