Photos
Let me just say first of all that sometimes it is more fun to want something than to actually get/have it. The pleasure is in the anticipation! (Of course, sometimes you want something and then you get it and it’s the best to finally have that thing you wanted.) (And thus begins and ends Gabe’s Big Bathroom Book of Condescending Truisms.) And now let me go on to say that Amelia, a biopic about the life of Amelia Earhart, starring Hilary Swank and the finest set of fake teeth $50 can buy, and Richard Gere doing an Academy Award-winning Mr. Magoo impersonation if the Academy gave out an award specifically for people’s Mr. Magoo impersonations, is a terrible movie! THE HUNT, IT IS CLEAR, IS BACK ON. It is worth pointing out that biopics always suck and are always the worst. The complications and messiness of an actual human life without any discernible narrative arc reduced to plot points and swelling music against an historical (but malleable) backdrop featuring actors doing funny voices, all towards a falsely redemptive or emotive outcome is insulting to anyone who actually takes an interest in the genuine histories of historical figures, but should really just be gross to anyone who has, you know, been a human being alive on Earth.
But Amelia sucks and is the worst for specific reasons in addition to the general ones listed above. So let’s talk about those:
Amelia Earhart used to run through the corn and dream of flying or some shit. So then one day she went to Richard Gere’s office and was like “I want to fly across the ocean,” and he was like, “But you’re a lady,” and she’s like, “yeah,” and he’s like, “OK.” So actually, that was pretty easy. She overcame all the hurtles of telling someone she definitely wanted to do something and waiting for them to tell her she could do it two seconds later. (I’m teasing, I’m sure Amelia Earhart overcame lots of obstacles, which would be just the kind of dramatic thing to put into a movie about her life, but oh well, maybe they’re saving all of that stuff for Amelia 2: Full Throttle. And then the rest of the movie is basically about stuff that happens in her life. She definitely did a bunch of stuff (flying stuff, mostly) that women had never done before, and was a huge inspiration to the ladiez. She also cheated on her husband. And talked A LOT about not wanting to be tied down and wanting freedom in a way that you might think a lesbian might talk about not wanting to be tied down and wanting freedom, JUST SAYING. Eventually, after being the first lady to fly across the ocean as a passenger, and then being the first lady to fly across the ocean as a solo pilot, she decides that she’s going to be the first woman to fly around the world, and then she dies. R.I.P. OR DOES SHE?! She does.
There’s a really funny moment at the very beginning of the movie when Amelia Earhart first walks into Richard Gere’s office, which, incidentally, he’s a publisher? But somehow he is also in the business of organizing airplane rides for daring women? It’s a little confusing. Anyway: Amelia Earhart says that she wants to be the first woman to cross the Atlantic Ocean, and Richard Gere asks her why she wants to fly, to which she responds, “why do men ride horses?” BOOM! In your face, Richard Gere! I think we’re supposed to recognize her as a very brassy lady who won’t take no for an answer, but wouldn’t a better question be “why do men fly?” Maybe it’s just a generation gap thing, but I’m not sure I see the correlation between women flying in airplanes and men riding horses. That’s like telling someone you want a cup of coffee and when they ask why you want a cup of coffee you ask them why men ride horses. Also: WOMEN BE SHOPPIN!
Speaking of funny, this makes me laugh to no end whatsoever:
Of course, as with any biopic, the whole thing is just so HEAVY, as if somehow a felt flapper hat actually MEANS something. And also BORING. Every time Amelia sets off on a new airplane ride, there is a graphic that pops up on the screen with a countdown of how many miles she has left. You know. Until she DIES. LOL. “1946 miles left.” Hahahha. It should read “1946 miles of napping and half-paying attention left,” because it’s already bad enough when you know how the story ends without a graphic telling you how long you have to wait for the thing you already know about. And what drama they might have cooked up just disappears without mention, for example when Richard Gere bribes a young woman to lose an airplane race so as not to make Amelia look bad when her younger rival overtakes her celebrity, but Amelia just throws the race anyway to empower all the ladies (fair enough) and then the young rival is never heard from again. Huh. She probably crashed into a mountain. Of boredom.
But perhaps the most incredible anti-climax of this movie occurs on two separate occasions when Amelia is trying to take off and it is unclear whether or not she will take off. Just to clarify: we are supposed to be on the edge of our seats on more than one occasion wondering whether or not an airplane will TAKE OFF much less GO ANYWHERE. Hint: sometimes it does take off and sometimes it does not take off! In neither case does it seem to matter EITHER WAY. (Also, again, we know that Amelia dies in the ocean, not in a take off accident. So, whatever? This movie might as well be Valkyrie, where we keep wondering whether or not Amelia will be the first woman to MURDER HITLER. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn’t. Then she cheats on her husband.)
I will say that I learned something from this movie. Did you know that Amelia Earhart had her own line of jumpsuits?
Neat!
Next week: Bride Wars. As always, please leave your suggestions in the comments or in an email. And if you haven’t done so already, please consult the Official Rules.
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YAY!
#recycledgifs
I am so glad that this recap appeared before I decided I actually had to watch the movie.
(sings) “I’ve been waiting . . . for sooo long.”
You know, chameleon_street. The Waiting is the hardest part.
I always thought it was “the wading is the hardest part” because Tom Petty can’t swim – your grandad trying to be funny
This reminds me of the Friends episode where Joey didn’t understand the proper usage of “air finger quotes”.
This reminded me of Joey’s peanut butter fingers!
I wanted to up vote this because I LOL’d. Then I wanted to down vote it, but only because of my own shame for LOLing at a Friends episode I have already wasted so many LOLs on. Don’t “worry, I” upvoted you.
Don’t women ride horses too?
She meant the plural for “whore” but over-pronunciated.
I’ll see myself out.
Ah! Must’ve been the teeth.
Now that picture is just ridiculous.
Oh no! I went for the upvote and downvoted instead. I feel just awful. Please accept this as a token of my shame:
Is that cat playing a Jane’s Addiction song? I recognize the fingerings for some reason.
Sure is, looks like “Been Cat Stealing”
Does the movie explain whether or not she flew the plane side-saddle? I feel like that’s an important question to be answered.
KajusX & Chainsaws: TWSS
@KajusX: The cat’s name is Maceo.
“she was a pilot.”
Just the pick-me-up/downer I needed aftr a long day of relative suckiness.
Whenever Gabe closes a “Hey, What’s Up With Topher Grace” door, he opens a “Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time” door.
The Gabe giveth, and the good Gabe, he does take away.
It is meet and right to trash Amelia.
You right.
Also, this…
Marry me, cakeordeath.
DONE AND DONE.
Nooooo!! She’s mine!
Polygamist same-sex wedding, you guys? Huckabeast, if you’re a guy, you lend even more legitimacy to the whole enterprise.
If this whole thing is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.
I wonder what werttrew is doing now.
Didn’t you see? Gabe included a picture of him at the top of the post.
My what big teeth he has.
It’s party time, cake.
OOOOOOOOO!!!! It’s #1 on my celebrity to-do list, you guys!!!
Please reference the Sally screaming gif below, b/c that is totes me right now. I am parking myself on these Ryan gifs until it’s time for me to go home.
My #1 is Paul Rudd and I’m not sharing.
Thisismynightmare, you should check out fuckyeahryangosling dot com. It is literally minutes of hilarity. Hilarity Swank.
Welp, I’m done here. G’night!
Paul Rudd is not my #1 (obvs.) but he is in my top 5.
WHAT?!?! How did I not know about this?! Thanks, Baby Friday!
Baby Friday, I am literally LOLing. These are so much better than the pic I made myself (and is posted on my bulletin board) that says, “Yo, girl, you smell like hibiscus.”
Fuck yeah.
My #1 since January 25, 2002…
How exuberant!
Totally Wertrew when he saw this post:
BINGO! And we’re all done for the day, monsters. Good night!
Truly we have come full circle.
I’d recognize that ouroboros anywhere
Then he was like:
Duane wants in on the party action
Duane wants in on this party action
(Ladies!)
— Gabe, 1904-2012
I just… I love every single goddamn one of you.
at first i thought the recap was not-so-good because nothing happened. then i realized (after all the bored mountain type jokes) that’s probably because nothing happens in the movie. so, thanks gabe, for enduring that because now i don’t have to. and werttrew? i hope this brings you closure.
“Why do men ride horses?” Duh, because WILD HEARTS CAN’T BE BROKEN. Or something.
“Why do birds sing?”
Why do skies blue?
Obviously, skies blue themselves.
(Prematurely.)
“Why are even non-poisonous snakes pretty unsettling?”
“Why does coffee leave a acidic and frankly kind of pretty much like dirt taste in your mouth?”
Why did anyone of us watch this movie?
I think that’s why blind women ride horses who dive into shallow pools of water?
Not to be the spelling police, but I think you meant “hurdles” and not “hurtles”, unless you are coining a new term to describe obstacles that are painful. In that case, you right.
Woah, seig heil, spelling nazi bro
even nazis can spell Sieg Heil right.
Especially Nazis!
I wasn’t going to watch this movie but now feel compelled, just to find out what the Hell Richard Gere was so excited about. He was very excited!
this made my day, week, month, and life complete. I’ve been waiting with bated breath! All year!
so you can say it made your day, your week, your month, or even your ear
Gabe’ll be the for you
year*
there*
WOHNDAFUL NYEWS
I haven’t read the review yet I had to comment just to say, CONGRATS WERTREW! DREAMS DO COME TRUE.
Excellent as always, but I literally can’t wait for this
I’m so glad this isn’t a gif
So pretty and moving.
Sometimes there are so many over-rated movies in the world that I feel like I can’t take it.
hope the american beauty recap includes a gif of thora birtch’s naked american beauties
You were SO weened too early, Steve.
graphic courtesy of Lakonislate
Dear Videogum Staff: I would like to thank you for reviewing the 2009 film Amelia, the biopic about aviatrix Amelia Earhart starring Hilary Swank and Richard Gere, for The Worst Movie of All Time. As you noted, this was a truly awful film.
With every word of this review, I felt a pleasant, warm sensation. WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL REVIEW(S)! It resulted in mirthful laughter and frequent smiles. I felt relaxed and happy, and the deep scarring that resulted from this film can now finally heal. Were there tears of joy? No, because I’m a man and incapable of getting in touch with my emotions on a deep level and I don’t cry when I’m happy. But I was joyful, yes. Words can’t express my joy. But maybe a gif can?
Yeah, reading this WMOAT of Amelia was pretty much like that. Thus closes my campaign to have this film WMOAT-ed, and unlike the film, this has reach a great and satisfying conclusion. Good day and thank you for all you’ve done.
It has been a pleasure. Again, thank you.
http://img4.clipta.com/?v=4e9fe8a83e41821797ca&s=128×66
It makes me *that* much happier to know that werttrew can start the healing process.
But Werttrew, what did you think of the movie itself? Because while it’s a good write-up of the movie, it completely leaves out all of the ridiculous mentions of Gore Vidal being Ewan McGregor’s son and the Eleanor Roosevelt scene and the not-too-subtle hints the movie drops of Amelia being a lesbian (or am I the only one that picked up on that?) Or the fact that Richard Gere asked Amelia to marry him out of the blue?
What I am saying is that there is so much more in this movie that is terrible, please shed your light on the content. Bonus points if its in .gif form.
Good points! Also check out our own Linsday Robertson’s pounding of the film last year: http://lindsayrobertson.tumblr.com/post/223120460/my-special-thoughts-about-amelia
I humbly submit this day as the best day in Videogum history.
You know what would’ve probably made Amelia at least a little better? Adam Scott. I didn’t even realize he was in the Aviator until like, 3 days ago.
Adam Scott makes everything better. I didn’t even know Parks and Rec could be better until he came along.
I guess that means you guys saw Piranha 3D?
Of course. Love makes you do crazy things, Nightmare.
But I’m sure you know that — your love for Ryan Gosling probably forced you to see Murder by Numbers.
Touche….
Speaking of Murder by Numbers…WMOAT?
SERIOUSLY! IT CAN’T GET BACK ON TV FAST ENOUGH!
For serious! It was already the best, and then Adam Scott was like “BAM! EVEN MORE THE BEST!” I just wish it hadn’t meant the death of Party Down, though it seemed like that was already dying due to ratings. So at least we get more of Adam Scott somewhere, even if it’s not Starz.
Wait, the guy who does Dilbert is also an actor?? I can barely call my mom once a week, where does he find the time?
i thought everyone was talking about adam scott the golfer.
Camp Anawanna was downright BORING before Adam Scott came along. Now I send my kids every summer.
UUUUGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!
Do you guys pronounce it “bi-opic” or “bio-pic”? I do the latter but once a friend pronounced the former and it wrinkled my brain.
I like saying ‘bi-opic’ with an ‘ah’ sound on the ‘o’, but I believe I am incorrect in my pronunciation and that it is, in fact ‘bio-pic,’ (BIOgraphical PICture, probably).
Here’s a creepy robot voice saying it from Merriam-Webster-
http://www.merriam-webster.com/cgi-bin/audio.pl?biopic01.wav=biopic
AHH IT WON’T STOP
“bi-opic” sounds like something they do to see if you have cancer. So I think you’re right to say “bio-pic.”
Except, it seems, in the case of Amelia.
I think I’m just screwed up because I pronounce ‘biopsy’ as ‘BIO • SPY.’
Amelia probably could have used more bio-spy
I honestly thought it was “bi-opic” for years and year until someone explained that it was “bio-pic,” like “biography picture.” I thought it was more like “biography epic,” or something.
I had the same problem with “unison.”
“Uni-son? But I’ve been saying it u-NI-son! Like unite!
“Oh no!”
Hilary Swank kinda looks like Matt Damon.
You know they’ve made about 90 billion movies between the two of them and have never appeared in one together, just throwing it out there
I wonder how many degrees of Kevin Bacon united them…
*unites
Hillary Swank was in the Aviator with Richard Gere who was in Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts who was in Ocean’s 11 with Matt Damon.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
I need a split screen pic of Matt Damon in Courage Under Fire and Hilary Swank in Boys Don’t Cry and that basically proves they are the same person.
That’s a pretty necklace Matt is wearing.
Wish I had the GIF of the clapping scene at the end of Lucas. Well done.
Godsauce wins.
What about Eastbound and Down?
Not saying it is bad (its the best!) but why haven’t you written anything about it?
He also completely ignored Bieber on CSI last week.
“I’m Not There” is a good biopic. But that’s about the only one.
Nuthin’ good about six people all doing BAD Bob Dylan impressions (who himself is doing a half descent Woody Guthrie impression)
Woah, you’re wrong. Cate Blanchett NAILED Dylan. She really did a rad impersonation of him. It’s a good film as far as I’m concerned.
Yeah it’s my favorite between American Splendor and The Man On The Moon
“Control” was amazing and for my money, it added to the art of Ian Curtis and Joy Division (although it did deminish the art of New Order.
You should check out “24 Hour Party People.” I liked that one.
I have, Steve Coogan rules, although calling that a biopic would be somewhat liberally using that term. But yeah, that was a great movie and a nice insight into the English music scene.
Definitely don’t agree that biopics always suck, but yeah, Amelia was kinda terrible.
I also quite like Control, and think it is even better than I’m Not There perhaps.
Ed Wood?
I misread “Bride Wars” as “Birdie Wars”, and I got so, so excited. Now I’m sad.
“Birdie Wars” would be in The Hunt For The BEST Movie Of All Time, FYI.
No doubt. How effin’ cute would that be?
ATTACK!
Who would Birdie fight? My love for him/her? But that doesn’t make any sense. I love BIrdie.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Awe, really? It’s been a while since I’ve seen Amelie but I enjoyed it very much at the time. I have enjoyed the Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s films (Delicatessen, City of Lost Children). If anything, they’re beautifully shot.
Delicatessen is a very strange oeuvre. I can’t even form an opinion. (That said, Amelie is delightful and playful and very enjoyable.)
Oh, wait- did I say Delicatessen? I meant Alien Resurrection. I kid, I kid. Delicatessen is NUTZ.
Oops! Typo! You meant to type “‘Amelie’, pretty much the best movie!”
Not many people have heard of it? I think it’s probably the only foreign film that a vast majority of the U.S. has seen.
And it is a damn fine film as well.
Really, so under the radar. But no time to discuss it now–it’s time for an indie television programme that you’ve probably never heard of: “Two and a Half Men”.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
My favorite Amelia will always be:
I remember getting these monthly in the mail when i was seven,my dad’s excuse for not paying child support
Hey! The 2 dollars he spent for the box of them at the flea market wasn’t nothing!
nope but the nothing he spent at goodwill was
My mom dresses up as Amelia Bedelia every year for halloween.
Hilary Swank is the real life version of that girl Jerry Seinfeld went out with on that one episode. You know, the one who looked kinda hot in one light, and looked like the Crypt Keeper in another. I don’t think I need to tell you which version we’re seein’ here.
Between Amelia and Wallstreet Gabe is exposing himself to a dangerously high level of poor movie making that could have serious long term consequences. I urge caution on his part. There are many awful movies in the Hunt and there is no research on what high levels of exposure can do to ones taste in art.
I think we’ve always known that Gabe wasn’t going to get out of the Hunt alive.
It’s the most dangerous game.
I only knew of Amelia Earhart because she was in this “Mysteries and Monsters” book I had when I was 7. And in it she crashed in The Bermuda Triangle and there was this rad picture of her on the bottom of the sea as a skeleton with seaweed all over her and she was wearing her aviator outfit. But that doesnt have anything to do with the movie.
I don’t know, did you stay AFTER the credits?
This is incredible and delighted me.
I used to read ALL of those books when I was a kid.
Gosh — I had forgotten this: on “Oscar Night,” a coworker of mine went to Astroburger, and the Swankstress herself was there, in her dress, holding her Oscar (for Million-$ Baby) and ordering something at the counter. He sneaked a photo of her back and brought it in. She put the Oscar down on the counter to pay. So I am a fan.
This movie sounds terrible though. That “Wohndahfohl!” clip is priceless. I want to thank werttrew for his dedication and say that I am thrilled this feature is back in style. YES!
Whatever. I won 50 cents for winning the spelling bee at school in 3rd grade, and I set the 50 cents on the counter when I used it to purchase 5 plastic bears. (True story, don’t hate me because I can spell… or for my tiny plastic bear fetish.)
I haven’t seen the movie and I only skimmed this review, but I’ve got to know… Did Amelia murder Hitler or not?
Yes.
I went back and reread the Biopics Suck article and would like to take a moment to officially announce that I am making the phrase “Shut up, Cod” a thing. Tell your friends.
It was the Bermuda Triangle that finally got her. What with all the magnetic forces and UFOs and sea creatures. You’d have to be crazier than a man on a horse to go flying near there.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
“I had definitely watch movie”? Man, sounds rough.
it’s comments like this that make me glad that there’s still some spam on here.
You guys–be sensitive. It’s obvious that watching Amelia took away his brain.
“i had definitely watch movie”. Sure you did, champ.
Can we have a Worst Actor of All Time?
Wertrew, can I hire you to do my Videogum PR to get “John Tucker Must Die” nominated?
I loved the picture of the cat playing upon the guitar the most. It is very funny.
Natura Cleanse
It’s true, the climactic guitar battle between Amelia and the cat was amazing.
Now if I google my name it comes up “Amelia SUCKS”. Thanks guys. Thanks.