Photos
This fan art based on a moment in an old episode of The Simpsons when Ralph Wiggum calls Superintendent Chalmers “Super Nintendo Chalmers,” which is incidentally one of my Top Two Favorite Simpsons Jokes of All Time (the other Top Two Joke being when Homer Simpson says that holding a gun makes him “feel like how God must feel. When He holds a gun”), and this coming right after yesterday’s Caption Contest fan art of the “real” Simpsons makes me realize that we’ve never had an Open Thread for people to share their favorite Simpsons quotes, so we might as well get that out of the way and then MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES AND NEVER LOOK BACK. We’re better than this. Or at least, after this we will be better than this. It’s awful when people won’t stop quoting their favorite jokes from The Simpsons, but it’s just the world we live in. Better to get it out of our systems once and for all than to lie to ourselves and pretend like this isn’t a thing we would all do and are about to do right now. (Image via TheDailyWhat.)
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The sound that Bart makes whenever Homer is choking him. Plus, the angel choir letting me know that my favorite show of all time is about to start.
Two minutes in and this is already my favorite thread of all time, I’m up-voting everyone!
even before i made it to the comments, i sent this link to my friend and said pretty much the same thing. my work day is done, given over to reading simpsons quotes (and not the first time my work day has ended early for the same reason).
D’OH! I can’t believe I went outside and missed all this. I’ll be reading the comments until tomorrow I guess…
principal skinner is an old man who lives in the school. lisa…
“Go banana!” – Ralph Wiggum
Now, remember, Ralph. If your nose starts bleeding, it means you’re picking it too much. Or, not enough.
“so, the doctor said i wouldn’t have so many nosebleeds if i just kept my finger outta there!” -ralph wiggum
Then the doctor told me BOTH my eyes were lazy! And that’s why it was the best summer ever.
let’s just do ralph wiggum quotes…
look, big daddy. it’s regular daddy.
We’re gonna be in a pie!
“Oh boy, sleep! That’s where I’m a viking!”
Nooo! I am a plagiarist commentor! (Sorry bookface!)
You plagiarize comments? That’s unpossible!
Apparently Simpsons writers have the hardest time writing Ralph.
“He’s so stupid, it’s like trying to write a haiku or something. It’s poetry.” -Hank Azaria
I’m Idaho!
I’m a gulch!
ralph: “g’bye dad! enjoy bob saget!”
chief wiggum: “no, no – it’s bob SEGER…..aw, crap.”
“I bit my Wookie!”
No he “bent” his Wookie. Bent.
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Me fail English? That’s unpossible.
Look, I can do Opios!
tastes like burning – ralph wiggum
Costco, you just beat me, now I am ashamed (but happy that someone else loves that quote, because i say it all the time)
I love that one, plus “my cat’s breath smells like cat food.”
Tastes like burning.
Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.
the best.
The baby looked at you?!?
When I grow up, I’m going to Bovine University.
When I grow up, I’m going to be a principal! Or a caterpillar.
“Ralphie. Get off the stage sweetheart!”
- What do you know about Lisa Simpson?
- Lisa Simpson is a girl from school.
- Anything else?
- One time, I picked my nose so hard it bled.
- No, about Lisa Simpson!
- Lisa Simpson is a girl from school.
“Daddy, I’m so scared I can’t even pee my pants!”
“Just relax, Ralphie. It’ll come. It’ll come.”
About tomacco “This tastes like grandma!”
My God! It DOES taste like grandma!
Skinner “and with a flute up his nose, Ralph Wiggum”
*Ralph toots*
Wiggum “that’s some nice flutin’ boy”
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Ralph-Wiggum-es-dios/43504714480?ref=ts
My cat’s breath smells like cat food.
“The pointy kitty took it!”
“I’m wearing a bathrobe, and I’m not even sick.” – New Kids on the Blecchh episode.
“Um, Miss Hoover? There’s a dog in the vent.”
“Ralph, remember the time you said Snagglepuss was outside?”
“He was going to the bathroom.”
“Nope!”
Lunch Lady Doris: The world is safe again, eh, Fall Out Boy?
Ralph: What’s for lunch tomorrow?
Director: Next!
Ralph: Chicken necks?
Stupid Sexy Flanders!
Feels like I’m wearing NOTHING AT ALL….
NOTHING AT ALL….
NOTHING AT ALL….
OOOOOWWW This is the WORST PAIN EVER!
“Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace ’accidentally’ with ’repeatedly’ and replace ’dog’ with ’son.’” – Lionel Hutz
“Women will like what I tell them to like.” -Homer
“Never, Marge. Never. I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors – oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about ‘What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?’”
That little gem right there got me thrown into In-School Suspension in sophomore year of high school when a classmate and I were recapping the “Lisa’s Rival” episode during AP English.
Reminds me of one of my faves.
Homer: ‘You want the truth Marge? You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! ’cause when you stick your hand into a pile of goo that used to be your best friend’s face, then you’ll know what to do. Forget it Marge. It’s Chinatown!’
I want to upvote this one hundred million times. One of the best.
Lisa: Dad, you can’t take revenge on an animal! That’s the whole point of Moby Dick!
Homer: Oh, Lisa. The point of Moby Dick is “be yourself.”
Everything’s coming up Milhouse!
Man, I love this quote. Useful in so many situations.
that is some champion-caliber gif material. it just keeps on giving and giving and giving.
Also: “The House always wins!” -Milhouse after winning a board game
Not to mention: “So this is what feels like when does cry.”
Milhouse: You’re not going to win her back. She’s with “The House” now.
Bart: Milhouse, she’s only dating you to get back at me.
Milhouse: My therapist said that’s all I could ever hope for. So take off, hoser!
I say this ALL the time. This website: http://comingupmilhouse.com/ is my favorite thing in the world (aside from Videogum, of course!).
This is easily in the top 5 Simpsons quotes of forever
In Lisa’s card:
‘See you in the car – Love Millhouse x’
milpool.com used to be a great Simpsons fan site, but I think it’s gone now
Wait a minute! You didn’t learn how World War II ended…
(everyone freezes)
WE WON!
USA! USA! USA!
NUMBER ONE! NUMBER ONE!
WhatEVER forever downvoter….that’s the full quote (of Homer’s) “USA! USA! Number One! Number One!”
Grandpa: That doll is evil, I tells ya! EVIL! EEEVVVVIIIILLLL!!!
Marge: Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.
Don’t you hate pants?
“There, there. Shutup boy.”
“I sleep in a race car, do YOU sleep in a race car?” “I sleep in a big bed with my wife.”
can you lend me a cup of love?
it was the best of times, it was the BLURST OF TIMES!? you stupid monkey!
“Max Power—he’s the man whose name you’d love to touch…
But, you musn’t touch!
His name sounds good in your ear
But when you say it, you mustn’t fear
Because his name can be said by anyone!”
I got it off a hair-dryer.
“Our magazines and roach traps, all gone.”–Homer Simpson on his burning house.
“Gonna paint your wagon, gonna paint it fine, gonna used oil-based paint ’cause the wood is pine.”
“Pon-derOOOOOOOOsa pine!”
“There was an optics festival, and I wasn’t informed?”
“My Mom doesn’t believe in fabric softener … but she’s not around.”
The Lord of the Flies/ Model U.N. episode.
“We’ll live like kings! Damn hell ass kings!” – Bart (naturally)
“I eated the purple berries… and they tasted like burning. Ooooh.” – Ralph
Nelson: “Delicious wine?”
Bart: “Exactly!”
“I sleep in a drawer.”
Nothing is better than Super Nintendo… but I always liked “G.M. Chrysler, I can’t afford that!”
That is so 1991
“I’m not a nerd, nerds are smart.” perfectly encapsulates me as a person.
“Ooohhh look at me Marge, I’m making people happy! I’m the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!! By the way I was being sarcastic.”–Homer
I was having trouble thinking of my favorite but thankfully you reminded me that this is it. THANKS WERTTREW!!! <3 :3
you couldn’t fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life even if you had an electrified fooling machine.
Also, this:
“I’m better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuff’s loaded with nutrients. I… I can’t compete with that stuff.” – Moe
hahaha moe is the best!
Eddie: Did you hold a grudge against Mr. Burns?
Moe: No!
(The lie detector buzzes, indicating a lie.)
Moe: Okay, maybe I did, but I didn’t shoot him!
(The lie detector dings, indicating the truth.)
Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir, you’re free to go.
Moe: Good, ’cause I’ve got a hot date tonight! (buzz) Odd date. (buzz) Dinner with friends. (buzz) Dinner alone. (buzz) Watching TV alone. (buzz) Alright! I’m just going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria’s Secret catalog! (buzz) Sears catalog. (ding) Now, would you unhook this already, please?! I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment! (buzz)
“I’ve been called Ugly, fugly, pug-fugly but never ugly-ugly”
Homer: “Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try”
Also, I’d like to mention that I went on a wild upvoting spree because every single post brought me so much joy.
Dr. Zaius Dr. Zaius, ooo-oooo Dr. Zaius!
He can talk, he can talk, he can talk….
I CAN SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!
Can I play the piano anymore?
Yes you can.
Well, I couldn’t before!
I hate every ape I see
From chimpan-A to chimpan-Z
Oh you’ll never make a monkey out of me
Oh my God! I was wrong!
It was earth all along!
I guess you finally made a monkey out of meeeee!
Like my loafers? Former gophers!
It was that, or skin my chauffers!
I love you Dr. Zaius!!!
We can’t bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don’t go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m’shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you’d say. Now where was I… oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn’t get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…
I tip my hat to you and your speedy quoting, sir.
My son Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, a communist, but he’s not a porn star!
“Why must I fail at every attempt at masonry!!” – Homer
“We can’t bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don’t go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m’shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you’d say. Now where was I… oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn’t get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones… “
great minds think alike!
“I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my Homosexuals flaming”- Homer Simpson
ZZZZZaaap, ZZZZZZZaaaaap
faaaalaaaaming. Might be my favorite episode.
John: Are those pearls on a little girl?
John: No, Ultrasuede is a miracle. This is just good timing.
Roscoe: We work hard, we play hard.
Homer: There’s something wrooooong here… [gasp] This lesbian bar has no fire exits! [leaving] Enjoy your death trap, ladies!
Lesbian: What’s her problem?
I see all of you have played knivesy spoonsy before.
Also: I knew when I first met you that I’d someday kill you in a hall of mirrors.
“How ironic… blind after a lifetime of being able to see.” — Homer after previously mentioned conflict in the hall of mirrors.
“Remember when you were stalking Charles Kuralt because you thought he dug up your garden?” “Well something did!”
Homer: “You know, when I was a boy I really wanted a catcher’s mitt, but my dad wouldn’t get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.”
Bart: “Dad, what’s the point of this story?”
Homer: “I like stories.”
Damn you, Walt Whitman! I hate you Walt freaking Whitman! “Leaves of Grass”, my ass!
Comic Book Guy – Last night’s Itchy and Scratchy Show was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
“I’m a level 5 vegan – I won’t eat anything that casts a shadow.”
Ralph Wiggum-
*Goes to Tamacco barrel and grabs a Tomacco.*
“Daddy, this tamato tastes like grandma!”
Chief Wiggum takes a bite “Well I’ll be darned, it does”
“Welcome to Itchy and Scratchy Land, where nothing can possib-lie go wrong. Possibly go wrong. That’s the first thing that’s ever gone wrong.”
Both of mine were site gags:
Habitat for Huge Manatees (at the zoo)
Cheezus H. Rice (on the shelf at the store)
Nuts ‘n Gum, together at last!
Sneed’s Feed and Seed (formerly Chuck’s)
Bloodbath and Beyond
Much Ado About Stuffing
Turban Outfitters.
The Buzzing Sign Diner.
Stoner’s Pot Palace. “Man, that is flagrant false advertising!”
It’s a Wonderful Knife
As a sci-fi/horror fan, I love everything on every Treehouse of Horror episode.
My cat’s breath smells like cat food. – Ralph Wiggums
It’s funny because it’s true!
well obsoived!
“Gotta go. My damn wiener kids are listening.”
Yeah Moe, that team sure did suck. They were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever did suck.
Do you find something comical about my appearance when I am driving my automobile?
Martin: “your appearance is comical to me”
“The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it’s time we snatched your mother from his neon claws!”
#monstersspecial
Ahhh, one of my favorites.
“I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize the state of Missourah.”
- Abraham Simpson
“Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.” -Abe Simpson
“Hey ma, how bout some cookies?”
“No dice.”
“This ain’t over.”
My brother and I call each other about once a week, essentially just to do our impressions of that line. We are supposedly adults.
My brother and I constantly text each other Simpsons and Futurama quotes until we’ve annoyed everyone around us. We do not pretend to be real adults.
“My cat’s breath smells like cat food.” – Ralph
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You do realize that we didn’t write any of this material ourselves, right?
aw snap, you identified a PLAGIARIST THREAD. wait… by this logic this whole website is PLAGIARIST!!!!
Also, while covering impending doom by approaching meteor, Kent Brockman: Now, over the years a newsman learns things that for one reason or another, he just can’t report….it doesn’t seem to matter now, so….the following people are gay.
Cue hastily scrolling and immense list of names.
“just a second….” – Homer copying down as many names as possible
“I hate every ape I see, from chimpan-a to chimpanzee. You’ll never make a monkey out of meeeeeeee!”
“The bee bit my bottom and now my bottom’s big!”
“Nobody likes Milhouse!”
“You’ve got the dud right here! Stand up for yourself, poindexter!”
“That dog has a puffy tail!”
“‘Gimme five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say!”
I will probably come back with more.
“So I says to Mable I says, – …I’ll finish this later.”
hahaha… definitely one of my fav’s.
“From now on, she’s smoking for two!”
Add also, everything out of Troy McClure’s mouth.
THRILLHO
Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No. He looks like something might be disturbing him.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart’s activities but then I’d be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we’d get the chair.
Marge: That’s not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge, admit it.
Homer: “See, I’ve got this friend named Joey… Joe Joe… Junior Shabadoo…”
Moe: “That’s the worst name I’ve ever heard.”
(Man runs away crying.)
Barney: “Hey! Joey Joe Joe!”
I can’t believe no one posted the Bort quote yet:
Bart: Look at all this great stuff, Lis!
[finds vanity license plate rack]
Cool…personalized plates! “Barclay”…”Barry”…”Bert”…
“Bort”? Aw, come on. “Bort”?
Child: Mommy, mommy! Buy me a license plate.
Mother: No. Come along, Bort.
Man: Are you talking to me?
Mother: No, my son is also named Bort.
– At the gift shop, “Itchy and Scratchy Land”
Moe: “Nah, I’m more of a well-wisher. In that I don’t wish you any _specific_ harm.”
A little anecdote for you here: I’ve been with my husband for 9 years now. When we first moved in together we were so burnt out on going out and drinking that we grew into hermits living in our little apartment. We spent most evenings eating dinner while watching Simpsons and playing “Simpsons Road Rage” on the PS2. There are lots of good quotes from the game. At the time we had Simpsons quotes for nearly EVERYTHING. Such good memories. Now we have 2 kids and work and barely see each other, but every now and again old 21-minute Simpsons episodes on DVD can still bring us together for some good laughs.
There are so many quotes, but off the top of my head:
- From my favorite episode where the Simpsons go to Australia: “Alright, alright you win. I see you’ve played knifey-spoony before.”
- Ralph Wiggum: “They taste like burning!”
You guys should get a baby sitter and go away for a weekend.
For realsies.
Also from the epic Australia episode:
“Tobias! $600 Dollarydoos for a call to the States?!”
“But it was in emergency!”
My favorite quote of all time, Simpsons or otherwise: a kid breaks his leg, Nelson says “HA ha” and when someone says, “He’s really hurt”, Nelson says helpfully, “I SAID ‘HAha”…”
That line by itself kills me to this day, but also it amused a girl I was dating at the time and we shared a good laugh about that. Misty water colored memories…
“But it also amused a girl I was dating.” Yeah, sure, I bet.
“We must go forward, not backward. Upward, not forward. And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.”
“That’s Slick Willy for you, always with the smooth talk!”
“Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!”
What the hell is this, some kinda tube?
oh no… aliens… bioduplication… NUDE conspiracies!
Ralph: “Um, Miss Hoover?”
Ms. Hoover: “Yes Ralph, what is it?”
Ralph: “My worm went in my mouth, and then I ate it. Can I have a new one?”
Ms. Hoover: “No Ralph, there aren’t any more. Just try to sleep while the other children are learning.”
Ralph: “Oh boy, sleep! That’s where I’m a Viking!”
Ms Hoover: “Ralph, remember the time you saw Snagglepuss outside?”
Ralph: “he was going to the bathroom.”
Kids, your daddy and his daddy are involved in a very sticky, nutty, chewy, chocolatey… put it away, boy!
“I’m a little burnt out. So sometimes – don’t shoot me – I have a glass of wine with Buster here. He’s a real comfort. I might even get a second cat.” – Eleanor Abernathy aka the world’s best crazy cat lady
I was saying Boo-urns.
Damn You! That was mine!
But not really damn you, really congrats on having a great sense of humor.
Burns: “this is impossible! our profit margins are down 37%”
Smithers: “we’re having an image problem sir. people seem to see you as somewhat of an ogre”
Burns: “I ought to club them and eat their bones!”
I posted this the other day, but it’s worth posting again :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Pje34fUgLQ
“We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I’d like to hear it.”
“Come on, people, move along, nothin’ to see h- OH MY GOD, a flaming plane crash!! Come on, crowd around!” — Chief Wiggum
“If you look closely you can actually pinpoint the exact moment his heart breaks in two.”
Is this the same episode (or a result of) the valentine’s day card?
“You choo choo choose me?”
“Did somebody pray for really big shoes?”
“I did!”
“O-ka-lee Do-ka-lee!”
So many to choose (CHOO-CHOO-Choose ?) from but this one gets me every time:
Grampa: Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say “dickety” cause that Kaiser had stolen our word “twenty”. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles…
Martin: Dickety? Highly dubious!
Grampa: What’re you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that’s your problem!
So far, these are all George Meyer’s!
I’ve got a Conan joke/episode in my little list. But otherwise, yes.
I’m sure he meant “serious drinking.”
See you in the car.
Best wishes,
Milhouse
Homer : D’oh!
Chief Wiggum (while arresting Homer): That’s what they all say. They all say “D’oh.”
“I’m not gonna rest until one of us is behind bars. You!”
Also, I love when Chief Wiggum reports a license plate as “Banana… Umbrella… Xerxes…”
I love Chief Wiggum’s puns when he arrests people:
‘not so fast Drugs Bunny’
‘drop the cone Sugar’
“Linguo dead?” “Linguo IS dead…”
Also, I can’t believe no one has brought out any Troy McClure yet. The only one I can remember exactly is:
“Hi there, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such Nature films as ‘Man vs. Nature: The Road to Victory’ and ‘Earwigs! Ewwwww.’”
“Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You’re now reading this in my voice.”
“You might remember me from such driver’s ed films as ‘Alice’s Adventures Through the Windshield Glass’ and ‘The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot.” —my fave
You may remember me from such telethons as Out With Gout ’88 and Let’s Save Tony Orlando’s House!
Lisa: I knew that. Just testing.
Linguo: Sentence fragment.
Lisa: “Sentence fragment” is also a sentence fragment.
Linguo: [shifts eyes around] Must conserve battery power.
Yes! A millian bjillion upvotes.
“Shut up a-you face!”
“Shut up YOUR face.”
is your avatar Cassidy from Preacher or George Michael circa 1998?
Proinsias Cassidy
Proinsias! (Your avatar makes me happy)
[Superintendant Chalmers sees Principal Skinners kitchen on fire]
Superintendant Chalmers: Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Principal Skinner: The Aurora Borealis?
Superintendant Chalmers: The Aurora Borealis? At this time of year?
At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized
entirely within your kitchen?
Principal Skinner: Yes.
Superintendant Chalmers: May I see it?
Principal Skinner: No
Steamed Hams! “It’s an Albany term.”
“Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say you steam a good ham.”
Optometrist: Your son has a temporary condition called “Lazy Eye” where
one eye is weaker than the other. You’ll have to wear
these for two weeks. [places horn-rimmed glasses on Bart]
Bart: Ohh…
Optometrist: Menachem Begin wore a pair just like them!
Bart: I’m a nerd!
Milhouse: So am I!
that’s a classic
“Oh, yes, sitting. The great leveler. From the mightiest Pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn’t enjoy a good sit?”
Lisa: Come to Homer’s BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB.
Bart: Hey, Homer, what’s that B for?
Homer: That’s a typo.
Yes! I can’t resist saying this anytime I hear BYOB or BBQ.
Yes, yes. A million times, yes.
Homer: Marge, I agree with you — in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory.
Homer : Singing is the lowest form of communication.
I kind of just want to put the entire transcript of the Hank Scorpio episode here, but instead I will just contribute this gem:
Hank: Hey, look at my feet. You like those moccasins? Look in your closet; there’s a pair for you. Don’t like them? Then neither do I! Get the hell outta here! Ever see a guy say good-bye to a shoe?
Homer: [chuckles] Yes, once.
Hank: By the way, Homer, what’s your least favorite country: Italy or France?
Homer: France.
Hank: Heh, nobody ever says Italy.
You know, there’s a little place called Mary Ann’s Hammocks. The nice thing about that place is Mary Ann gets in the hammock with you. Ha! I’m just kidding.
My favorite exchange in the episode, which I recently learned was basically ad-libbed:
Scorpio: There’s four places. There’s the Hammock Hut, that’s on third. There’s Hammocks-R-Us, and that’s on third, too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There. That’s on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot… Matter of fact, they’re all in the same complex. Tt’s the hammock complex on third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district!
Scorpio: That’s right.
I don’t expect anything from you except to die and be a very cheap funeral.
Homer: “Yes, Mr. Scorpion. Very causal.”
Hank Scorpio: “Don’t call me Mr.Scorpion. It’s Mr.Scorpi*o*, but don’t call me that either. Call me Hank!”
when you gone home tonight, there’s going to be another story on your house!
Homer: Uh… you have any sugar around here?
Hank Scorpio: Sugar? Sure.
Hank Scorpio: There you go. Sorry it’s not in packages. Want some cream?
Homer: Uh… I… no.
In fact, I didn’t even give you my coat!
Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
“Talking out of turn? That’s a paddlin’. Lookin’ out the window? That’s a paddlin’. Staring at my sandals? That’s a paddlin’. Paddlin’ the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that’s a paddlin’.” – Jasper, serving as a substitute teacher.
I thought of this when I got my allergy test, and it turned out I was allergic to everything. “Mold? That’s an allergen. Pollen? That’s an allergen. Dust? Oh, you better believe that’s an allergen.”
“i have misplaced my pants.”
homer: “we started the night at the club discussing wittgenstein over a game of bacgammon”
scully: “mr. simpson it’s a felony to lie to the FBI”
homer: “we were sitting in barney’s car eating packets of mustard, you happy?”
[tune of tub thumping] “i take a whiskey drink, i take a vodka drink/and when i gotta pee, i use the kitchen sink”
Not a quote, but I’ll just put it out there:
Milpool.
Thrillho
Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos
A Kodos reference and a Morbo avatar–you are the perfect person.
KITTENS GIVE MORBO GAS!!
“catFISH?”
Doesn’t make for a great quote, but one of my all-time favorite bits is The Big Book of British Smiles.
DENTAL PLAN!
Lisa needs braces…
“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Democracy simply doesn’t work.” – Kent Brockman
I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.
HAIL ANTS
Of course you’ll have a bad impression of New York if you only focus on the Pimps and C.H.U.D.s.
This is what I think of when I think of New York. All week, I’ve been thinking, “Man, when I get to NYC, I hope I don’t see too many pimps and C.H.U.D.s.
Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare?!!!
“Disco Stu don’t advertise”
Your fish are dead.
I…can’t get them out of there.
“The South will boogie again!”
- Disco Stu
‘Disco stu has ouzo for two-zo’
“Disco Stu… was talk to you.”
Or, how I passed the Odyssey in high school.
The whole back and forth with Homer and the cult people at the airport (joy of sect, S09 e13, nerd alert HIGH):
Jane: We’re having a free get acquainted session at our resort this weekend.
Homer: How much is this free resort weekend?
Glen: It’s free!
Homer: And when this weekend?
Glen: It’s this weekend.
Homer: Uh-huh, and how much does it cost?
Glen: Um, it’s free.
Homer: I see, and when is it?
Glen: It’s this weekend.
Homer: And what are you *charging* for this free weekend?
Nananananananana fishing!
Batman! I mean, Leader!
The leader is good! The leader is great! We surrender our will! As of this date!
Also,
Out of my way, jerkass!
“Well, let’s go the old mill anyway – get some cider” – Moe
If it’s clear and yella, you got juice there, fella! But if it’s tangy and brown, you’re in cider town!
(I know, different episode, but appropriate, I think.)
Flanders: Looks like we’re going to have an imagination Christmas this year.
Rodd & Todd: Yaaaayyy! Imagination Christmas!
Rodd: I got a pogo stick!
Todd: I got a hula hoop!
God, I can’t believe I didn’t remember this one until I looked at my avatar:
Lise, check it out: ‘Time for chili.”
You’re just mad ’cause there’s no clock in your hat.
In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
“My wife is not a doobie to be passed around. I swore on our wedding day to bogart her for the rest of our lives.” – Homer
“Being unselfish is a natural high, like hiking or paint thinner. And now, here’s another act of Christian charity I pulled out of my butt.” – Homer
“So the caterpillar has emerged from its cocoon. As a shark. With a gun for a mouth.” – Mr. Burns
“Honk if you demand satisfaction.” – Bumper Sticker
“League of Extra-Horny Gentlemen” – Gay bar