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Haha. WHAT A SCANDAL! “It’s so weird that a racist joke would be printed in a newspaper that operates out of what looks like an adult bookstore,” said no one. “I threw my iPad across the room in disgust!” no one added. Get it? Because of how people don’t read newspapers anymore? But it’s funny because you don’t really think of lower-middle-class white people in what is clearly an industrially ravaged Midwestern town using iPads? Snore. Seriously, though, this is my favorite non-issue in awhile. Some stupid piece of shit racist living in a tiny racist town publishing a racist joke in a garbage newspaper with a circulation of 400 is the reverse Ground Zero Mosque. It’s times like these that we’re all so sad that Air America died, I’m sure. (Thanks for the tip, Baby Friday.)
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*cue “that’s racist” gifs*
We’ve Been Over this Robot –
the caption beneath that child should No Longer Read THASS RACISS
It should Read THEY’RE CRAZY
THE TRI-DENT
or THATS RAY JAY
That child is no longer allowed.
We never should have painted you black.
I like how most of the residents interviewed where basically like “Relax, he’ll be dead soon anyway. Hell, I’ll be dead soon. Let me live my golden years in racist peace.”
I read it as more like, “relax, that level of racism is the norm here, there are people that are much worse than him”
Today is a great day for my home state.
“During our time hear in Lake Crystal, we didn’t meet one person of color… or one person under the age of 70… and the whole town smells of vegetable soup and Kools… and everyone keeps trying to give me hard candy.”
roger sterling doesn’t get what all the fuss is about.
It’s not just a little racist, is the best part. That is an extremely racist joke. Swing for the fences, eh?
Ah, Minnesota. We’re just not there yet.
“Racists gonna race.”
You know how it is.
I know! I came in expecting something moderately ignorant and out of touch. But no! Full on racism all the way.
Everybody knows you never go FULL racist. This guy knows what I’m talking about:
For a second there I thought you were going to go with the Michael Richards instead of Jeff Dunham.
LOL. He said “I KILL YOU!” So funny! – America last year.
When asked for comment, the mayor of Lake Crystal had this to say:
He ran on a strong platform of increasing funding for school lunches and also chopping people in the face with machetes.
“Two black chicks and a white chick walk into a bar. I slaughtered them all because of their dissolute morals.” -Mayor Jason
Can someone else upvote this for me? I only get to do it once.
“Well then, let’s paint the robots white!”
“We already tried that.”
“What happened?”
“They all sat around kind of apologizing for a racist joke without admitting it was a racist joke and saying that things had been taken too far, if there was really anything to take in the first place, and we all joke like that so why should we get one guy in trouble just because he wrote it down in the newspaper, and please get that camera out of my face, liberal media.”
ba-dum-ching.
“Everyone has their own opinion when it comes to which races are superior to others.”
I hate teh racissms,
BUT
This is better than MY local Paper.
This story is racetrackist.
The continuing abuse of our equine brothers and sisters is one of the greatest social sins of our age.
Do you live in Pottersville?
“Personally, I hate reading the newspaper because of all that black newsprint that get’s on ya! Badoom-Ching!” -Your Grandfather
Somehow I am not surprised that Mr. Andopolis is straight up racist.
“Everyone has their own opinion when it comes to politics.”
- Racists
“Welcome to the end of the world. Please submit your organs for harvesting.”
– Robots
So Obamacare deathpanels is a robot plot. Should never have painted that Socialist Kenyan Robot black.
If it’s such a non-issue Gabe, why do you continue to disseminate it? I’m here for the issues! #justsayin
As a Robot American I can say this offends me very much.
You’re a Zombie Robot? Fuckin’ yikes!
what’s an oli and lena joke?
I just looked it up because I had no idea either.
http://www.surfminnesota.net/olelena.html
Yiiiiikes!
Five jokes! Good site!
It makes me so sad that I know the answer to this without having to do a google search because my grandparents own books (BOOKS. Plural!) of these jokes.
Right, like Boudreaux and Thibodeaux jokes in Louisiana. Or are those more racist because Cajuns?
Its an archaic minnesota joke, much like every city outside of the twin cities.
my rural midwestern grandfather told me ole and lena jokes, like, CONSTANTLY. my favorite part is it kind of seemed like that guy wasn’t trying to compare this to an ole and lena joke, he was more trying to distract us all with an ole and lena joke. he just wanted to tell one so so bad.
i’m uncomfortable with how homesick this made me.
The editor of that paper also thinks black people don’t know how to read.
Wait, so the robots are now out of work?
I blame the Mexicans.
I heard one of those robots is a Muslim. Just sayin’
That’s my state!
I thought Prince would would have solved this by now.
Prince is the one who thinks he’s the President!
Apple Valley Rules
Nothing says big-city-slicker-reporter like wearing a coat over a jacket while the rest of the towns folk are in t-shirts and shorts. He’s what we call yella’.
*Calls William Shatner to cancel vacation to Lake Crystal.*
Damn you Minnesota! I’m from there, so its cool that I am damning them right now. And as a Swede/Scandinavian, those Ole and Lena jokes are racist as FUCK.
“But seriously, folks, the caddies at Crystal Pines Country Club are terrible. Let’s think about some change.”
-The next paragraph
“During our time in Lake Crystal we never found a single person of color.”
In the town’s defense, they did show a surprising degree of alacrity in organizing a search party to find said persons of color.
“Lake Wobegon: Where the women are strong, the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average… oh yeah and where everyone is a little bit racist.” – Garrison Keillor
Unsubscribe.
“And one of them think’s he’s the president of the United States.” Obviously this editor is at the top of his game.
“Also, as long as you include the President in your racist joke it’s okay, because it becomes political commentary.”-Tea Party
I got really nervous at first because he looks exactly like my grandfather. Is it racist that I now think all grandfathers look alike?
It is very, very racist.
“One Lake Crystal man told FOX 9, ‘It’s the kind of thing people would joke about in private, but not say in a public forum.’” This man gets it.
“You’re out of the will, Lake Crystal.” – Minnesota, land of 9,999 Lakes
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They should have painted the robots a shade of green that matched the golf course. That way they wouldn’t be distracting to golfers or receive new programming from the magic black paint.