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We all make mistakes. Some of us more than others. In fact, some of us seem to make nothing BUT mistakes. And so, here we are, at the precipice of an enormous crossroads, our clammy hands shoved deeply into our pockets, staring out over the vast wasteland stretching endlessly before us and knowing that there is nothing to do but cross it, no matter how long it takes, no matter that it wears our feet off of our ankles and we are now just hobbling on raw bloody stumps, falling again and again onto our FACES. Yes, the Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time returns! Oh man, how nice was it to take a break from the Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time? The nicest. When I am on my deathbed (soon!), I will look back on this brief respite as the one time in my life when I knew peace. And then I will go to heaven and this nightmare will be over. But for now: NO PEACE AT ALL!
For the next round of movies, I will be choosing exclusively from the thread on this post. People have sent in plenty of email suggestions, which is great (is it, though?), but for the time being, let’s keep it streamlined and simple. If you have a nominee, put it here. As always, ANYTHING can be nominated. That’s the whole point, you guys. Nominate Chinatown if you want. Chinatown is an incredible movie, and as we know, incredible movies are the most dangerous game of all. Actually, don’t nominate Chinatown, because that was just an example chosen to illustrate a point, and I’m not going to do Chinatown, so don’t waste everyone’s time. But you get the point. People are always complaining that a movie they like got nominated as if somehow their personal taste in movies had anything to do with anything anyway, much less anything to do with this, and to those people I say PAY ATTENTION!
And since it’s been awhile, let’s review the Official Rules:
- • It cannot be intentionally horrible.
• It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (No “outsider art.”)
• It cannot be Glitter. (Or Crossroads.)
• It has to have had a theatrical release.
• It must be available on Netflix.
• No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
• No musicals.
• No Robin Williams movies (Note: In a lead role. Supporting roles will be considered on a case by case basis)
• Only one Nicolas Cage movie per “round.”
• No children’s movies.
• Gabe is the boss.
Next week: official nominees for the next round of the Hunt for Worst Movie of All Time announced!
Two weeks: memorial services for Gabe!
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First of all, I haven’t signed into here in at least a year, forgot my password, and have been given, by the robot that makes these decisions, the most ridiculous, cockamamie password in history It has an asterisk and an exclamation point. At the end. I wrote it out 4 times before I realized videogum wasn’t just excited about my new pasword.
Second of all, Up In The Air has to be one of the most smug (smuggest), unlikeable, tedious movies I’ve ever seen. Maybe the critical acclaim accentuated these feelings, but I hated everyone in that movie. The fact that people seemed to relate to this movie frightens me. Almost as much as me writing something at the bottom of a 900+ comment section.
THIS. Geez I hated that movie.
Garden State. That movie is worse than cancer. Zach Braff pulling his sad panda face, Natalie Portman who we know is *unique* and *individual* because she doesn’t even drive a car (!!), and shouting into infinite abysses. Why? I’m not sure, but you can bet it’s a metaphor of some sort.
Good Luck Chuck, because Dane Cook. Also Jessica Alba’s character is not ‘cute’ and ‘quirky’, she’s mentally ill.
Also the end credits where Dane Cook PERFORMS ORAL SEX ON A STUFFED PENGUIN.
And Revolutionary Road, which I hated so much that even after Inception I still harbour feelings of disgust towards Leo DiCaprio for hurting my soul with that movie. Apparently, life wasn’t very good for women in suburbia forty years ago. Even if everybody in the world wasn’t already aware of this, you could have just gently hinted at it. This movie slaps us over the head with this message. It’s like being flogged with a wet fish. It is terrible.
I nominate:
Because I Said So
A Cinderella Story
Fool’s Gold
Into the Blue
The Alphabet Killer
Stir of Echoes
Must Love Dogs
Confessions of a Shopaholic
ALSO: P.S. I Love You. That movie is so bad, I wanted both Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler put to death.
Krull
I nominate Garden State. Because of Zach Braff’s affectations. Here’s hoping Gabe’s listening!
I nominate “The Sixth Sense” as the worst movie of all time. Only movie I’ve ever seen that I wanted to ask for my money back, and I’ve seen a lot of lousy ones. Can’t believe how many people were surprised by the “twist” ending!
pleaaaaaaaase do VickyCristinaBarcelona!!!
I nominate InAlienable.
http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/InAlienable/70128370?strackid=6b97bba06d25dc26_0_srl&strkid=1596481320_0_0&trkid=438381
You’re welcome.
oh shoot wait I don’t think it had a wide/theatric release. NEVERMIND
Boogie Nights?? Shame!
I would like to nominate:
Match Point – A gaseous, dull and lifeless movie, which is apparently A-OK as long as it has Woody Allen’s name on it.
Deathproof – Because I am angry at Tarantino for being a self-involved asshole and ruining a briliant premise, style and soundtrack with talk. Oh the talking!! It is like sitting through two hours watching him wank over a meeting of the Women’s Institute. Inglorious Basterds was the same, but Faster Pussycat Kill Kill! is one of my all time favourites, so Deathproof felt like more of an insult.
I’m so glad this is back. It made my day.