Photos
We all make mistakes. Some of us more than others. In fact, some of us seem to make nothing BUT mistakes. And so, here we are, at the precipice of an enormous crossroads, our clammy hands shoved deeply into our pockets, staring out over the vast wasteland stretching endlessly before us and knowing that there is nothing to do but cross it, no matter how long it takes, no matter that it wears our feet off of our ankles and we are now just hobbling on raw bloody stumps, falling again and again onto our FACES. Yes, the Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time returns! Oh man, how nice was it to take a break from the Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time? The nicest. When I am on my deathbed (soon!), I will look back on this brief respite as the one time in my life when I knew peace. And then I will go to heaven and this nightmare will be over. But for now: NO PEACE AT ALL!
For the next round of movies, I will be choosing exclusively from the thread on this post. People have sent in plenty of email suggestions, which is great (is it, though?), but for the time being, let’s keep it streamlined and simple. If you have a nominee, put it here. As always, ANYTHING can be nominated. That’s the whole point, you guys. Nominate Chinatown if you want. Chinatown is an incredible movie, and as we know, incredible movies are the most dangerous game of all. Actually, don’t nominate Chinatown, because that was just an example chosen to illustrate a point, and I’m not going to do Chinatown, so don’t waste everyone’s time. But you get the point. People are always complaining that a movie they like got nominated as if somehow their personal taste in movies had anything to do with anything anyway, much less anything to do with this, and to those people I say PAY ATTENTION!
And since it’s been awhile, let’s review the Official Rules:
- • It cannot be intentionally horrible.
• It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (No “outsider art.”)
• It cannot be Glitter. (Or Crossroads.)
• It has to have had a theatrical release.
• It must be available on Netflix.
• No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
• No musicals.
• No Robin Williams movies (Note: In a lead role. Supporting roles will be considered on a case by case basis)
• Only one Nicolas Cage movie per “round.”
• No children’s movies.
• Gabe is the boss.
Next week: official nominees for the next round of the Hunt for Worst Movie of All Time announced!
Two weeks: memorial services for Gabe!
 |
 |
You Might Also Like
 Kids Love A Good Twist Ending | The Nicolas Cage Crystal Pepsi Denim Jacket | This Clip From A Regional Game Show For Children In Which… |  Here Are Some Morning Links! |
Leave a Reply
Sign inSign in with FacebookYou must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.
also The Other Boleyn Girl
because I unintentionally got my then boyfriend to tag along after saying there would probably be nude scarlett johanssen or natalie portman and instead we got awkward rape and incest
And while I’m at it The Weather Man with Nic Cage and Michael Caine because it’s depressing and I had to listen to Cage talking about his daughter’s camel toe and how he loves eating women out ugh
I hate it when people place this one in the pantheon of “good” Nicolas Cage films. I would rather watch Ghost Rider again (yes, again).
Babel – it was such an awful film.
I am Legend – great book, bad movie adaptation. Also, Will Smith.
I heart Huckabees – wtf?
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Oh so so wrong. My favorite Coen Brothers movie next to Barton Fink. It’s not just for Jews!
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Seconded
Charlie Kaufman always walks a very thin line between engagingly strange and boringly obtuse. Adaptation is the only one which ultimately falls on the wrong side of that line. I couldn’t maintain any interest in any of its characters or plot or direction. Blame the viewer rather than the movie, if you wish, but I wanted to enjoy it, and it just made it too difficult for me to warrant the effort required. Why should I have to TRY to like a film before I can actually like it?
Though saying that, this would be a waste of the Nic Cage card, when Gabe could instead be doing Bangkok Dangerous. Because Oh-Dear-God-Bangkok-Dangerous.
Did you see the alternate ending? Yesvote.
Yeah. As an experiment in screenwriting it was interesting but not particularly entertaining. Dude was just being way too clever for my tastes with that one.
Goodness! Had to skip the second page of comments.
IRREVERSIBLE — :*(
Second COP OUT — worst
NOVOCAINE — Steve??????????
Second INSIDE MAN
HARD 8 — Sersly
CLERKS 2
Second EASTERN PROMISES — Stars on my nuts
And I’ll second your Hard Eight nom. Rented that movie with the highest of expections after watching Boogie Nights and instead ended up with a big ol’ sad.
Funny, that’s exactly how I felt after renting and somehow sitting through all 500+ hours of that interminable shitfest Magnolia.
Magnolia is what happens when you try to make a movie in the midst of a months-long cocaine binge. Flashes of briliance without the focus needed to tighten the narrative into something an audience can digest.
The Invention of Lying
Please god, let Human Centipede come out on Netflix before Gabe decides! Also, if only to see Gabe suffer, let’s make him sit through Sex And The City part 3. Until this happens, he won’t know the meaning of the word ‘pain’.
In fairness, Human Centipede was not horrible as a horror movie. And yes, the sick fuck in me dowloaded and watched the whole thing.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s next on my Netflix cue. However, a copycat film is coming out and it looks like it could rival or best our little Centipede.
Human Sexipede XXX Porn Parody of Human Centipede. Amber Rayne stars.
I’m watching whichever one gets to my house first.
its terrific that everyone’s mentioning films most of us know,but the sad thing is for me at least,there is one film that is truly insidious,and in every sense,the ABSOLUTE WORST MOST INFURIATINGLY STUPID film I’ve seen is some bullshit indie called Me,You & Everyone we Know.
oktkxlookasquirrel
I concur.
Too many people are listing films that are supposed to be silly or, at the very least, light.
“Me, You and Everyone We Know” is one of the most self-important, art-damaged pieces of GRRRRR I’ve ever encountered.
You’re both wrong. That movie is sweet and poignant and exactly what an indie movie should be.
I can’t tell; are you being sarcastic?
If not, can you explain what’s so “sweet and poignant” about it?
The little kid having disgusting cyber sex with an adult?
By the way, IMHO an “indie” movie should be the opposite of “sweet and poignant”, which, to me, is the domain of entertainment-focused mainstream cinema. It should tackle those issues that the mainstream doesn’t, like race (e.g. “Shadows”), female sexuality (e.g. “She’s Gotta Have It”), religious doubt (e.g. much of Bergman’s work) and so on.
This is why independent/alternative/underground cinema was born in the first place, to give a voice to the voiceless and inspire change or, at the very least, debate. “MYAEWK” seems to only want to uncritically reflect the lives of hipsters back to hipsters.
“MYAEWK” is a more obscure realisation of the same mistaken belief found in films like “Little Miss Sunshine” and “Garden State” that ‘kooky’ equals ‘artful’.
I think that independent movies should challenge filmmaking norms whether it be content or style. The movie’s poignancy comes from its characters who, to me, are different, not kooky, and their struggles to find a place in the world. It reminds me a lot of Punch Drunk Love in that respect.
the blindside? please?
Very Bad Things
Funny Games (the remake)
X-Men 3
Avatar
I haven’t seen “Very Bad Things” but as for the others:
“X-Men 3″ and “Avatar” are both children’s films and the former is a superhero film, so neither count (also, “Wolverine: Origins” is much, much worse than “X-3″ but even that isn’t really a contender for WMOAT as it’s more dumb than a cinematic travesty or insult).
IMHO “Funny Games”, the remake, is pretty crappy (and pointless) but there are many, many films that are worse. However, I do think Hanecke is extremely overrated and is akin to an art house Eli Roth.
Haneke’s use of camera alone makes him a brilliant director. Cache and Code Unknown are fascinating.
Hour(Time?) of the Wolf was great too, Same with the White Ribbon
No offence, but to me saying someone’s use of the camera alone makes him/her a brilliant director is like saying Mariah Carey’s octave range alone makes her a brilliant singer; there’s more to art than technique.
I saw “Caché” and wasn’t impressed, primarily for two reasons:
1) to paraphrase Jeunet’s comment about why his films aren’t very “French”, it was yet another French film about a miserable bourgeois couple arguing in a kitchen (if I had never lived in France and had only seen the French films that are released outside the country I’d think everyone was middle-aged, middle-class and never smiles);
2) from what I remember, it heavily referenced the event in 1961 when the police killed 1000s of people, yet the film’s focus was on the bourgeois couple as if it was their tragedy. Yes, I understand that this couple could represent France as a whole but AGAIN, NOT EVERYONE IN FRANCE IS MIDDLE CLASS and I personally HATE when non-white tragedies are turned into white tragedies by telling a story through white protagonists. I think this is especially important to how I watched the film because I didn’t know about this event and I know French people who didn’t know about this event and so that means there’s an opportunity to inform… but that’s not the story Hanecke wants to tell.
Oh, I also thought the ‘twist’ was a bit M. Night Shyamalan in both its conception (all this tension and mystery because of a childhood lie? Pfff…) and execution.
So, admittedly my opinion the film is highly subjective (I was also prejudiced against the film from the start because of the depraved nature of “La Pianiste” and “Funny Games”), but… I guess most opinions are.
I can’t find a list of what’s been done before, so pardon me if you’ve already done any/all of these:
“Me, You and Everyone We Know”
“Garden State”
“Bringing Up Baby”
“Boogie Nights”
“Crash” (the racism one)
I support GARDEN STATE. Zack Braff thinking he is edgy because he put THE SHINS on a soundtrack.
But shame on you for even suggesting Boogie Nights.
agreed wholeheartedly to every word.
For me, “Boogie Nights” starts off as a slightly spoofy comedy about 70s porn and style that doesn’t take itself too seriously and then, for some reason, turns into “Goodfellas” with all the drugs and guns, at which point I get the impression I’m supposed to take it seriously… Only I can’t, because it’s still Mark Wahlberg ‘acting’ the part of a guy with a big dick, the story is juvenile and the “rise and fall” structure is overdone and its execution overwrought.
Which reminds me, MAGNOLIA!!
THAT is even worse than “Boogie Nights”. It’s a horrible, horrible, pseudo-intelligent Altman rip-off with Tom Cruise and, unless I’m wrong, it rains frogs at the end.
I’ve always hated Boogie Nights, too. Almost as overrated as Shawshank Redemption. And, Crash is totally offensive, but Bringing Up Baby? It may be dated, but I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like that movie. Also, Me You and Everyone We Know is great. I wish I could up and down vote simultaneously.
I wanted to like “Bringing Up Baby” because of the leads (more Kate than Cary, who is quite wooden and more ‘star’ than ‘actor’) and my fondness for old films.
However, it wasn’t funny, the leads became annoying very, very quickly, it was WAY too long and slow and became farcical in the worst possible way (as opposed to being an enjoyable farce). I genuinely did want to like it but I couldn’t figure out what there is to like, let alone love.
I have no problem with Hollywood films but I hope you know what I mean when I say it was too Hollywood; i.e. vacuous entertainment, relies on star charisma rather than acting, plot, wit, etc.
I don’t think it’s dated, though. I mean, when it came out it was a bomb. IMHO, people are just looking back on it nostalgically through rose and irony-tinted lenses, forgiving its major faults with either “But it’s old..” or “It’s supposed to be this bad”.
Maybe this alone is not enough for me to consider it the WMOAT but if I factor in that it’s supposed to be a classic and significant and all that critical acclaim, for me, it’s definitely a contender, although, yes, admittedly there are many, many worse films.
Oh, yes, “Crash” is not just a bad film. Its message that “Aren’t we all a little bit racist?” and the way it delivers that message with horribly unsubtle dialogue, scenes and stereotypes is SO very, very, very offensive.
I know people who excused all that with, “But that’s the only way you’re going to get the general public to watch it; by being obvious”, which is only only arrogant but offensive to ‘the general public’ (i.e. “I know it’s stupid but I’m not the average person and he/she only responds to stupid things”).
It’s also one of those horrible “message” films that only really appeals to already converted; I mean, I can’t imagine Joe Racist wanting to watch this film, let alone then seeing the errors of his ways.
I agree with “Bringing Up Baby” I wanted to like it but was just severely annoyed within 5 seconds of watching it.
Garden State is one of those movies that pisses me off more and more as time goes by.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Agh, I meant to downvote you and clicked the wrong button. Up In The Air was without question the best movie that came out last year.
No, sorry. It was maudlin crap.
Holy guacamole! I hope Game reads this far down.
Anyway, as the father of two young children, I nominate Vanilla Sky.
Gabe. I hope Gabe reads this far down. Sigh.
Vanilla Sky? Really?
You must not have seen the Director’s cut. They added back in all the scenes with the unicorns and it all just clicked in to place.
Seriously though, fuck Tom Cruise and his entire post-Legend non-Unicorn featuring movie career.
I also nominate Tom Cruise’s War of the Worlds. Especially for the scene where he throws his dinner at the wall for no reason and also the part where he shouts at his kids non stop for about two and a half hours.
I think you mean Steven Spielberg’s “War of the Worlds”, which, despite Tom Cruise being out-acted by Dakota Fanning, is OK.
Which reminds me, Spielberg’s “Munich”.
Again with the Tom Cruise-featuring, Unicorn-lacking films.
War of the Worlds: Tom Cruise, no Unicorns + Dakota Fanning = save us from the horror
Every Mission Impossible film: Tom Cruise, no Unicorns = fuck franchised remakes
Far and Away: Tom Cruise, no Unicorns = total suckage
Legend: Tom Cruise + Unicorns = cosmic win
I rest my case.
“Too young to die?” staring Brad Pitt and Juliette uglygirlscanmakeitinhollywood Lewis.
I’d like to nominate Babylon A.D. because that has to be the worst film I have seen in YEARS.
What’s really sad is that the guy who directed Babylon AD is the same guy that made ‘ la Haine ‘
and that movie is a masterpiece…. How can you sink so low, Mr.Kassovitz ?
Also, any movie with Brendan Fraser in it is complete torture to me.
“The Sweetest Thing” featuring Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, and Selma Blair.
Aw, Christina Applegate was mildly amusing
Dirty Love- Jenny McCarthy acting like a girl who can’t get a date, because she slips on a puddle of her own menstrual blood in the supermarket
Inventing the Abbotts- a hot mess starring Joaquin Phoenix, Billy Crudup and Jennifer Connelly’s boobs where a man’s goal is to sleep with every daughter of the Abbott family (this is not a comedy)
John Tucker Must Die (wow, Jenny McCarthy is also in this)
Shortbus (I’ve never seen hardcore sex be so…unarousing)
RUNNING WITH SCISSORS- mediocre book turned shitty movie
Purple Rain (Prince expresses his feelings with a monkey puppet? Golden)
Showgirls- (how has that not been selected yet?)
And, unfortunately, I know it isn’t eligible, and exactly 2.5 people have seen it (unfortunately including me):
Ken Park: Larry Clark’s ode to kiddie porn and familial abuse
UGH Ken Park. Fuck Larry Clark in general too. Yeah I said it.
Come on, Purple Rain? Graffiti Bridge or Under the Cherry Moon I can see, but Purple Rain is a classic.
Isn’t “Showgirls” intentionally horrible?
Bottle Shock
The Chumscrubber! TERRIBLE MOVIE!
End of Days. Arnold Schwarzenegger AND Kevin Pollack AND Gabriel Byrne as Smarmy Satan
Oooh, and a terrible movie starring Piper Perabo and Mischa Barton called Lost and Delirious. Another SUPER TERRIBLE MOVIE.
Based on a years-old recommendation, I saw PITCH BLACK the other day. Whoa. Vin Diesel and Syfy give each other a bad name. Also stars the creepy boy from THE ROOM. = must see!
Also, for a friend’s birthday I got him a double-feature DVD of ROMANCING THE STONE and JEWEL OF THE NILE. We got a couple beers and watched the latter together. Kathleen Turner has throat cancer, and it’s full of awful racial stereotypes! It’s a tragedy! Watch it!
Last but not– wait wait wait. Last and least, I’d like to submit a movie that’s a real stinker, even though my girlfriend loves it (sorry, Girlfriend): THE SAINT. It’s like bad British comedy with more guns and American accents. It’s like it works on a level where functioning adults could never go. I have no idea what it really means! So I fear and hate it. Worst movie!
I actually like Pitch Black. I think it’s a pretty good b-movie with a really nice heroine. If you want real dreck, check out the sequel, Riddick. Wow is that movie a mess. The Saint does really suck and now I’m reminded of another turd of a remake of an old British t.v. show, The Avengers with Ralph Fiennes and Uma Thurman. Boring, humorless and too weird to be watchable.
I’ve gotten flack for this before, but VALKYRIE!!!!
TOM CRUISE IS A HERO NAZI.
It would be a bad movie without him, but this bit of miscasting alone makes it ripe for the hunt.
Transformers 2. Shoot Michael Bay for ever making it, or me for ever knowing it existed and put me out of my misery!
The Last Seduction. Assembling the dregs of the B list for your viewing displeasure.
Shakespeare in Love.
Eyes Wide Shut (worst Kubrick movie)
Dr. T and the Women (worst Altman movie)
Deconstructing Harry (worst Woody Allen movie)
All the King’s Men (worst remake)
Christmas with the Kranks & Love Actually (tied for worst holiday movie)
The Bucket List (worst dying-person movie)
Sex and the City (obvious)
I will second you on Eyes Wide Shut. I thought that was more of a disappointment than Phantom Menace (but only slightly more).
I also support “Eyes Wide Shut”.
However, “The Bucket List”, which I half-watched a few days ago when it was on TV, was simply bland and predictable and a waste of talent rather than the “worst dying-person movie.”
I would like to nominate “The Invention of Lying” starring the usually-funny Ricky Gervais, along with Jennifer Garner, Rob Lowe, Tina Fey, and a lot of other A-list actors who couldn’t save this film. I was looking forward to a smart, funny commentary on religion, and instead I watched two hours of people spontaneously insulting each other and talking about a “good genetic match.”
I second this one, but you could really nominate any of Ricky Gervais’s unfortunate features. Ghost Town was awful as was Cemetery Junction.
I too was expecting something up to the standard of “The Office” and “Extras” and was disappointed.
However, I realised it was just a mid-brow Hollywood romantic comedy and got over it.
Tina Fey was wasted, though.
righteous kill
the book of eli
hot tub time machine
“Hot Tub Time Machine” is both intentionally bad and intentionally funny.
“The Book of Eli” is pretty bad… OK, it’s very bad but it’s hardly the worst. More than anything, it’s the (MILD SPOILER) ‘book twist’ that you can see coming a mile away and the other more pointless faith-based twist that make it so bad. Up until that point I thought it was just dull, aimless and the kind of film 14 year old male Action film fans consider to be ‘serious’.
The Happening
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
Underworld
Let’s Go To Prison
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
Signs
Grandma’s Boy
Legion
Couples Retreat
Gummo
Nice Girl’s Don’t Explode (this one is a forgotten GEM)
AH i cannot even read the word “gummo” without having flashbacks of chloe sevigney’s (sp?) bleached eyebrows and drowning cats and just generally an ick/nightmare feeling. worst. just another bullet point on the “reasons never to go to ohio” list.
I can’t read the word “gummo” without thinking of the movie GUMMO, which depicts my early life in rural Arkansas with Chloe Sevigny’s bleached dead cat.
Thanks for bringing it up!
Mission to Mars! Please, Gabe. Mission to Mars!
Only if he double-features it with Red Planet! Two horrible Mars movies from the same year. The worst year. (Except for all subsequent years.)
Home For the Holidays
Good one. (I mean good candidate for WMOAT, not good movie)
Catch and Release
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry!
THE LOVELY BONES!!!!
An incoherent clusterfuck of a film with Mark Wahlberg overacting, a hilariously over the top pedophile complete with the glasses and moustache, special effects that make the afterlife look like a Windows 98 Screensaver, and is just a genuine fail all around.
Not to mention the film is insulting to parents. The parents in that film are TERRIBLE people! They are so stricken with grief they forget about the one daughter that they have who is still alive.
I read as many of the comments as I could, which means I only read half of them. I hope I’m not duplicating someone else’s nomination. Anyway, I respecfully submit “Obsessed” (the one starring Beyonce, because I imagine there’s more than one movie with this title, amirite?), and The Proposal (The Sandy B joint).
Those aren’t two intentionally bad movies, are they? The directors/writers/producers wanted those movies to be taken somewhat seriously, right? Hollywood confuses me.
Anyway, I’d love to see Gabe rip either of those movies to shreds.
Tideland
This is a (hopefully) little known film by otherwise awesome writer/director Terry Gilliam of Monty Python fame. I had such high expectations for it! Jeff Bridges! Jennifer Tilly! Terry Gilliam! How can you go wrong?
You can go wrong a lot of ways apparently, and Gilliam explores them all. TERRIBLE. One of about 3 movies I have ever had to turn off in my life. I watched until about 10 minutes from the end, yelled “Are you fucking kidding me!?” and ejected.
I made it a little further than you, but I’m not proud of that. I could say confidently that this is the worst movie I have ever seen.
Jarhead
NO.
Yes.
It’s bad.
Welp I thought I did this yesterday but I gotta nominate The Blind Side. Something about Sandra Bullock giving football advice doesn’t sit well with me. This may be a violation of rules because you could consider her character a superhero.
I signed up to comment solely so I could nominate 88 Minutes, starring Al Pacino.
This movie was practically MADE to be featured in the WMOAT. It stars an established star who is a) phoning in a performance and b) overacting in the best tradition of Nicholas Cage (without actually featuring Nicholas Cage) and c) colored a Snookie-like shade of orange.
There are scenes and exchanges that come out of nowhere and make absolutely no sense. The plot “twists” are idiotic.
It takes place in “real time.”
I could go on forever. While watching the movie (streaming free on Netflix!) I was already hearing the WMOAT commentary in my head. It just cries out for it. Answer its cry.
This movie feels like a joke movie that would be in another movie.
My nomination: Dee Snider’s STRANGELAND is, and will always be, the worst movie of all time (since 1998). http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0124102/
This is true. It actually might very well be the worst movie ever made. In fact, I’m kind of mad you even brought it up because I had pushed it it of my mind until just now and now I feel sick.
I’m really excited about excited Gabe, not too many bad movies jaded Gabe. Towards the tail end of the last WMoaT Gabe was all “words, words words, terrible dialogue, i don’t know or care what is happening, *insert gif*, the movie was bad but not the worst movie of all time and done.”
Show me the (plot) money!
Gabe, pretty please do It’s All About Love. It’s Thomas Vinterberg’s follow up to The Celebration, and it is fucking insane. It’s set in a weirdly post-apocalyptic New York, where Joaquin Phoenix and Claire Danes have horrible Polish accents and are getting divorced (or are they?). People fall dead in the street for no reason, and poor people in Africa have to be tethered to the ground because they keep flying away because people don’t care about them. Claire Danes is a figure dancing superstar with an evil family who keep making clones of her and killing lots of them, and her and Joaquin decide they love each other and must run away, and Joaquin Phoenix’s brother is Sean Penn who’s addicted to flying in airplanes and never leaves airplanes and talks to Joaquin on the phone, all cryptic philosophical conversations and stuff. The world also completely freezes and a bunch of other strange stuff; do it! (Its fulfills all the criteria I think, though it only got a limited cinema release in places)
This sounds so insane, I might have to chase it down. Sounds like a real contender!
Fuck me. How could I have forgotten this movie? It is totally batshit.
500 internets for you Gabe if you can:
1) Work out what the hell this movie is actually about, because
2) Your brain will explode if you try to watch it all the way to the end.
This movie makes ExistenZ look like a cookie cutter Hallmark classic by comparison.
Dolan’s Cadillac. it was not my choice to watch, and it was insanely awful. gratuitously violent and icky. completely predictable and “UGH”.
also, agree with all monsters on judd apatow’s movies dumbing down women and also being TOO LONG, GENERALLY. (knocked up, i’m talking to you.)
Where the Heart Is
YESSSS!
Two of the worst movies I’ve ever seen are 3000 Miles to Graceland and that Lost In Space movie from the late 90′s. One of my [least] favorite aspects of 3000 Miles is the two detective characters played by Kevin Pollack and the not Paul Giamatti guy from Sideways who are investigating this crazy casino heist, but never leave their office. Like, they just stand there arguing about clues or something that they couldn’t possibly have seen since they’ve been standing around their office looking at a pointless map the whole time. And Lost in Space was just insipid.
Point Break (even though i love it)
Let me, once again, petition an exemption be made, from the aforementioned rules.
The “No Musicals” rule will forever insulate Gabe from the true and native challenger for WMOAT, “Sextette”. Only the most vile, reptilian sadists could foist upon an unsuspecting public a scene where a pre-Bond, pre-Prince Barin Timothy Dalton demands sex from an 82-year old, leathery, dear-God-this-focus-has-to-be-so-soft-it-doesn’t-count-as-focus-any-more Mae West.
And this, of course, occurs prior to Miss (*hurk*) West’s duet with an out-of-makeup Alice Cooper, who accompanies on a Lucite grand piano, of a vaugely discofied version on the Captain and Tennille’s “Love Will Keep Us Together”.
P.S. I Love You.
My ex dragged me to see it and talked for the whole half-hour ride home about how great it was and that was literally the moment when I knew that the relationship was over.
I know a lot of Sandra Bullock movies are jostling for the dishonor here, but that one was just spectacularly awful.
A Knight’s Tale
Crash
Under the Tuscan Sun
I hope you mean the Crash with James Spader (if you mean one about race, I have no opinion because I never saw it). Another movie I had high hopes for that crushed me with its suckitude. Some stories should never be made into David Cronenberg films.
I hope you mean the racism one. Trust me and others who have nominated it, it’s terrible and offensive to every living person.
“A Knight’s Tale” is awful.
The nomination of A Knight’s Tale must fail.
Any move featuring David Bowie, Queen and Bachman Turner Overdrive on the soundtrack contains too much win to be nominated.
Plus, the Macguyver-esque construction of a waistcoat out of tent fabric (eerily reminiscent of Daniel’s Shower Curtain Halloween costume in Karate Kid) clearly equals more win than most people can handle.
Broken Arrow
Twister
Assuming Jay Baruchel counts as B list, I nominate I’M REED FISH, written by one Mr. Reed Fish. It’s a doozy.
And hooray for the return of my favorite thing on Videogum!
YES. I thought about nominating that too, but wasn’t sure it met WMOAT criteria.
For you consideration:
27 Dresses
Bride Wars
American Wedding
Do you see where I’m going with this? By far the worst subsection of romantic comedies (which is already undeniably the worst genre of film, yes? Yes.) is marriage movies, specifically films with a perpetually single female character. Thus, I nominate the entire genre. Take your pick, Gabe. But you should pick 27 Dresses so that we can talk about the awfulness of Katherine Heigl.
Holy shit, and The Sweetest Thing. This doesn’t fall into the above mentioned category (although there is a wedding involved), but everything about Cameron Diaz is like nails on a chalkboard.
I would like to nominate The Year of the Dog starring Molly Shannon, Peter Saaaarsgaaaaard, and John C. Reilly. When you put in the dvd, you think, “I can’t wait to enjoy this charming future indy sleeper hit about a lonely lady who likes dogs. Look at all the stellar actors!” And then you watch it, and then you want to stab your eyes out.
I humbly submit my nominations of:
1) Jennifer’s Body; an overrated, over-long piece of blood-soaked lesbian soft-core, with a veil of feminist substance so thin that I would never have noticed it, had I not read so many articles explaining that this feminist substance was the point of the film. I have never read the original script, and perhaps it is a sharp, sly piece of feminist counter-culture, but the film that was made from the script is a pile of man-turd.
2) Last House on the Left (remake): Why? Why would you remake Last House on the Left? Unlike Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th, and any number of other recent remakes of classic horror films, this was not a successful franchise, it wasn’t a hug-your-girlfriend-when-she-jumps slasher flick, it was a low-budget act of desperation about a multiple rape/murder situation. The original only worked because of the afore-mentioned desperation. It was a nearly unique film (it was not entirely unlike I Spit on Your Grave, which is also being remade???), that handled a horrible, terrifying, repugnant situation with all of the sensitivity of a chainsaw to the neck, using a couple of hand-held cameras, and some school friends. Then, 36 years years later, some genius came along and turned this low-budget film about multiple rape & murder, and turned it into a Hollywood Summer Blockbuster. This is why I have nominated it.
Who’s given you two thumbs down?
Cowards, that’s who.
Cast Away (sucked so bad it hurts), Clash of the Titans (and i really really wanted to like it), Con Air (my nic cage selection), City of Angels (my Nicolas Cage selection), Monster In Law.
http://videogum.com/109801/the_hunt_for_the_worst_movie_o_84/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/ Delightfully, City of Angels has already been featured.
“Con Air” is a dumb action film and, IMHO, very entertaining. What exactly makes it one of the worst of all time?
Also, why all this Nic Cage hate? Is it just the cool thing to do now?
Yes, he’s been in some terrible films – “The Family Man”, the “Bad Lieutenant” remake that wasn’t really a remake but really it was, etc. – but he’s also been in some very good ones. His notorious over-acting is not so different to Pacino’s, who has also been in terrible films; “The Devil’s Advocate”, for example… And “Insomnia”.
Firewall. A dog runs over a hill at the end to be reunited with his family. Seriously.
And WiFi is EVERYWHERE!!
A Prairie Home Companion. UGH.
Daybreakers (featuring William Dafoe and a barf-load of blue filter & You’ll-Miss-True-Blood-I-SWEAR vampires)
Seconding!:
SWEET NOVEMBER!
He’s Just Not That Into
The Lovely Bones
second The Lovely Bones
I thought it was more boring than actually “the worst”.
TIPTOES. i’ve never seen it, but i’ve seen the poster for it, and by god, that tells me all i need to know.
Gary Oldman is never the worst.
You will at least question his decision making abilities after watching this film. Definitely look it up. I found it streaming free on the net somewhere, got 40 minutes in, and wanted my money back.
may win for “Worst Photoshop DVD Cover Art of All Time”
you’ve only seen the poster for it?????
I beseech thee, watch the trailer for this film… it will change your opinion of this film, for certain.
it’s so…. surreal.
I’m confused…
Is Gary Oldman the one wearing the Happy Birthday tiara?
Also, was Nim Nim the blind panda selecting the films for Sundance that year?
I think the Monsters don’t watch enough bad movies, so we end up with nominations for movies they didn’t really like instead of WMOATs.
I say… Grindhouse
Kingdom of Heaven. It’s got everything. Orlando Bloom trying to act tough. It’s 3 hours long and is terrible boring and confusing.
I would like to nominate Mona Lisa Smile. I saw it in middle school with 4 of my other middle school friends (all girls). Even then I thought it was an overly sentimental, poorly written piece of crap, but my middle school girl friends LOVED it. That should tell you all you need to know.
There were too many comments for me to read all of them, so sorry for any repeats, but i nominate:
All About Steve
Away we Go
The Happening
You, Me and Dupree
also Silent Hill
Anti-Christ… I know it was “too graphic” for the theaters here in the US, but it did get released elsewhere, no? do it. no one wants to watch Willem Dafoe cut up his junk.
I am trembling with the recollection of every single adolescent girl I knew growing up who, I am certain, would research or devise some exotic, excruciating act of violence for my having submitted the following nomination: LEGENDS OF THE FALL.
828 comments? It took me 828 years just to get to the bottom of the page to submit my own.
And on that note, I submit The New World.
Fuck that movie.
YES to The New World. I had blocked it out of my mind until now but god was it terrible.
p.s. I love your icon.
Theodore Rex is waiting for you with open talons.
Shit, am I too late to suggest another movie? Tell me I’m not too late. I’ve got to testify:
THE JONESES is awful. Even by David Duchovny standards. I’m serious. Way bad.
Grand Canyon: Steve Martin barfs and wets himself all in one shot
Some recent ones for nomination:
Lovely Bones (or really anything with Marky Mark)
Repo Men
Cop Out
Bounty Hunter
When In Rome
The Wolfman
Schindler’s List.
54.
Motherhood, starring(?) Uma Thurman as the quintessential frazzled New York mother of two trying to be a writer. I vomited up cliches for a week afterwards.
Anaconda. Hands down, that movie is the WORST. Snake hunting. J. Lo. In the Amazon River without a paddle? THE WORST.
I have two nominations for Worst Movie of All Time:
1. Only You – Robert Downey Jr. and Marisa Tomei romantic comedy, featuring Marisa Tomei as the biggest asshole ever to fly to Italy two weeks before her wedding to meet her soulmate (a total stranger) because a Ouija board told her something or other when she was 11. Features the line “I was born to kiss you!” (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110737/)
2. Code 46 – Directed by Michael Winterbottom who is usually awesome, thereby making this failure even more spectacular. This movie really loses me when it tries to convince me that it’s ok for Tim Robbins to have sex with a clone of his mother because they’re ~*~in love~*~ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0345061/)
Code 46 is just wrong.
1) Sex with another person’s mother = hot MILF action
2) Sex with your own mother = burn in hell with the evil people who talk during movies
3) Sex with a clone of your mother = see 2. Also, if they can do cloning, why isn’t the world full of clones of Victoria’s Secret models?
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Max Payne starring Mark Wahlberg. UGH.
“I Love You, Phillip Morris” starring Jim Carrey as (gasp!) a gay man. He played a liar, a person who could only say yes, a person who was extremely dumb, a person with the power of God… and now his hilarious quirk is that he’s a homosexual.
Can we nominate Shakespeare In Love or has that been done before? I haven’t really been keeping track that much.
ACROSS THE UNIVERSE. This seems like a given.
The shittiest Beatles musical, with vague politics, terrible versions of songs, and characters named after names from Beatles songs (how clever!).
The ONLY good thing about this movie was you got to see that girl’s boob for half a minute, and even then it was only ONE boob.
Antichrist
I will second Werttrew’s nomination because I have been enjoying his campaign for “Amelia” all summer long, while this Search For contest was on hiatus.
But then, I nominate “Where the Heart Is”.
Seriously, it is a stupid movie full of stupid stuff and child neglect, IMO, but for some reason has a ton of fans, and also for some reason has 3 and 3/4 stars on Netflix. Natalie Portman, Stockard Channing and two seconds of Sally Field in her best role ever, actually.
OOOH! And I forgot – how could I forget – Ashley Judd!
I’m sorry to do this to anyone. Gabe you seem like a nice person. Still, Carriers starring what’s his face from the new Star Trek is the worst movie ever. You need to see it to understand what people are capable of.
what about Mac and Me!!!!!!!????
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5le9sYdYkM
Great kid in a wheelchair bit…
and watch Mac and Me at McDonalds!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdvO0tmNjGo
Also “Leprecon Back 2 the hood” is cinama magic!
GREENBERG.
Factory Girl
also Legion. terrible terrible terrible terrible Legion.
The Friday After Next
Inside Man
The Never Ending Story
Labyrinth
You’re probably going to have some sort of terrible misfortune for nominating Labyrinth,
I like crepes (Mmmmmm, delicious crepes) but you will burn in hell for even attempting to besmirch the reputation of childhood classics like TNES and Labyrinth.
If you’d gone for the trifecta by nominating the Dark Crystal…let’s just say that tasty crepes or no, you’d be next on Inigo Montoya’s hit list.
Grrrrr.
Memento!
Memento!
I have two nominations:
-Management (easily the worst movie I’ve ever seen) – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1082853/
-The Last house on the left – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0844708/
Avatar. Most overrated, unoriginal movie ever. And James Cameron is a d-bag.
I still don’t understand why this didn’t end with “Driven” *mind boggle*
BUT I do have a good one still with Stallone: “DAYLIGHT”
Remember 1996? My dad was dropping me off at the local movie theatre with my then girlfriend (lol 6th grade) and her friend and my friend (lol 6th grade double date). But yeah we saw Daylight, I held some hand.
Eviscerate this film. TYVM
“Because I said so” or “Hoot” or “Message in a bottle” (also the notebook)
I wrote a very long email a while back nominating Bride Wars, starring Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway. Granted, I wrote it while only partially sober but boy was I right because Bride Wars is a horrible, horrible movie entirely worthy of your consideration. There are so very many reasons that it is ridiculous, completely unrealistic and insulting to anyone with a brain, I won’t go into it here. Besides, we all know you can say it all much better than I. But you must watch it first! So please, PLEASE, do the right thing and review this incredible waste of movie film. Thank you for your time.
The Perfect Score
The Island
Two horrible films both with scarlett johansson