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I walked into CVS the other day, and it’s already filled with Halloween candy. Where did the year go? It seems like just yesterday that we were making “I’mma Let You Finish” jokes. Although, I guess a fair amount of time has passed, since it WAS just yesterday that my stepdad was making “I’mma Let You Finish” jokes. Get it? Because of how parents are always so lame?! Step-parent jokes, guys, just the best jokes. So, who is excited for tonight? VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS! MTV! CHELSEA HANDLER! I can’t wait to see whose face Borat puts his balls into!!! I can’t wait to see which puppet Eminem gets mad at!!! So spontaneous. So awesome. So culturally important. (KIDZ KORNER: music videos were short films shown on television 20 years before you were born. Ask your grandfather, Eric Nies, about them.)
Anyway, as always, let’s celebrate this incredible event together! Second to last MTV Video Music Awards of all time! Follow Videogum on Twitter! Share your jokes in the comments!
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I’m having a piece of pizza right now. For the party!
Wait, Chelsea Handler(!) is hosting this??? That is NEWS to me!
Also, WHAT????
Handler? I hardly know ‘er!
imma let you finish but 2009 had the greatest vma’s of all time
… i’m so sorry, i’ll see myself out.
Over/under on the time it takes Tay-Tay to “spontaneously” interrupt Ye’s performance and take his mic and tell everyone how he’s pretty good, but Jay-Z is better?
I’m putting it at 1.5 minutes.
that would up her street cred even more than being friends with tpain
Does his necklace say “Big Ass”….?
of course, how else would you know that it’s a big ass chain unless it says it specifically
How about we all just don’t watch this?
I’m with you. I’ll be watching DVR’d episodes of Mad Men until new Mad Men comes on.
What? It’s easier than having a life.
Nunca cambian.
Me parece que somos las únicas que entienden el español. O sea que nadie quiere hablarnos!
No sois las únicas! Viva Mad Men!!!
Otra hispanohablante! Qué suerte!
That’s it, I’m getting high. BYE, CRUEL WORLD.
This is a sad draper I can support.
Draper we can believe in.
“By now you’re a fashion icon to a lot of people, Snooki…”
Stop it, Suchin Pak. Just stop.
Guys, I’m on the west coast. So please, NO SPOILERS. YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THE VMA’s ARE TO ME.
Spoiler alert: They are a sign of the apocalypse.
OMG 2012.
Sorry, that’s right, it’s the VMAs 2012, not 2010. Carry on.
“I hate all of these people, all of this, and you.” – Andrew Jenks
My friendz are so depressed
I feel the question of your loneliness
peacerox! i am at work and fortunately incapable of watching this show. i am entertaining myself by doing things like pretending that this person’s yahoo questions username is about rocks with peace signs painted on them. oh? what’s that you say? that’s not even funny? well neither is working the night shift at a hospital :C
at least people are posting on videogum tonight, this is usually quite a lonely night :’|
IF Y’ALL need something TO WASH THE sadness of THIS shit down tomorrow, THE BOOKGUM OCEANIC 6 will be UP AROUND noon, CENTRAL time, probably.
We have to go back!! …to bookgum.
Yikes. Sorry, guys. I’m not drunk yet.
What book did we decide to read first?
Also Football guys!
Anyone want to join a poorly run Fantasy Football league? I’ve never been on one so I’m sure if you join you can kick my ass. http://vgmonsters.league.fantasy.nfl.com draft September-16 nfl.com ID: 294045 Pw: anampat
Lets get drunk and wail on some nerds after we sing karaoke, watch internet videos and read as a group.
HOLY.
SHIT.
YES.
Yay! I’m in.
To quote Homer Simpson: As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.
I’m pretty sure this makes me an internet idiot and not a football idiot, but how do I sign up? I can’t figure out how to sign up.
Yeesh. I guess I’m drunk *now*.
i guess people have been having trouble signing up. email me at christophertrashomon@gmail.com and ill send a direct invite.
Thanks! Consider it sent.
Ah! Can I also join? Please?! I had an excel spreadsheet of my fantasy team last year, tracking points.
Oh no… I’ve said to much.
Yay! Únete! We can be amigas de fútbol americano!
email, sent. FOOTBALL, HO!
This Nicki Minaj lady sure is good at doing nothing and being talked about a lot for it.
I have never heard of that person.
Me neither.
Pretty sure she’s just famous for being an actual Barbie
Nicki Minaj is siiiiick.
Check out her verse on Kanye’s “Monster” (starts around 3:40): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqtyZGs5Br4
Or her verse on Ludacris’ “My Chick Bad” (starts around 2:15): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqHliQijgvA
Niki MInaj killed the radio star!
(Also, your faith in the goodness of the world).
Uh… is will.i.am wearing blackface?
You know what I wish came at the cast of Jersey Shore in 3D? Bullets.
I just saw on MTV.com’s White Carpet cam that Ke$ha arrived in a DoLorean and is wearing a garbage bag. It’s gonna be a long night.
Ashley Greene isn’t smart enough to know that being called more graceful than Jersey Shore and Jackass isn’t very graceful.
Garbage dress, Ke$ha? WHY ARE YOU MAKING THIS SO EASY ON US.
My eyeballs fell out when there realized she was on my television.
Fell out in disgust that is.*
I’d like to think that she slipped into that garbage bag while passed out in a dumpster behind the show’s venue.
Random MTV interviewer: “Ke$ha, I can’t believe you wore a garbage dress to the awards show tonight!”
Ke$ha: “Awards show?”
“Dress?”
“Ke$ha?”
Man did you hear that hilarious VMA promo bit Chelsea did where she thought it was Ke-Dollar Sign-Ha?
So good.
I loved Lady Gaga in every Frida Kahlo painting ever created.
Lady Gaga is using the VMAs to bring attention to Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. SHE IS OUTRAGEOUS!!!!
http://www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/public/magazine/article389697.ece
she’s always pushing the LiMiTzZz~+*~*+=9+=~
Does eminem remind anyoune else of anakin skywalker?
”HAHAHAHAH IDIOT!!!! You don’t know how to spell “anyone”!
Actually you’re the idiot, that’s the British spelling.
I thought it was spelled “lorry”?
hmmmm mtv video music awards or true blood season finale…???
mtv video music awards until my husband finishes taking out the garbage, then true blood season finale.
Is that Justin Beaver supposed to win everything this year? I don’t even know, guys, I just want these kids to get off my lawn.
Chelsea Handler: Making Jimmy Fallon look great by comparison since 2010.
I will not watching the VMAs.
However, I think I can safely assume the following:
1) Justin Bieber will wear a hoodie.
2) Kanye will say/do something outrageous.
3) A past-his-prime comedian that the audience is way too young to recognize will present an award with a sexy young starlet.
4) Selena Gomez will do…whatever the hell it is that Selena Gomez does.
5) Lady Gaga will wear a dress made entirely of whale blubber/human hair/geraniums/styrofoam/other unorthodox material.
6) Taylor Swift will look bland and inoffensive. Ke$ha will look like a crack whore.
7) R-Patz will be upstaged by his own hair.
Let me know how many I get right.
You got 1, 4, 5, 6a, and 6b right. Kanye’s red outfit was outragous. Cher was in Moonstruck, but past-his-prime comedian is a stretch. R-Patz didnt show, but BOB got upstaged by his pianist’s hair. So overall pretty good.
No he got 2 right as well, Kanye had an amazing performance(yes I like Kanye) and lately he has been forgetting that he is an amazing rapper/producer and not a singer. Albeit he did sing the chorus but it was about Toasting to Douchebags and who doesn’t love that? So a good performance with no controversy is pretty outrageous for Kanye.
So only 3 & 7 wrong.
Chelsea Handler’s face belongs in a garage.
Because it looks like an old catcher’s mitt?
Drink every time Chelsea Handler makes a bad joke!
Oops, I am drunk.
SO IS she, probably.
No. I think that’s just her.
I’m Canadian and am confused, does she just openly hate black people?
I think, from here on out, you should preface anything you say with “I’m Canadian and am (enter verb)”. It feels right.
Hey Lady Gaga just gave a shout out to the monsters! Hi Gaga!
Wait. Chelsea Handler and Ke$ha in one room? Is that not the second horseman of the apocalypse?
See above.
Dangit! I mean,
Mira arriba. El apocalipsis ya viene.
Mierda… vi que después de que lo escribió.
Es como si son gemelos!
Hermana de otra madre.
She just gave us monsters a shoutout!
Either that, or she was oddly expressing her love for this movie:
Ooooh snap. MoviePosterDb.com told you.
I hope it’s the latter. I can’t wait until No Hotlinking Please hits the theatres.
Dammit! My joke was so good though!
Fred Savage looks shocked. Shocked!
At least the cast of Jackass 3D makes me feel young.
Jackass cast, Jersey Shore cast, Ke$ha, Chelsea Handler… They’re going to have to scrub down that stage with Clorox bleach & oil dispersants.
My TV just broke out in a rash.
C’mon, water bottle!
Y’all hear that was just a T-shirt? That couldn’t have hurt.
NOT THE HAIR!
I can’t wait until the Arcade Fire perform. What’s that? They make real music? Never mind.
but Florence + the Machine are there
Just wait until Best Coast wins “Best new artist.” Hell will freeze over.
She’s the real best new artist no matter what.
Florence + the Machine = Awesome
Just because you have Paul McCartney’s haircut doesn’t make you a Beatle, Justin Bieber.
Amen.
What about us?
http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/9447/slide_9447_138555_large.jpg?1284341840347
Nope. Close though.
DUBE PARTY WITH THE BIEBS!!!
My over excitement caused me to spell DUDE*, “DUBE”. So to correct this……
DUDE PARTY WITH THE BIEBS!!!! DUBE PARTY WITH ME!!!! Welcome to 1974.
‘Cause we’ve got
Nothing better to do
Than watch TV
And have a couple of dubes
Why would a guy named Usher want everybody OUT of their seats?? #Dadjokes
Upvote for funniest thing I’ve read tonight!
You can be proud to know, that is funnier than anything Chelsea Handler will say all night.
It’s ok everyone just 20 minutes until Mad Men starts.
10 now!
All I want to say before disappearing into Japan again is that I heard Kesha last night. I heard Kesha last night. It caused me to flee the nine story building I was in, shouting about how I’m on the other side of the world and I can’t escape Kesha. Last time I was hear, it was Nickelback that caused this pain. Next time I travel I am going to Siberia. No Kesha there maybe?
Thanks for not burning down Videogum while I’ve been gone. See ya’ll in October.
“Man, that is some real lip synching right there, Usher.” – Ashlee Simpson
UghMG
I saw Gabe tweeting about the VMA’s and thought, hey why not check it out for a minute, but oh my Lord this is worse than everything in the history of everything. I hate life much more now than I did before. Thanks Gabe.
Mickey Mouse is pretty sick in the DJ booth.
Why is Florence + The Machine there? She is an artist I actually listen to. So strange.
I like the Freecreditreport.com song better than anything up for an award tonight.
Eminem leaving the awards show, on a plane, to the other side of the country, less than an hour into the show, while he won an award sums up the entire MTV Video Music Awards perfectly.
Uh oh, Jared Leto has got some of his cocaine in his hair.
Surely someone could have snorted it up for him.
You monsters make me regain faith in humanity. I love you guys.
At least Mad Men comes on tonight so I don’t get stuck watching this horrible disgrace of a music awards show that has more to do with who has the biggest ass than it does with good music. (But Nicki Minaj totally wins for biggest ass.) #seriouslyupsetaboutthisgum
Kennedy!
Oh my God, how old does it make me that I recognized her? Or that I look older than her?
“The VMAs are blowing up on Twitter.”
…I wish.
More like “The VMAs are blowing a dude behind the Olive Garden.” AMIRITE?
Or maybe blowing Don Draper in a cab?
Uh, spoiler alert???? Don’t tell me!
Spoiler alert: no one from the VMAs blows Don Draper in a cab.
Taylor Swift, performing live from True Blood.
For the first episode of The World of Jenks he visits former co-star Frances Conroy for a delightful wine tasting in Napa, CA.
I see what you did there!
I have to say this new Taylor Swift song really speaks to every millionaire out there ever wronged at an award show.
The one time I want Kanye too interrupt her, and he doesn’t follow through. My faith in humanity is shaken.
VMA crowd looooooooves Jesse Eisenberg!
Clearly they have seen Zombieland.
To paraphrase Ron Burgundy, opting to PVR “Mad Men” was a bad choice.
Aw, Drake a.k.a. wheelchair Jimmy had to release mixtapes like a commoner last year. You guys, he’s just like us!
HAHAHA WHEELCHAIR JIMMYYYYYYY!
To me, Drake will always be that guy who got shot in the spine after a Reach For The Top game gone horribly wrong. #actualdegrassiplotline
Seeing deadmau5 spinning at this retarded abortion of an awards show is causing cognitive dissonance and giving me a headache.
t’s the repeated warm reception for the Jersey Shore cast that’s hurting my brain
Robyn apparently performed with him at one point but it was during a commercial break? Or I fell asleep for a few minutes.
Robyn just sang for a minute!
I saw it! Hi Robyn!
There she is!
Looking a little awkward….but there she is.
Honestly, I only recognise most of the songs performed from the snippets of them used in movie trailers. Is this a good or bad thing?
When does Brokencyde cover the Bed Intruder song? You know its coming…
It’s pretty much (almost) here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H08EXnT0Pz0
Bieber is at good at finding stages as he is at using revolving doors
Didn’t you find his speech moving? He’s like the Barack Obama of pop music, amirite?
I am going to let you finish but I think the Ke$ha had the worst music video of the year.
You know guys, this would be a great time to Incept the audience. Quick, get Ken Watanabe on the phone!
Is Cher’s mouth moving while she talks?
Cher is at the VMA’s (!!!)?
Old people jokes, you gotta love em.
And just like that everyone at the MTV Video Music Awards puts up a toast.
Thus ends the show……and thus ends the lives of millions of braincells.
It’s for the best. They were suffering from the burden of knowing what a Snooki is and what autotune Kanye sounds like. As you can see from all my spelling mistakes, I let some of mine go as well.
When is Don Draper gonna have his Ralph Fiennes moment from Schindler’s List? It’s not ok for me to explain
Somebody call me when Robyn goes on stage.
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zzzzz
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Look, I came here to hate on this awful parade of horrors, but then I got to the part where the “stars of The Social Network” intro’d Mary J. Blige and now I forget what I was going to say because I have to announce my imaginary engagement to Andrew Garfield. We’re going to be SO HAPPY in our house of LORRIES, guys.
True dat
You can have Andrew Garfield and I can have Jesse Eisenberg and then we can have a Social Network wedding together with some choir cover of a Radiohead song playing in the background. It’s gonna be so great, guys. So great.
I shall quote Abe Simpson: “I used to be with IT. Then they changed what IT is. Now what I’m with isn’t IT, and what’s IT is weird and scary to me. It’ll happen to you.”
It’s like Linkin Park, go away already, Jesus.
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Fuckin Maino!!!!
was he in onyks (sp)
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