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Yo Homeboys! And also homeyoungwomen!
Man, you know what I love? Paying attention in class and respecting adults who are just trying to help me! But you know what I love even more than that? CARTOONS! Don’t you guys just love cartoons? You know, just because you’re growing up and the hormones raging in your system are making you feel funny and your dad is going to teach you how to shave soon (or your mom is going to take you shopping for a bra), doesn’t mean that you can’t still be a kid, too. And being a kid means CARTOONS!
But the one thing I hate is OLD BORING STUPID cartoons. That’s almost worse than no cartoon at all. Then again, I also hate the idea of throwing a cartoon in the garbage. You know what they should do? They should take all the stupid cartoons that are so old and stupid and they should overdub them with a COOL DUDE saying EXTREME JOKES and then keep having him say “BLAM!” all the time, whenever someone gets hit in the head with a blunt object. That would be totally XBOX. What’s that? Someone’s already done that? And it’s called Disney Blam!? And it’s the best? No way, man, I have got to check that out. No diggity no doubts! Come on, gang, let’s get jiggy with these!
This is a real thing! This really exists! They show this on American television for children! So radical. So BLAM! (Via @TimHeidecker.)
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2012 = Blam! Can’t wait!
“How does that taste? Better than your breakfast. Or is it BLAM-FAST!”
No, Disney.
I brayed like a retarded mule at that line. Or is it BLAM-TARDED MULE?
That line CAUSED ME TO go to everyone OF THOSE youtube pages AND DOWNVOTE the shit out OF EACH video.
You are speaking like Tony Horton.
“We call her Pam-the-blam.” – P90x aficionado
Tony is always harrassing those women in the DVDs. I think he has a thing going with Draya (sp?).
Totally, he’s always touching her slightly too much.
Holy crap, when did Videogum become a P90X forum? This makes me very happy. Dreya is married to the videos director, so I hope nothing is going on there. Don’t smash your face.
Wow, Inside info! Ok, in the yoga DVD, he totally humps that girl when they do the froggy or whatever he calls that thing when you spread your legs and lay flat…TWSS/AGSTTS
Here!
I’m doing this right, right?
So this is the same guy that narrates the car chases in LA, right?
I prefer it when they let the lady do it, because dignity.
“When THIS GUY promised to get the pizza there in 30 minutes or less, he wasn’t COUNTING on it ENDING UP in 15 YEARS TO LIFE!”
New favorite .gif!
The cartoons I grew up on were pretty smart. Things like Animaniacs, Tiny Toons, Freakazoid, etc. This makes me want to Blam! myself.
Word. This is something out of Cliffs Notes hell.
On the upside, I know that anyone who can supply me with an answer to “Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Pinky?” is good people.
Zort.
I think so, but why does the chicken cross the road if not for love? (sigh) I do not know.
High e-Five!
Hands to the webcam!
It’s nice that there isn’t so much of a generational divide. I grew up with those things too!!
OKAY, dear YOUNG people, PLEASE START giving me REASONS not to HATE you. This Blam BULLSHIT is almost as awful as the EXTREME LOONY Toons shit YOU TRIED to pull.
Ugh. I didn’t really think they could make anything worse than the original Tasmanian Devil, but SLAM TASMANIAN might actually take that title.
this is truly terrible
I fear for a generation of young boys who experience their initial sexual awakening a result of Lexi Bunny. #violentfurries #rcrumb2.0
Godblammit, WB.
No worse than the ones that grew up with Jessica Rabbit.
Don’t blame me, AnAmPat, I didn’t ask for it!
I actually really resent being talked to like that. It’s amazing how much of Gabe’s “What’s up, pogs!” you see in advertisements. I was eating a bowl of Golden Grahams and the box said “When you’re craving crunch, grab some sweet Graham goodness!” and I was like “Don’t talk to me that way, I read Proust and dislike Dan Flavin. Don’t talk to me like that.”
I think you mean Golden BLAHAMS!
I just upvoted you for reading Proust
I think you mean you BLAMvoted her for BLAMming PrBLAMst.
Kinda of wishing that the voiceover dude’s mother had opted for the late-term BLAM-bortion!*
(*was also toying with Abort-BLAM! for this, but I think the former was the better choice.)
If Steve Winwood had made this comment it would be at -7 right now.
Also, did anyone else aim their index and middle finger at their temple every time he shouted the title of the show? ‘Cause it felt appropriate.
BLAM
whats the gif of the retarded looking woman waving bye bye before putting the gun in her mouth? Gabe used to use that all the time in the featured comments (blog posts) that he contributes
It’s from The Black Dahlia.
http://videogum.com/57372/the_hunt_for_the_worst_movie_o_47/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/
Oh god, I think these videos make me have a BLAM-eurysm.
The subtle nuances of these cartoons are lost on today’s youth.
they should at least allow you to turn off the “Moutain Dew Commentary” feature.
Blam!
UnBlam!
Shun!
UnShun!
Approved by certified dork Dwight K Schrute.
Finally, some context.
I liked the part where Daffy Duck made himself a BLAM flavored P’Zone!
Also, BLAM! is like the MST3K for the agressively-eXtreme asshole toddler set.
So the producers of Manswers are making a kids show?
“Blam in your face?”
YIKES.
To jail!
“Somebody call Chris Hansen.”
— Steve BLAMwood, earlier today
“Blam in your face” is a line i once heard in this porno…uh, i mean what? I don’t know what those movies even are, Gabe’s mom.
I think this may be a conservative brain washing plot:
“Looks like someone’s a tree-hugger”
“Alaska a totally chill spot to go on vacation.”
“Welcome to the United States of Ablamica”
“I think this guys is getting a little Tea’d off”
“Looks like Mr Fancy Pants got out-FOXed”
At first I was like
But then I was like
Can someone dig up the original Transformers cartoon that they added quick cuts to in / or around 1996? I remember watching them in my high school History class because our teacher was the football coach and he didn’t give a care.
We used to watch the Price is Right in any class that a coach taught.
#TheBobBarkerYears
Did anyone else not really watch much comedy cartoons when they were younger? I was all about the art-deco Bruce Timm-designed Batman animated series. That as well as Johnny Quest re-runs and Cartoon Planet, which was Space Ghost Coast 2 Coast for kids mixed with old Space Ghost and Herculoids episodes (and, in retrospect, kind of a horrifying idea).
Hey Disney, 1991 called. He told me to tell you to stop.
Because the even-numbered years are female, right? Right.
Guys, I did some research and only one of these videos doesn’t start with “Ah ____”. Ah, golf. Ah, breakfast. Ah, Alaska. Ahhhhwhat the hell?
Walt Disney’s disembodied head is spinning in its cryogenic chamber.
“Mr. Disney what do you think of the Holocaust?”
“BLAM!”
“Mr. Disney what do you think about the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki?”
“DOUBLE BLAM!!”
Come on, guys. Lay off. It’s harder than it seems to come up with stuff like “Who let the dogs out? Oh yeah, he did! BLAM! BLAM BLAM CHICKY-BLAM!”
i think we’re all to blam for this.
If I had video editing software available I would post a mashup of this and Gone With The Wind. “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a BLAM!”
We’re only about one step away from “Ow My Balls.”
“Eyyy… hot PANTS!” is going to be my new catchphrase. THANKS BLAM!
i heard they remade the Looney Toons theme too…
Good to see that Dan Cortese is getting voiceover work these days.
I don’t see what the big deal is. I mean yeah, some executives from Disney decided to milk/shit on the artful and painful craftsmanship of classic hand-drawn cartoons of which millions of people hold cherished in their memories and morph it into a half hour of fart jokes where they completely cut out the storylines and replace them with someone who unnecessarily accentuates the already overt physical comedy bits, but did we expect anything different?
I eventually see this happening to episodes of Mad Men and The Wire.
blam.
St. Peter on a pita, that’s grating!
And nice title disney, really creative!
Remember Shadow Demon from the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon.
Remember Zartan from the G.I. Joe cartoon.
Remember Shockwave from the Transformers cartoon.
Nuff Said, brohams.
BLAMhams.
so a kids version of everything Spike TV has ever barfed out onto the screen? i can’t tell if this is better or worse, but i can tell i don’t want to do the necessary research to find out
sorry gabe, after your description i felt that if i saw the video it would ruin these great cartoons for me.
this is the first time i have ever chosen not to watch a video but i feel like it would be the guy from trutv’s 10 MOST HORRIFIC ACCIDENTS OF ALL TIME YEAH dubbing and through witty puns explaining EXACTLY what i was watching but somehow through the way they talk ( do people talk like that in real life?) jus completely ruin everything i loved about these cartoons. for if i were to watch these, then the next time i would see these cartoons i would think of THIS and get pissed that people somehow think that this was a good idea. i know it seems im running away because i actually am. this is a lifetime cartoon buzzkill emmy/whatever.
Is he having a laugh?
TMZ for kids!
What is the sound of a childhood being raped?
BLAM!
My memories hurt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOjHiMjyxRU
oh man. the first half second of the fifth video. what is happening.
once in a while disney makes me want to punch myself in the face till i loose all my senses.
oh no wait, thats all the time.
“Man, you know what I love? Paying attention in class and respecting adults who are just trying to help me!”
This made me laugh so hard. Mostly because I work for hours on fun, creative lessons, and then spend my days looking at a roomful of this:
The more you know:
http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-are-tests-biased-against-students-who,17966/
That is it. That is perfect.
“BLAM! How does that rug taste?”
Seriously, Disney? How does that rug taste?!