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Teen Korner: Taylor Lautner (SWOON) Teaches Us About A Little Thing I Like To Call “Self-Confidence”
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Rad dudes and intelligent young women, trust this old dude when he says that he totes knows what you’re going through. Meat Lovers P’Zone! It’s hard to have self-confidence and to stand up for yourself when sometimes you don’t even know who you are. “I know who I am, why don’t you go out to the garage and build yourself a coffin and then climb in it and I bet no one will even bury you because everyone who cared about you is dead, grandpa,” is what you’re probably all saying. That’s just the fear and the raging hormones talking. Diet Slice! It’s OK to be confused and scared, even your teachers and your parental units are confused and scared most of the time. No doubt! I’m just a girl! Mixtapes!
“Knowing who you are is a lifetime journey, not a lifetime destination” — Deepak Chopra iPhone App. But even if you’re still trying to decide who you are (“Am I a vegan? Do I like rap?”) you should never be afraid to stand up for yourself. Not only will it get adults to treat you with the respect you deserve as tiny human beings with no experience or understanding of the world but with a desperate need to be thought of as complete people, but it will also get the bullies to GET A LIFE! Out of the way, bullies, some of us have a one-way ticket on the self-esteem train, non-stop to Confidence Town! But don’t just take my word for it, check out my main man Taylrrr Lautn$r!
From TMZ:
In a new lawsuit obtained by TMZ, Lautner claims he made a deal with McMahon’s RV to purchase a personal trailer for around $300,000 … a trailer he could use while shooting his new movie, “Abduction.”
According to the suit, the deal was that the trailer would be tricked out and delivered by no later than June 21 … but it wasn’t.
Lautner claims breach of contract and fraud and wants unspecified damages.
Of course, our hopes and prayers are with T-Diggity right now that he gets the “tricked out” trailer that he needs. But no matter what happens to his trailer during this difficult time, BIG UPS to the Lautinator for standing his ground and filing a SELF-RESPECT SUIT. He is an attorney-at-LAWESOME. A contract is a contract. Bros before hos. Pimp juice. Jeggings.
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Why can he afford $300,000 for a trailer but can’t afford a single shirt?
THE LAWESOME suit is PENDING. Abercrombie IS FUCKIN going down, y’all.
He pays good money to not ever have to wear a shirt. Not just anybody can walk into a 7-11 shirtless and get service.
Because there are no shirts in his new move, Ab-duction.
He takes advice from Iggy Pop?
What are you talking about? I’m his personal tailor and I make hime shirts of the finest oriental silks. One day when he can afford my outrageous prices I will make hime some of the finest silk jeans and boxers.
Lol this is such an old man joke. Love it.
He’s a character actor; constantly in the mindset of some RAD dude.
I bought guitar lessons for you and all the thanks I got was this lousy pair of Born-To-Fits? I’m just a kid and my life is a nightmare.
FUCK Gabe, EVERY TIME you post A TEEN Korner I FEEL the need to SEND YOU all MONEY I have. Such a FUCKIN LOLPW rating IN these things.
I’ll take some money, in Australian dollars, please
Oh, at first I read personal ‘trainer’. That would have made more sense?
Ha. I read it the same way, and was just like “that Taylor Lautner! He is going to grow up to be like Tom Cruise!”
I read it that way too! I don’t know how to spell, apparently. But, Gameboy Advance! I’m only 13! I DON’T EVEN KNOW MYSELF!
To be fair, the trailer may have been getting tricked out to feature some motivation for him FALLING IN LOVE WITH A FUCKING BABY. Abduction or whatever is just a stop gap for the weird, baffling, baby love fest about to unleash itself on us. Unless that film has already been released. Who knows, not me!
LOL YOU have a DOWNVOTE. I guess WE HAVE SOME fuckin Breaking DAWN FANS on here.
To AGREE WITH your GREAT comment, I AM really hoping THEY GET Cronenberg to DIRECT.
It did sound like his motivation could have been something gross?! Which I didn’t intend. Work is finished now, so no moar trollness from meh.
Eww. Just released how utterly gross that came across, I did not mean it in a creepy way at all… *Backs away from interwebnet*
I think we all know what’s going on here…
What exactly is the legal definition of “tricked out”?
“Your honor, as noted in paragraph C, section A of the agreement between Mr. Lautner’s Mom and Tom Raper RV, said trailer was proported to be legally tricked out to the satisfaction of a super famous and mostly naked teen. As you can see, this trailor is not tricked out to those standards and our client demands compensation” -Taylor’s Lawyer
Where’s Mans when you need him!
Upvote for Tom Raper RV reference
I want to respond with an image of a prostitute, but I’m at work and that is something I am not comfortable Google image searching…even if it is my last week..
Prostitutes Aboard
Fortunately, the aforementioned-tricked-out-trailer did eventually arrive.
Those are Some Cool Drums and Stands! Also, the Curtain with the Virgen de Guadalupe is pretty sweet.
Wasn’t this the set for Jesus/Lafayette’s V-trip on True Blood this week?
GAH! Get my dramamine. That was the worst trip sequence I have ever seen. So long! So boring! Jesus, we don’t want to meet your abuela. Mas butts, por favor.
Ha! Lafayette was actually making the best faces I’ve ever seen during that whole sequence. While it was rather long and sickening, his faces definitely made up for it.
Yeah, poor Lafayette. He’s definitely among my favorite characters, but his romance is so silly! Can’t they just have porno sex like the rest of ‘em?
So did he pay them? Was there some deposit? Did they not deliver on the mandatory hair gel dispenser/ab roller/stove combo so commonplace in your tricked out trailer production methods?
sadly, no….
Look, Taylrrr’s pointing the way to Confidence Town for our old pal, Sad Keanu!
Is Mr. Lautner old enough to purchase his own RV? I didn’t think he was an ab-dult.
Alternately: If Taylor Lautner spends too much time on this lawsuit, he’ll have to ab-dicate his acting duties.
Alternately: Lautner always seemed to low-key to me. This sudden lawsuit is awfully ab-rupt.
Alternately: Is Taylor thinks this is an important enough issue to file a lawsuit over, he’s pretty ab-livious.
I don’t mean to play devil’s ab-vocate here, but I’m pretty sure a tricked out trailer = a happy Taylor. Team Jacob.
It could be the most tricked out trailer in the world, and it would still only be the second best trailer.
How fucking freaked out would you be driving behind this thing? Ugh…total dayruiner.
This movie is being filmed in PIttsburgh and apparently Will .I. am (sp?) is also in it. They were filming at the Pirate game the other and had to get extras because the stadium was so empty. I am so shamed and embarrassed for the Pirates.
Why? They would be more shamed and embarrassed if people actually watched them play.
I am shamed and embarrassed for them because they REFUSE to be shamed and embarrassed for themselves. Any new exciting talent is IMMEDIATELY traded away. The team turns a profit by fielding a consistent loser. They have already clenched their 18th consecutive loosing season.. the earliest 82nd loss in franchise history. Their loosing streak is now older than most of the teams draft picks. I need a lesson from Japanese business men on being shamed and embarrassed just from growing up on the North Side of Pittsburgh!
I am so sorry. They depress me too and I’m a New Englander so I have no dog in the fight. It’s like they are aggressive about it too. Most of the poorer teams wait until a contract year to trade away their young players that they won’t be able to shell out bucks for, but the Pirates really do seem to do it the second they realize someone is good, regardless of how many years they have on their contract…I’m sure you don’t need me rambling about this…
Whilst in Japan, I will stop drunken business men on the street, describe the situation to them, and ask their advice.
They know all about baseball over there. Just say Pittsburgh Pirates and they will know. Be careful though, you may end up spending countless hours bowing over and over again.
Been there, done that. Bow fights are one of my favorite actitivies in the world. Who will outlast?! Oh no! Smith-san’s second bow was one-half his first, while Koide-san’s was a full two-thirds! But look! Smith-san came back with his third bow, only two-tenths less than his second! Koide strikes back, but the judges say his third was the same angle as his second and he is eliminated!
Please make sure you find some crazy internet cafe/robot/rave/video game arcade so that you can post comments and contribute to videogum while you are in Japan.
This makes me so mad I could just howl.
#seguetotaylorlautner
I am so happy that I’m a lawyer so I can legit get business cards that say “Attorney-at-Lawsome” on them.
i kid you guys not, my best friend in High School (YUCK) dad’s company was the official supplier and warehouser of Pimp Juice
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pimp_Juice_%28drink%29
yup. case upon case. in his dad’s warehouse. FRUIT-LOOPS!
“Basically… Pimp Juice is anything that attracts the opposite sex; it could be money, fame, or straight intellect; it don’t matter! Pimp Juice is color blind; you find it works on all colors, creeds and kinds; from ages 50 right down to nine.” He noted that a portion of the proceeds from the drink will go to his philanthropic organization, 4Sho4Kids”
-2012
Jeggings. Ugh.
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What an odd comment…
Hey, this isn’t Homophobiagum.
I think your image is supposed to somehow validate your point, but all it does is point out how much more attractive Taylor is at being a girl than me.