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OK, Horatios Cane Jr., get out your magnifying glasses and your fingerprints, because we’ve got another exciting mystery that needs solvin! It was announced today that someone named Chelsea Handler will be hosting this year’s MTV Video Music Awards, America’s most IMPORTANT and NECESSARY awards show. Let’s examine the FACTS. From the New York Times:
On Wednesday, she was officially announced as the host of the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards, which will be shown on Sept. 12. That makes Ms. Handler the first woman to get the gig since 2007 (when the program was hosted by Sarah Silverman) and only the fourth female M.C. to come from outside MTV’s walls (the awards program was hosted by Roseanne Barr in 1994, and Bette Midler was a co-host in its 1984 debut.)
“If there’s one awards show that I should be hosting, it’s probably this one,” Ms. Handler said in a telephone interview. “My personality probably wouldn’t jell with the Emmys or the Golden Globes.”
The evidence is all there. The only question now is: UH, WHY? I want your report on my desk by three o’clock. The DA is breathing down my neck on this one. I know you don’t like to play by the rules, but if you keep doing things your way, you’re off the force. Gun and badge. You’re on probation. GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!
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Handler, I hardly know her!
Wait. I mean “Handler?” Fuck you, punctuation!
Me neither, who is she? Is this that Chelsea Lately character?
if the vmas stand for “very mediocre awards” then they’ve DEFINITELY found the right host, amirite?
You are right.
Chelsea Handler is the poor man’s Kathy Griffin.
Chelsea Handler is the sighted man’s Kathy Griffin.
kathy griffin is the poor man’s turd sandwich and i don’t care if i get downvoted on this one.
I hate it when the rich people hog all the good, non-Kathy Griffin turd sandwiches.
turd sandwiches don’t taste so bad when you add extra godsauce.
kathy griffin is one of the world’s worst, if not THE worst. her voice = nails on a chalkboard. her face = nails on MY EYES!!!
Good one, Steve-O (I’m being sincere here)
She makes Seinfeld unwatchable. SEINFELD!
This was incredibly mean, but also incredibly funny. Upvoted.
yeah, it was mean and i know i’m going to get killed on it but at least i thought i’d throw it out there and start something.
Ummm….Well I was talking to Godsauce, but yours was mean and funny as well.
I don’t think he (garbage_face) means what you think he means.
tough crowd today, zoinks.
I’m on your side, inglourious bastard
Good one, Scoob!
The 9/12 project wasn’t supposed to end like this.
http://www.gifbin.com/984150
You can’t put me on probation because I already QUIT 5 minutes ago!
Alternatively:
You can’t do that! If you take my gun how am I supposed to shoot myself in the face?
“Handler”? More like “case worker”.
I’m sure there will be a TON of little people, because the only thing funnier than crippling alcoholism is people with genetic disorders!!
Also Asians. Don’t forget Asians.
So wait, an alcoholic Asian midget is hosting the VMAs? Now that sounds like a party.
Yeah let’s all tease the midget for wanting to have sex ever. Hilarious, let’s clap and laugh at the midget.” – Chelsea Handler’s mind working
Because this is purgatory and we’re all dead. MYSTERY SOLVED!
Upvotes for Ashes to Ashes!
Nice plug, Gabe!
I loved these books when I was a kid.
The door hinges were on the wrong side and the baby was on the hood of the car! Of course!
I think she’ll be good?
If ever there was a need for the bad idea jeans tag, I think this would be it.
They’re really reaching for milestones there. Fourth woman to come from outside MTV’s walls?
It’s a better record that most award shows. Happy belated birthday 19th Amendment, by the way!
I like Chelsea Handler. Is it just me?
Nah, I like her too. Not enough to read her books or anything, but her show makes me laugh.
Given this post’s moderate level of ambiguity, I want to bring up an issue.
Lucky Louie – I’ve now watched some 7-8 episodes and this show, and it is simply not that funny. I do not understand how some of us think of him as some sort of comedic genius. I mean, sure his stand up is OK. But that’s it – OK. Not unbelievable. And then the rest of the show is flat out depressing.
Clearly, I have the nerve to bring this up right now cause gabe is on the beach!
(downvote away!)
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
haha, I meant “Louie” not “Lucky Louie.”
and i wont downvote you, but I would. 30 rock is still great.
I feel like the show consists of scenes with funny ideas but not actual funny dialogue.
-12 on the downvote? I’m going all in, Entouroge is the best show on TV!!!!!
Just kidding, it sucks.
I LOL’d a lot when he got high with his neighbor. Mostly due to the scene with the dog. Also the outtakes at the end of the episde (throwing the water jug on the car) were a nice touch.
Isn’t it the point of the show to be a little sad and depressing, but in a funny way?
I find Louie to be the most honestly thought-provoking show on TV right now. I tend to think of it as more of a drama costumed as a sitcom, and thus your assessment that it isn’t funny isn’t something I would necessarily disagree with. I honestly feel like Louis CK makes an effort to sacrifice laughs for elements of truth that aren’t depicted elsewhere on television.
The homophobic poker game, his fight with DiPaolo about Obama, Louie dealing with the heckler – they all confront the awkwardness and uncomfortable aspects of life in a way completely different from the “awkward” comedy of Curb Your Enthusiasm or The BBC Office. It’s basically a series of dramatic vignettes surrounded by stand-up jokes, and every week when the credits run I always wish it lasted an hour instead of 30 minutes.
The Matthew Broderick cop scene was one of the funniest things I’ve seen on TV this year. “Hey, your father’s dead!”
thank you for saying that in a much more eloquent way.
Yeah, I have been absolutely loving Louie. When that kid threatened him last night, you really got a sense of what it is like to be 45 and have some kid threatening to kick your ass, and you don’t want to get beat up cos, hey, you got kids and what point would it prove anyways, but its still is incredibly emasculating. And then when he followed the kid home I expected a classic tv ‘the dad’s a bully too!’ sort of thing, but it wasn’t that at all and was in fact pretty touching.
In all honesty, I think that show goes into emotional territory that no other drama, let alone comedy, on tv will touch. It is a strange comedy because the non-stand-up humor part of it generally derives from a ‘real life is a weird and kind of sad place but it is all i know and isn’t it the strangest’ sorta place. So yeah, I love it
I read one of her books and enjoyed it, but I can’t stand her show.
No! But I’m also a minority here, in that I think Kathy Griffin is not completely irredeemable. Whatever. WE’RE JUST DIFFERENT.
If anything, Chelsea Handler hosting the VMAs shows every little girl that if you drink enough vodka you too can host the VMAs!
or die.
If you drink enough vodka, bang your boss and a few dwarfs, yes you can host the VMA’s.
How could they do this to an American institution? This drunken half-talent will destroy the pristine reputation of the MTV Video Music Awards!
I’m so tired of the press playing the “historical shortage of female ____ ” in order to drum up some latent feminist support, especially for a woman who slept with the head of a shitty network to get her show THAT IS NOT FUNNY. Lemon out.
Who?
Her?
She’s a giant bitchface which means she is alright by me!
“My personality probably wouldn’t jell with the Emmys or the Golden Globes.”
She’s right that’s probably why they haven’t asked her yet.
Really? Golden globes? From what I can tell she owes a lot to the Golden Globes.
(taps microphone) “Is this thing on?” (feedback squonk) … (crickets)
I was going to be like, didn’t the MTV Awards just happen? But then my 15 year old inner-self reminded me that those were the MTV Movie Awards that just happened, and these awards are for music videos. Then I was going to gripe about how there are no music videos on MTV anyway, but even my 15 year old inner-self recognized what a tired thing to say that was.
The reason your personality wouldn’t jell* with the Emmy’s or the Golden Globes is because of all the adults there.
*it’s ‘gel,’ Mr. New York Times.
jell
–verb (used without object)
1. to congeal; become jellylike in consistency.
2. to become clear, substantial, or definite; crystallize: The plan began to jell once we all met to discuss it.
Origin:
1820–30; back formation from jelly
Don’t fuck with Mr. New York Times, huckabeast.
HA HA HA HA HA!!! IDIOT!!!!!!!
Upvotes forever for the remorseful kitten!
Wasn’t she dating the CEO of E! for a long time? Just saying.
Just long enough apparently.
TWSS.
People still watch MTV?
I always think this, but then the other day I realized that I still watch MTV. Jersey Shore and Teen Mom are reality gold for me, and as New Orleanian I am obligated to watch the descretion of our fair city on The Real World. Also, the show Warren the Ape is hilarious (which means it will be canceled). However, I never watch the VMAs.
reality gold. now thats an oxymoron.
My gay friends love her, so I blame them. Thanks a lot, Sebastian and Michael.
See, it kind of bums me out to hear that. Is that all it takes for gay men to like something? Celebrity gossip and snarky comments? Because it’s certainly not her wit. Explain it to me. I don’t get it.
I’m being completely sincere here.
Yes, her humor is very stereotypical. You’re not alone Chriskc80. I this society even with gay men, a good looking blonde woman can get away with more. If the same lame stereotypical jokes came out a fat man’s mouth, he would have been more hated than Rush Limbaugh.
basic math tells me this will be a positive.
only if we’re talking about multiplication, right?
multiplication:big johnson brand tshirt::addition:tommy bahama
we’re definitely talking multiplication.
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
This lady is not funny, and she’s so smitten with herself. It’s weird how some of my gay friends love her just because she can be bitchy. She needs to wipe the grease off her face.
Chelsea Handler reminds me of Family Guy: a lot of people with whom I share similar tastes just love her, and then I feel bad because I have to judge them.
What, not Bette Midler?
my guess is they really needed the grey goose ad revenue.
Handler’s style tends towards painfully obvious celebrity commentary with strange tourettes-like name dropping. There is a Youtube clip of her stand up where she says “Britney Spears” in the middle of a sentence that doesn’t make much sense. E used to run a promo for her show that was just a montage of Handler saying various celebrity names. Hey, people love famous peoples. They’re pretty.
I don’t mean to be this mean, but really I find her to be the worst kind of unfunny. It’s not so obviously putrid like Jeff Dunham, Carlos Mencia or even to a degree Sarah Silverman (no trollo), but she continues the comedic traditions that dullards roar over and everyone else silently ignores. She’s the bland kind of humor that people see as inoffensive, but it’s so offensive to my intelligence. All of her jokes are either tearing down celebrities who are much prettier or more talented than her or obvious fish in barrels. Oh yeah, and exploiting a dwarf for cheap laughs. Real classy.
Can’t stand this bitch. SHE. DRIVES. ME. NUTS.
Although I do find her funny once in a while, I do have to say her brand of humor is very repetitive. She does not seem to survive without a gay joke every single night which includes: outing celebrities, taunting her panel members for alledgedly having closeted tendencies and stereotypical comedy sketches featuring men running around in pink hot pants. Not only it is very low brow humor, I am surprised people have not picked on the fact she has a gay past herself and is constantly making an effort to clarify that she is not part of that demographic which is very strange. You are not alone my Just Desserts friend, other people find her humor moronic. However when someone has reached a point as to put on paper that they have had sex with a dwarf after an alcoholic blackout to sell books and maintain their celebrity, it means they have learned to make money over their lost boundaries a long time ago.
Also, this GIF
Aww, horse apples.
This Salon piece is the last word on Handler. Also, that Couric clip is AMAZING.
http://www.salon.com/entertainment/feature/2010/03/29/chelsea_handler_rules_all
Hosting Twillight is a big responsibility to leave to a girl who just last year was ” Eros Ny’s sexiest gfe Mr President of MTV program director.”
I thought Chelsea Handler was a lesbian for a really long time. One night, her show came on after The Soup, and before I changed the channel like I always do, I thought to myself, you know, it’s really cool that Chelsea Handler is a lesbian and no one ever talks about it or makes a big deal out of it! Only then it turned out that no one talks about it because it is a thing that I made up entirely. Too bad, I liked her more when I thought she was gay.
Just because she’s dating a man, that doesn’t mean she does not have an inner hunger for girl on girl action. When you’re 35 and rich and still need lesbian roomates, that should tell you something. When a woman comes to her show and she flirts and drools over her tight body, that should tell you something too. Not to mention most of her jokes are always about a being gay, rain or shine, 24/7.
She’ll go girl/girl.
…and so it begins.
Jenkins! My shotgun!
CLICK-CLICK.
Beware Chelsea, lately I haven’t been a very nice…Handler…
*****BRAHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMM**************
I love it when i set em up and someone knocks em down.