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Between America’s Stewardess, Steven Slater, with his “triumphant” (or not) exit from an airplane/lifelong career, and that girl with the wipe boards, which to be honest, I do not even know what that is all about because it was boring when it was “real” and it’s even more boring as a “hoax,” and then also the most recent dismal jobs report, people got work on the brain! Quitting work! Fake Quitting Work! Dreaming of even just getting some fucking work! Either way: this calls for a party, right? If you just quit your job in a melodramatic self-righteous outburst of self-indulgence, have a party. If you just got a new job, have a party. And if you’ve been without work longer than 92 weeks and are on the verge of losing your unemployment benefits, girl, you have got to do something to take your mind off things! Here is a game you can play at this part you are definitely having, we just agreed:
-
• A Few Good Pens
• Collate Damage
• From Desk Till Dawn
• Boss of the Rings
OR:
- • “I want you to three hole punch me as hard as you can.”
• “I drink your milkshake using your mug, which you accidentally left on the dish rack in the kitchenette.”
• “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t have to go to the 5PM Q2 input analysis meeting.”
• “My name is Inigo Montoya, you worked with my father, prepare to give me an internship I don’t deserve.”
I’m going to write a best-selling book about how to get ahead in games called WHO MOVED MY POINTS? (Good grief. Do you ever just exhaust yourself?)
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A Few Good Memos
The Sum of All Paycheques
Charlotte’s Webinar
All the President’s Yes Men
Office Max Beyond Thunderdome
Psycho
Okay you really have to work here to get it.
Being a former assistant to a Psycho, I totally get it. Let’s buy this guy a round of upvotes!
Die Hard 2: With a Pension
The Good, The Bad, And the Cost Effective
Natural Born Filers
File Away Home (starring Baby Anna Paquin)
“One book, ‘Swedish-made WENUS Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby’, by Austin Powers.”
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn about your stock quotes.”
The Glass Micromenagerie
The Last Chair Vendor
Amazing.
The Lion, the Witch, and the Business Casual Wardrobe
“I see shredded documents”
I apologize for encroaching on your 6th Sense territory. It was an unfortunate oversight on my part.
Best, Coach.
Upselling In the Air
UPS I Love You
Command Performance Review
Wet Hot Desk American Summer
Forrest Hump Day
I.T.: The Extra Terrestrial
Full Metal Jacket & Tie
Three Men and a Family Medical Leave
How Tub Time Card Machine
Freaky Black Friday
The Curious Briefcase of Benjamin Button
“All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my performance review”
Quater-Anual Man
Mrs. Definitelyfired
Our competitors don’t surf.
The Devil Wears a Clip-On
You Got Server
Too Wong Foo, Thanks for Filing These. Sincerely, J. Newmar, SVP Product Development.
The Last King of Scotch Tape
The Stapler Always Jams Twice
Letterhead
“Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking motherfuckers on this motherfucking plane! ”
- Motherfuckers on a Plane
The Sound of Music at a Reasonable Volume
The Sound of Musak
Precious Commodities based on the novel Push Pin by Sapphire
The File Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari
This is SO GOOD.
Silence of the Laminater
I CC dead people.
bam! Nelson kicks it up a notch
Maria Full of Sick Days
Margot at the Monthly Group Birthday Party in the Conference Room
“Always”
“Be”
“The last store in the mall to close”
*i work retail……ugh
“Goonies never say corporate restructure.”
From Here To Maternity Leave
Synergy, New York
Synergy City
The FedExpendables
Three Men and a Copy Machine
10,000 BCC
Planet of the Staplers
The Post-It Man
The Truth About Cat Calendars And Dog Calendars
The Santa Non-compete Clause
Sex, Lies, and Videoconferencing
Very sorry. I didn’t read them all. I think you’re a comedic genius.
Aw!
PolterGuestSpeaker
“What we’ve got here is… a failure to file our 2nd quarter tax reports by the proper date.”
Let The Right One Inbox
Legend Of The Trust Fall
A-Team Building
Dial 9 For An Outside Line
Power Point Break
Ecks vs. Severance
Logistics: Ecks vs. Severance
+1
The Outbox
K-Fax
The Wicker Manager
Jurassic Business Park
“Condos. If I had built a block of condos in this business park you wouldn’t have a thing to say about it.”
-CEO John Hammond
Lady in the Watercooler
James Bond round:
Dr. No You Can’t Have Next Friday Off
On Her Majesty’s Secret Answering Service
From R&D with Love
For Your Attorney’s Eyes Only
When Harry Met Salary
SHOW ME THE MONEY orders relating to the Colgan account.
“You had me at Helvetica.”
Tales From The Business Trip: Ladies Night
Raging Bullet Points
Bullet Point Blank
They send one of yours to the hospital, you fill in the insurance and it’s fully covered.
Back To the Futures
The Inkjet Cartridge on the River Kwai
8½ x 11
Oooh, that’s PERFECT!
Agreed. This one is my favorite. My favorite, I say!
“Of all the Subway franchises in all the towns in the world, she walks into mine.”
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Firefox
Mozilla Better Blues
A Google Chrome Companion
The Outlook
Surcharge of the Light Brigade
Love, Actuarially…?
You memoin’ me?
Step Up 2 My Office
The Skeleton Keycard
Databasic Instinct
Three Hole Punch Drunk Love
In & Outsourced
Honey, I downsized the kids.
Last Duo-Tango in Paris
What is this, Elementary School movies?
Clippy-Go-Lucky
Attachment Of The Killer Tomatoes!
The Tie That Binder Clips
Looks like the downvote fairy has made a visit.
The Placard Locker
Fantastic Mr. Boss
The Man With No Nameplate
Janitora! Janitora! Janitora!
10,000 BCC
Repeat replier!
Whoops, sorry!
Mop Land
Schindler’s To-Do List
12 Angry Managers.
8 Headsets In A Duffle Bag
Point Break Room
The Last Stationary