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Dan Quayle’s son, Ben, is running for Arizona congressman. Look out, Basil Marceaux Dot Com, there is a new Sherriff in Yikes Town.
Holy moly. That advertisement is like watching paint RUN FOR CONGRESS. Hey, Ben Quayle, you are seeking to gain the trust of voters at a time when anti-Washington political disenfranchisement is at a record high, and you carry the legacy of a total gumball for a father, so at the very least, how about DRINKING A RED BULL BEFORE YOU TURN THE CAMERA ON. Once you are actually AWAKE, then I suppose we can deal with figuring out what the hell you are even talking about. (Via TheAwl.)
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You have to admit that his lips are so gorgeous.
I KNOW! I was like, stop saying such dumb things with your pretty mouth…
But that tie is AWFUL!
Use it to gag him? I dunno. I’m a little uncomfortable with how attractive I find him even after I’ve heard what he has to say.
“Derp, Derp.” – Ben.
“You have lovely eyes.” – Me.
I find everything about him to be utterly repulsive. What he says; his odd, torpid demeanor; his soulless gaze. But you’re saying that if I were a woman I’d want him to fuck me? Now I guess I know what it feels like when women hear how much I’d like to fuck Sarah Palin. (she’s awful!!!!)
I agree with all of this. Even before I watched the video, I was like, “Oh, hello!”
Dude is fine. But I kept feeling like he might hit me.
They’ve gotta be extra pretty to compensate for the scary teeth they’re hiding. Yikes.
I don’t love Arizona much at the minute… does that mean I was raised wrong?
I think “raised right” is one of those things like “cool” that if you go around saying out loud that you are it, you’re wrong.
This pisses me off more than the stupid T.Mills jagoff.
yeah, i lasted longer through that video. maybe Quayle needs a jingle.
He was raised “Right”. Get it, you guys?!?! This guy, what a comedian!
“I was raised Right.” – Nick Madson
What does Obama have to do with drug cartels in Mexico again? Someone please ‘splain to me.
This will require a chalkboard.
“…and then you wait for the kick, see?”
Well you see what the what?, once Obama went into office, the entire world’s economy collapsed and so Drug Lords in Mex…wait, no that collapse was before…ok, so, anyways Obama came into office and then Mexicans knew that he…wait…um….nevermind.
Well you see, it’s like this, both of these things make Ben Littlebird so angry that he could just yawn
“Drug cartels in Mexico, tax cartels in DC. What’s happened to America?”
No offense, but I’m pretty sure 50% of those things aren’t happening in America.
“Let’s take down the Washington establishment.” – Son of a former US Vice President
“Just like I did” – George W. Bush
I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix
-Dan Quayle
“Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.”
-Dan Quayle
“What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.”
If he thinks Obama’s bad, just wait until President Frankenstein takes office.
I talked to a really lovely drag queen last night/this morning, and I kept wanting to ask her if she watches Drag Race, but for some reason I was afraid that might come off badly?
I
I would have thought beat poets were Democrats. Maybe for the next ad, he can grow a soul patch and get some bongos.
I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, wanted to show that just because two people are father and son does not make them ideologically the same.
But then I watched the video. T Mill$ and then this? Ouch, Gabe.
you can sneak onto ‘the more you know’ soundstage, but dammit if you can’t get the logo to work.
At least give him credit for his pen name, Brock Landers
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0810/40937.html#ixzz0wJBnX37D
That is awesome, but Chest Rockwell would have been awesomer.
I’m particularly fond of Biff Milhouse.
Better yet.
I was reallllyyyyyy anticipating an explosion and/or sunglasses after the line
‘Somebody needs to go to Washington…and knock the hell out of the place’
If I had better internetz skills, there would be David Caruso animated all up in this comment.
He should team up with Toby Keith!
I wonder if he can spell “self potato” correctly.
He is self potato(e).
That script has more non-sequiturs than an episode of Family Guy. Senator, you’re no Seth MacFarlane. You are actually WORSE.
This ad was even worse than the time I was juggling turnips in Austria with Lea Thompson.
“Barack Obama is the worst president in history. There are drug cartels in Mexico. I like Arizona. I have a dog. His name is Oscar. One time, my brother broke his arm. A human head weighs eight pounds.”
Seriously. Benjy’s Mad Men recaps have better flow.
“My mom says that if there’s a depression, that I’ll have to enter a dance marathon.”
I would hang out with him for hours.
He’s like a real-life Tim Calhoun.
“But, if you must know, I had some babies. Mainly by black ladies. But some by white. And a China baby.”
Where was he going at the end of the commercial? It was like he gave up before they were even done filming.
“I got Stuff To Do”
Ben Quayle, 1976-2012
I imagined him as going off into the darkness to take a nap.
Excuse me, stewardess, I speak Republican. I think that was his “I’m out, bitches.”
To be fair to Ben, he never said that he was the one who should go “beat the knock out of the place.”
I nominate this guy:
you have absolutely no idea how much i appreciate this.
i see he went to the tim james school of awkward movement.
I’d like to…yawn…knock the hell out of his…we’re just blowing through nap-time aren’t we…face
Sigh. He’s going to win, isn’t he?
And people call Al Gore an emotionless automaton…
By the way, I didn’t know Monsters were a target General Hospital demographic?
And all this time, I thought this guy was the worst President ever.
Learn something new everyday, I guess.
There’s another thing we have in common! Affection for extremely out-dated historical references.
Let’s get married.
I don’t know. I think my proposal from last week was accepted, I’m not sure if Monster polygamy is allowed. Let’s just clear this with lilbobbytables, then we can take to Mans, the resident Monster lawyer.
Seth Green’s performance art has improved.
“I love Arizona. I was raised right.” YOU’RE FROM INDIANA, FOOL. And how is Dan Quayle’s son going to say with any authority who the worst president is? He needs to shut that pretty mouth right up.
Drug cartels in Mexico.
Tax cartels in D.C.
Cheap hotels in Jersey
Light pastels in L..L. Bean
Future Denzel in “The Book of Eli”
What’s happened to America?
When you start your campaign video by saying that Obama is the worst president ever? That just makes me think that you don’t know what Presidents are, or how many of them we’ve had. We’ve had a lot! Several of them are OBJECTIVELY worse than our current President!
THE MORE YOU KNOWWWW
The only thing I remember about the Quayles is that Dan Quayle was a fan of Buster and Babs Bunny in the episode of Tiny Toon Adventures where they go to washington to get the lady from the “Adults Against Funny Cartoons” association to stop removing their forrest or something. Plucky was there and had to improvise a disguise since he wasn’t invited to the state dinner or whatever they were attending. He glanced at a newspaper headline and then told people he was an endangered species called a “bush-quayle”.
This has been my impression of the Quayle family for 17 years. Cartoon joke fodder.
20 second in: Ben Quayle stylishly dodges a bullet.
What Republicans say: “What happened to America?”
What Republicans mean: “What possessed so many of you to vote for a dirty Negro?”
There ya go. FTFY.
Looks like somebody needs some lessons in ENTHUSIASM people! HELLO!
everytime i see a white politician complaining about the wealth of mexicans in the southwest i just want to scream “WE WERE HERE FIRST.”
ya viene la reconquista asshole.
When I was in Oaxaca, I told one guy I was from Los Angeles and he was like, “Oh, so basically Mexico, right?” Yeah, pretty much.
Also, I would like to point out that while drug cartels are a serious problem in Mexico and kill thousands of people annually, there is hardly any violence on our side of the border.
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2007474,00.html