Photos
On the left is a photo that purportedly features a young Conan O’Brien doing lord knows what. After it was posted on the HollywoodReporter, he Twittered about it, which people seem to be taking as confirmation that it’s him, although personally I don’t take Twitters written by comedians (much less comedians with extra time on their hands) to be a reliable source for FACTS. But it’s probably him. Doing normal 18-year-old stuff? Meanwhile, on the right there is a photo of American Idol’s Simon Cowell preparing to board a yacht (via JustJared), hopefully so that he can sail out to the middle of the ocean and throw himself in because WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE HAIR ON HIS BODY? Both of these pictures are such mysteries! Caption them!
Winner will receive special mention in this week’s Monsters’ Ball.
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Being white is hard.
Being white is weird.
“Being REALLY White is REALLY hard.” -Conan
It ain’t easy being white.
Being hard really is white.
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ATRSTTS (As The Racist Said to the Soldier.)
Being sunburnt is hard.
It really is. Especially when taking a shower. Ouch!
Being white is literally hard.
Betty White is hard.
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I am actually going to decapitate you.
I think you mean literally.
PICTURED: The Evolution of Man
Clone.
Brother?????????
Obviously, Simon Cowell doesn’t use Edge shaving gel.
Obviously, Simon Cowell uses Edge shaving gel for a chest hair landing strip. Hello, ladies!
I know, total hairstripe.
Young Conan about to look to his left and receive the inspiration for Masturbating Bear.
Mr. Cool Grass Skirt has nothing on Mr. Cool Reflective Sunglasses.
Simon Cowell goes on yet another foreign holiday open thread OR comedians being young and awkward
Dammit Gabe.
I have a bad feeling about the dude standing behind Conan.
Simon Cowell really isn’t subtle in his attempts to be cast as the next Punisher.
Dude your hair’s all pitchy dawg
-Jay Leno
TBS Very Unsettling.
Ode to thee, pale boy
Still years from your fame and the
Betrayal.
May you dream of success
In a friendlier television cove
What dost thou hold?
A crown of laurels?
Beware
Lest the Big-Chinned one wrest it from thee.
Ode to thee, dour man
Acid of tongue and puffy of
Breast.
May you dream of addled women and cartoon cats
And strange large men who say Yo Dawg.
What dost thou see?
Reflected in your eyes?
Behold
It is the specter of fame, rapidly fading from thee.
Smart host, to slip betimes away
From stages where glory does not stay,
And early though the laurel grows
It withers quicker than your show.
Actually everything about these pictures makes me uncomfortable.
I didn’t know that Young Conan was friends with Young Cary Elwes.
However, I had already guessed that Simon Cowell would look like just as much of a smug asshole without a shirt as with one.
Young Cary Elwes was actually filling in for a young Simon Pegg, who got called away at the last minute to be Robert Kennedy’s 2nd lead pallbearer:
Is that a young Philip Seymour Hoffman behind him?
Pretty sure that is Truman Capote.
That’s no Simon Pegg, it’s clearly Michael Sheen.
I asked Charlie about the hair pattern & he said it’s called a sodding strip.
Face Off Two: 2Facer 2Offer
We’ve got to go gayer.
“so then the other hand will pull like this and we’ll call it goatse” -young Conan
Yuck. Sorry
Three men and a baby.
That’s not how you’re supposed to do a landing strip.
Like landing a paper clip on an aircraft carrier.
Cowell spotted young Conan through a distant window and smiled creepily. The mustachioed man owed him a favor and it was time to collect.
Anybody else see a really creepy face out of Simon’s body hair pattern? *shudder*
pareidoliagum
This was a horrible mistake.
That was not an attempt to make an Arrested Development reference, but I now realize that it should have been.
Honestly, though. That thing is an abomination.
Why did I think it was the best? Am I ok?
“Thanks for making my body look like less of a nightmare next to yours, Simon!” — baby Conan
“Eww”
- Alan Ball
[picture on right]
Simon Cowell put Miracle-Gro on his happy trail and it became a happy field
(barf)
Pictured right: Simon Cowell in good spirits and surprisingly good health after being run over by a car directly down the middle of his torso.
Simon was actually run over by a lorry.
Coming this fall on Mtv, The Lorry Shore.
“That is the worst ‘situation’ that I have seen in my life” – Simon Cowell
This picture of Conan was actually taken last week.
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Alright, nothing to see here people, just keep walking.
Right-O!
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I can handle a lot of your annoying comments… but don’t fucking diss Prince!
Leslie is pissed Steve!
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You had a girlfriend, Steve?
I think I’ve met Steve Winwood before. He was my friend’s verbally abusive boyfriend. He constantly laughed at his own jokes, even when no one else did (which was most of the time). He made really inappropriate comments about other women right in front of her and when she spoke up, he would say, “Oh don’t be one of those femi-nazi dikes. That chick has a nice ass, so what?” He got really drunk off Jagermeister pretty early in the evening, and became belligerent when he discovered the jukebox didn’t have any Nickelback.
I think he beats her.
“Never judge a book by its cover… this cat could ball, man.”
Guys, you are doing it wrong. You are supposed to say: Steve, I am telling you I am actually going to decapitate you.
Shudder… Nemesis Enforcer!!!!!!!!
How are there so many gifs of Prince making this face?
“hey, dudes! let’s party!”
His pants are like a prison!
All articles of clothing are as a prison to him.
All of this is my jail.
You know what’s going here? RIM JOBS.
I’m Team Rococo.
He builds up the hair just to wax it back off.
Oh my dear god what is that horrible hair pattern he’s sporting?
I have often considered making a commenter account here, but the combination of these two comments made my day so much better that I had to finally do it.
I wish I could upvote this forever.
After abruptly leaving Conan O’brien’s Off Broadway production of Taming of the Shrew, Simon Cowell appeared to be in a jovial mood just a day later. When asked why he left Simon said, “You should have seen the costume they wanted me to wear. I simply refuse to look that ridiculous.”
In Conan’s limbo, he’s given the keys to The Tonight Show at age 18 and goes on to host until he’s an old man.
PICTURED: All of your boyfriends.
In Transformers 2, three little boys (left) transform and merge to form Doucheinator (right)
“No one will notice my drooping moobs if I just give my gut a mohawk.” – Simon Cowell
Forever shackled to the ratings of a fickle American public.
The infamous “before and after” ad that led to Glenn losing Dexatrim as a client.
I was hoping to get the inside scoop from you, Gabe.
Some people will do anything to cheer up Keanu:
But it will never work:
I upvote you sir. May sad Keanu never be not used.
I think we can all agree Gabe made this week’s caption contest to difficult. I have NO idea where to begin to summarize into a monsterish caption because I am dumbfounded by the awesomeness of both those pictures.
As he stepped back from the long embrace, baby Conan was mortified to realize that in the heat of passion his body glue had come undone and his faux chest hair, used to accent his budding masculinity, was now stuck to Simon’s broader, tanned torso…
You obviously came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum…..yet you were all out of gum.
Pubescent, bare chested Conan O’brien grasps the wreath, initiating the bizarre body shaving ceremony still practiced on wealthy business tycoon/douches to this very day.
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Pictured, left: dream level three.
Pictured, right: limbo.
I also felt there an Inception joke somewhere in here, but I couldn’t piece it together.
You kids with your internet. Back in the 70s, gay porn was an ART FORM.
Hey, Simon Cowell’s lateral chest hair didn’t make it through to Hollywood.
I think this is just what happens to men’s hair as they grow older?
Mediterranean Will Forte looks great in that Conan pic!
PIctured on right: HOPA
Hairy Old Piecea Ass
Fake and English.
“I shall cover it with a shiny shirt.” – Simon Cowell
laugh out loud funny.
Ups to briadru4 for the inital keanu photoshop
Right: a flat-topped, smug jackass who, when he’s not boring the shit out of me with his glorified karaoke contests, spends his days lactating on the French Riviera.
Left: An American idol.
NSFW?
Fantastic.
Wha…I don’t even…So beautiful…Should have sent a poet…
I am totally gobstopped by this image… er whatever. !
“Whoa.” —Cheered Keanu, finally
it works on so many levels…
The dedication. The detail. It’s so beautiful.
AAAAh. Stupid filter at work won’t let me see it. Apparently it’s adult content? Someone help me!
I hate to ruin the surprise, but coming from an office that blocks most videos, I feel your pain. Two Conans are waxing Simon’s abdomen as he yells out “WHAAAA” and “Kelly Clarkson!” in an image so beautiful, it may just crash the internet.
Double Conan chest wax! What does it mean?!?!?
It’s so… BEAUTIFUL
incredimarc, that is just… the BEST.
this is the weirdest thing that has ever been created that made a lot of people go “wow, wish I’d thought of that.” i love it.
ack, meant to be a reply to the above…
Thanks. I think 18-y-o Conan would be proud, and 18-y-o Simon would be depressed.
Seriously, the best man
What is this, i can not understand this, what he want to prove,
http://www.healthproductreviewers.com/cho-yung-slimming-tea-reviews.html
The guy behind Conan looks like the guy Jake from Almost Twins on Funny or Die.
I can’t even comment because I am stunned into silence by what looks to be a picture of my brother at around age 14. I swear to christ I have pictures of him with the exact same haircut and facial expression as Conan in that picture. There’s still a resemblance now, but back then the two of them could have been twins.
This is not even supposed to be funny or commented on, I just had to tell someone!
Is that a big happy trail or WHAT?!?!?!
Some people just don’t get Pee Wee’s Playhouse references. Shame on the both of you!
So if that’s Conan at age 18, when’d the rest of the red-headed, six foot seven part of him appear?