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If I could fashion the world into the shape of my choosing, it would not be the floating dreamscape of Inception or the pinging point-based life-sized videogame of Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (Videogum Movie Club Selection for July 16, 2010), but rather, it would be the New York City of Step Up 3D, where conflicts are resolved through aggressive dance battling, which can occur at any time and in any place, for example in a bathroom when you are trying to pee. (This actually happens during the movie, when “Moose,” played by Adam Sevani, goes to urinate in Luke’s club [more on this later] only to be interrupted by the Ninjas, a rival dance squad, and challenged to an impromptu dance-off in a grimy Saw VI hell bathroom. It’s great.) These dance battles reflect the same class differences we struggle with now, where the rich dance crews are always trying to crush the poor dance crews, but a single dance battle can change one’s economic fortunes forever (or at least stave off the banks–fucking banks, right?!–for a few months). Obviously, I would perish in such a world, because I am terrible at dancing, and hate confrontation, but I would still choose for the world to be this way, so that I could see it for myself just once before being stomped to death by someone in breakaway pants wearing limited edition sneakers on the shiny stage of the World Jam Competition.
Admittedly, while the world of Step Up 3D is ideal, the movie itself has a couple of problems:
The basic plot of the movie centers around a guy named Luke and his ragtag dance crew, the Pirates, who all live together in a downtown loft filled with skate ramps and gymnastic equipment and (one assumes) Silly String fights. As we learn within the first 10 minutes, Luke is six months behind on his mortgage payments, and the bank is going to foreclose on the loft, and the nightclub below the loft, both of which Luke owns. But none of this will be a problem if he and his crew can beat the Ninjas at the World Jam Dance Competition. The grand prize is $100,000. But the Ninjas are very good at dancing, and they hate the Pirates, mainly because of a long-standing rivalry between Luke and his former best friend, Julien, who has a trust fund (BOO!) and once THREW A DANCE BATTLE to win a bet. What a snake! Everybody hates Julien say YEAHHHHHHHH.
Step Up 3D, like any good pornographic film (where here the pornography is the choreographed 3D dance-offs), knows that the subtle plot is not the appeal, and is not embarrassed to just get things out of the way quickly. So you hear lines like “Luke, the bank called, if we don’t pay them in three days they are going to foreclose on the loft,” followed by, “We’ll get them the money when we all work together as a team and win the World Jam Competition, finally defeating Julien in our long-standing rivalry, and proving to everyone that we are the best dance crew there is.” Fair enough. If anything, they could have gotten rid of the plot altogether. I don’t watch the “talking” scenes in porno either (just kidding, mom, I don’t even know what that word MEANS) and I certainly don’t care about the dramatic stakes. “Will he fuck her while her husband watches?” Who cares! But yes, he will, just as the Pirates are of course going to eventually win the World Jam Dance Battle and the $100,000 and prove to everyone that they are the best.
If you DO pay attention to the plot, then lots of funny questions keep popping up. Like, if Luke lives downtown in a skateboard loft with a gang of ragtag dancers, then how come the first thing he does when he meets Adam Sevani is drive him through Time Square? Time Square is the worst place to drive and they have no business there! It is like Chekov always said, if you are going to show two people driving through Times Square for no reason in the first act, then you must show them visiting the M&M Store in the third. And then there’s the issue of the $100,000 prize money. Are all two dozen dancers really on board with giving every last cent to Luke in order to save the downtown loft and small business? “It’s only together, as a team, that we can ensure that I continue to own incredible New York properties.” If they have no money to pay their mortgage, how do they afford a warehouse-sized collection of brand new limited edition Japanese Nikes elaborately displayed with museum-quality lighting? And if the nightclub is doing so badly, then how come it is packed with people at 7PM on a Tuesday night? And does NYU seriously have such a strict double-major policy that Moose has to have a one-on-one meeting with the Dean to personally request that the school allow him to pursue a double major three weeks into the first semester of his freshman year?
But all of these questions are part of the FUN! There is no confusion about why we are all here. This is why we are all here:
Personally, I could watch dance battles all day, and at times, I have done just that. But dance battles in 3D? I COULD DO THAT FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE. So great. The best? The best. Sure, when the actors weren’t dancing they had trouble delivering their lines in a way that convinced me they even spoke English, much less were enmeshed in a high-stakes and legitimate dance battle that was a real thing that people in the world knew about and thought was important. (Least believable line in the entire movie: “We have to get to Red Hook for round one of the World Jam!”) And the guy who played Luke was neither good at talking NOR good at dancing, since he had doubles for every dance scene, who I guess had to double for him standing on the sidelines looking nervous, because that was most of his involvement in the group effort to save his property anyway. Not sure why they cast him, although he WAS very good at kind of looking like Channing Tatum and probably costing 1/4 what he would cost, so there’s that. But again: so what?! This movie, in case you are still somehow confused about this, featured INCREDIBLE 3D DANCE BATTLES! Like, a bunch of them. They were fucking awesome.
So, Step Up 3D was the best. I give it five Takashi Murakami Adidas high tops!
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I genuinely saw “Step Up 3D” and genuinely enjoyed it.
But, important question: in two weeks can the Videogum Movie Club do “Piranha 3D”? I think you are technically still bound to the Elisabeth Shue Promise that ZineGum made back in ’87.
I just read that Piranha 3D was not shot in 3D, but instead is getting converted. I was originally super excited but am now worried, since I haven’t seen a post conversion movie that was any good at 3D. But I also vote that it still be Movie Club.
Nerd rant over.
Well you shouldn’t be too worried. The movie was CONCEIVED in 3-D. When I read the script like 500 years ago, they would put all the 3-D scenes in boldface writing, SO IT WOULD JUMP OFF THE PAGE LIKE IN THE MOVIES!!! And let me just say, they were some epic 3-D scenes. Like groundbreaking in ways Avatar could never ever be (at least w/o piranhas feasting on severed penises and breast implants). Also, writing coverage for that script forever taught me how to spell the word piranha (“It was literally the one thing I learned at that job”–Rachel Zoe).
I wholeheartedly support Piranha 3-D being a Videogum movie of the week. It has so many things for monsters everywhere: Elizabeth Shue, giant man-eating piranhas, a thinly veiled version of Joe Francis, GIANT MAN-EATING PIRANHAS. I personally think that shoddily converted 3-D could only serve to make the experience even more magical than it already is. You don’t go to Piranha 3-D for quality, you go for man-eating piranhas.
Long ago, during the Summer, my siblings and I would visit our father and step-mother in Philadelphia. There were four of us and my step-sister, all between the ages of 13 and 9, so it was a little overwhelming for them, I’m sure, so we rented lots of movies for us. This was in the late 80s, and VCRs were the new thing and we were all just as excited and entertained by the trip to the videostore.
One time we rented “Adventures in Babysitting,” which was on the “New Release” wall. We brought it home and watched it and generally had a nice time.
That night, after we went to bed, I stayed awake for hours, thinking about the movie, and more specifically, how I really, really loved Elisabeth Shue in that way that only 13 year old boys can love someone who is clearly five to seven years too old for them. Every time I thought about her, I would get this sick swoon through my whole body.
Of course, the ache of young love is bad enough, but after thinking about it for a while in the stuffy little bedroom we shared, I realized that unlike other girls I’d had a crush on, girls who I was in school or church with, I would never even meet Elisabeth Shue. She wouldn’t know my name, would never even know that I was alive somewhere thinking about her. This really did me in and I just wept and wept into my pillow the rest of the night.
What I am saying is, I am planning on seeing “Piranha 3D” when it comes out.
This is almost exactly what happened to me after I saw “It’s Complicated” and then realized I will never run a bakery with Meryl Streep.
“Elisabeth Shue. She wouldn’t know my name, would never even know that I was alive somewhere thinking about her.”
You are wrong, Mans, for I am Elisabeth Shue.*
*I am not Elisabeth Shue, but probably she checks videogum all the time. She’s probably Ian or meaverly, maybe she was even Da Cake Eatur.
close, I’m actually Lea Thompson
Although, unlike the other girls you had a crush on when you were 13, you eventually saw Elisabeth Shue’s boobs.
Mans, if I didn’t know you loved your wife (you do love your wife, right?) then I would spend my upcoming unemployed months looking for Elisabeth Shue, ready to convince her you were meant to be.
This is very close to how I too felt about Elizabeth Shue after I saw Adventures in Babysitting which was pretty hard to express to people as I was an 6 year old girl.
Even more tricky was, 18 years later, watching that movie with my PC-loving, vegan, granola, lesbian friends and realizing that wow, is that movie racist.
It’s a little-known fact that Lehman Brothers failed because CEO Richard Fuld, Jr got ‘served’ by Goldman Sachs’ Lloyd Blankfein. This movie was right, one move can change the world.
#wallstreetjokes #thingsthatdontwork
I think you meant: #wallstreet #thingsthatdontwork
I saw The Other Guys. It was really funny but lacking in 3D dance jams and neon clothing.
There was dancing though! Ballet and breakdancing are like the same thing right
ENOUGH WITH THAT GUY!!!!
You just got F’d in the A’
very good write up.
very good movie.
obvs it was very hard to take seriously, especially if you’re a dude in new york who cares anything about geography/reality. but nobody ever said it was a documentary.
luke sucked, 100%. natalie (?) was pretty. moose & allison stoner are in awkward love 4ever.
great dance battles! fun 3d!
that said….
step up 2 the streets > step up 3d
but even still
can’t wait for Step Up 4 Tha Beat and then 5TEP UP.
Yes, good write-up. I was not going to see it, but now maybe I will, if I can overcome my reluctance to be the only grown adult human male I know paying $12 to do so.
$17 for that Real3)))D or whatever!
I saw it alone and have no regrets. It’s actually probz the best way to go.
This movie had it all! It had the Save The Center plotline, the First I Was Here As A Spy But Now I Really Love You plotline, the Friend Neglects Friend Because Of Secret Double Life plotline (complete with Reunited Friends With Awkward Kiss denouement) and the Why Don’t They Sell Some Boomboxes To Pay The Mortgage? plotline and the How Does Someone Be Best Friends With Someone For Years And Not Know They Have A Hot Dancing Younger Sister? plotline.
Though all this being said, I definitely prefer the Save The Center plotline to the SKINNY NOOOOO!!! childhood-gangster-death plotline from the first Step Up.
After enjoying the shit out of “STEP UP 3D” I went back and watched the first one, only to be shocked at how much of a bummer it was was SKINNNY NOOOOO!!! happened. I’m glad as a franchise they realized that people don’t want funeral scenes when they pay to see a dance movie.
That’s going to be some new additions to TV Tropes’ “Dance Flick” category.
I prefer my Haruki Murakami Adidas high tops. They’re not great for dancing in, but they’re great for starting conversations with quirky women in all-night diners, and also for walking through rifts in time and space into no-man’s lands of the soul.
Mine are perfect for a night in a dried up well.
I prefer to keep it simple and just listen to jazz while loving a woman but not really doing anything to make the relationship work.
Mine are perfect for making flutes out of cats’ souls.
This movie is based on “Dance, Dance, Dance,” right?
I’m currently watching Season 3 of the Wire (I know I am so, so late to the game). Please tell me Omar and Stringer Bell settle things with a Dance Battle…. please?
Yes, this is how it happens, for sure.
Spoiler alert, please? Jeez…
The only one of these dancing movies I’ve seen was You’ve Got Served so what I want to know is was Jackee there for comic relief, since she is really good at that
But what do you guys think about the ambiguous ending? Do you think he stopped spinning?
“The dancer, he was just spinning and spinning and he just kept going. Then I woke up.” -Tommy Lee Jones, Step Up for Old Men 3D
He was wobbling a little, so it obviously falls down and his crew are all wearing different clothing from before, so I think that suggests that this is reality and not a dream.
Double rainbow all the way.
I loved when the main guy decided that the way to start an important meeting at the bank is just to storm into some guy’s office and say, “What the hell, man?”
He sure did have an awfully familiar relationship with his banker!
I didnt watch this. I chose to watch Lair of the White Worm instead. You guys see that movie? It’s crazy. Basically it’s Hugh Grant and that mean Scottish guy from In the Loop but in the 80s so he’s a baby face. Literally, there are these vampire snake type demons and at one point, a cop is possessed by the demon vampire snake ghost (Glycon perhaps?) and attacks the Scottish dude who is literally trying to lure all the snakes away with his fucking bag pipes while wearing a kilt. I’m not joking. Anyway, they get in to a fight and the demon/cop guy falls backward on to a sharp pointed structure of some kind and it penetrates the back of his skull and comes out of his eye socket, with the eye ball gorged on the end of it. Awesome. Had to freeze frame that little number, fellas.
Wasn’t that last weeks episode of True Blood?
Y’all, don’t downvote just because he didn’t see the movie. Choosing not to see “Step Up 3D” is like downvoting yourself. Let’s just agree not to tell him what “BFAB” means.
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If you keep going on with the vaginal discharge bottles, I am telling you I am actually going to decapitate you.
I think we’ve found our new meme:
Steve: “blah blah blah”
Us: ” I am telling you I am actually going to decapitate you”
I think that’s Hot Fuzz
There are definitely some similarities there, yes.
I have seen this movie. It is ridiculous, although I am still unsure if it is good ridiculous or bad ridiculous. It did have a weird 80s music video interlude in the middle, which always gets my vote.
You’re thinking about the psychedlic trip where there’s a huge fake snake on a crucified jesus while the roman centurions rape the nuns, probably.
Sold.
Rad. Now we have formed our own break away republic and will do movie club choices of our own choosing. The circle is now complete. Now WE are the masters.
Also will there be a Teen Choice Awards discussion post, or am I gonna be watching it alone with a plate of Tostinos and a glass of Kool Aid like every year
Magic!
Have you been living under a Giant Pog or what?
Monsters want to know: Did Mike Chang get any lines?
In other words, no.
Wow, I bet that “Alyson Stoner” tag is going to get a lot of use.
I haven’t seen Step Up 3D yet, but I have just read the best review for it which will probably leave me with the same feelings. Happy and hilarious. (if hilarious is a feeling, which it IS)
So, if I can win the World Jam Dance Competition I can win 100,000 dollars and live pretty comfortably for at least a couple of years?
I’m off to assemble my crew and start working on some moves…
I wish a PJ Harvey hip hop dance squad really existed.
I too wish for a world where California is just a train ride away from New York.
From the rumor mill (too good NOT to be true):
I have a friend who worked for the company that made this film, and gave me an exclusive sneak peek to the plot of Step Up 4. Step Up 4 is going to be a dance remake of The Fantastic Four: each of the four main dancers in the movie will have different super powers and apparently will fight crime by dancing. I presume there will be a Dr. Dancing Doom character, as well. I kid you not.
The feeling is unapproachable.
Ninjas vs. Pirates, huh? Is this movie accidentally about a meme or on purpose about a meme?
I’m pretty sure the rival crew’s name is actually the House of Samurai. I just created an account for the sole purpose of righting that horrible wrong.
Remember when the movie used the phrase “born from a boombox” at least three times? That was almost as amazing as when they made out in the midst of a windstorm made out of garbage and icee juice, which was in turn almost as amazing as when Moose accidentally knocked a pipe, and water got everywhere, and everyone was like, holy shit dance battle canceled! thanks for nothing, kid! but then moose and the pirates showed everyone that water just makes dance battles that much better!!
B-FAB. Tell your friends.
Remember the insanely reassuring Step Up 2 crew continuity return, but without any mention of what the heck happened to Lead Guy and Lead Girl from that movie? Ya burnt, Chase and Andie!
But THE BEST things to remember were the Dance Dance Revolution kids who were obvs eligible to compete in the epic dance battle that old Asian men gamble tons of money on. It’s World Jam Competition time…. do you know where your awesome children are??
Having seen Step Up 2 Da Streets(Canadian title: Dance Off 2: Electric Bugaloo) the only thing it made me want to do was Step Out 4 A Smoke Break, and I didn’t even smoke. And I went out twice. I can only imagine how Step up 3D (Canadian title: Danc3D) would affect me. Probably just start mainlining my 1.3 litre (44 ounces) Coca-Cola. Its got a free refill, so if I can still stand i can mainline the other arm.