So, when the final season of Lost is released on DVD at the end of this month, it will include an 11-minute bonus feature that explores life on the island when Hurley became the new Jacob, and will supposedly answer some of the fans’ burning questions about the roughly 17,000 loose ends left unresolved by the series finale. Sure. Although, if people were disappointed with the two-and-a-half-hour season finale, at the end of a 20 hour season (or whatever, math is for nerds) which was hyped as being the definitive resolution to a show so full of hairbrained mystery that it was never going to be resolved in a satisfactory manner in the first place, I don’t really know what people are hoping to get out of a sloppily cobbled together 11-minute DVD special feature about Hurley. Unless the DVD has managed to fracture the space-time continuum so that 11 minutes actually means 1977 years, this is obviously going to fall very, very short, like that time that airplane fell. Onto Boone’s face. And today, the first minute of the 11 has been released, and SPOILER ALERT WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO DISAPPOINTMENT ISLAND.

Incidentally, the one loose end that Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse have always promised to resolve in the DVD special feature was the wonderful and fascinating mystery of the Dharma Food Drops (because that was definitely the dramatic and paranormal crux of the whole show, for sure, absolutely, and a very interesting thing that people still care very much about), and that is the one mystery that is resolved in this one minute clip, leaving the last 10 minutes for Hurley to make confused faces and hammy Star Wars references, and for Ben to adjust his glasses on his nose and ask why no one told him about something.

Neat. (Not neat.) This is the worst. It’s like a girl breaking up with you, and then drunkenly calling you in the middle of the night and EXPLAINING HOW THE DHARMA FOOD DROPS WORKED. Stay down, Lost. Don’t get up! Ref, call it. (Via iO9.)

Comments (76)
  1. I heard the actual twist at the end of LOST is that everything that happened was in Terri Shiavo’s comatose dream.

  2. This post reminded me of Dharma and Greg. Is that in syndication anymore?

  3. Actually I thought…… OMG that tops still spinning!!!

  4. Ben Linus, the man who beat a man in the face with a ninja stick, machine-gunned another guy, shot John Locke, strangled John Locke, played badass mind-games with Sawyer, stole a horse and rode it off into the sunset, repeatedly stabbed Keamy in the motherfucking throat, has been reduced to a useless corporate gopher? OBJECTION.

  5. This is like when they shot an entire season of That 70′s Show without Topher Grace and it was the worst because duh he was the show

  6. Is anyone else kinda hoping Michael Emerson (Ben) replaces Steve Carell on the Office?

  7. They’re closing the DHARMA Food Drop factory? But why?! I thought Hugo loved that DHARMA Ranch Composite stuff!

    This clip is quite lame and bad, but to be expected after the last season and especially the finale.

    • And the entire series. Except for the Constant episode, and that one episode about the 16th century slave ship with the guy who doesnt age. Those are the only two good episodes.

      • God that Constant episode was so efffin good.

        • Agreed. After the Constant I was like “I finally get why people like this show now. I’m a hypocrite for having not liked it till now because now I like it and will start watching it regularly and reading the blogs.” And then… nope it went back to suckin’. Fuck that noise, brohams.

          Here are some tv shows that really are terrific:
          The Wire
          Deadwood
          The BBC version of The Office
          Arrested Development
          Breaking Bad
          Mad Men
          The Soup
          The Daily Show

          Notice what is not on this list? LOST. That show does not belong on this list. Take care, friends.

          • But what of Unsolved Mysteries? What!?!?!?

          • You kept reading the blogs though, didn’t you? Or did you just comment on them without reading? Classic “Steve Winwood”, classic.

          • Furthermore, what of Generation Kill, Battlestar Galactica (at least the first 2 seasons), Buffy, Firefly, and Mystery Science Theater 3000??

          • “roastgum”, I have so far only seen a couple episodes of the generation kill series, liked it okay but not enough to rent more. I will reserve judgment on that little number. Thought the first season of the battlestar galactic-cat series was okay, like a really long version of Das Boot but set in space. It was okay but that series finale ending – woof! It was all angels, Jesus did it. PSYCHE. No thanks on that tv show, guy. Buffy I liked the first two seasons but felt let down by how they handled the transition from season two to three and didnt care for it after that. Firefly has a great cast, I have an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality and yet I would hug and kiss even the bros on that show, not just the pretty girls (especially that mechanic girl who looked like the russian spy who was recently busted). However firefly had weak writing that even that terrific cast couldn’t salvage, so no thanks. Mystery science theater always struck me as kind of lame and boring. I hope I answered all your questions.

          • While I am not in the business of separating the Winwood chaff from the Winwood grain (It is not a very profitable business), I agree that Lost was bad and most of the shows on your list were good. Without splitting hairs about the others, I think MST3K was great. The Satellite of Love segments (the beginning of each show and the skits) were often lame, but the in-theater sections (the bulk of every episode) have a pretty universal appeal, because bitching about stupid tv/movies is sort of a national pastime? To me, MST3K was one of the most efficient LOL-delivery mechanisms of all time, and belongs with the greats like Arrested Development and Mr. Show.

  8. Look, even this chill motherfucker has moved on

  9. I hope they finally start explaining things next season…

  10. I called this from the day that they announced that there was going to be a definitive ending. This is going to be the next Dr Who with a different Dr. Who/Jacob every few years. Hopefully the will take some time to think out the secrets more carefully so they don’t fell so tacked on next series.

  11. As long as they finally explain that Dogen’s magic baseball was actually the “Shot Heard Round the World” baseball from Don Delillo’s Underworld, I’ll be good.

    /awkward literary reference from the one book I read this year

  12. I actually like this because Ben was one out of the five things I liked that season.

    I kind of just pretend that the island killed season 6.

  13. Gabe is funny.

  14. I can’t believe no one has said this yet, but,

    FAKE and GAY.

  15. everything i know about this show can be found in gabe’s finale recap and i’m totally satisfied. satiated, even. thanks lost.

  16. Those extra 11 minutes better translate into 6 more dream years of making up my WASTED TIME. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!

  17. LOST RULED! Who’s coming with me?

  18. Man, is Videgum being written by Grumplestiltskin today?

  19. That was the JJ Abrams Writers Lab and they were loading boxes of bullshit plots into rockets to blow onto the face of America.

  20. Also, I think it’s great how Charles Widmore spent years and years trying to find the Island, yet all he had to do was show up at the Bullshit Plot Packing Factory and read some teletext about where the rocket was going, if he had really wanted to find it. Not that hard.

    Oh jeez. This is making me think about Desmond’s imperviousness to radiation, and what he was on the island to do, and then I started thinking about him running over Locke in the wheelchair, and I just realized it is very, very embarrassing to remember this stuff.

  21. I love Lost.

  22. See, this is why they should’ve gone with my spinoff idea instead: a sitcom called Two Dudes, A Dog And An Island.

  23. I will be the first to admit:

    I FUCKING LOVE LOST (caps to emphasize how much I love it)

    I even love the bad episodes. I appreciate the intentional camp and explicit apology in Expose. I even was interested in Jack’s tattoos and Bai Ling’s superior acting skills in Stranger in a Strange Land. Fuck it all to hell, I enjoyed every second of it (the variance of enjoyment obviously fluctuated episode by episode). It hurts me when I see people (i.e. my fellow gummers) speak so poorly of something I cherish (aren’t we all supposed to like the same thing you guys?). But then I realized, I never quite understood Trekkies until I watched Lost. I always saw Trekkies and thought from afar, “God. What the fuck?”. Now I see Steve Winwood watch me from afar, reading a biography of Hendric Casimir while sitting in a skinner box waiting for my unconscious to be unlocked through Hawking’s conception of spacetime so I can go back to my 1980s self and tell myself, “Don’t listen to Steve Winwood. LOST is so good”.

    I don’t think anyone can encapsulate into words why this show meant so much to so many people. I have never heard a Trek or Wars fan explain it in a sufficient manner as well. It’s always, “JUST BECAUSE…IT’S SO GREAT”. And I think that’s what Darlton wanted to prey upon. Lastly, I have a gripe (just one) with the language used in criticism. I’m not sure if saying that the show was a failure because of its lack of answers is entirely fair, since, for the most part, the die hards can either explicitly state the answer (how it was answered, when it was given, and in what episode/season it was in) for most of the supposed ‘unanswered’ questions (based on that one college humor video) or, at the very least, come up with a sound proof theory based on ostensible empirical data. The one gripe I did have with the answer column is not going back to Walt’s story, I just wanted more (I hear we do get more? I didn’t watch it. I’m waiting for the Bluray. I’m that much of a chaunce). So in summary, it’s not so much we didn’t get answers, but some didn’t LIKE the answers (either the content of the answer or how it was explained).

    So, yeah.

  24. The whole 11 minutes of this much needed* closure video leaked today on the file-sharing sites, so i’m sure the less scrupulous videogummers will be able to save some money and watch it for free. It even has some really cheap and lame meta-commentary about people wanting answers, etc. I’d rather have watched something done with that Dr. Pierre Chang muppet.

    *not really

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