Photos
Oh brother. His face barely even looks dry from the last time. Well, here we go again, I guess. Internet, START. YOUR. PHOTOSHOPS. The helmet is a nice touch, though. If nothing else, it will allow the Internet to place Sad Keanu in increasingly dangerous situations without any danger of Sad Keanu injuring himself or his meme. Also, far be it from me to judge, but apparently not too far: what is going on with his outfit? Blazer over t-shirt, fine, whatever. Blazer over t-shirt with baggy mom jeans, OK. Keanu Reeves is a 52-year-old man, he has earned the right to be comfortable. But blazer over t-shirt with baggy mom jeans and brand new cross-trainers? Did he just get divorced or something? If he is a newly divorced dad out looking for studio apartments in the Loneliness Estates and Single Towers complexes out by the airport, then ignore my line of questioning. But if he is a very successful movie star with millions of dollars who knows that he is being followed by people with cameras hoping to catch him on an off-day to continue feeding the vagina-dentata of our celebrity culture, then, you know, whoops.
Anyway: click through to enlarge, and then get to work. This meme isn’t going to wear itself out. (Via TheHighDefinite.)
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I hope this end up being a series of pictures of Keanu looking sad in increasingly ridiculous outfits. Hopefully we’ll work our way up to the grand finale of “sad Keanu dressed as a Teletubby.”
Bring it on, bus. Lakehouse Keanu is prepared for any eventuality.
Look at Professor Jeans over here. One Gap ad and you think you know everything about jeans.
Too right. If those are baggy mom jeans, I’ve got some serious wardrobe examination to do.
After that I can go nail down the melody to “Can I Borrow a Feeling?”
I think they look nice? Are those Rustler jeans? Yes, the lesser known evil cousin of Wrangler.
“Yeah, lots of storybooks have witches!”
“Shut up, Kirk!”
“Did he just get divorced or something?”
Actually his girlfriend was killed in a car accident after giving birth to a stillborn child.
Wah- wah sound effect,
- Debbie Downer
One of my favorite SNL characters.
Here are some others: Kristin Wigs character who reviews movies (“OH BROTHER! I give this movie a WHHHHHHAAAAAAAA!!!!????”), Ed Grimly, the Church Lady, Will Ferrell as the sleazy, liberal college professor husband who wants to talk about all the nasty sex he’s had, Eddie Murphy as James Brown in the hot tub.
Three of my faves:
Chris Farley as Max Foley
Phil Hartman as Frank Sinatra
Tracy Morgan as Brian Fellows
Everybody print this list out and keep it in your wallet, okay?
“LOL I already have Tracy Morgan and Eddie Murphy in my wallet.” – Scott Baio
I believed you for a second that Keanu Reeves might be 52 and I just about had a panic attack. But then I looked it up and he’s only 46. Which is much better somehow?
I still think some celebrities age faster than normal humans, like some kind of super-speed Benjamin Button disease but in reverse.
http://videogum.com/98661/keanu_reeves_charlemagne_becau/where-were-they-then/
Keanu doesn’t age. He’s been around for centuries.
What else are you supposed to where while riding this?
Where’s Chaka Khan’s Mom? We need to discuss the outragous per capita presence of scooters in Burlington, and the other things that can be worn, such as a small dog, an absurd amount of make-up and a bee-hive hairdo, a leather jacket, or a navy hat.
I’m here! I think Gabe canceled my Videogum for a bit, since my comments were disappearing into space – we’ll find out soon if it’s still happening.
Such RELEVANT timing, however, as I was recently stuck on Battery St. behind a scooter, and spend 5 minutes discussing the etiquette with my passenger – it felt wrong to just zoom around but…mom’s got places to be, ya heard?
The worst, however, was when I got stuck behind a fucking tandem bicycle going down Maple St, and I was in the hugest rush and they were just cruuuuuiiiiising, slowly, down the middle of the road, and they made me late to pick up my CSA and subsequently late to kickball.
“There is nothing easy about my life.” – me
The etiquette is fuck them, cause you know they are just being lazzzzzy (seriously, I know some of the massive amounts of people on scooters in this town need them, but damn, I know some of them are just lazy, like that old dude who got a new one that is wicked fast and he rides while half-standing).
Also, I think I hate the people who bike and interfere with traffic more than the people who bike on the sidewalk, and I yell at people who bike on the sidewalk ALL THE TIME. Two of my favorite incidents: Yelled at some kid who was hippie-rude in asking me to get out of the way as he biked by, so I told him to ride in the street, we argued. Minutes later, after he stopped at the Bean, he passed me again, this time riding on the grass, and glaring at me. I slow clapped him. The other one: Random dude bikes by a couple, the boyfriend yells at him, he yells back, the girlfriend tries to exctricate from the argument. I joined in on boyfriends side, from like four houses down.
Random, unrelated question being asked for NO REASON. Are you a Burlington Young Professional on top of being a kickball aficionado?
I assume you mean a member of the official group? No. I have social anxiety. The words “I’d like to meet new people” give me hives, and then I get anxious and drink too much. Some have described me as “abrasive” in said situations.
I do have a job.
Um, nothing I post shows up any more? Am I that boring? Gabe can you help me? How do I communicate these things to the right people?
That happened to me earlier this week, which is totally not fair what if I had a Monster’s Ball-worthy comment (maybe least-liked comment, but still!)? But I can read this so I think you’re good?
Now my response has gotten shunted to moderation. I think the Videogum Automated Defense System (VADS) has picked up on our Burlington-centeredness…But it’s funny VADS! Because our town is sorta ridiculous, especially so when you only talk about the ridiculous aspects of it.
Honestly, if I was on the outside reading these exchanges I would be like “Wow, Burlington sounds like a delightful place with a beautiful lake and at least two people who read the same blog as I do…I will go there.”
It is a delightful place, why am I leaving?! Garg.
I’ve never successfully left, so you can just plan on returning in the future.
“wear” (I hate myself.)
I think he’s sad he just paid $6 for that Odwalla.
Fake. Possibly gay.
#welcomebackchristrash
Woah, looks like a line is about to form!
This is the first thing that popped into my mind:
Oh no!
Even with eyes made of guacamole, Facetaco could see this was the end of the life he enjoyed so much. “Wow, three types of cheese!” said the little girl in awe as Keanu offered part of his lunch to her. “That is swanky!”
“It’s all yours,” said Keanu, “if I can have some of your Go-Gurt…”
Does facetaco have his on section on FanFiction.net?
or even his own section? (gosh)
oh yes!
He’s sad because he doesn’t have a pair of GAP 1969 PREMIUM JEANS
i wonder if he’s wearing those new 1969 Premium jeans from Gap.
Why hasn’t anyone sent him on his very own ReevesQuest yet? I mean that would surely cheer him up. The proof? Well I haven’t seen any upsetting pictures of Brody and Statham in recent days, have you?
I would actually like to see a Reevesquest with Sad Keanu.
The Short Bus was late today, so Sad Keanu waited with his Odwalla juice drink.
I don’t know how to do photoshop. So here is a Helmet Keanu video instead. Almost a ReevesQuest. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5QCGHfZ5PQ
[IMG]http://i30.tinypic.com/v33qtc.jpg[/IMG]
Oh God. I don’t know what I’m doing. FIRST TIME POST.
Thank you Joey Lawrence.
He’s still got it!
get rid of the [IMG] on both sides and you’re good to go.
You spell clevah the same way I spell it! (and say it…)
Keanu Reeves should know better than to sit ANYWHERE until this whole thing blows over.
Also, I was originally going to post something else, but “continue feeding the vagina-dentata of our celebrity culture” completely derailed my train of thought. This may be your magnum opus, Gabe.
“Vagina-Dentata”?
the greatest.
Agreed! And the very tiny Keanu at the bottom just made it extra-my favorite.
On the flipside, that song is forever ruined (or made BETTER?) for me now. “Vagina Dentata! Ain’t no passing craze…” I’ll need to be careful at my next The Lion King Sing-a-long (tomorrow, 3p, in case you’re interested).
You should post more often so that I can be reminded of the lesson that is your name.
http://www.queenofwands.net/d/20040121.html
Relevant.
I regret that I have but one upvote to give.
Now I want to see the movie “Teeth” again.
Best thread ever.
Oh man, this thread is beautiful. You are all beautiful.
“Keanu in increasingly dangerous situations”, huh? I give you this:
Sorry I don’t have access to PhotoShop at work. I’d like to continue a series of Keanu in various locations.
Keep in mind that I have not forgotten Gabe’s add-on of “without any danger of Sad Keanu injuring himself or his meme.” Keanu’s helmet has space glass we cannot see and he is wearing an invisible protective spacesuit over his bare hands/mom jeans/blazer/trainers combo.
and how about this?
Imma’ frame this shit.
Now let’s all keep our fingers crossed that my boss doesn’t find out that I do this at work. She may think I have some weird obsession with fantasizing about Keanu Reeves on various adventures. Where should Keanu go next?
Oil rig?
Here ya go, grimakins. Just for you!
While the desert doesn’t offer many dangers requiring a helmet, here the Odwalla is actually Keanu’s greatest defense….against DEHYDRATION!
Can we be best friends? Your artwork is breathtaking.
If I could see the thumbs, this would have millions of my upvotes.
Awwwww, the formatting cut out the turret of the castle!
Keanu was wearing almost the exact same outfit to a 21+ screening of Idiocracy at the Arclight movie theater in Los Angeles a few years ago. I was sitting a few rows ahead of him and he actually walked in the theater with the cover over his face (you know, the tinted glass part ). Nobody had any idea it was Keanu Reeves. It wasn’t until the movie started and I looked behind me to see he had lifted the cover off his face that I realized it was him. I thought, what a great way to call attention to yourself while trying to (presumably) do the exact opposite!
Sorry, I should have specified I was talking about the helmet.
I thought perhaps “lifted the cover off his face” meant he removed his mask and was really some sort of alien! Thanks for clarifying!
;P
You have so much awesome.
I hope I’m not too late for this party, I brought this new Odwalla flavor:
See, I thought he was drinking a Happy Planet. Which is so much more ironic.
How much time do you spend on FunnyChill.com?
I spend time on the google, which is connected to the governement, connected to the CIA, connected to the YouChube, connected to the FunnyChill.
[IMG]http://imgur.com/Oqfik.png[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a145/Artificebook/keanunickelback.png[/IMG]
seriously, what is not happening here?
Sorry I’m late.
Should have had it while skydiving in Point Break. Just sayin.
Amazing internet juice all over this website, by the way.