Photos
Hey friends. Max Silvestri here. As Gabe has mentioned, I am here in San Diego with him, taking pictures, writing tweets, and making sure Gabe doesn’t forget to take his thrice-daily regimen of pills, ointments and tonics that keep his old man body alive against the will of God. Here are some pictures from our first morning of the convention. There are lots of jokes to be made about how this is a “con”, i.e. a scam or a bad thing/opposite of pro. But I won’t make them.
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If you monsters click through to Max’s twitter page (stream?account?ugh?) there is a link to a Top Chef review for last night.
oh man, those pictures really capture the essence of how much fun Gabe and Max are having. This was a well thought out trip made with a complete understanding of what you were getting into!
Oh shit, Max is kinda hot when he’s a broken down hollowed out profoundly sad shell of a man!
HEY MAX, DID YOU HEAR ANDREW BREITBART HAS BEEN IN THE HEADLINES A LOT LATELY? HEY MAX, DID YOU HEAR BRISTOL & LEVI ARE SHOPPING A REALITY SHOW?
Okay now look at the camera.
PERFECT.
Um, Max is kinda hot most of/all of the time. Where u been at?
Yeah, no, I know, I know. I mean I’ve played out just as many Silvestri scenarios around the Barbie hot tub as the next collector of limited edition Ken dolls. I guess I should have said he looks CRAZY hot when the soul has been sucked out of his body, chewed up, and then spit out into an oversized swagbag.
I’m here all day
So I get that Comic-Con is not fun. I am very impatient and I would never stand in those lines. However! I sort of feel like–do your research? Not that I have been to either “festival,” but standing in terrible lines at Comic-Con sounds just as probable as seeing a masked person drinking a Faygo at the Gathering. I am not surprised.
I kind of am surprised. I have coworkers who’ve gone, and a good friend who goes every year, and they are super-pumped for like a month beforehand, and they come back like they are soaring on meth, unable to stop talking a mile a minute about how awesome it was. Usually they throw in a disclaimer like “Well, you have to be cool with waiting on lines — but you need to go!” So, having interviewed 3-5 attendees, I would say I’ve done research… but I did not fully expect what I am seeing here.
i dunno. i have a friend who keeps posting things like “david hasselhoff party bus, simon pegg, pauly shore, dan the automator,” and so forth. i only understand about half of these things and the other half sound like a trainwreck but they sound like a much more interesting, bloodier, trainwreck than what we’re seeing here. it seems to me gabe and max took a wrong turn at the action figure tent (there’s gotta be an action figure tent, right?).
Uhh… hello? They’re called collectables.
(pushes up nerd glasses)
We saw those things. They are not nearly as interesting you might think they are, nor do they at any point make any part of the entire process of being here and navigating this clustershit worthwhile.
Like, David Hasselhoff Party Bus sounds kind of interesting on paper, but we saw it, and it is ultimately just a weird and stupid promotional device for a reality show we don’t care about, at all.
Tomorrow there are lots of cool things and this will all perk up. Today was just intense.
Have you ever went on a date with someone you pretty much knew you weren’t into? You think “yeah, I know she wears pre-torn jeans and is REALLY into Adam Lambert. Sure, she wears way too much makeup and stared at you blankly that time you made an Arrested Development reference. Oh, and there was that incident when she got really offended when you made that innocent little crack about Sarah Palin. But she seems nice enough, she’s cute and has a strangely infectious laugh. It can’t be too bad, right? At the very least it would make for a good shitty date story, right?”
Well, you pick her up and she’s wearing this sparkly dress that barely covers her labia because you said maybe after dinner you’d go out for a drink, and to her a “drink” means some ridiculous club where a decent IPA is $18 and the anthropomorphic mound of hair gel in the DJ booth plays numbingly repetitive house music at a clearly unsafe level. That would be fine, but problem is “dinner” was supposed to be this cute little family-owned Ethiopian place and even though you know should change things up when she curtly asks if Ethiopian is anything like Thai because she hates Thai, you spend the next hour listening to her be passive-aggressively “interested” by my choice in restaurant and talk shit about every one of our mutual friends through a wildly expanding filter of booze.
If you’re thinking about the most painful place on your body that you could insert your fork by dinner, just imagine what the club will be like.
It seems like this is Gabe & Max’s dinner. Sometimes it’s far worse than you plan for.
I spent way too long on that.
My favorite posts are the overly long ones.
delete [posts] insert [phishjams]. #vthumor
Oh man, I don’t have any humorous comeback, so I’ll just throw it out there that I, fortunatly, haven’t met a single actual Phish fan since graduating college.
Worth it. I think your date is one of my friends I’ve been meaning to get rid of.
I’m glad you had fun at dinner.
Dude you seriously crack me up so, so often. Thanks.
Rad slide show, friend.
Mr Silvestri, Gabe spilled his ear medicine.
I call shenanigans. I saw a super-realistic depiction of comic-con on the seminal TV series Entourage (which is basically a documentary about how things are in real life) and it taught me that Comic-Con is where off-duty porn stars go to dress in latex superhero costumes for some extra dough and to see all the famous actors that come to Comic-Con because of all the porn stars and pools to lounge at between cool things.
I don’t know what you guys are at, but it doesn’t look anything like Comic-Con.
You are correct that what Gabe and Max are doing doesn’t remind me of what was on Entourage, but it looks about as fun as actually watching Entourage.
I think I’d still rather watch a lot of really terrible television than have to stand in lines all day surrounded by thousands of sweaty, overexcited strangers.
Lines are for suckers, and communists. The videogum crew aren’t rockin’ the VIP action like they are supposed to be. Do they not have media status or VIP privileges to jump past all the lines or are they there like regular civilian amateurs? As much as the convention itself can be crowded and stressful, the parties at night are great.
What about the lines at the Communist Parties
What about the lines of coke your mom and I snorted together when we conceived you. Welcome home, son.
What about the time you ate my Grandma, and dressed up in her nightie you bad wolf.
It’s like the Moon Landing.
she’s pretty, she’s pretty and she’s wait for it
wait for it
pretty
Rad comment, friend.
I’d fuck the one in the green hat, marry the one in the green hat and kill the one in the green hat.
boff, please. this is a family website.
Marry, Fuck, or Boff doesn’t seem like a very tough game to me
I love jokes like that!
StoRY! Back in 2000 I lived in a house with 2 Mikes. We had an answering machine. I recorded this as the outgoing message:
“Hi, you’ve reached (phone number). If you’d like to leave a message for Mike, press 1. If you’d like to leave a message for Mike, press 2. And if you’d like to leave a message for Karl, press 3.” *BEEP*
The best part though was that the answering machine didn’t have a mailbox function.
All the messages started like this-
Silent pause as number is found on keypad
*Boop*
Silence
“Hello? ____? Is this ____’s mailbox?”
*Sigh*
Then they’d leave their message.
At some point they’ll have comics at this comic convention?
You know how Kristen Stewart always complains about being a famous movie star, and then bloggers and the media point out that no once is forcing her to be an actress and she could really just opt out if it’s that much of a hassle?
I mention this for no reason.
Kristen Stewart is pretty
Pretty much scowling all the time. Zing!
zing.
Hey, did you guys notice there was no Topher update this week? Because I’m procrastinating on my dissertation, I wrote one for you all!
http://werttrew.tumblr.com/post/846980090/hey-whats-up-with-topher-grace-soy-based-edition
My week is back on track!
I am comforted, Werttrew, by the fact that when Gabe keels over from old age, you will be there to pick up the reins. You really did a good job keeping up with Topher Grace.
Pardon me, but I am an eccentric, elderly billionaire, and I would like to let you know that the initiative you’ve shown on this site has not gone unnoticed. I am hereby writing you into my will as the heir to my obscenely large fortune. As soon as I either (a) die or (b) fake my death in order to flee the bizarre satanic cult whose ruby-studded dagger I have stolen, you will receive notification from my lawyers explaining where you can pick up the oversized novelty check and the keys to my manse in the Berkshires.
I want in on this plot. I don’t need anything in return, I just love plots.
I second this. Can I be plucky comic relief?
Me too. I’ll be the guy you’re not sure you can trust, but then at the last second I’ll help you escape. “No–thank you,” I’ll say, “For giving me a second chance. NOW HURRY!”
Sweet!
Thanks! Now, can someone work on a You Can Make It Up for this week, please?
Is werttrew also going to do this week’s Monster Ball? That includes reading through each post to find the highest rated comment (including all 1000+ comments on the BNG). Better get crackin!
Werttrew I’m catching up on some ‘gum, it’s been a while, but I’ve always been a fan. You are awesome!
Did Gabe ever find an owner of a pizza parlor?
I once knew this gal that owned one 1,087 miles from San Diego, except I was three years old and this was more of an EasyBake Pizza Oven deal.
Wow. I guess being white really is hard.
i logged in to upvote this.
i snorted so loud when i read this. bravo godsauce, i rarely laugh outloud at work (must maintain the farce that i am actually working instead of reading on the interwebs and all).
NERDS!
(Actually, I’m just jealous.)
Dude, Gabe, seriously: that gym pass (subscription? admittance? Whatever they call those) be payin’ off! Now you even physically look like you shouldn’t be there.
I believe they call them “memberships”
No kidding. I wonder what comes in the swag bag at the Gun Show.
Oh, and bt-dubs: I know I’m supposed to be horrified at the ridonkness of the bag, but I have a weakness for cheap and purposeless conference tote paraphernalia. You could say I have a bag tooth? Anyway, just attended my own dorky conference (for librarians), and snatched one of the last Black Canvas Olivia (from the children’s books, of course) Bags from the mad rush of exhibit floor attendees.
I’ll show myself out.
He stays in great shape for a senior citizen.
I’m here too! Working… tomorrow I’ll be in front of Cafe Diem (by Syfy)! Be sure to come out for the Mega Piranha panel tomorrow night… Tiffany will be there with some exclusive Sharktapus swag…. ooof… I need a break.
Finally! Gabe dons one of the those neat bags that everyone else has!
I mean, I think this is pretty funny because to my sensibilities comic con seems like a pretty terrible place to go despite containing some interesting stuff, but aren’t nerds who would kill to be there instead of you guys kind of pissed about this ‘coverage?’
Visual proof that Max and I purchased the same shirt at some point in human history, and that I wore said shirt this evening to a friend’s bday party, only to come home less than sober and read this post and have my mind blown.
That line looks like the best line to ever be lined up in!
Attach sarcasm.