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Orlando Bloom was awarded an honorary degree from the University of Kent in Canterbury, England today. He is now an honorary Bachelor of the Having a Pretty Face Arts. (No elfo.) Or maybe it is for Archery? Horseback Riding While Doing Archery? Ent Studies? I am not sure. I do know that he graduated Suma Cum Orcs. Get it? A little Lord of the RIngs humor for you Bloomheads out there. “I was up all night at the Legolasbrary cramming for the one test to test them all!” (Woof.) Granted, this picture is not quite as funny as this picture, but it is still pretty funny. I wonder if he’s going to make his family refer to him as “Doctor Bloom” from now on. “But, Orlando, you were only awarded an Honorary Bachelor’s degree, not an Honorary Doctorate. It makes no sense.” “Bloody shut up, mum.” Of course, in England, Honorary Bachelor’s degrees are called Honorary Lorries.
Winner will receive an honorary placement (get it? you get it) in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. (Image via JustJared.)
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Orlando Bloom has a picture of an actual college graduate in his wallet.
Clearly, good Mr. Bloom’s honorary degree is in dignity.
and Magna Cum Lorry, at that!
I got nothing. I’ll just say I’m glad it’s not Mel Gibson-related. This is a nice Legolas palate cleanser.
Did Mel Gibson put you up to this, elizagir? How did you know my preference was for large groups of black men?
Oh no you don’t, Mel. Get off the computer, it’s too late to reconcile.
Damnit. You beat me.
TWOGS (That’s What Oksana Gri*BANG*)
That One = Genius One
In England they call an honorary degree a lorrylorry lorry
Still got it?
Not Pictured: Dignity
In an interview later, the offended Bloom remarked “You may mock me, but remember which of the two of us was paid millions to kiss Kiera Knightley almost constantly”
Kiera Knightley is pretty.
I like to imagine that when a pretty woman is mentioned or seen and Steve is nearby his eyes immediately glaze over, his lips slacken, and he quietly utters, “She’s pretty.” He then returns to normal. In days past he would be confused as to where he went, what happened, during his brief blackout, but by this point, he knows.
She’s even prettier when you spell her name right, Steve.
You have my sword.
And my and my axe.
And my Honorary Bachelor’s Degree from the University of Kent in Canterbury
You win.
AND MY LORRY!
I’ve been to Canterbury.
He’s
prettyhonored.Well, they’re not doing it *just* ’cause I’m famous… No, it’s my looks as well.
Mr. Bloom contemplates how he will put his honorary feminist literature degree to good use.
I don’t have any caption ideas, but I do have a question. Am I the only lady alive who doesn’t think Orlando Bloom is attractive? Seriously. He kind of looks like a 15-year-old who’s lived a really hard life.
also, apparently his favorite book is the fountainhead, which he was really proud of himself for reading, because it was so long and filled with hard words. this is not a joke. actual thing he said in an interview. so not only is he not attractive physically to me, he’s repugnant mentally.
Yeah, I don’t find him very attractive either. There’s something about him that’s just so… greasy.
Do you guys remember when Troy came out and Brad Pitt and Eric Bana got all swoll and we went to see the movie and Brad Pitt and Eric Bana came on screen and we were like, “Jesus! Those two are JACKED!” and then Orlando Bloom came on screen and he was like “hey, I’ve been working out too! Look at MY biceps” but it just made us want to pat his head and make him a grilled cheese with the crusts cut off and let him drink Jolt cola and stay up late to watch License to Drive on USA? You guys remember that? Yeah? Thought so.
Yeah and then he played a ‘muscular blacksmith turned crusader’ in that Ridley Scott flick. Hilarious.
He was gorgeous in LoTR and he was hot in Kingdom of Heaven. In this picture he just looks like he needs a good night’s sleep.
Nope. Needs to wash the scented marker off his face. His love of the smell of delicious licorice is no excuse for scribbling on such a shoddy excuse for a “mustache” and “goatee.”
(also the black one smells the worst, ew.)
“meaverly’ = racist
Probably.
Yeah I think the 15-year-old vibe comes from the few straggly pubes he seems to be growing on his face.
if i would have known i could get a degree just by being famous i would have saved so much money on college.
“You left your watch on.” – Director of ‘DaVinci: Man Of Action’ to Orlando Bloom
Now, he looks like a stupid lamp.
“I’m pretty.” – Orlando Bloom
Thank god nobody here saw Elizabethtown.
his minor was in stealing johnny depp’s facial hair.
**this is not a caption contest entry well i mean i guess it could be but not really**
a friend of my boyfriend’s has been dating this girl for a few years and he is stupid in love with her. literally stupid, because once he confided to my boyfriend that “she has a really big crush on orlando bloom, and i dunno, i’m just worried that if they ever met she might leave me for him.”
It’s an honorary beard
another (paraphrased) conversation between him and my boyfriend, circa high school:
dude: blah blah so i hung out with my girlfriend last night
boyfriend: blah blah cool what did you guys do?
dude: we watched traffic.
boyfriend: oh that’s supposed to be a good movie, i never got around to seeing it. how was it?
dude: no, i mean, we watched traffic. from an exit ramp.
You heard it hear first — this will appear as dialogue in Zach Braff’s next movie.
How sad is it that I actually find that kinda sweet?
something about Hogwarts.
We’ve just done our commencement ceremony, and the university president says, perfect, I’ve never seen anyone receive an honorary degree any better! And the dean says, Orlando, that was bloody brilliant! And the whole graduating class applauds. And the president says, oh, can we just give you another honorary degree? And I laugh and say, if you want to give someone a degree, why don’t you give it to Johnny Depp? And she says, Johnny Depp, don’t make me fucking vomit.
All I’ve got are Extra’s references, but I refuse to back down.
<3 Extra's references. All day long.
“Statistically, I can now make more money.” -Orlando Bloom
Bloody brilliant. Wish I could upvote this a few more times.
Right now, James Franco is thinking of ways to up the ante.
“You should just fucking smile and blow me, because I deserve it. Because I have an Honorary Doctorate.”
Pomp up the Jams.
Now he’s overqualified to be a cop.
Fake and gay?
OFFENSIVE! (right? that’s the name of the game today?)
Not trying to be offensive: his honorary degree = fake and there are widespread rumors that he is gay, not that there is anything wrong with that, friend. Lots of gay friends have pictures of me in their wallets and on their iphones on their grinder app and man hunt app JUST KIDDING I’m not on those apps.
I wish I knew how to quit you Steve Winwood
oh Chris Trash. that is the best. FOR THE RECORD: I don’t really care, Steve. I was only mock offended. Nice save though. ALSO, Chris: Manhunt Member names don’t include spaces so it SHOULD just say Chris_Trash. TMYK.
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PSYCHE!
I like his honorary hat from Mush Mouth
He’s going golfing later.
With Andy Cap?
I’ve never seen an Orlando Bloom so I don’t have any Bloomian references to use here, but every time I look at this picture I get “Summer of ’69″ stuck in my head.
Oliver Platt’s looking good these days.
“Does this hat make me look like a wizened, eccentric English detective?”
Forget it, Gabe. It’s Elizabethtown.
I didn’t know they handed out Honorary degrees from Hogwarts?
There it is!
This great honor means he won’t have to kill himself over some poorly designed shoes by way of a knife duct taped to an elliptical bike! (probably)
“Hmmm, all this honorary bachelor work has made me hungry. Good thing I have 15 loaves of Lembas bread underneath this hat. Good Forward thinking Orlando. Wait, I mean good honorary bachelor thinking.”
Man. Orlando Bloom has a college degree and I don’t. Even the Caption Contest is depressing today.
“YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Just kidding!” -Lorry of the University of Kent (deans are called lorries, right?)
winner.
insert picture of cat in similar outfit saying: ‘I can haz degree?’ OR ‘I likes playing dressups’
next: give me a millions upvotes. thank you.
Orlando Bloom was exhausted after a long day of honorary degree getting
Hey, Bloom! That’s Gabe’s patented head tilt!
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I just want to say I am jealous of England’s silly graduation caps. I found my mortar board shoved below a box of candles recently and was reminded how lame and cardboardy they are. Aerodynamic? Sure. Floppy and good for storing numerous treasures and/or snacks? Surely not.
Just get a doctorate! You get to wear the puffy hat and striped-sleeve gown then. Easy-peasy.
Fun fact: all English university students used to wear the basic US graduation attire (black mortarboard + robe) to school every day.
Puffy Hats: Good reason to justify going to / paying for 4 more years of school or BEST reason to justify going to / paying for 4 more years of school?
Or y’know, get famous, get it for free.
Option C: Buy your own Doctoral Tam! I particularly like that spiffy red “Beefeater” model, excellent both for wearing around the house and for evenings out.
a pretty accurate summation of orlando bloom’s career – all pomp and no circumstance.
Oh, jackpot.
Take off that silly asssssss hat.
Oh that’s strange! The time stamp on my comment is wrong. It should say 1999.
don’t you mean 1989?
He was attending through the Scholarship of the Ring!
“It’s the framework of the 3 Musketeers but with the spirit of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.”
it was that or: “It’s the framework of a University degree but with the spirit of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.”
Orlando Bloom stars in Pirates of the Caribbean: Red Man’s Dress
Nice chapeau.
Orlando’s smile started to fade, as he realised this whole degree business was just an elaborate ploy to get a photograph of him in the world’s most ridiculous hat.
Pictured: Orlando Bloom poses on the set of the latest Harry Potter film. He does not actually appear in the movie, he merely showed up in a costume he prepared himself and demanded a part in order to revitalize his once successful career.
After presenting a stirring thesis on the biological impact of global warming on Mamukil reproduction, Mr. Bloom was presented with England’s highest academic honor, a large, funny hat.
This should be read in the voice of John Cleese (an Oxford man himself).
Cambridge actually
Poor Orlando naively wore a hat 5 times too big for him on the assumption that after being given the degree his brain would literally grow bigger.
The University of Kent in Canterbury, home of the fightin’ periwinkles.
Orlando Bloom continues his pursuit of Stephen Fry’s career. Next step: finding the Wooster to his Jeeves.
That’s the best picture of Marky Mark I’ve seen in a while.
Now that I have your attention, and my degree from the University of Phoenix, I just want everyone made aware I’m now under the moniker Orlando Boom Shakalaka.
Failure or Fiasco?
I also hope to cum laude someday, preferably in a 69.
so wait…this wasn’t Photoshopped?
the universe hasn’t seen a hat/facial hair combo this ridiculous since the last jamiroquai video.
“I remeber when I really was in school. I was in acting class, and the script I was reading from had a strange word I was unable to pronounce. Thinking quickly, I picked another word that seemed to fix the context, and read aloud ‘That is quite a misfortune!’ My acting professor corrected me, saying the word was actually ‘calamity’. I asked, naturally, if there was a difference. He replied “Of course, if you fell in a into the fiery depths of Mordor it would be a misforutne, but if someone were to fish you out, save your life, and give you work as an actor, it would be a calamity!” Well, that day I not only became inspired to be a famous actor in a Lord of the Rings trilogy, but I also learned that ‘calamity’ means ‘great thing’.”
~Orlando Bloom
HA HA HA you wrote “misforutne” you stupid idiot!!!!!!!!!
That was on purpose, Steve. I was quoting what Mr. Bloom wrote for his speech that day. He didn’t read it aloud himself, but rather had the words on a large screen behind him as he posed naked.
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Alright fine, you caught me. I wasn’t actually there, but a friend told me that’s what happened, and I posted the story while I was drunk. I guess you get an Honorary Degree in Investigative Trolling and Nazi Spelling.
He also wrote “remeber”.
-Steve Winwood Jr Jr
Muffin Top
this is my favorite.
pfft. everybody knows University of Kent is a safety school
One (Honorary Degree from the University of Kent in Canterbury) To Rule Them All.
University of Kent Honorary Degree = Oasis lyrics
“An example of a typically British deadpan joke? Hm well, let me think. Here it is: Awarding an honorary degree to a guy whose previous academic achievements, according to Wikipedia, amount to ‘managing to get through The King’s School Canterbury and St Edmund’s School in Canterbury despite his dyslexia’.” — The Dean of the University of Kent in Canterbury
Orlando Bloomin Onion, Honorary Degree, yeah, whatever, fine.
What I wanna know is: How did Just Jared get out to the UK?
An Honorary Degree for an Honorary Actor.
They’re auditing the courses to Isengard!
Ahahaha may Jesus bless you with infinite encounters with Mr Tastee for this.
“I told you guys that the fourth ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ movie was going to be shitty.”
I like steve winwood, he’s a fucking douche.
‘YOU SHALL NOT PASS any exams to get this degree’ – the entire University of Kent. In unison.
Also, nice article Gabe. Lord of the Zings.
Orblando Gloom graduates?
Rerun thinks Orlando Bloom looks ridiculous.
The gif didn’t work. Please delete that comment. Big thumbs down.
Last attempt
I like how “honorary Bachelor’s degree” already has its own self-contained best joke.
My favourite! Confirmed!
With fake power, comes fake responsibility. (he was in spiderman right?)
Orlando Bloom felt… thin. Like butter, scraped over too much honorary degree.
Also: Orlando Bloom on the set of The Graduate 2: The Grad-two-ate
You’d think someone who starred in Elizabethtown wouldn’t embarrass so easily.
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“One class ring to rule them all?”
-Jay Leno
“Oh my god.”
-Me
“The hat doubles as a lunchbox.”
“Honorary degree?! I thought that was next week! Then when IS the honorary matador commemoration?!”