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Vampires Suck trailer, you guys:
This looks even worse than Disaster Movie! I’m not saying that the current vampire phenomenon doesn’t deserve some good-natured ribbing, because it does. Good-natured rib away! But the Scary Movie dudes seem to be wearing their references a little thin. “Finally, someone brave enough to blow the whistle on Big Alice in Wonderland.” Remember when Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland came out and everyone was just like “GOD, HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO WAIT BEFORE SOMEONE SATIRIZES THIS BUT NOT WITH A REAL SATIRIZATION JUST A CHEAP, VIOLENT VISUAL GAG THROWN IN TO FILL SPACE?!” The answer is however long it took for them to write this movie: 30 seconds? 20 seconds? Whatever. This is going to make a gagillion dollars. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are looking down on us from their private helicuzzis and laughing and laughing. Fair enough. AT LEAST SOMEONE IS LAUGHING IN THIS THE SITUATION FROM JERSEY SHORE. (Homage.)
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As much as it pains me to defend the Wayans Brothers, it isn’t fair to equate them with Seltzer and Friedberg. That’s a little bit like blaming Rosemary for her baby, were Rosemary an unfunny hack.
Wayans bros? They have nothing to do with this. Or the Scary Movie franchise (anymore) for that matter.
Also, David Zucker (director of Scary Movie 3 and 4) has nothing to do with this either.
And here I thought Twilight was pretty much already a joke.
Even this guy thinks those jokes are tired.
This guy is just as unamused
What is the target demographic here? Twilight is a series for stupid people, and these parody movies are for stupid people. Who is going to buy tickets? Now if they want to make a Juggalo parody movie, I can get on board…
I just saw Inception last night. Now, I have to rethink which one of these will be the best movie of the year.
“I go to advance screenings.” -You
“Aren’t you hungry?”…
“No” (how could i tell him that my stomach was already full……full of butterflies)
Comedy gold
Can the Tomatometer go negative on Rotten Tomatoes?
hahahaha Lady Gaga IS strange! These guys know exactly what I’ve been thinking for the past year!
Can anybody help me? I remember “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka!” as being hilarious, but everytime I see one of these new Wayans Brother’s trailers, I wonder if that could possibly true. Were parody films better in my youth? Would I enjoy this if I was 18? Have I just become old and bitter? Has anyone seen my glasses ?
I also remember laughing a lot during the first Scary Movie. I was much, much younger then.
You’re not the only one! I think this means we got older. Lazy jokes aren’t lazy when you’re 12 and you haven’t heard them.
“Lazy jokes aren’t lazy when you’re 12 and you haven’t heard them” is the new Panic! At The Disco single.
Real 12-year-olds know that PATD totally dropped that lame-o exclamation point. Punctuation is for losers!
I upvoted you once from work and once from home.
This movie isn’t a Wayans’ movie. I think it’s still safe to laugh at early Wayans brothers movies, but make sure you see Keenan on the label, that’s how you know it’s good.
I don’t know about good, but I’ll take coherent and comprised of more than lazy references to pop culture ephemera.
Gabe, by saying “This looks even worse than Disaster Movie,” are you admitting to having seen Disaster Movie? Because if so…I think we have to break up.
“A chihuahua?”
LOLOLOLOLOL(gunshot)
Team Suicide.
So they remade Twilight shot-for-shot and made it really bad? Whoa boy…
Where’s your self-respect, Ken Jeong? You don’t need to do these movies, I thought you were on the way up
My desire to make a GIF of Ken Jeong in his white suit in the paintball episode of Community is going to drive me to Internet piracy, isn’t it?
Being a member of this website makes me learn new things.
Do you think they’ll have an unrated too-hot-for-the-theater dvd version where they throw in some extra boob shots? OH PLEEEASE
I watched this trailer with the sound off but my ears were still filled with an excruciating buzz!
Can I downvote Ken Jeong for being in ths?
fire away! unless there is more trolling for an interracial dating website, this should be the most downvoted comment.
goodnight, sweet prince.
Ken Jeong, No! I hope you enjoy your new truck-boat truck
I’m just impressed that the actress who plays “Bella” has mastered some of the K-Stew expressions. Scowl- A+
….And I quietly giggled when all the werewolves were in their cut-off jean shorts.
To the theatre!
I kind of thought the Black-Eyed Peas line was funny…..only because those vampires seem to have been dressed by a celebrity stylist. (I’m saying kind of because I do not want to commit myself to this awful awful film)
I for one am glad to see that a movie is FINALLY using the old Looney Tunes gag of a hungry person seeing someone’s head turning into a cheeseburger. This movie is avante garde comedy.
I seriously enjoyed this trailer. I thought those gags were funny in a MAD magazine old school sort of way. Edward applying make up powder to his face, the werewolf turns in to a chihuahua, the “it’s raining men” gay song when the gay werewolve boys are in their shorts. Those are all funny gags. I’m sorry I’m not cool enough to visit here.
Are you my boyfriend? (no homo) but for serious: EVERY TIME one of these terrible movies comes out I am told “We HAVE to go see this!” (or “I can’t wait to ‘rent’ this!”) And we watch it. And he laughs. And I laugh less (but still)… and then I take him to see “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” and he falls asleep in the theater!
“Dance Flick” wasn’t awful. (Right? or did I forget to recycle my rose-colored glasses?)
This was not the worst of the “Movie” chain of “Parodies”. Scary Movie one and 2 had moments, Not another Teen movie had a moment, Disaster movie had exactly ONE good joke, the rest should be burned. This was pretty bad but not “Meet the Spartans” or Scary movie 4 bad.
You’re right, this was the worst. I love how they “parody” how everyone thinks fat people are gross! SATIRE!
Friedberg & Seltzer: shooting sharks in tiny, tiny barrels and missing since 2006 (TM)
It’s bad when I think the funniest part of a preview is the font.
i loved Disaster Movie…it’s the only one of those parody movies that i found funny
You’ve got some downvotes right now, but you know what? I say, let your terrible parody flag fly!
Writer’s room for “Vampires Suck”:
Guy 1: We should put Jersey Shore in this thing.
Guy 2: yeah, what’s a good joke?
Guy 1: What if we just mentioned them?
Guy 2: No, we need more than that.
Guy 1: We’ll call them dirtbags!
Guy 2: Perfect!
You can find the full movie online right now with about three clicks. I have viewed the whole thing to prevent anyone else from following in my footsteps, attempting to save mankind from Seltzerberg. Some fun facts:
1) It is only 75 minutes long. That is shorter than watching Double Rainbow 25 times and also you might as well just do that instead.
2) It is AWFUL. Way more awful than this trailer leads you to believe.
3) The reason it’s awful? They ACTUALLY TRIED on this one. The Bella actress does a good job of her Kristen Stewart impression, though I went insane by the end listening to it. Diedrich Bader (does a lot of voice acting including the current Batman series and had the roles of Rex from Rex Kwon Do in Napoleon Dynamite and Peter’s neighbor in Office Space) plays Bella’s Dad, and is actually great at the physical comedy required. There are actually some good fourth-wall-breaking jokes as well. The fact that these moments of quality are strewn through an altogether terrible film makes it even worse than the films before it which had no humor; the fact that in some spurts they tried is worse than no effort at all.
I wonder if they’ll do their old standby joke(?) “Michael Jackson molests children” now that he’s dead. Well I guess if Seltzer and Friedberg have no problem beating dead movie franchises, dead pop stars is not above their moral high ground.