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HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. If anything, this interview is not serious ENOUGH. Come on, Peter Travers, surely you can make your face even MORE solemn and grave. Obviously, you can’t get too mad at Jeremy Piven for being all Jeremy Piven-y all over the place. Would you ask the sun to stop pretending like its nonsense story about eating too much sushi was a real thing a full year after everyone had stopped even making jokes about it because the jokes weren’t funny anymore because they had completely worn out everyone’s willful suspension of disbelief? Would you ask the rain not to hairpiece? But Peter Travers is, supposedly, some kind of journalist or something. Surely he does not have to sit there and be like “A Mercury Level of 57? Oh no! Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time, Dame Jeremy Piven.” And do not even get me started on the Biggie Smalls rap. Jeremy Piven is of the generation that needs to STOP IT. (Via Vulture.)
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Well all that mercury has done wonders for the front of his head since 1994.
Looks like Arye Gross there hooked him up with his guy.
He also had a ketchup level of 57
What he listens to during his kelations.
I love this because the ketchup bottle is so big. Points for biggest ketchup bottle!
Hey! Waitaminute! I’m pretty sure this is just viral marketing for ketchup!
Scrolling down this image is like watching a more awesome Apollo 11 take off.
Anyone who says “I have nothing to hide”…definitely has something to hide.
I guess he ended up in the hospital, which everybody knows means the exact same thing for celebrities as it does for regular people.
“I kinda have a headache today, do you think I should go to the hospital?”
- Jeremy Piven
“Probably.”
- Some Other Asshole
bloggers and anonymous commentators picking on jeremy piven = jealous
Yes, Steve Winwood. This is my Vision Board:
their shitty
they’re.
ugh. done.
Steve:
You are correct. I am jealous.
I am jealous that someone who I imagine is not as talented or asintelligent or as nice as I am is far more successful; and far more successful than I will ever hope to be. I am jealous of his wealth and the financial security it brings; financial security that I will never know. I am jealous that he probably doesn’t have to worry about if he can afford to take his wife out to eat at Qdoba or buy a book in hardback.
I am jealous that he seems to be growing more hair as he ages as I am growing more bald and I can only reasonably assume that his scalp is where my hair is going, which is sort of gross because I wouldn’t want someone else’s hair on my head, but still–I am jealous.
I am jealous because he is a world class ding dong who “gets sick” after eating fancy sushi and can’t be in plays on Broadway while I get sick, for real, at the Cracker Barrel, but still have to go back to work and sit at my desk, sweating and groaning.
I am jealous that he probably doesn’t drive a car with no grill and probably lives in a house with central air.
All that said, I would not trade my life for his for any price because he is not married to my wife, who is basically the best wife, and does not have my cat, who is basically the best cat, and just isn’t as cool as I am.
“I am jealous of Mans, and worried that my gig writing greeting cards is in danger.”
Is it weird that I teared up at the end there? I need to go back to the weekend.
The ad for Skittles that followed that was spooky! I don’t want to Warp the Rainbow!
‘Everyone loves a good fish story.’ So true, Jeremy, so true.
Although I personally prefer a good Snork story.
I don’t really know who this man is, but he has one of the worst inflections I’ve ever heard anyone have.
Not to be too picky, but I think you misspelled “infection” and accidentally left out the words “horrific” and “genital” right before it.
To be fair, it is possible the tuna he ate was actually dolphin meat. Dolphin meat has dangerous levels of mercury and looks identical to some types of tuna. The Cove is an awesome and disturbing movie.
I liked the Cove a lot
“she is pretty”
And now he’s in danger of e.coli from the order of rice packed cell phones he ordered last week.
Oh good, my weekly reminder that Jeremy Piven is an unbelievable douchebag. “Because I’m from the stage, the show must go on, that’s always been our credo….” Fuck him. Seriously, fuck him.
Mans’ post is reason enough not to take your advice.
*shudder*
Some people just don’t know how to decline an invitation to embarrass themselves through song without subsequently embarrassing themselves through hip-hop.
did you see the extra hip hop videos posted on the everything is terrible blog? They added some more, it is great
Jeremy Piven: the first man to actually get puffy from an inflated ego.
peter travers asking piven to raise his voice in song? doesn’t he know piven could die on stage at any moment?
“With Puffy”?
This is a fine illustration of entertainment journalism’s version of Stockholm Syndrome. So says the latest issue of The New England Journal of You Have Got to Be Fucking Kidding Me with This.
Peter Travers really, actually gives a five-star rating to EVERYTHING. And “everything” really, actually includes “ridiculous stories about mercury poisoning, from an ass.” TMYK!
some website that criticizes critics even named, like, a trophy after him. for doing that. http://www.efilmcritic.com/feature.php?feature=2904
Jeremy Piven is the most obvious WORST ever, though Peter Travers is absolutely doing a fine job of catching up to him. On another note – didn’t Piven’s phone swan dive into the toilet at a sushi restaurant recently? Maybe it’s just me, but if I had mercury poisoning from eating too much sushi, I would STAY THE FUCK AWAY from sushi and sushi places. I wouldn’t even let my phone go in to use the bathroom.
I also wouldn’t carry an electronic object with a lithium battery that emits radio waves and picks up wi-fi signals into a place where I do my poops and my naked balls and ass are. But I’m not Jeremy Piven.
This is the kind of solid advice I hope you are able to pass on to your children someday.
After like 3 minutes of this video I violently started punching my computer screen and had to be held back. I may not be sure of a lot of things in this world, but I am positive that this guy is the worst.
I had to turn this off after seven “yeah”s
Also, can someone tell me what the hell kelating is? Did he just invent this word or did I sleep in school that day?
I believe it’s spelled “chelating,” and is a drug therapy to remove heavy metals–such as mercury!–from the body. It was invented because of all the poison-gassing in WWI. Also, some crazy people think it can cure Autism. Scientists and non-lunatics do not.
You learn something everyday. Thanks Jeremy Piven.
Yeah, and I was so sick. I was deathly ill. Did i mention I was really honestly very sick?
This all makes me flash back to the time I ate way too many cross-shaped peanut butter sandwiches, and I threw up during dress rehearsal, and my church wouldn’t let me be in the chorus of “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” anymore.
“As we learn about things in this life I was a guy who ended up in the hospital”
what?
Fake and Gay