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Pajiba is reporting that Hollywood, or as I like to call it, IDEATOWN, because of how it is full of great ideas*, is moving forward with a remake of the ’80s family comedy classic, Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead. Sure. What are we going to do, NOT remake every single movie? Get real. Of course, they are going to have to update it for a younger audience. Like, instead of the babysitter dying, it will be their Nannybot-4000000 running out of batteries. And by batteries, of course, I mean harvestable humans, whose blood is used as the energy source for the robots that now rule a planet consumed by permanent nuclear winter. “100010111011101010101, 1010101111000000010!”**
But if they’re going to remake Don’t Sext Mom The Latte Machine Is Broken, they’re going to need a new tagline! Because if there is one thing the kids of 2010 want, it is taglines. So, what will it be?!
- The Babysitter Was Dead. But She Got Better.
- We Are Not Alone. NOT!
- I Am Already A Little Bored By This Conceit, But No More Bored Than Hollywood, Apparently
Come here, kids. This is where my youth used to be. Now it is just a paved road.
*I am the mayor of Sarcasmville.
**”Cowabunga, dude!”
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Don’t Tell Mum The Babysitter’s Undead
Because a youth-targeted film without a vampire is like a Micheal Bay film without a Fuck You, Micheal Bay
Don’t Tell Dad the Babysitter Sparkles. And Is My Obsessive Undead Boyfriend.
It only took a babysitter dying for these kids to realize their potential.
This Time, The Babysitter’s on Time Out
Don’t Tell Mom, The Biebersitter’s dead.
Guaranteed #1 opening weekend.
Don’t Tell Mom the Baby$itter’$ Dead.
The More Currency the better, today’s hoverkids LOVE legal Tender:
₫o₦’৳ ৳€££ Mom, ৳h€ ฿a฿¥$i৳৳€r’$ ₫€a₫
that would be the greatest film in the history of art.
Babysitters will die, parents will not be informed
Also Christina Applegate is pretty
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A Sofia Coppola Production
The Dishes Are Done, Too
Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead:
This Nanny Ain’t So Super Anymore.
Sue Ellen, every girl over twenty-five should have an iPad in the house.
Don’t tell mom the babysitter died when she found out we elected a black president.
Don’t Tweet Mom The Baby Sitter’s Dead
139 characters…and 1 dead one.
*Kevin Eubanks bass slide.*
get with the times, Jeb…its a Rickie Minor bass slide now.
Kevin Eubanks CLEARLY plays an electric guitar, NOT a bass.
(Why do I know this?)
::sobs::
I’d better fact check myself before I wreck myself. PS I refuse to acknowledge Rickie Minor. It’s like when Boston swapped Brad Delp for Michael Sweet.
WTF IS DIS REAL?
Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead – Carrie On
She’ll find out when she gets Holmes for the holidays.
Something’s Wrong With the Babysitter
She was dead….but she got better.
(I knew Crank 2 had to be good for something!)
“3 Tween Boys. 1 Teen Girl. No Boobs.”
Is this a mastectomy joke? Or am I missing something?
I don’t think anything we write will top this review:
Dammit and here I thought “Home Alone with A Party of Five” was witty…
Pretty awesome, but I’d punch it up by subbing “Home Alone” with “Precious.”
Jeff Craig: WHERE IS HE NOW?
http://37signals.com/svn/posts/139-who-is-jeff-craig-and-what-is-sixty-second-preview
The Clown Dog with start selling its own version of the KFC Double-Down. It will just be three hot dogs together, and when you eat it you feel like your face is being finger-banged.
?
“How could they tell their Mom? She’s too busy making audition tapes to be the next Oprah, amiright?”
One Million Strong to Kill the Babysitter
There’s Something Wrong With Babysitter
Oops. You beat me to it.
This Time, Rose Is Right On Top of YOU.
Th1s T1me, 3he’ll 3tay D3AD!
<I'm Right On Top of that, Rose!
Let’s try that again:
TH15 T1M3 5H3′LL 5TAY D3AD!
Emulating cool kids like Ke$hole and Twe oh twe is hard work.
The Horror version: “Daddy would be angry you told on him.”
“It’s time to put the kids to dead.”
– The Babysitter’s Last Facebook Status
More like the Crypt Keeper’s last facebook status
Date Night 2, Electric Boogaloo
It’s 2010, folks! The babysitter is obviously going to be virtual (they all are now, right?) so the tagging will obviously be “She’s logged off… FOREVER!!!”
Latch-key kids don’t need supervision.
#Deadbabysitters
Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter changed her relationship status to “It’s Complicated”
(SPOILER ALERT: It’s complicated because she’s dead)
winnar
The dead babysitter they can’t tell mom about.
I posted my tagline, but I’d like to say one more thing. Fuck whatever unimaginative asshole came up with the idea to scrape the bottom of the toilet and waste other everyone’s time remaking and re-shit-shoveling this film out to the public.
“But it’s all been done! Haha, right?! Amiright?”
- CEO of Remakes at Warner Bros.
“Then move back home and run the local barber shop, because it’s all been done in haircuts too and that’s primarily a job that doesn’t let you suck the devil’s dick in public (sell your soul for $ get it?), amiright?”
- Anyone really, hey do you think they ever read this stuff, those movie folks? Just wondering.
“Marry Me?”
- CEO of Remakes at Warner Bos
¡Yo soy loco por los cornballer(s)!
Christina Applegate 2
Don’t tell Obama the BPsitter’s dead?
#topicalgum
“Mother, You Left a Woman in Poor Health Conditions in a Position of Authority Over Us, Your Children, and She Has Died and In Order To Celebrate Our New Found Freedom We Will Get Professional Jobs Under False Pretenses And Destroy Your House.”
“Purr-fect” – My cat.
Pssst your cat is Jeff Craig.
Mom’s Gonna Have a Tyler Perry Film Title.
The Diary of a Mad Babysitter.
Spoiler alert: she dies.
Don’t Tell Mom, the Babysitter’s Tired of this Conceit
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I can’t believe no one’s said it yet:
Babysitter’s Will Die
HA HA HA you meant to write “Babysitters” plural not “Babysitter’s” singular possessive, you tard faced idiot
For fuck’s sake, use a goddamn period for once in your life.
“Tard-faced” should clearly have a dash between it. I don’t know how on earth you could have missed that.
Well, it should be ‘tard-faced. That was a ‘tard-faced misstep.
#grammargum
…A Spike Lee Joint
“This Summer, David Duchovny Reprises His Role In…”
what’s wrong with just: “LOL Mom, The Babysitter’s Dead”
Don’t lol, Mom: the Babysitter’s Dead
But kid’s these days…., right? They would probably laugh at some old dead lady and then call mom laughing that the lady died cause old and dead is funny. And then the parent’s will be like oh well, we ain’t leaving Hawaii early. Just get her buried and get your big sister to be in charge. Just don’t spend all the PETTY CASH. It’s always about money is the moral here.
I sure do know how to use the ‘ thing.
Now in 3D!
I take my videogum identity from this beloved movie from my childhood, I will not wave a white flag in defeat. I don’t want to hear anyone else say “I’m right on top of that Rose” by anyone other than Christina Applegate. Who else will play a snobby secretary’s boyfriend other than David Duchovny? Hollywood once again aims to ruin my fond reminisces. The Babysitter is dead, she shouldn’t be reincarnated.
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Haha, cancer is hilarious!
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Cancer? I hardly know her!
shes dead, but not really, lol
Death can haz babysitter.
She is the most dangerous babysitter on the planet. But this is not our planet.
Gabe, that speech bubble should read “Candlebox lyrics.”
This ain’t yo daddy’s Applegate.
“Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead 3D: Based on the novel ‘Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead’ by Nick Madson”
…and so are the babies.