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Last week, Oprah launched an on-line contest to find the next Oprah, which is just CLASSIC Oprah. The winner of this contest will ostensibly get his or her own talk show on Oprah’s new network. OK! Hundreds of hopeful contestants have already uploaded their audition videos, which you can watch and vote on here. Not that your votes will matter, because one contestant, Zach Anner, has already pulled well ahead of the competition. He currently holds the lead by a MILE, with 2,581,892 votes. Also, he has cerebral palsy. Oh boy, here we go.
Zach Anner’s audition tape and some other thoughts and videos, after the jump:
Audition tape:
Of course, as with anything on the Internet, one’s initial assumption is that it is both fake and gay (and possibly retarded). But that does not seem to be the case here. As you can see, Zach Anner is genuinely funny. This is a great video! I hope he wins! But, you also have to admit that he is a confusing hero. Because of the Internet. I’m just saying: one of his main supporters over the weekend was the on-line community known as 4chan. (And also John Mayer.) And no offense to 4chan (or John Mayer), but I don’t trust 4chan (and I don’t trust John Mayer). OH YOU DON’T TRUST US, WELL NOW YOUR BLOG IS HACKED AND WE HAVE LASER PRINTED A PICTURE OF YOUR HEAD WITH A DICK FOR A NOSE ON THE BODY OF A WOMAN ONTO THE FACE OF THE MOON. Basically. That is what it is like with those guys. And smug, mildly racist, condescending, bored, rich, self-satisfaction is what it is like with John Mayer.
John Mayer thinks that the chair disappears when you express yourself. Whatever, John Mayer.
So, we are left with a conundrum. I mean, it is not a conundrum. Zach seems great, and this contest is ridiculous, and the world certainly doesn’t need TWO Oprahs but it could probably use ONE Oprah and ONE Zach Anner. He should have his own show. But it is always so hard to decipher and come to terms with the Internet’s motivations for anointing its stars. At the very least, we should KEEP AN EYE on this one.
But for now, let us root for Zach Anner. We should all be so lucky as to get a talk show in this world. (Via TheDailyWhat.)
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He had me at the Photoshopping!
He had me at “No Atlantis is too underwater or fictional.” That’s seriously the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while.
that line was seriously great.
Yeah, I was getting worried that all his funny jokes were going to be palsy-related and even though they were funny, that would get old, and then he went into a joke rut and I was getting real sad, but he pulled through with the Atlantis line and soared from there.
“Oh, hi Bono! I didn’t expect to see you here!”
Wow, that’s funny, because when I watch John Mayer perform, the volume goes away! ZING!
(actually, I turn it up and sing along alone in my car pretending that girls like me)
Dear John Mayer,
Please stop bothering me.
Love,
The Internets
(insert Tyra joke here)
I heard Jenny McCarthy was taking over for Oprah. So at the very least, maybe she can cure Zach’s celebral palsy with a gluten free diet.
Better him than Boxxy, even with a John Mayer penned theme song.
I went to college with Zach. He’s funny.
John Mayer is not.
Also, please for the love of God, go vote for Zach, because at least four to six thousand times better than everyone else.
http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=5615&promo_id=1
Grammatical error. Sorry. Zach knows how I feel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OT7N4fBc6Mc
be alive strengfully… us we do… this guy is amazing.
Did you guys see the second place entry? No? http://tinyurl.com/22s3vx2
She is all of our girlfriend, and instead of a “Good morning,” she wakes us up every day screaming “POSITIVITY!” To quote:
“I’m videoing from my car. It was very, very noisy in my house, and I thought we needed [beat; scrunches her nose] a more intimate experience.” Yikes, love is blind.
The BEST thing about Zach is that he’s ostensibly an amalgam of the Oprah package–the overcomer of hardship, the believer in positivity, the unlikely candidate, &tc.–but also a subversive unwrapping of said package. His brand of pomo, almost-uncomfortable-because-he’s-poking-fun-at–the-minor-human-tragedies-we-aren’t-supposed-to-find-funny humor doesn’t really mesh with Oprah (I’m a regular Oprah watcher, no Harpo, and I can’t really explain or justify this except to say I find Oprah, in all her contradictions, endlessly appealing).
I’m genuinely curious to see what comes of this! If Zach has to face off with all of our girlfriend, in a sleekly edited reality show where I foresee a lot of his brand of humor not making it out of the editing room, what do you think will happen?
NO HARPO!!!!!
Yeah I went to college with him as well, he is a really really funny guy. It’s a small videogum after all
Zach has more degrees than James Franco.. We’ve probably all been to college with him.
He has to crawl a marathon now? And he’s happy?
Aw he’s The Best and John Mayer an the internets are The Worst but together it makes for confusing joy
Good looking. Funny. His jokes about himself don’t make me cringe.
Zach 3. Oprah 0.
Some were shocked that Zach defeated Oprah so thoroughly but I knew Oprah, despite her historical dominance, is aging and Zach’s mental superiority and youthful determination would be tough for Oprah to handle. Unfortunately, even though tournament favorite Tyra has been eliminated, I feel once Zach reaches the next round he will be overwhelmed by the indomitable all out blitz on sensibility deployed by Wendy Williams.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0MdIBl8x6s&feature=player_embedded
I think I love this dude (so homo) mostly because he has come to terms with his condition. He is looking to overcome odds while being realistic about his own abilities and while being able to laugh about himself. He recognizes that his involuntary mannerisms are funny in a way that people don’t feel they can laugh about and, to a certain degree, he grants us permission to go ahead.
Another great video in which he trains for a marathon:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQAG_xOmwXI
Dude is just so great.
i’d watch every episode of zach’s show with the exception of the one john mayer is so obviously trying to leverage a guest appearance on.
thats my middle school track he is training on! i’m totally going to go cheer him on at the marathon!
This dude absolutely KILLS IT! Cerebral Palsy is definitely the sexiest palsy!
more like cerebral LOLsy
Of course John Mayer is involved in this. Why wouldn’t he be?
I hope that wasn’t John Mayer’s sleazy backdoor attempt at an audition tape for the new Oprah. “I’m kind and gentle and care about the handicapped and need more money right now.”
LOL Frau
real and hilarious? Or straight?
Can’t it be both?
I’m totes gay for cerebral palsy now.
“The Internet is crazy and I love it.” – this should be Videogum’s new tag line.
I have not laughed this hard at something intentionally funny in a very long time. This guy is brilliant.
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Erm…this is a really, really, really odd time to make that reminder. Like an offensively odd time? Because so many reasons. Celebral palsy isn’t a mental condition, so, confusing the two is like, hella wicked offensive, plus he is funny, so no one is making fun and you’re sorta suggesting that someone who has a mental condition that isn’t a mental condition can’t be funny, which, again, hella wicked offensive. So yeah, even if you’re just joking, you may need to investigate your list-making motivations and abilities…
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Talking about him is not the same as making fun of him. What are you on about? (Unless your comment was some kind of warning?)
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I never said you were suggesting Ralphi May was retarded, and you sorta failed in making fun of someone who has nothing to do with anything related to the thread (or Videogum, or culture) in any way. Really, you just made a random comment about making fun of mentally handicapped people when there was nothing related to mentally handicapped people going on in order to make fun of someone utterly random, and you did it in a way that could have been interpreted as serious because it relates to something that has actually been discussed on Videogum.
It has nothing to do with being PC, it has everything to do with not being a jackass.
You did suggest he couldn’t be funny, because in the absolute lack of context for your joke it could seem that you were claiming people commenting on Zach were making fun of him by making their own palsy jokes, which would then imply that you were saying he himself wasn’t funny.
I love how much of a jackass you are being.
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I’ve had it with complaining about the “PC Police.” When someone makes a comment that is just not funny or completely nonsensical and people respond to it, crying “PC Police” is just an excuse to blame other people for your worthless comment.
We’re all just talking and sometimes people don’t find things funny, or sometimes people disagree. I think I might start complaining about the PC Police Police around here, because that is more rampant than this fictional situation of people being needlessly offended by legitimate comments and it resulting in some kind of censorship. That never happens.
you know, i agree 100% lemone. but that’s not what happened here.
i said i was wrong where i was wrong. i said down-vote a failed joke, b/c the joke was a failure.
i picked a bone with this asshole b/c he took offense to some imaginary implication he made up from said failed joke. he took umbrage over something i didn’t even say/mean/suggest and THAT is why i called PC bullshit.
forgive me for wasting all this time over what was originally just a failed joke. but you can blame ptsmith for making something out of nothing by saying i said something i didn’t.
1. seriously? and 2. was the point of this just to get in a dig at ralphie may? because i’m pretty sure that’s well past the point of being necessary.
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Please just stop talking* its painful to read.
*i mean writing, but doesn’t sound as good.
Explainer guy.
You’re not explaining anything. This is the most convoluted fucking post I think I’ve ever read on this blog. Can I just say that this Zach is the shiz and you are not.
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Really? Shit. That’s pretty cool. I’ve never been at a gangbang before but now I know what it feels like. Thanks guy.
This kid is great! NOT fake and gay. He’s going to be married to Stedman by year end (which I guess is kinda gay… but not fake).
they can live in the oppenheimer wing of oprahs mansion together. thats the same wing with the gift wrapping room and the shabby chic themed hot tub.
Tired of all these Sexman videos.
If there’s one thing John Mayer knows, it’s what’s funny.
I seriously can’t get my password to change from that impossible-to-remember default one so that I can log on from different computers or browsers, so I give up. Screw anonymity. Here I am world! John Mayer convinced me to be who I really am/shoot for the stars/shoot him in the face.
Seriously John Mayer, thanks but no thanks. This guy can make it on his own. He doesn’t need any John Mayers riding his coattails to good publicity.
I hate you so much John Mayer. However, your cover of Kid A is still pretty good.
Oh man, so after that comment I felt the urge to listen to that Kid A cover on my iTunes, which for the record is the only John Mayer thing on my iTunes. So I did, and do you know what came on right afterwards? The JAWS theme song.
This actually happened.
I can’t believe no one posted a link to his interview with Dennis Quaid. The Best:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqzh-9wkHu8
This guy is genuinely funny. I almost don’t want Oprah to get her hands on him.
Also, people with cerebral palsy aren’t mentally handicapped; it’s a physical disability. That is all.
Explain that to martyr guy.
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You may have over-explainer’d yourself on this one, guy…
you really served me on a silver platter there, dish. har har har.
Haha. Good one.
Srsly.
cheers, mate.
Downvoting explainer guy is maybe the most fun I’ve ever had on the videogum boards. Thanks explainer guy!
I supposed I asked for that.