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Until now, I have not been paying very much attention to the strange political situation in South Carolina. This is for two reasons: first, I do not live in South Carolina, and second, because stories about what is going on down there never include any updates on WHAT IS GOING ON WITH LINDSAY LOHAN’S SCRAM BRACELET! Is it too much to ask that every news story include some mention about the current status of Lindsay Lohan’s SCRAM bracelet? It’s a NEWS story, isn’t it? That being said, the situation in South Carolina is now my second favorite situation (after the Lindsay Lohan’s SCRAM bracelet, which I just find endlessly interesting and important). For those of you who may not have heard about this yet: Alvin Greene, an unemployed former soldier currently facing porn-related felony charges, entered the Democratic primary and then proceeded to make no public campaign appearances or do anything whatsoever, basically. He didn’t print any lawn signs or anything like that. Nothing. And then, against a candidate running an actual campaign with experience in elected office, Alvin Greene WON THE PRIMARY!!! Wowowowowow. Now some people are accusing him of being a Republican plant and demanding an investigation. You have to admit, it is an unusual and suspicious situation!
Well, the situation is way less unusual and suspicious than Alvin Greene himself! Wait until you actually see this guy talk, as he did on last night’s episode of Countdown with Keith Olbermann. Although, “talk” might be too strong of a word. “Mutter and look confused” is a clearer description of what is happening here:
Hahahahha. Oh wow, WHAT IS THAT?! I mean, in addition to acting like a broken-down robot from the Awkward Robot Factory, he doesn’t seem like he wants to be there? And by “there” I don’t just mean on Keith Olbermann’s show, I mean, like, in the campaign, or even in South Carolina. To be honest, he looks like he would rather not be on Earth. So it makes even more sense* that an unemployed man collecting unemployment benefits (and using a public defender in his felony trial) would spend $10,000 of his own money to enter a campaign that he doesn’t seem to want anything to do with in the first place? Ay-ay-ay. In my experience, unemployed people get pretty nervous when it comes time to buy a SLICE OF PIZZA, much less dropping $10,000 on a political race for which they are aggressively unqualified for, and visibly disinterested in?!
We live in a very strange world!
Anyway, I apologize (to myself) for not having followed this story more closely until today, but that period of self-imposed ignorance is over. Because I am now going to be following the crap out of this story. What a weird story! Just as a sidenote, though: if you are a journalist assigned to cover this for your media outlet, would it kill you to drop in a little something about Lindsay Lohan’s SCRAM bracelet? It can be buried at the end of the article. I’ll find it. (Video via DailyIntel.)
UPDATE: It just keeps getting better and better!!! (Worse and worse!!!)
*Sarcasm.
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this guy is a genius. he’s like the andy kaufman of politicians.
Michael Steele is the Andy Kaufman of politics.
“What up?”
I am running for congress in New York’s 3rd district, as an Independent candidate. I would like to congratulate Mr. Greene on his victory in the South Carolina Democratic Primary. This sounds more like a GREAT news story, about perseverance, triumph, and overcoming adverse circumstances.
So, What is all of the fuss about Mr. ‘Greene’? I thought that he has done everything that a typical politician does; he was well-spoken, articulated himself well – AND he won his party’s nomination. What is causing everyone to have reservations about Mr. ‘Greene’?
You can accomplish ANYTHING in this great country of ours, as long as you set your mind to it.
So, What would YOU set out to do – if you knew that you could not fail?
This guy is doing more with his spare time than some employed/deployed soldiers are doing.
I’m just looking forward to even more delightful dancing soldier gifs once Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is fully repealed.
Look how happy he is!
BACK OFF LADY HE’S MINE
Ever wonder what Sarah Palin would be like without her army of handlers and speechwriters? Oh, yeah… she’d be exactly like this guy.
I’d just like to this….um….to take this time to announce that I’m running for Videogum Senate. Uh…….I’ve always been a monster and I still will be a monster in the future and support monsters.
Like um, and I was like um, like um, the senate, like um…
I blame The Situation for the increasingly crazy situations out there including, but not limited to the South Carolina situation, Lindsay’s SCRAM bracelet situation, the oil spill situation, and the Ke$ha situation. These situations have only developed since The Situation and his situation came on the scene. Situation.
Reason #12 to follow Lindsay’s SCRAM bracelet updates:
“If you don’t, I’ll kill myself”
-Lindsay Lohan’s career
I bet cash money that after he helps the republicans win he is going to rip off his mask, revealing himself to be one Lindsey Graham and say, “Surprise, surprise, I’m Lindsey Graham in disguise.” But then, the republican who wins will take off his mask and reveal himself to be Omar from The Wire.
i feel like it’s a sad state of affairs when you say in jest that omar, a fictional crimanal, should win an election by disguising himself as a republican, all i can think is “we clearly are not living in the best of all possible worlds because if we were omar would disguise himself as a republican and use his street smarts to clean up the south carolina state senate.”
Yessss. I love it when we get all politicsgum up in here.
I believe that is Kendrick Perkins of the Boston Celtics
Hey Faceoobk. How come this guy’s not set to host an episode of SNL next month? Get your shit together!
If this guy beat an established Democratic candidate, the Democratic leadership should be less concerned with his filing fee and more concerned with how easy it is to beat established Democratic candidates.
Open primary. Republicans can vote for who they want their candidate to face.
I understand that, but this guy won over 59% of the vote. I doubt that more Republicans voted in the Democratic primary than Democrats did, especially since there was no large publicly organized strategy to subvert the primary by voting for this candidate. Unless the Republicans in this South Carolina district have secret meetings that dwarf the entire Democratic population, the Democrats have bigger problems than Republican plants.
Sixty Percent. Not Luck. Decisive Wins.
Ok yeah. Apparently Alvin Greene was the first name on the ballot, and that’s getting touted as a big explanation now as well.
Still, I think the Democrats in South Carolina probably just don’t care. “Screw it. Anything. He’s not gonna win. “
I don’t buy the alphabetical explanation for one minute. If a voter is that apathetic about the primary for the US SENATE, I don’t think they’d be a voter at all.
You haven’t ever been to South Carolina, have you?
I’ve actually spent a good deal of time in South Carolina. I used to anchor news for radio stations along the South Carolina/Georgia border.
South Carolina borders Georgia? TMYK.
Considering the other Democratic primary candidates were the reanimated corpse of a deer and a stinky wooden shoe, i’d call this enlightened democracy in action.
How can anyone doubt his intentions? He’s wearing a Flag Pin. A FLAG PIN!
please, it’s not just any pin, it’s a lapel pin
From what little I have read about this story, it’s actually not that strange, crazy or unusual…
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ynews/20100609/pl_ynews/ynews_pl2500
it depends on what you’re reading… not that yahoo news isn’t known for it’s astute political commentary and deep knowledge on south carolina politics?
http://www.free-times.com/index.php?cat=1992912064017974&ShowArticle_ID=11011905102861700
The only thing I was posting that article for was the anecdote about the SUV with the Bush/Cheney bumper sticker on it (sorry, should have been clearer) and the three seemingly planted candidates. Your article does mention a similar incident.
Though I can see how the broad characterization of South Carolina as a “circus” might leave a southernbitch with a thing or two to say!
Haha: “We have more unemployment than any other time in South Carolina history. Hold on, I have another beep.”
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.
Hold on, I have another beep.
I only got about a minute in to this video before I stopped because I just can’t take excruciatingly awkward conversations. I always do whatever I can to make it less uncomfortable for the awkward person, and I can’t do that with a video.
“Um. We. No. We…. had…. just a few….”
“Meetings, Keith. He had just a few meetings but he’s feeling very prepared and why don’t you just let him go home and take a nap, look at him he needs a nap.”
That is literally how I felt for 8 years under W
“I had 60% of the upvotes. I had 60% of the upvotes. 60% of the upvotes is not luck” – NP, running for The Week’s Best Comments
Even more embarrassing for the Democrats, his campaign motto was a similar to Obama’s but much different in tone: Yes we…um…might?
We p…we probably could. I…six…sixty percent. We could.
I love this guy. Sure he’s not prepared for a real campaign race and might be a creeper, but I’m all for everyday people running for office.
Alvin Greene isn’t fit for office, but I’m thrilled to have a candidate that isn’t a career politician. I would love it if he’s could be the shape of things to come, and our government could be made up of actual citizens and not suit monsters.
Okay, idealismgum’s done for the day, thanks!
I think the fact that you need $10,000 upfront just to start campaigning probably puts a wrench in the works. I think most ordinary people just don’t have $10,000 lying around.
Which is alright, because most ordinary average folks aren’t qualified to run the government. Sorry, Sarah Palin! [That doesn't mean that most rich people can run the government either... I don't know. It's a problem.]
I think ten thousand is a little high, but not impossible to raise.
I don’t think it should be just anyone off the street running, but I’m all for having the option of voting for someone who isn’t as deeply entrenched in the political ‘system’ (sorry everybody, I hate sounding like a first year poli-sci major) as the majority of the active Senate members.
Really, the responsibility is on the voters. All Alvin Greene did was pay the money to get his name on the ballot and have a name that put him first alphabetically.
I don’t want to get too bent out of shape, because this is Videogum. At least three people have downvoted me and only one has typed a reasoned reply. What?
You basically said, “I’m all for an everyday guy who isn’t fit for office, running for office.”
The gentleman in question hasn’t exactly displayed solid leadership qualities or proper knowledge of public policy. He was literally taking cues from his attorney off screen, during the interview.
Plus the populist notion of “power of the average everyday citizen,” doesn’t exactly hold up when the suggestion arises, that the dude may be a stooge for some other giant corporate and/or political force.
The situation so far, appears to be a massive embarrassment for Democracy.
This.
As someone who works in a field dealing with state politics, I firmly believe it is not a bad thing to have people who actually understand complicated things like public policy, budgets, law, etc. making decisions. Not that all state legislators always know what the H is going on, but this guy will accomplish absolutely nothing if he gets elected. And with no money to hire staff to explain these things to him I would imagine he would spend most of his time asleep on the couch in his office.
I also love the idea of more regular-non-career types getting involved in politics. However, I then also wonder what effect that much turn over would have. Federal and State governments are big things which should have long range plans. I fear lots of regular folk who don’t do this for a career would not be able to focus on the long term, of if they did the whims of the voters would vote them out and it would all change every few years.
Than again, most career politicians don’t really plan for the long term good of our country either. The fact of the matter is that it is so impossibly complicated and there are so many impossible conflicts built into the process, I don’t see how there can possibly be any sort of future at all.
I mean, even if we had a great set of totally unself-interested politicians watching over us with all the best intentions, we still have the fact that Americans can’t agree on what is the right thing to do, even within a political group we don’t agree. It just all seems impossible to me.
I think nursegore’s idealismgum (because I’m a douchebag, and I’m going to speak for you now!) was implying that ordinary people taking an active role in the government would be awesome if the average person’s knowledge of social issues and politics were of a higher caliber (though this would alleviate many of the problems with our system as it is regardless of who ran for election). Our current system tends toward this weird oligarchy in which political candidates frequently and mysteriously have the same last names as one another, large corporations, etc.
Oh, I agree. I think that’s what NurseGore was saying as well, and it is what I would like also. I just think that even in the event of that utopian event–intellegent, everyday citizens taking part in politics–we still have a whole heap of problems.
Yeah, I’ve for sure been in a Bill Hicks, Derek Jensen, burn it all down! mood for a few months now.
are you for everyday people who can’t form a coherent sentence or explain what the hell they are doing or what they stand for, and also btw face criminal charges, running for office?
I will that in many a Comptroller and and Town council race, I have not done my research and picked the candidate at random, and Greene is a nicer name than Rawl, so I might pick him for Comptroller. The US Senate is a different story, South Carolina dems should be embarrassed, regardless of any funny business, why vote if you don’t know who you’re voting for?
oh, for fuck’s sake. if it turns out that corporations and/or south carolina republicans gave an unemployed minority veteran facing felony charges (who also apparently takes care of his disables diabetic father) money to run- ugh. this is the worst. it’s like they sat down and were like, “what’s the most convincing democratic candidate for us to make up? an unemployed black man? mwahahaha OF COURSE let’s go buy us one of them!” i mean, maybe this isn’t true, but it’s a little too david and goliath to actually be david and goliath. also, does south carolina have open primaries? that might explain a whole fuck ton of a lot.
ugh, and he’s an accused sex offender? this is literally jim demint’s wet dream of a candidate. a sex crazed black man on welfare who was kicked out of the army. this is ridiculous. i bet the campaign ads are going to be amazing.
and the kicker…
Republican place markers in Palmetto State Democratic primaries are campaign legend.
In the early ‘90s, a Republican strategist was prosecuted and forced to pay a fine when he was found to have coaxed an unemployed black fisherman into running in a primary race to increase white turnout at the polls in a Lowcountry congressional race. The political operative paid the man’s filing fee.
this story has broken my brain for the day. kudos, south carolina. i confess that i already cut you out of my map of the us years ago over the confederate flag issue. so fuck you once again.
Did they formerly to fly a tiny Confederate flag from the palm tree on their current flag?
they had the confederate flag on top of the state capitol from 1962 until 2000, when they moved it to a memorial for the confederacy on state grounds. so it’s still flying on state property, albiet in a “less offensive” place. but as a white southerner, let me say that that flag offends me deeply, and i’m even more offended when i am told by other white southerners that somehow this flag honors my heritage. fuck that shit. i don’t want to own that bullshit legacy. i don’t want to fucking look at that symbol, and i don’t want to hear a bunch of racists talk about the good ole days and reminisce about violence and oppression and pretend that all the negative aspects of the confederacy are somehow forgivable because we need to honor our forefathers. fuck that, fuck them, fuck my forefathers. i can barely stand to talk about racism with my grandfather, so i’m sure that sitting down to a table with my great-great-great grandfather would not make me want to respect the man.
final thoughts on this whole debacle. what bugs me the most about this, if mr. greene was indeed a plant, is how fucking close to slavery this seems. they literally BOUGHT a man to do a dirty fucking job to further advance their power structure. maybe it’s my hangover talking at this point, but i’m kinda sick to my stomach.
SB, I agree with you on the Confederate Flag. As a Southerner, nothing makes me want to vomit barbwire more.
Living in Virginia, it is mind-blowing and embarassing the lengths that people will go to justify what is clearly nothing more than a symbol of hate. The Confederacy killed American soldiers for the cause of enslaving a people. It stands for the systematic abuse, torture, murder and rape of generations of human beings. Virginia declared April Confederate History Month–hey, why not just have an Al-Qaeda month while you’re at it, Virginia?
right. i’m consistently bothered by america’s need to whitewash and prettify our history because it contrasts so clearly with our ideals- and every time i hear someone talk about how the civil war was about “states rights” i want to just murder people. sure. it’s about states rights. the right to say that it is legal for some citizens to own, beat, and main other human beings. also. y’all. i think i have a swearing problem. like internet tourettes. sorry i’m such a potty mouth.
I’ll go one one step further: I can’t forgive anyone who owned a slave. Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, etc. I don’t care what else they did in life, they owned human being and treated those men, women and children like furniture or livestock and this ruins any claim they may have to greatness. Saying that they were just people of their time does not excuse them. There were many who knew that slavery was wrong at the time and spoke out against it. They did what preserved their power and wealth.
Great comments, SB! I myself am from Atlanta and couldn’t agree more. “You wear your X and I’ll wear mine!” Yeah, good one, Simon Legree. How’s about you take your X up to 125th and Malcolm X Blvd and see how it goes over.
He’s totally a ringer. That said, we’re the internet. We can fix this. Let’s get 4chan to move to South Carolina and vote for this guy so that he wins. The conservatives will be all pissed and they’ll stomp up and down so hard that their confederate flags hit them in the balls. Then Alvin Greene just drives around in the General Lee all confused.
“60% of the vote is not luck… that’s a decisive wins.” – Your senatorial candidate.
i trust everything about this guy, except his lazy eye. if it wasn’t for that, he’d have my vote.
He’s just ambiocular. The other eye is reading his cue cards.
Showing porn to college kids is a felony in South Carolina? That explains how this guy won the primary.
Who is his publicist?
Oh man, South Carolina again? Can’t you just stay out of the crazy news for a little bit? Born and raised and moved far far way from SC.
I’m from SC, too–Santa Cruz. We get the same problem out here: our wider-world news image is of being a colorful town of pot-addled crazies. Which, okay, touche’.
He did graduate college with a degree in political science…which makes him more qualified (most of) us.
Fuck, the only thing this guy has down vis a vis being a politician is the “I have no Comment” bit. That and being completely incompetent. So Go Greene!
Wow, he even has a built-in slogan that plays on his name and a common contemporary expression.
yikes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUFN7ZkjgkA&feature=player_embedded
Well see, now, this is just another example of the “gotcha” journalism, where a political candidate can’t even form coherent sentences or make anything that even remotely resembles a statement cause he knows it’ll just be twisted around by the liberal media establishment.
We all saw what happened to Rand Paul when he spoke his mind about how brutally unfair the Civil Rights Act was to our private businesses and beloved corporations!
From the WaPo article: “The people have spoken. The people of South Carolina have spoken. The people of South Carolina have spoken. We have to be pro-South Carolina. The people of South Carolina have spoken. We have to be pro-South Carolina.”
Evidence he is indeed a robot, desperately in need of a reboot.
this story and your robot/reboot bit inspired me to create a new word for this specific kind of political shenanigans:
RE-BOT
I’m feeling real, real sick. This reminds me of the time in high school when my friends and I paid a drunk homeless man to buy us tickets to a rated R movie (which also now makes me sick).
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Is it possible that the people of South Carolina thought they were voting for Al Green, legendary soul singer?
“I’m so tired of bein’ alone…”
Whatever …. REAL change is coming with Alvin Green!
Didn’t South Carolina deliver unto us Stephen Colbert?
What’s illegal about giving someone $10,000 to run for office? The voters have spoken.
It’s illegal in that it blatantly violates the law.
Having said that, I don’t personally believe that it should be illegal to pay someone’s filing fee for elected office. I’m not really comfortable with such a high barrier of entry for individuals wishing to seek public office. Still, my opinion doesn’t change the law (yet).
Also, there is no real evidence that anyone did violate that law in this case. It’s just kind of weird and suspicious considering this guy’s circumstances.
Kind of? Try SUPER.
from the yahoo story: “We called the South Carolina Democratic Party to ask if it intends to support Greene’s candidacy, but haven’t heard back. It could attempt to challenge Greene’s win by claiming that he didn’t pay the filing fee out of his own pocket — which, if true, would be a federal crime. “It puts them in a tough position,” Wexler said. “You can’t exactly start challenging the filing fees of every candidate.”
it’s not only illegal, it’s FEDERALLY illegal.
Also, the fact that he’s a black man running for statewide office against Jim DeMint in South Carolina makes it exponentially more LOL/tears.
I don’t think he’s acting like a broken-down robot from the Awkward Robot Factory. In fact, this is exactly how I think a product of the Awkward Robot Factory would act.