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Yesterday, it was reported that James Cameron, director of such films as True Lies, and Ghosts of the Abyss, had been called in to secret, closed-door, top level meetings of leading scientists to discuss alternate solutions to the gulf coast oil spill that continues to gush just crazy amounts of oil into our precious ocean. It was surprising and hilarious that this happened in the first place, but what is neither surprising nor particularly hilarious is the fact that no one actually wants the help of James Cameron, director of such TV shows as Piranha Part Two: The Spawning, and Earthship.TV. From Reuters:
Film director and deep-sea explorer James Cameron said on Wednesday that BP Plc turned down his offer to help combat the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.
“Over the last few weeks I’ve watched, as we all have, with growing horror and heartache, watching what’s happening in the Gulf and thinking those morons don’t know what they’re doing,” Cameron said at the All Things Digital technology conference.
Cameron said he has offered to help the government and BP in dealing with the spill. He said he was “graciously” turned away by the British energy giant.
Wait a second. You’re telling me that a multi-national, billion dollar petroleum company responsible for the worst oil spill in American history with its own division of highly specialized, highly trained experts in the field of deep sea crisis management didn’t want the help of the dude who wrote “I’m on top of the world”? AY-AY-AY! Just kidding. THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE.
James Cameron is a lunatic!
“I know really, really, really smart people that work typically at depths much greater than what that well is at,” Cameron said.
The BP oil spill off the U.S. Gulf Coast is located a mile below the surface.
While acknowledging that his contacts in the deep-sea industry do not drill for oil, Cameron said that they are accustomed to operating various underwater vehicles and electronic optical fiber systems.
“Most importantly,” he added, “they know the engineering that it requires to get something done at that depth.”
I love how he pretends that the word “something” is really vague and hard to define. It could be anything! As long as it’s making a 3D IMAX documentary about a sunken boat. When it comes to plugging up a hole in the floor of the ocean that is spewing out tens of thousands of gallons of oil a day with no sign of stopping, then it’s a little less clear whether or not the smart people James Cameron knows who have absolutely no experience dealing with such a situation will be able to get “something” done at that depth, but, if push comes to shove, they almost certainly could plop a fake jeweled necklace in there and make one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.
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James Cameron is Avatarded.
He’s a Titanic Avatard.
He is Termin(ator)ally Avatared.
Termin(ator)ally Avatarded.
Puns don’t work so well when misspelled…
“I Am The Worst” – James Cameron
“I could win.” –James Cameron
This is just the first in the series-James Cameron gives unsolicited advice to people in crisis
I made a movie last year that made billions of dollars, that’s the cure to the recession overblown parables
To Cameron’s credit, I fully support his plan to send Adrian Grenier into the hole under the pretense that the Aquaman movie is for real.
“But, James, you don’t have, by any chance, have Michael Bay’s number, do you?”
-BP Oil Execs
Who needs James Cameron to fix the oil crisis? Build a massive dome, put it over the Gulf, heat it up so the oil rises to the top, and then have tubes to take the oil away. Clean, simple, and massively scientifically correct!
Also, BP are a British company? Well that explains all the problems. They’ve been spending the whole time trying to send lorries to fix the problem, and nobody knows what they mean.
Don’t worry there’s always hope that Stephen Baldwins plan will work.
Prayer? Doubtful.
RestoreHoleintheoceanfloorBaldwin.org
Wow, there are even more Baldwins than Wayanses.
We should clarify here — it’s not that nobody wants Cameron’s help, it’s that a massive incompetent evil oil corporation doesn’t want his help.
I don’t mean to side with Cameron here, but…if BP doesn’t want something, I kind of assume that means America SHOULD want it.
Seriously. These are the guys who put “fill it with mud and golf balls” at the top of their list of Best Ideas. Let’s not assume these are talented professionals at the top of their field who know what they’re doing and definitely don’t need anyone’s help.
When I saw the titanic movie in the theater in the 90s I started cracking up when the photoshop jpeg images of “people” fell off the boat tif file and died gratuitously because it looked like goofy violence porn and or carnage porn in a CGI universe. Some guy sitting near me heard me laughing and goes “FUCKING PSYCHOPATH!!” that made me laugh harder still. It’s so hypocritical to enjoy this computer animated footage of people dying without realizing that it is just violence and carnage porn
I think I saw that. As a matter of fact I took footage on my phone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rm81LSKJC2k
maybe if he ties his extensive shirt collection together and sinks the enormous denim/corduroy knot into the ocean it will plug the hole. maybe not. either way, win/win.
Denim shirts? I’ve got just the guy for you.
I have never seen Titanic, but I’ve also never seen a fucking disaster like the 2010 Oil Spill in the Gulf. Maybe we should get Sean Penn to help too.
“I know really, really, really smart people that work typically at depths much greater than what that well is at,” Cameron said.
In the same vein, a girl I went to high school with is in med school, so if you need an appendectomy, I am super qualified.
Yes, but is she getting really, really (and most importantly), really good grades??
She’s getting terrible grades but she’s making a killing and looking great doing it!
“I’m all for elaborate schemes that waste time and help us shirk our responsibility to our shareholders and society, but if one of you guys brings that Avatar freak around here one more time I’m gonna blow a gasket. I’m so angry – that pun is only partially intended.”
- BP’s CEO
But the work of James Cameron is all about depth!
i see what you did there! and i likes it!
Wow, never thought i’d see the day where Kevin Costner > James Cameron.
“I’d like my life back”
- James Cameron
So is this all to get his camera’s down there for dramatic footage for his next
ten2.5 years of work: documenting this horrific tragedy?they would have listened to him is he was a woman.
Just wait until next week when he tries to become an advisor on the Ugandan Sodomy Board.
“I know really, really, really smart people that work typically at depths much greater than what that well is at,” Cameron said. “Or option B, we could plug it with my ego.”
I like to think of your post here as a reply to electro lemon’s post immediately above it.
I know how to drive a car, but that doesn’t mean I think I’m qualified to conduct emergency rescue operations on a 55-car pile up on the highway.
Those highly specialized, highly trained experts in the field of deep sea crisis management don’t seem to be know what the heck they are doing either so maybe they ARE listening to the wrong people. You don’t know what James Cameron knows, or what experts he has consulted. You can’t just take some quotes and assume because of his celebrity status that he’s just some ego-maniac who doesn’t truly care about wanting to help and knows nothing. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t, it’s an unfair assumption.
Thank you! We’re not just talking about a shitty movie writer, we’re talking about a guy who invented deep sea submarines that can go deeper than ANY OTHER SUBMARINE. He was a consult to Nasa when creating the Mars rover. He invented a new kind of 3d camera as well as a completely new workflow for visual effects engineering.
He’s not just a popcorn movie director and celebrity with a massive ego (which no doubt he is); he is also a very brilliant scientist and engineer.
Yeah, I’m going to go ahead and say James Cameron (engineer, innovator, highly connected within the deep sea diving industry, and independently wealthy with no personal financial stake in the oil spill) is probably a better choice than the BP executives (attempt to stop oil spill, day 44: a rare miss, guys). Being a jackass and being competent in your field is not mutually exclusive though CERTAIN EXECUTIVES may imply otherwise.
I agree. He may be an obscenely rich celebrity with a big ego, but at least he’s an obscenely rich celebrity who gives a care, and actually wants to help out. Plus looking at the way BP has handled the oil spill so far, they should be welcoming all the help and ideas they can get.
Snark all you want, but Cameron knows a hell of a lot about submersible vehicles.
To his credit…nah, fuckit, The guy’s an egomaniacal tool.
“I’m on top of the world” must have come from the sequel, 2 Titanic 2 Furious? or maybe the porn remake since “I’m the king of the world” wasn’t quite sexy enough? (i nitpick because i love!)
Somehow I suspect his plan would be super expensive, very pretty on the surface, but pretty much hollow inside – but popular nonetheless! USA! USA!
“Nuke the bastards.”
- Bill Pullman, Independence Day
Clearly nuking the ocean is the clear solution and we didn’t need James Cameron to tell us that. We needed Bill Pullman.
“gotta nuke something”
- Nelson Muntz
James Cameron figures that if he can stop the oil leak he’ll be a lock for a Nobel Prize…but he would just end up losing to Linda Hamilton after she defends the planet from evil robots from the future.