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“You don’t know anything! I hate you! Get out of my room!” — Your mom. (Via BuzzFeed.)
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This week's five highest rated comments as voted on by you, the lowest rated comment as voted on by you, and the editor's choice.
'Sup, pogs!
Let's all go to the movies, and let's all see the same movie, and let's discuss it here.
Gabe loves fan fiction. You Can Make It Up features his own personal alternate adventures starring some of our favorite characters.
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
Yeah, mom is pretty emotional, but ever since dad developed that crippling shirt allergy, American Idol is pretty much all she has to live for.
Wait a minute, how did Danny McBride get on the couch?
i like to imagine an alternate universe, where my mom is sitting there, waiting for the winner to be announced, an announcement that has absolutely no bearing on her life, moving the coffee table out of the way for her inevitable reaction. suddenly, a sober looking news anchor comes on the air and says, “i’m sorry, america, but i can’t let this continue. all of the oil in the entire world is just gushing out into the ocean, and yet here you sit, glued to your televisions, waiting to see what worthless pop singer is going to be assaulting your ears for a year before sinking into obscurity, and i just can’t take it anymore. i’ve locked the studio, and you won’t find out who won until you listen to the sobering truth of our crimes against nature. with me tonight is renowned-”
at that point, mom has thrown the coffee table (or dad) through the television in frustration. it’s thoughts like these that keep me warm at night.
okay that wasn’t supposed to be a reply.
i’ll just take the failtrain to the last stop (the bottom of the ocean).
cap an oil spill on the way down, could ya?
Why don’t you just use your hypno-worm powers to make us care about important things?
Just stay off the bed, please.
(I like your avatar)
have you guys been spilling oil into the ocean? i told you, you’re not allowed!
I don’t think anyone else knows what we’re referencing…
Now that American Idol is over, hopefully mom will get off the couch and help us get Arnie down from the water tower.
Amazing.
Yes
Brilliant execution.
her life is over…time to set the house on fire.
Killer
Yeah, but who else can cook macaroni cheese just by screaming at it?
My Mum: 1
Gabe’s Caustic Wit: 0
We should all be so lucky as to find something in this world that we are emotionally invested in to a disturbing level.
And a family that tolerates it with resigned bemusement.
She really felt connected to Crystal Bowersox since they both have diabetes
Michael Bay, this is for you.
I only have one question: WHAT BOOK IS DAD READING??
Well … looks like we got ourselves a reader.
(SMACK SMACK SMACK) WHACH-YOO READIN’ FER?
Did Steve just quote Bill Hicks??
Seriously, I want to know so, so badly. I mean, sure, maybe it’s Tom Clancy, but I mean, given the rest of the situation, reading at all in there, it may have been Henry Fucking James. Or William even! Varities of Religious Experience for the win!?
[strenuously upvoting the phrase VRE FTW]
Thank you! Maybe, then, even though this is for Henry and not William, you’ll appreciate that I’ve recently taken to shouting, for no apparent reason, though there is an in-context origin, “I’m Henry James, bitch!”
The Subjective Effects of Nitrous Oxcide FTW!
Well I can tell you it’s NOT a comic book. Dad has too much class to read that garbage.
More than likely he’s reading Andrew Keen’s “The Cult of the Amateur: How Today’s Internet is Killing Our Culture,” hence his proper usage of the phrase, “He gonna put that on the Youtube.”
He told her!
“Told you”. Classic my dad
3 DAYS EARLIER:
Christian Shepherd- “Everybody is dead.”
My Dad- “Told you.”
Jack: Hurley, how does it feel to be the new protector of the island?
Ben Linus: LIKE SHIT!
Yes, clearly it is American Idol that has ruined her life, not one of the many other factors visible in this video.
I was gonna make fun of the guy not wearing a shirt, until I remembered it was nine million degrees here yesterday, and I’m pretty sure I wasn’t wearing a shirt around that time either. LADIES.
I thought I was the only person who watched their favorite shows in nothing but a blanket and reading glasses.
I’m surprised that
A: She told her son (?) while he was filming to “Shut that Shit off,” and also, “Fuck you You’re a Fucking Asshole”;
and B: Mr. I Told You So in the background there was Actually reading. A BOOK.
Not to mention cleaning his toe jam. My dad’s a multitasker; he grooms himself, reads and predicts the future.
also judging on appearances, i bet this woman considers herself a “family values voter”
Meanwhile…
Wonder what my mom is up to these days?
She’s dropping power jamz – http://www.myspace.com/margueriteperrin
This confirms all my beliefs about the American Idol audience, and people said I was exaggerating…
Told you
i didn’t know wilford brimley had a bitching chest tattoo!
Is there a genre of youtube video in which people talk (worriedly, horrifiedly, ecstatically) about how the video is going to end up on youtube? Can we name that? Is this the future?
Oh geez, I guess we all need something to believe in…
Is it okay for me to read things you write as if you are actually Gavin?
Oh, yeah, the government wanted me to tell you? that in the sewer there’s this animal that’s killing everything and nothing can stop it? and the only thing that can even slow it down…is really expensive perfume.
Or disbelieve in.
Guys, let’s all call our moms, and then remember why we moved out of the house before graduating high school.
What’s the difference between a duck?
“How does it feel to be the new American Idol?”
“Like shit!”
“now.” indeed.
i wonder if cousin Enus over there taped her for the entire six hours of the American Idol finale. Imagine that emotional roller coaster.
You should have seen her the moment the season finale of Criminal Minds was interrupted.
Ryan Seacrest: “How does it feel to be the next American Idol?”
Yer Mom: “LIKE SHIT!! CAUSE YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!!”
FAVORITE.
My favorite part is your dad telling your mom “I told you”
she looks different when someone isn’t playing her boobs like bongos to Phil Collins.
its nice that mom and dad are talking again, they had a rough patch earlier in the year
“He’s gonna put that on the You Tube” (quickly cover my meaty thighs).
That Guy is Shirts! (From the movie Sasquatch Gang…You know?…Never mind.)
Awww. Snap, crackle, and pop now everyone knows my super secret identity. Oh well, it’s not like villains read Videogum anyway.