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This week's five highest rated comments as voted on by you, the lowest rated comment as voted on by you, and the editor's choice.
'Sup, pogs!
Let's all go to the movies, and let's all see the same movie, and let's discuss it here.
Gabe loves fan fiction. You Can Make It Up features his own personal alternate adventures starring some of our favorite characters.
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
Another win for ‘Waterworld.’ Is there anything that movie can’t do?
“It certainly is an odd thing to see a ‘Kevin Costner’ and a ‘centrifugal oil separator’ together in a place like the Gulf of Mexico,” said actor Stephen Baldwin, who is producing a documentary about the oil spill and Costner’s device. “But, hey, some of the best ideas sometimes come from the strangest places.”
Boom goes the my mind.
Seriously. Gabe gets accused of buring the lede a lot, but man…
Because if there’s any clear path to reclaiming success in Hollywood, it’s through Kevin Costner.
More like Stephen BaldLOSE, am I right? I’ll show myself out.
That quote is great, but dare I say it is not as good as this attention-starved bomb from James Cameron’s publicist:
“Meanwhile, “Avatar” director James Cameron has said that he would make his underwater vessels available”
Um, thanks? I mean yes, thank you for helping. But also really? Your fleet of underwater vessels?
You laugh now, but wait until you see the gorgeous (3D!) footage of oil spewing into the gulf they’ll be able to get from those subs.
So is this where all the “Restore Stephen Baldwin” money is going? I actually approve.
Well, Hedy Lamarr just became my favorite actor ever:
“In 1940, glamorous movie star Hedy Lamarr helped design an un-jammable communications system for use against Nazi Germany.”
Good Job Austrian-Born Movie Star Scientist Heroes!
She’s pretty. No Winwo.
That’s Hedley!
Damn, defeated on both the comments I was going to make by enemies Godsauce and Mr. Hausfrau. Move over, Nemesis Enforcer and Darth Sidious, I gots me a new arch rival team.
She is also inextricably linked in my mind to the legal concept of expectation damages.
My head fell off when I read that.
this is where i had to stop reading and come look at comments instead. too much “wtf”
That’s news? I thought that was just common knowledge.
I mean, it is a hilarious joke that Kevin Costner would basically apply the same urine-filtering device from Waterworld to a massive oil spill, but if this works then Kevin Costner is the shit and I take back all the mean things I ever said about him.
Didn’t make it bast the Stephen Baldwin bit in this article, but in articles I read yesterday, he gave the money to an actual scientist who was already working on the thingy.
…which is still awesome and not a trivial thing at all.
You know, assuming it works. Which brings us to the important question:
Oil-separating centrifuges, how do they work?
Oh man, I was not taking away any awesome, I was clarifying away from it being a joke.
Dammit, I should have read comments BEFORE posting mine.
Haha, the picture is a couple of guys rescuing a “laughing gull” who was probably laughing at that headline.
The Postman was a better movie. I wonder what world saving device he came up while filming that.
The Day was saved….BY ACTORS?
oh shit.
“That’s it! Enough talking. What we need here is some action! Who could we recruit that is good at acting?”
george clooney is never going to shut up about this one.
Well at least we know who we’re calling next time we need someone to drill a hole in an asteroid and plant a nuclear bomb inside.
*Facepalm* How could we have been so stupid? Of course Kevin Costner has the key to the oil spill. I mean, I’m fine with the plan of living on a boat with Dennis Hopper chasing me, but I don’t know how I feel about the neck-gills. But I guess if it saves the ocean, we all need to sacrifice a little.
Also, I didn’t really read the article, so I’m just assuming it’s the plot to Water World.
I propose a documentary about Stephen Baldwin making a documentary about Kevin Costner saving the Gulf of Mexico? Directed by James Franco, narrated by Winnebago man.
Featuing musical performances by Joaquin Phoenix and Bangs
Holy shit, Kostner’s plan will work way better than hay.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5SxX2EntEo
kevin has a few oil spills to clean in order to make up for prior transgressions.
http://images.hitfix.com/photos/89618/field_of_dreams_event_main.jpg
Good for him. He’s helping. That’s more than I’m doing.
Right, I’m like, sorry, I’m kind of tapped out after texting ‘haiti’ back in January
(and even then, mostly to see if it would work)
Though to be fair (to myself?) if they had said, “Texting HAITI to 90999 will allow us to lower a 100-ton concrete-and-steel containment box over Haiti,” I probably would not have done it
I don’t know why we didn’t go to him before. I mean, he DID invent baseball fields, right??
All I know is he built it and then “they” came all over it
Do you guys think that, in the instance that this actually works, the irony then will be that a new smug cloud emerges out of Hollywood, which then merges with the George Clooney Oscar acceptance speech smug cloud and goes on to form a perfect smug storm that destroys New Orleans again? I think that would be hella ironic.
-Copyright 2010 Steve Winwood and NOT copyright South Park bros
oh frig, should have looked down farther. sorry!
love,
clooneyjokethief
PLAGIARIST COMMENTATOR!!!!!!
The twist ending of this amazing documentary is footage of Costner planting explosives on an oil rig.
So has Costner just been sitting on this solution for the last month? Sounds like he’s had this in his pocket for a while now and must have just been waiting for something like this to happen. Let’s go Costner – do your thing!
yeah, well…he probably stole the idea from Duncan…I mean, Blinkin…
Is the rest of the Onion all true too?
I assume Kevin Costner’s solution involves peeing in and then drinking the oil?
Meh,
Centrifuges ain’t nothing new. The irony is that an actor had to point out to a huge corporation that the best way to clean up an oil spill is with a vacuum cleaner, not paper towels.
There is a movement to use hair(human or pet!) to help clean up beaches, vacuum cleaners don’t work on beaches. Donate a lock, if you want to help a little.