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Upfronts week is winding down, as most of the major networks have now completed their presentations of new television programs for the Don Drapers of the world. Meanwhile, oil continues to pour into the ocean at an alarming rate. In midtown Manhattan, rich people in suits are showing each other their bleached teeth in practiced rictuses of deference and “respect,” over lavish trays of lox, and bottomless mimosas. Meanwhile, down in New Orleans, the fragile wetlands that provide the city natural protection from hurricane season face extinction as they slowly turn black with ancient ooze. LOLOL. The world is a funny place!
After the jump, some trailers for CBS’s new line-up of shows, including two new sitcoms: Two and a Half Shits My Dad Says, and Two and a Half Mike and Mollys:
Shit My Dad Says
Hawaii Five-O
The Defenders
Mike and Molly
Blue Bloods
Both Blue Bloods and Hawaii Five-O actually look pretty decent. I mean, I am definitely not going to watch either of them, because life is short, the world is doomed, and the sun is shining. But they look kind of good. Hi Jin! Hi Scott Caan! Oof, but those two sitcoms seriously make me want toButterfly Effect my own fetus. Yuck.
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I heard ABC canceled LOST and it’s not coming back next season.
HA ha!
They say they have the oil 40% contained, not half bad.
I’ll see myself out, that was terrible
I prefer to look at my oil spills as almost halfway contained as opposed to more than halfway still spewing into our gulf coast. I guess I’m just an optimist.
Ever consider a position as a BP spokesman?
The good news is almost half the oil spewing into the gulf is going to a refinery near you.
The bad news is more than half is still destroying the gulf, as we speak.
Yikes! I would be a terrible BP spokesman, too bad, I’m looking around for work too!
A deeply troubling environmental crisis in New Orleans is being overlooked by rich white people with power and influence?
WHO WOULDA THUNK IT?!
More Daniel Dae Kim in primetime?
This has decidedly less Paul Reiser than NBC, so I agree with Jin.
But it has 100% more Belushi…
“Shit my Dad Says”: “When the Whistle Blows” called, they want their laugh track back.
I seriously love the When the Whistle Blows bits on Extras. I would love that if it were a real show.
are you having a laugh, Steve? Seriously, are you?
I love that “Havin’ a laff” line, and the stupid wig and giant glasses, the hilarious closing credit font, all of it. I wish real bad tv in reality was as good as Extras version of bad tv
A sitcom based on a Twitter account? Whoever came up with that idea needs to get on this oil crisis, because they are clearly a genius!
a sitcom based on my twitter account would just be a person eating things and then talking about how they regret or do not regret eating those things.
oh! but those things! they were just begging to be eaten! the only thing I regret is there are not more of those things to eat. #sadface.
a sitcom based on your twitter account would be a person walking their dog late at night.
And it would be harrowing.
Say what you will about the NBC and Fox lineup, but they didn’t make me watch advertisements to watch advertisements.
Guys, why are we still worrying about this oil spill thing? My boyfriend, Rush Limbaugh, said nature will take care of it. He’s basically the best oil spill scientist out there, total nerd. We’re getting married.
ugh. of course he said that. when will nature take care of HIM?
Actually, your fiancee is right. Nature will take care of it! In millions of years after humans are dead and gone, leaving planet in complete disarray, nature will prevail. Eventually, long after the city of New Orleans sinks into the Gulf of Mexico (its built on a giant pile of silt from the Mississippi River that is slowly sliding into the ocean) all the oil will either finally be recycled through natural processes or the organisms in the Gulf will have had time to evolve in such a way that lets them metabolize it. Its a win-win, basically. Then Gaia, Odin, Mohammad, Zeus, and Jesus will kick back with mai tai and reminisce about when those silly little buggers called human were scurrying about. Win-win-win!
they’re saying that this oil spill might speed up coastal degradation by 50 years, which is terrifying, because under normal circumstances the estimates say that new orleans is gonna sink into the gulf/lake within 25 years. so i don’t know any theoretical math or nothing, but basically we are super fucked. so monster mardi gras 2011 y’all, because if you haven’t come yet, you’re probably going to miss your chance.
guys, can we just throw rush limbaugh into the ocean? i’m not sure he’ll clog the leak, but i’m sure i’ll say that he’ll clog the leak if it means that people will let me throw rush into the ocean.
Hell yes. Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck and Bill O’Reilly sound like more productive plugs than golf balls and shredded tires. Besides, I just shorted a ton of golf balls and shredded tires company stocks, so I need that shit to drop. #michaellewisgum
This just makes me so sad. I’m from the Midwest and to know that such a colorful and historic town is just going to be flushed into the toilet of the ocean just makes me very, very sad.
That is all.
nature will clean up that oil spill? now i dont have to feel bad about all those wildfires i started. its natural! go to hell smokey the bear, you epa facist!
Poor Jin, he will never get off that island
I really wanted to like Mike and Molly because of Sookie St. James, but it looks awful.
Sorry for stealing your comment backstagebethy
“I would be much obliged if you would move on to a different project, Sookie.”
I guess it doesn’t work as well in writing, but I do a killer Bill Compton. (True Blood is big around here, right?)
I’m conflicted since Mike and Molly looks the worst, but seeing Sookie St. James’ face made me very happy
PLAGIARIST COMMENTATOR!!!!!!
Laugh tracks? Still? In 2010?
to be fair the average CBS viewer has reached the age where all the years start to blur together
Well, it is CBS. When was the last time they had a “comedy” that didn’t have a laugh track?
The Defenders should be changed to the Public Defenders, and be about recent law school graduates who can’t find work and take a job with the Public Defender’s Office. “They are overworked, underpaid, and really don’t give a shit: The Public Defenders”
Very Funny
I’ll start writing, because that’ll most likely be me in a year. #funnyandsadbecauseitstrue
“This show is exciting. It has plots and action.” -Tom Selleck, TV Genius.
well, it beats the current hollywood logic of: “This movie is exciting. It is based on a board game.”
…or Nicolas Sparks book.
Quick question, you guys. What’s a “sitcom?”
I think it stands for “sit on your ass and eat combos.”
Fun Fact: Combos are the Official Cheese Filled Snack of NASCAR.
So you’re not far off.
“The first time we heard about the Twitter account, we KNEW it was going to be a television show.”
- Tombstone of network comedy
does that sit next to the one that says: “when i saw that caveman commercial i knew we had the next Fraiser”?
Yep, and it’s right in front of the one that says: “When I saw the e-trade baby commercial, I knew there was no longer a need to complete our Lindsay Lohan Bio-Pic.”
It should be required that everyone singtalk William Shatner’s name from now on…because that was the funniest part of that preview.
If the sun is shining during primetime, then the world clearly IS doomed
I’m bored! Let’s go outside!
TV Executive 1: How are we going to give Mike & Molly a feel of taking place in Chicago? TV Executive 2: Through the judicious use of exterior shots and local law enforcement uniforms. TV Executive 1: Oh. TV Execituve 2: And also fat people. #mypoorhometown #firstmyboysandaccordingtojimandnowthis
Did the makeup department not show up the day they shot the SMDS promo, because Nicole Sullivan looks like a methhead…which is also totally possible.
Hi Sharon! Nice to see you looking so happy and healthy on the beach in that bikini!
When is someone going to invent something for tivo where I can enter things like Steven Root and it will turn on and record any scene of a crappy television show he makes a minor appearance in so that I don’t have to sit through The Defenders?
I was going to write something really wittty/pithy (withy?) about Jim Belushi and Jerry O’Connell finding actual work out there, but all this oil talk has just made me not even care. For once in your existence, thank you BP! Now please kill yourself with your katana sword.