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We Should All Be So Lucky As To Find Something In This World That Makes Us Happy: Unleash The Katana
I will tell you this, life isn’t getting any easier. And while life is always hard for the individual, it seems like we might be entering an era where it becomes collectively difficult as well. I mean, that’s already true for 99.9% of the world’s population, and these guys definitely know what I am talking about. But for those of us who spend our days reading and writing humorous (BLAH) pop-culture blogs, everything is relative, and while many of the world’s population concerns themselves with finding potable drinking water, our tragedies are more along the lines of the local Red Mango being out of mochi and so all we can get to top our sour traditional frozen yogurt is fresh fruit, and it’s like, fresh fruit is delicious, we love fresh fruit, but mochi is sort of key, and life is so unfair. But what I’ve been trying to tell you is that the BP oil spill has now entered the loop current, and I don’t even know what that MEANS, but it sounds REALLY BAD. I’ve just got a really bad feeling about this whole thing, and the worst part is that this incredible crisis is just one of, like, a bagillion crises happening around the world, and what is it all leading to? Nothing good. And so. We should all be so lucky as to carve out some small corner of personal happiness and satisfaction in this life, while we still can. Before it’s covered in a thick layer of suffocating oil that slowly hardens under the irradiated clouds of a permanent nuclear winter.
For example, buying our first katana store, and making an epic five-minute long video of that katana sword’s unveiling:
Oh, nerds. You guys are seriously doing it right, even if you look so hilarious while you’re doing it. This guy just gets it! The one piece of advice I will give him is to definitely start drinking pop if you want to drink pop. Personally, I don’t drink a lot of pop because I don’t like it very much, but if I want a pop I’ll have a pop, you know? It’s not banned. There are no rules about it. The world is ending. Have a pop, buddy! Otherwise, just enjoy that sword! It’s going to come in very useful against the roving gangs of cannibals trudging through the ash. (Thanks for the tip, HarryLeibniz.)
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What does this have to do with nerds? This man is just a mustache away from being the coolest guy on the planet!
Because he’s sporting the Haus of Mordor (Spring ’05) line of Club Laziness tees?
Was that Dr Evil?
i have a feeling this is the first time he’s ever unveiled his sword, no gross-o.
No Hanzō
That kid hates tape.
Well I hope everyone enjoyed life while it was worth living. Now that this guy is going to have all the sex for himself, things are gonna get pretty dull.
I’m sure the dude with the great sword is still going to get his share.
That mini-nerd is so jealous.
Ha, and the he hands him the bigger box, “here, you can play with that”.
Why does it need ‘Practical’ in it’s title? Katana’s are always practical!
the oil spill is the worst. srsly. when they burn it the stench hangs over new orleans in this thick, nasty smell that you can taste. and they’re not gonna fully close it off until august. i’ve signed up to do clean-up work, and will probably start going down to venice next weekend. and i’m sure it’s gonna make me cry. esp. all the animals.
i feel pretty compelled to make a joke now, so, um, uh… crap.
Also, though NOAA is now officially saying the oil has reached the loop current, there have been tar balls washing up in the Keys for about a week. It just seems like this whole thing is just one too-late-minimizing-half-truth after too-late-minimizing-half-truth. Everyone already knows its worse than the officials are letting on so lets just lay it out on the table.
On the plus side, once there is oil washing up all along the eastern seaboard this summer, it will make for some hilarious moments on Jersey Shore 2.
It’s great that you’re going to do clean-up work. Horrible that it’s there to do, of course.
If you do clean up animals, maybe you’d like to discuss it on my website, via interview or guest post? (There’s a link in my commenter profile.) We’ve been writing about the spill and hearing about it firsthand would be really valuable.
Sorry this isn’t pertinent to vgum business, pals.
i specifically signed up to do volunteer coordination and environmental clean up because i seriously could not handle cleaning animals. i’m waaaay too much of a softie re: animals to deal with that aspect of the clean up.
oh but yes when i do go down i could do something for your website. i forgot to say yes.
That would be really really super and great! you could email me sometime at meave at vegansaurus dot com and we could talk about it in a more appropriate setting.
We should Clean up the Oil with Hay.
LOL
But then what will all the rabbits eat??
I feel strongly that you should watch it while cleaning up, possibly not do it (I know, you are great for helping). Reports from Exxon Valdez and now in the Gulf, show that people have serious long term illness directly related to being around crude oil and that the responsible parties are not informing the workers clearly. This of course could just be crap and they are informing you, but really, be careful. Love you.
Speaking as guy who has actually witnessed a nerd unboxing a katana he got in the mail, this guy really knows how to do it right. This is also further proof that anyone who buys a katana online should probably not be allowed to own such a instrument of death.
“witnessed”. right. come off it, you were that nerd.
I thought he was going to open the box with with his Cold Steel Great Sword.
look how he handles those scissors.
There’s an earlier video where he uses a wakizashi to cut open the scissors package.
Will the circle be unbroken, by and by, Lord, by and by?
Where’s the video for the unveiling of his patio furniture?
I love the amount of correcting for accuracy in this video.
His brother is kinda racist “go to China” um Katanas are Japanese duh, you silly Canadian boy
I like this guy.
1. He has something that he loves honestly.
2. He gets to enjoy that thing, a simple joy, in his backyard with people who clearly care for him.
3. It is a beautiful day outside.
4. He pretty much looks just like me.
When I was in 6th grade (1986), I bought a ninja star at school. I was during the first wave of ninja-mania, there were ninja magazines at ever gas station. I wanted a katana and the whole ninja outfit; I wanted to move without being seen. I bought the star off of a kid for $5 one morning before the first bell. The kid wore a sleeveless jean jacket and had a moustache already.
I knew that my mother would ask me where I got it from, it being a dangerous weapon that clearly didn’t come from Wal-Mart, so I buried it in the backyard of the new house we’d moved to and pretended to find it. She let me keep it because it was duller than a butter knife, but I had hours of fun throwing it againt this old, dead tree in our yard and picking it up off the ground when it bounced off.
In a world full of horror and sadness, we need to be this guy.
Re: point 2, I was going to comment about how he’s got cool friends that will film this for him, but then I realized it’s his mom, I think. Not that moms aren’t cool too.
I had that thought too, but dude, still awesome. I mean, not all moms would be as on board as she is, so good on both of them.
Mans, my love for you grows everyday.Here, take this:
Seriously! It’s going to reach the point of creepy soon.
I also wanted to offer a gift, but I don’t know how to do anything, plus, when I google image searched “awesome gifts” the best thing I saw was a pile of cardboard toilet paper rolls.
You all are too nice. I’m just an old grouch bag full of grouch leaves waiting to be driven to the grouch dump in a grouchy pick-up with a broken radio.
Thanks.
Yeah, but I bet you’re great in bed.
(so not appropriate, but thanks!)
I love how this kid time traveled from 1986 just to give Megan Fox a flower.
I third this, Mans is the best. Gold star for him:
What’s with all the plastic on this?
Ah, the old “I found it buried in the back yard” ruse! Excellent.
My shuriken tale: When I was in 9th grade I was hanging out at my friend Scott’s house. I was sitting at his drum kit wishing I could play and he was hurling a deadly throwing star into his bedroom wall, over and over, to see how deeply he could bury it. Suddenly, with the combination of abrupt maliciousness and poor planning that is probably not rare in 9th-grade boys, he whirled around and whipped the throwing star straight at my forehead. At the last second, it curved off course and chipped a glass beer mug on a shelf. “Wow,” he said, “I could have killed you.” I went back to terrible drumming.
Later that same night, we had a super-violent pillow fight. True.
Boys have so much more fun in childhood. When I was growing up, the most exciting thing I did was make out with the wallpaper and pretend it was a boyfriend.
You would have pretty much been my boyfriend in the sixth grade! YAY!
*videogumhypotheticalromance
Look I’m just a baby, I understand how to work these movies on disk, but what are these black plastic boxes that people say contain old movies?
But is it Tape-Tape?
Look Canadians, don’t mess with me. I’m not going to be fooled by your cheap imitators trying to hawk garbage! I’m getting a great sword from Cold Steel and I will praise their name!
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“When asked for a comment, Evan said he would use the sword to fight the evil forces…in his mom’s basement.”
- Jay Leno (1842- )
Yeah, Jay. It’s funny, because all Canadians have basements haunted by evil spirits.
What a coincidence! This morning, there was a dude in the metro who was carrying a katana. It was sheathed, obviously, but it made me laugh because I imagined him as a bored samurai on his way to work, just hating his job like everyone else.
(Good story, Chris. Keep it up, buddy.)
Speaking of hating jobs…yesterday, I was hating mine a little bit, and then I saw an ad for a company that cleans up after dogs, and I realized that my job is not so bad after all.
Good job, Transit Police of your city.
At my college, there is this one kid (receding hairline, overbite, 5′ 5″) who carries THREE swords with him, sheathed, into class.
I wish I were making this up.
THREE!
2 m4nY 5w0rDz.
The Geek-Nerd Peace Accords of 2006 strictly forbid the manufacture, sale and use of nerdy weapons of mass destruction. This guy is going to have a visit from the Geek-Nerd weapons inspectors soon, you betcha.
I don’t think swords made the “mass destruction” qualification. Under the current definition, nerds are completely within their rights to own and possess swords, throwing stars, nun chucks, and mini cannons. If there’s any destruction they’re going to cause with these items it will undoubtedly be to themselves and/or other nerds. It’s the nerds with dirty bombs, machine guns, and homemade particle accelerators that we really need to be worried about.
This video has confirmed that the stereotypical nerd voice does, in fact, exist and sounds even more ridiculous when filtered through an (already ridiculous) stereotypical canadian accent. Therefore, all stereotypes are now proven true.
Also he sounds more than a little like this guy:
So, explain to me how his mother sounds simultaneously Canadian, Irish, Iowan and Texan.
I don’t know, but there’s a 50% chance she can’t access Hulu.
Let me just say that when the roving gangs of cannibals come trudging through the ash (and they WILL come, friendo) that I’m on team This Guy. Did you see him wiping the crud and fingerprints off the blade? He’s already got the cleaning cannibal blood off the blade technique down.
The whole video, you’re like, “When’s he gonna say obligatory? When’s he gonna say obligatory?” and then BOOM: there it is 4:52. This guy knows what he’s doing.
“mochi is sort of key” is definitely going to be on my tombstone
Mine will say “Buy It Now is pretty much the highest rating you can get.”
Man, I say Pop and own a Katana.
But mine is way smaller than his… And from Spain.
This: http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/national/ninjas-rescue-student-from-thugs/story-e6frf7l6-1225868928257
watch out, balloons!
I feel bad laughing at this because, seriously, I’ve always wished I could live in a world where I could buy a katana and be really excited about it and not get weird looks from everyone who enters my house. This guy is basically living my dream.
“About 70 BP workers are taking more suggestions at a tip line center in Houston.”
This can only end well.
wait until he finds out about Transformers 3
que bella.
For never having owned a katana, he demonstrates excellent basic skills.
I use my katana mostly for a letter-opener, also, annoying packaged foods.
Great story Gabe!
VVR
“yeeeeah, that’s just the sheath”
“I’ll be taking that off”
“using my hand is probably not the smartest move”
I love it when he talks dirty
As an admitted sword owner, I’m totally FEELING IT. Also I love that this quickly becoming SwordGum: my favorite ironic pop-culture sword blog.
He has more videos you guys:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfzVcMm8dQM
Between this and the sword, this is definitely a guy I want on my side when the zombie apocalypse (or any apocalypse) comes.
I’m going on record that the “We Should All Be So Lucky…” is the greatest running series on VG. Kicking the ass of Topher Grace, “Duh Aficionado Magazine”, and “You Can Make It Up” on the regular.
INEXPLICABLY this video has more downvotes than upvotes, on YouTube. Can we please turn that around? This is basically the best family, out of all possible families. IT’S TAPE kid is certainly the best kid. So how could it even be POSSIBLE that this video is not the best video? Again: we have to turn this around, people.
Forget it Face King, it’s youtubetown.
wait, guys. i haven’t been paying much attention to currency lately, but is $209 u.s. really worth $135 canadian? when did that happen?
looks like (socialized/non-socialized) medicine (is/isn’t) (working/screwing everyone). it’s like a choose your own adventure sentence, but no matter what you choose, i am still sick, and this cough syrup isn’t going to buy/drink itself.
Scott Baio is the protagonist, right?
I don’t understand why I suddenly don’t know how to post pictures!
Scott Baio + Healthcare rant + Disney toy price sticker with US/Canadian dollars= my joke falling flat…
oh scott baio, i’m sure you’ll find some way to blame this on minorities and communism.
(i got your joke julia, it made me laugh even through this purple haze (of codeine))
I look back on that day I bought that sword at the beach because it was 50% OFF!!!, and I realize now, yes, perhaps I did it wrong — but I have no regrets. I did it my way.
Just like Sinatra.
Or:
Hotspur lifts a sword off the specially designed rack that it belongs on. “An expensive and sharp-looking mail-order katana, Japanese in design. Good stuff. That’s what I wield,” he says, putting it back. “That’s what I wield.”
He looks a little bit like David Wain.
I watched the whole thing just because this is precisely how I unwrap my Victoria’s Secret underwear when I mail-order it.
That little kid started the slow clap when he saw the Katana. Appropriate.
All I can say is thank the lord for affordable HD camera technology.
this is only his FIRST katana
it may take a baby to raise a village, but it also takes a katana to open a katana these days.
This is what videogames do to you.