Photos
The Cannes Film Festival, an annual event in which rich and famous people lounge on yachts for the sake of ART, began on May 12th and runs through May 23rd. Cool. Have beaucoup de la fun, Penelope Cruz! Eat some snails for me, Shia LaBeouf! Ooh to be une fly on le wall for tonight’s screening of Shrek Ever After! Like I said: ART. Anyway, here is a photo of French director Xavier Beauvois (qui ever THAT is) making a statement with his cool new t-shirt that he doesn’t even have the courage to actually put on. Haaaaa. Cool shirt! Cool statement! “The revolution will be held up for a couple of minutes and then handed to an assistant to throw into a duffle bag.” You know, the Roman Polanski thing is complicated (not that complicated) and polanskarizing (ouaf), and has been for years, but it’s cool that this dude cleared everything up with some fucking t-shirt, Jersey Shore boardwalk-style. Fist pump, I’m sure. “Polanskis Do It In Children’s Butts.” Gross. But correct.
But enough of my captions. Time for your captions! Winner will receive special mention in this week’s Monsters’ Ball, which is our equivalent of the Palme D’or. It’s weird that Freida Pinto isn’t here right now promoting THIS. (Not that weird! Like, I get why she’s not!) (Image via GettyImages.)
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What’s rape-rape got to do with it?
Gabe, you’re just angry that Xavier Beauvois is slightly obscuring you in this picture and preventing you from showing off your awesome brown slacks.
Gabe’s too cool for brown slacks, he’s definitely the one wearing those hip orange Converse.
He’s gone full circle and is back to his baby stage. That is the best kind of old to be.
So, wait, is Gabe getting Benjamin Button’d or are you getting Benjamin Button’d? Or are you both going through it? Either way, I don’t think either one of you is going to meet in the middle.
At some point they’ll both hate LOST
You know, it just says Polanski. Maybe he’s showing support for him being thrown in jail, drugged, and sodomized by his cellmate!
Support Xavier Beauvois!!!
or perhaps it says: “is a raping pedophile” on the back…
Let’s all pitch in a buy a “jump to conclusion mat” for Gabe.
In their defense, all men pointed out that they had pictures of underaged kids in their wallets.
this wins by a country mile
to prove that they knew and consorted with underaged kids? I kind of assumed that by association…
Why are the guys in the background all old? Are they all Polanski senseis in raping children???
NAMBLA members demonstrate their half-hearted solidarity with girl rapists.
I was just going to say, “NAMBLA president Xavier Beauvois and his advisors break their legendary silence: ‘Roman Polanski is okay with us.’” but I saw that NAMBLA jokes had already been made.
“…and if I turn it around you can see that on the back it reads ‘Making rape of underage girls acceptable since 1977′ “
no, the back says “UP YOURS”
Ouch
In retrospect, the flesh-colored t-shirt cannons used to distribute the shirts were a bad idea.
After a long-running Internet campaign, the public was delighted to learn that Roman Polanski would, in fact, host Saturday Night Live.
I own this shirt but I have the decency to wear it only when my HITLER shirt is dirty.
The screen printer never lived down their mistake when a translation error ruined the Warsaw city council’s ‘Ski Poland’ ad campaign.
You’re the best.
Seconded
A group of Polanski supporters. Not Pictured: Women
Also not pictured: children
“You can buy one at your local American Apparel!”
Woody Allen is conflicted.
Team Polanski gets ready for another busy day of Young-Girl-Drugging and Sodomy(though not necessarily in that order).
Being illiterate has its drawbacks, as Xavier Beauvois demonstrates holding up a t-shirt he believes to say “Haiti”. We all have a good laugh at his expense.
To be fair, the French pronunciations of “Polanski” and “Haiti” are both tri-syllabic. It’s an easy mistake to make.
Douche t-shirt competition, you win.
T-shirts: Helping cowards and teenagers make “political statements” since 1969.
Remind me to change before I come over!
This is the shirt they really should be wearing:
I gave a child a combination of champagne and quaaludes, a sedative drug and muscle relaxant, and despite repeated protests and being asked to stop, performed oral sex, intercourse and sodomy upon her…. and all I got was this t-shirt.
I love how the two assholes on the left are applauding this very brave and noble act. Because Polanski is a crusader against a puritanical society which deems the anal rape of a thirteen-year-old unacceptable.
These guys know what I’m talking about:
I assume this is the new cast of Jersey Shore and that there definitely is a Situation.
Wow. wow. (slow clap)
who’d have thought the poland ski team were one misprint away from being attacked as vicious pedophiles…
His buddy in the aqua shirt made one that said, “It’s not a bald spot, it’s a SOLAR PANEL for a CHILD RAPE MACHINE.”
Or, his buddy in the aqua shirt made one that said, ” <- I'm with the fugitive pederast "
Practicing our ability to finger Polanski in a lineup. Level 4 has no T-shirt hints. Level 9 has jokes about fingering.
Why S#!+ So Crazy?
Really? Do you guys not pay attention to the banner ads?
Your banner ads seem cooler than mine, which are always Pay It Forward WMOAT links.
Wear this shirt to get beat up in jail.
French director Xavier Beauvois shows support for his friend plumber Bob Polanski who was the victim of a hate crime in September 2009. “I just don’t get it,” says Beauvois, “Whenever I stand in public and yell ‘Polanski was a victim of social injustice!’ I get all these dirty looks. So I made this shirt to show my support.”
Team Polanski is known for their uncanny ability to always stand in order of height.
Got Roofies?
In French prisons, inmates wear a black t-shirt with their name on it. Right, Xavier? RIGHT?
Who cares about the guy with the Polanski shirt? Gollum is wearing some kick-ass red shoes.
In France, they’re called Gallum.
The joke is on everybody because the back of the t-shirt actually says “SUCKS”.
did NOT sodomize and drug that girl – the back of that t-shirt
im not supporting child rape, im sure polanski did sodomize and drug that girl, im saying the shirt that guy is so proud of has this written on the back, you know, because hes a dickhead
If I were them, I wouldn’t touch the issue with a five-foot Pole.
(I kind of stole that from the classic quote: Kenneth Tynan referred to Roman Polanski as “the original four-foot Pole you wouldn’t want to touch anything with”)
A Dickhead, yesterday.
What’s with the downvotes? Is the guy supporting child rape NOT a dickhead? I’m confused.
Don’t try to understand it. It’s about midichlorians.
Xavier Beauvois pulls [a t-shirt] off the shelf. “Rape-Rape, by Polanski. Rape stuff. That’s what I wear,” he says, putting it back. “That’s what I wear.”
No you got me all wrong I’m showing my support for the German football player Eugen Polanski
#wikipedia
World Cup fever…
We read it backwards and thought that shirt said “ski poland”. — the two confused old Polish skiers on the left.
too soon!
Actually, can’t we just get all those guys arrested? Surely they’re aiding, abetting, harboring, something?
“In England, they call rapists ‘lorries.’” – That Guy
“With the #1 Pick in the Cannes Film Festival Basketball Draft, the Local Pedophiles select…”
COLLEGE
Not the guy who made this movie!
“Wait, he did what? No, I just like the shirt because Polanski is German for basketball.”
Forget it, Jake. It’s Inexplicablyforgivingtheterribleactionsofacriminal-town.
[too angry to make a caption. it's just overberaingly sad, and i don't feel like any of this kind of stuff will change.]
I’m going to make a t-shirt that says “BIRDIE” and wear it to the I-value-the-right-not-to-be-raped-of-human-beings-over-some-vague-self-important-notion-of-Art festival.
I mean, the-right-of-human-beings-not-to-be-raped . . . festival — sorry, it’s our first year and we are still working on the name
Look at that fucking hipster.
He’s just wearing it for the shock value.
“Uh, duh, it’s ironic. *sips PBR*”
(Turns up Neon Indian on dubbed memorex in boombox.)
Director Xavier Beauvois displays the new required uniform for all registered sex offenders.
Wilford Brimley looked sadly over Beau’s shoulder, wishing that his diabetes wouldn’t keep him from wearing such a sweet shirt.
(note: shirt is not sweet and Brimley actually wishes Polanski rots like a cavity in hell.)
Brolanskis before Holanskis
This is tied FTW with huckabeast’s above. The sole criterion: making me LOL.
Director Xavier Beauvois tries to get downvotes.
You crazy for this one, Steve!
last week, i spent way too much time photoshopping a banner to diss you.
today, i salute you.
Winbot posted:Xavier Beauvois does not care about upvotes, downvotes or sideways-votes. You should get a life if that’s all you think about. -copyright Winbot 2010 not Winwood 2010
Winbot 2.0 posted:You people are ridiculous. Nobody cares about up-votes down-votes. Get a life. Look, I like dogs as much as the next guy, but it’s creepy and weird the way you guys sound like you want to marry this random blogger’s dog. I like the work Gabe does and everything, I enjoy visiting here as much as other blogs like Everything’s Terrible, Snacks and Shit, Conan Obrien’s twitter page and others, but come on. Give the anonymous blog comment section “scene making” nonsense you choose to engage in a rest. Yeesh. “Oh no I got down-voted and/or zero-voted. Noooo.” (I scream “No” in slow motion as I fall in to a pit of fire?) Yawn.
Wait, you guys hate the Winbot! Hasn’t Jeff Dunham taught us anything? If the puppet says it then it’s okay!
Team RoPo.
No RoPo.
Steve’s killing it today.
My colleague drugged and sodomized an underage girl, and all I got was this stupid t-shirt.
I made a comment that someone else had already made, and all I got were these stupid downvotes. Blerg; sorry Ozark Kisses.
I’d press charges only you’d most likely evade justice for 30 years and then sojourn in a Swiss chalet.
(not necessarily in that order)
at least you didn’t make a poland ski team joke.
I blame myself
I made a poland ski team joke, and all I got was this stupid T-Shirt.
Thanks to an inept t-shirt printer forgetting an all-important right facing arrow and film director Roman Polanski not showing up, Beauvois falls victim to one of the most epic “I’m With A Celeb” photo fails of all time.
“Eff you guys, it was either this or McG” -Xavier Beauvois
“Well, that’s it for New Business…prepare the sacrifice!”
On the back: “…supports the new Arizona Immigration law!”
Xavier Beauvois poses for a photo in an undiclosed location during his induction into the Knights Templar of children butt touchers by donning the symbolic Polanski cloak.
“You’re telling me zey were out of ‘Goddard’ shirdz? Come on, guyz, thiz eezn’t even my zize. Sacrebleu, why do my assistanz hate me zo?”
Forget it, Jake. Its Cannestown.
Seriously, can none of you guys dress yourselves? Put that down, Xavier. The “T” shirt. Put. It. Down. Hey, Vichy — on the left — yeah, you — lose the zip-off cargo pants, NOW, buster — Xavier, I’m not going to say it again — Jesus DKNY Christ, I thought a bunch of millionaires in France would know how to pick out a pair of frickety-fracking shoes.
See, comment threads like these are why I love you monsters so, so much.
agree. this thread is winning. Everyone get’s a free t-shirt!
(yes, that t-shirt ↑, and yes, you have to wear it…but just for the group picture….and only ironically. #rules)
Maybe the group picture is the videogum yearbook photo for the “…Is a Rapist” Club.
#noirony
Director Xavier Beauvois models the required uniform of registered sex offenders under Cannes’ new Megan’s Law.
My other T-Shirt is not not a rapist.
Director Xavier Beauvois recently admitted that he has also raped a 13 year old girl. At the press conference he stated angrily “all i got was zis louzee t-shirt.”
Good, but I think it’s the bracelets that will really catch on.
Xavier Beauvois’ promotion of his new film, “Les Polanskis Dangereaux”
From one guy who looks like he could be wearing that shirt in support of a rape-rapist, pervert and criminal to another, you look like you could be wearing that shirt in support of a rape-rapist, pervert and criminal.
Lol. Nice work. Was waiting for this.
Whats with the downvotes? Are we not saying that these guys are Pro-lanski?
The back reads: Why France should consider extradition agreements.
OR
It was either this or ‘Manson’.
OR
A little Photoshop in the wrong hands is a dangerous thing.
“do you guys think this shirt makes me look rapey?”
“It’s not funny anymore, guys. Who switched my Che shirt out for this shirt?”
“Send in 30 quaalude bottle labels & get your free personalized T-shirt!”*
* Limit one per rapist.
POLANSKI
SAYS
RELAX!
Coming this fall to NBC. “What Not To Wear: Extreme Edition”
I was molested by Roman Polanski and all I got was this lame t-shirt to remember him by. Oh…and years of emotional distress, that too.
In honor of a 30-plus year career spanning 2,000 quaaludes, numerous allegations, and one confirmed rape of a minor, the French Raperwovles retired their #1 player’s jersey, which will hang from the rafters of the Cannes Raperdome.
Critics thought that there was no way that Xavier could top last year’s effort, a “Chris Brown” shirt, but they clearly were proven wrong.
Wow, these makes Che Guevera T-shirts seem less ridiculous.
Where can I get one?
And do the proceeds go to fund rapists attempting to allude justice everywhere, or just Roman Polanski?